In keeping with the minimalist spirit of this clip (and its antecedent), I’m just going to say, “Awesome.” [MySpace via MOKB]

About one-third of my Saturday was spent in the general environs of Long Island’s Nassau Coliseum, whose parking lot played host to the New York area stop of the skate/punk/emo/exercises in branding festival known as the Warped Tour. Not only were there some 100 bands playing condensed sets during the course of those eight hours, there were merch tents (one for each band on the traveling bill), signings, acoustic sets, petitions to sign, skaters performing tricks, free energy drinks, pro-vegetarianism propaganda, shutter-shade vendors, and a store with Barack Obama-branded items. Not to mention the chance to play Rock Band alongside the session musicians backing up this country’s current No. 1 song. After the jump, a rundown of the day. It will be somewhat disjointed, in honor of every single one of my joints aching after being subjected to parking-lot asphalt for most of the time.

THE BANDS: In rough order: I arrived just as The Academy Is… launched into their set, and once again, they were 100% enjoyable, playing two new songs and causing nearly every female in the audience to have conniption fits. Some band on a side stage covered Leona Lewis’ “Bleeding Love” and it just about fell apart at the end, although their take on it made the song much more tolerable than L. Lewis’. Gym Class Heroes‘ set was very tight, blending a few new tracks with songs from their SUNY Fredonia era, and their cover of Lamb Of God was surprising both in its actually happening and its being kind of good. Japanese all-lady ska outfit ORESKABAND was ridiculously fun, and brought back skanking to Long Island, something I thought I’d never see again on my home turf. Disco Ensemble were a Finnish dance-rock act possessing both catchy songs and a rock-star exuberance that reminded me of Vains Of Jenna, who also brought a full-on arena spectacle to a crowd of about 50 people when I saw them open for Poison last year. The lead singer of You Me And Everyone We Know‘s pleading voice was very much in the Ted Leo vein, which isn’t all that surprising given that they, too, are from DC. The female-fronted British three-piece Tat played next to the skate ramp, which was fitting for their competent, if a bit cliched, punk. (The lead singer said her band was from “London town,” which should give you an indication.) Automatic Loveletter‘s first song came off like a slightly crunchier Paramore, but then lead singer Juliet Simms strapped on an acoustic and went barreling into Alanis territory, complete with too-long outro. Ludo charmed me for the entirety of their set, in large part because their frontman’s voice sounded like it belonged to a bookish alter ego of Placebo’s Brian Molko. Cobra Starship‘s “Guilty Pleasure” was probably my favorite song of the day. Against Me! had an older average audience than any other act I saw all day, and they were tirelessly good. Say Anything made me write the words “too many syllables” in my notebook, an opinion that I suspect will bring out many people who will tell me that I am a thousand per cent wrong. Bring Me The Horizon made the audience collectively freak out with its grimy British death metal, and then encouraged the audience to form a huge mosh pit, during which I saw many punches thrown. And then there was Katy Perry, about whom more in a second.

THE BOOTHS: Each band, each corporate sponsor, and various other entities had booths set up around the sidelines, where people could buy merch, collect free swag, sign petitions, or find out how to properly examine their breasts. My favorite one was the Rock Band tent, where I was given the chance to play the game for the first time. (Research, right? I do write about it.) And as it turned out, the drummer and one of the guitar players in my band were none other than sidemen for Katy Perry, a fact that I found out after I got a 90% for screaming the lyrics to “Creep” into the drummer’s ear. (I hope I wasn’t too loud!)

The line outside the AT&T-sponsored booth offering autograph sessions with the likes of Gabe Saporta and members of All Time Low was super-long for most of the day, as was the one leading into some Trojan-sposnored “ride” where people I think got free condoms at the end. (The swag was being inflated and batted around during various sunset sets. Safe sex, everyone!) Pretty much every booth offering a meet and greet had a long line leading to it, a fact that helped make it impossible for anyone to see everything, since maneuvering around them was sometimes a bit of a trick; there were certain artists with whom it was possible to spend pretty much your entire day, between watching their normal set, watching their acoustic sets in various tents, and waiting in line for them at a meet and greet.

And finally, the booth selling the following T-shirt gave me an anchor on which I could stand all day:

I like to think that this is the one point Pitchfork Music Festival attendees and those people at the Warped Tour can (maybe) agree on.

THE CLOTHES: Many people chucked off whatever shirts they were wearing and put on whatever apparel they’d purchased at the tents, which I guess means the “don’t be that guy” rule is as old as I am. Other popular Warped Tour fashions included: homemade shirts/chest-coverings advertising “free hugs” and “free kisses” (which, as the day went on, evolved into pleas for free blow jobs and breast-reveals from some dudes); bikini tops; Appetite-era Guns N’ Roses t-shirts (seriously, I saw about 10 of them); shutter shades of all colors; Chuck Taylors, natch; and plaid shorts.

