Justin Bieber’s Fans Are Driving Justin Bieber Away

Dear Justin Bieber fans—you need to chill out. We’re sure your favorite 16-year old pop star appreciates your fandom—Lord knows he couldn’t afford so many shoes without you buying his albums—but you’re only pushing him away with your batsh*t insane behavior that leads to pretty much every appearance of his being canceled.  

Last November, your unruly and fervish behavior at Long Island’s Roosevelt Field Mall not only got the event canceled, but Bieber’s manager was arrested for not being able to control the lot of you! And Australian Biebheads, don’t think you’re any better just because you live in a delightful, sunny country filled with supercute marsupials. Your insane (and unsafe) fandom for the hair-swooped wonder is just as destructive.  

Justin was scheduled to appear at the Overseas Passenger Terminal at Sydney’s Circular Quay this morning, but Australian police were forced to cancel the event after several young fans were injured while waiting overnight. Almost four thousand people (!!!) showed up Sunday to camp overnight in order to snag a sweet viewing spot of their favorite teenage pop star. But when word got out that Bieber may have showed up early at around 2 a.m., anarchy let loose, and so fierce was this frenzy of Bieber fans, the event was canceled for fear of everyone’s safety.

Justin was still able to perform his hit “Baby” on the Aussie morning show Sunrise. Of course, none of his fans were there watching in person, but at least Biebheads could watch their beloved Canadian on TV.

Justin took to his Twitter (as he does every few seconds) to apologize for the performance being canceled. “I love my fans,” he Tweeted. “And I am just as disappointed as everyone else with the news from this morning. I want to sing for my fans.”

He added, “Im very happy about the welcome and the love from around the world, but I want everyone to still remember my fans safety comes first.”

So, Biebheads, if Justin is coming to your city and you’re positively certain that if he would just lay his eyes on you he would fall desperately in love with you, let’s all act civilized while competing for Bieber’s affections so no one gets hurt and no scheduled appearances get canceled, mmkay? We really don’t want Bieber’s legacy to be that he was responsible for putting the majority of his fans in intensive care.

Plus, canceled events mean there’s less opportunity for hand-made T-shirts like these gems to be given the attention they deserve:

[Neon Limelight]