THE CONFUSING MESSAGES: PETA and other pro-vegetarianism organizations were, perhaps unsurprisingly, out in full force, although vegetarian foodstuffs were few and far between; there were a few stands selling French fries, including one that was inside the Coliseum and on the opposite side of the parking lot, but fries and pretzels were pretty much it as far as non-meaty food options went. Which is less than ideal for something that runs through lunch and dinner. Perhaps this was an issue with Nassau Coliseum’s catering arm, but it sure did make me wish that the “vegetarian starter kit” one organization was handing out came with some soy dog samples. Also, for a festival that had its own booth touting its eco-consciousness, a) there sure were a lot of unopened bags of Doritos collecting in the corners and b) water was five freaking dollars a bottle.

THE END: Idolator bete noire Katy Perry was placed in the de facto “headlining” role for Saturday’s show, so I had pretty much nowhere to hide during her set. (Most of the merch tents had packed up by then, thanks in part to gusty winds that were causing many a banner to skip across the lot.) She was pretty much as annoying in person as I expected, and the guitar on “U R So Gay” sounded like it had been lifted directly from some Swap N’ Shop-worthy smooth jazz. Highlights, if you can call them that, included her taking a break to shout the word “PENIS!!!!” really loudly and prefacing her show-closing rendition of “I Kissed A Girl” with a call to her mom on a “bananaphone.” (I told a friend that I was somewhat surprised she wasn’t phoning home via hamburger, but perhaps even Perry thought that would have been too obvious.)

I did, however, enjoy that there were a few young ladies who took advantage of the mostly female crowd in front of Perry to hop up on top of everyone and crowd-surf. It was very ’90s. As was some of the feel of the festival–the activist tents, the Converse, the Long Island Roller Derby team that had a a tent (!!), the surprisingly high number of chick-fronted acts I happened to run into–although the piles of merchandise offered by every act did bring the proceedings smack back into the current century, what with every band on the bill needing to make some extra scratch thanks to the recorded-music business being in its current state. I would go back next year, sure. Although I would definitely try to find a way to smuggle in my own water bottle, and maybe a granola bar or two, if only to stave off the exhaustion that kicked into my old bones at around 6 p.m.

Idolator [Twitter]

Since many people find it hard to tell the great from the godawful when it comes to 21st-century mainstream rock, welcome to “Corporate Rock Still Sells,” where Al Shipley (a.k.a. Idolator commenter GovernmentNames) examines what’s good, bad, and ugly in the world of Billboard‘s rock charts. This time around he discovers a trio of modern rock heroes releasing a hit single under everyone’s noses, finally hears a certain blog-buzz band thanks to their rock radio crossover, and tries to figure out what makes one brand of strident political mersh-punk different from another.

Over the last few weeks, Billboard‘s Hot Modern Rock Tracks chart has seen a new entry by one of modern rock’s biggest mainstays, but it took me a while to figure that out, since said superstars are operating incognito.

“Mother Mary,” which dips to No. 29 this week after peaking at No. 16, is the first radio hit credited to the Foxboro Hot Tubs. But the trio behind the song is better known as Green Day, who quietly debuted several tracks online under the alias in December, and have since racked up some impressive radio spins without the benefit of name recognition.

This isn’t the first time Green Day has pulled such a stunt; in 2003, the group self-released an album as the Network, and for a few months kept up an elaborate ruse about having nothing to do with the mysterious new wave band whose singer sounded so much like Billie Joe Armstrong. But it’s interesting that after reinventing themselves rather dramatically, and successfully, with 2004′s guyliner-streaked rock opera American Idiot, Green Day still feel the need to moonlight under a different name to try out something a little different. And this time, they’re a little less shy about capitalizing
on that side project; unlike the Network, who never charted, the Foxboro Hot Tubs will release their album on Warner Bros. and the band is putting up less of a front about who they may or may not really be. Based on the peppy retro-jangle of “Mother Mary,” I’m guessing that full-length, due out in April, will be more enjoyable than whatever ambitious slog the next “real” Green Day album turns out to
be.

One of the reasons I take an active interest in what’s going in the commercial rock market is that while I often don’t approve of the trends and biases it’s governed by, I can pretty easily identify and analyze them. And though I still listen to plenty of new underground rock, I pretty much gave up on trying to understand the machinations of the indie zeitgeist a long time ago; I’m generally pretty happy to remain blissfully unaware of whatever “blog band” is currently making the rounds. That is, unless they actually make enough of an impact to chart with a radio single, which is currently the case with both Vampire Weekend and MGMT.

The latter’s “Time To Pretend” is pleasant and expensive-sounding enough that I can understand why it’s crossing over. But it’s kind of amazing to hear the former’s “A-Punk” with the knowledge that this is the band that’s inspired the most fevered rock-crit debates of 2008 thus far. On a blind taste test, I wouldn’t give these guys two minutes, but at least that’s all that “A-Punk” asks for; at 17 seconds longer than Blur’s “Song 2″ and four seconds longer than the Presidents of the United States of America’s “Lump,” it’s one of the shorter songs to have made an impact on alt-rock radio. Unlike those songs, it doesn’t use that brief window to drill its hook into your head; I can’t remember how it goes a day after listening to it, nor do I have any desire to remind myself. If these guys have a shelf life on radio beyond their hipster buzz, I assume it won’t be with this song.

For most of the past few months, the Modern Rock chart has featured two political punk bands with the word “Against” in their name that I’ve never brought up in this space, partly because I have trouble remembering which is which. But I recently decided on this handy mnemonic: Against Me!’s frontman is the one with the really annoying voice and Rise Against’s frontman is the one with the really annoying hair. Currently, the former is at No. 27 and rising with “Stop,” while the latter’s “The Good Left Undone” has just now finally slid out of the Top 10 in its 38th week on the chart. I may not like them, but I can appreciate that these bands are keeping a more strident and aggressive strain of punk on the radio in the era of MySpace emo. And they’re getting a little backup from veterans Pennywise, whose “The Western World,” down at No. 28, is already the highest charting Modern Rock hit of the band’s two-decade career. Green Day may be taking a break from both political comment and straight-up punk rock, but the airwaves are not currently lacking for either.

On Tuesday, Against Me! singer Tom Gabel was apparently so irked when he saw someone had defaced an article about his band that was hanging in a coffee shop in his home state of Florida that he decided to start banging some poor sucker’s head into the counter:

Michael Hurley, 22, who was at the cafe with friends, said his friend Jared Smith, 22, asked Gabel why he tore down the article.

Gabel started yelling at Smith, who sat down to drink some water.

“Jared said, ‘This conversation is over.’ Tom said ‘I don’t think it is,’” said Cody Cook, 21, a barista at the cafe and a friend of Smith.

Gabel then knocked Smith’s cup out of his hand.

Smith told police Gabel grabbed the back of his head by his neck and forced his head into the wooden counter.

A man came into the cafe, put Gabel in a headlock and headbutted him, Cook said. That man left soon after.

While Gabel admitted to police he purposely knocked over the cup, he denied hitting Smith.

Now that’s not how a good anarchistic peace punk should act. It is, on the other hand, exactly how a major label rock start should act. You’re taking to this whole thing swimmingly, Tom. (So who was the guy who wandered in and put the wrestling moves on Gabel? Just some Tallahassee weirdo who walks around headbutting people before disappearing, like the Shadow?) Gabel was arrested and released yesterday morning on $500 bail, leaving in his Hummer to attend an organizational meeting at the leftist bookshop. OK I made everything after that comma up.

Against Me! Singer Arrested On Battery Charge [Tallahassee Democrat via Buzzgrinder]

UPDATE: As I was just informed in an e-mail from someone at Warner, the CD Tom Breihan bought is apparently defective. Hooray, Warner isn’t Sony BMG–at least not yet! Now about those unplayable promo CDs…

A few weeks ago, Idolator brought you the story of a frustrated music writer who had been locked out of listening to his promo copy of the new Eisley CD because of its copy protection. The record label behind that album was Reprise, which is part of the Warner Music Group–a company that, as it turns out, isn’t only making the freebies they give out to journalists hard to play. Tom Breihan at Status Ain’t Hood bought the new album by Against Me!, New Wave, last week; it’s on WMG subsidiary Sire, and it, too, is unplayable on his primary CD player, a.k.a. the one inside his computer:

I can now say from personal experience that it’s really frustrating to have this happen with something you paid for. You keep checking the CD, ejecting it and reinserting it, trying to figure out if something is wrong with your computer even after you figure out what’s actually going on. I felt like an absolute chump for being dumb enough to fork over money for something I couldn’t use. I’ve still only heard New Wave because I downloaded it illegally later that day. That’s a shame; New Wave is a truly great album, and Sire Records is doing Against Me a grave disservice by preventing people from actually hearing the damn thing.

Especially since, as Breihan later notes, a lot of the band’s fans seem to be pretty young, and more digital-savvy than their older counterparts; surely the people at Sire knew this, and would want to discourage them from eventually downloading the album, even if they’d bought a copy that was uploadable? Perhaps the company is counting on padding their profit margins with the extra CDs bought by dumb kids who thought they’d purchased “defective” copies.

Why You Can’t Hear Against Me’s Masterpiece [Village Voice]
Earlier: Music Writer To Record Label: “Would You Like Me To Listen To This Disc Before I Review It?”

Warner Bros. Records claims that Tom Breihan’s seemingly DRM’d-up Against Me! CD is defective, and that there’s no copy protection on the commercially released copies; still, as Breihan notes, the fact that there’s any doubt at all should give the record industry at least some pause. (The higher-ups, that is. We’re sure that people in the trenches know about the industry’s woes a little too well.) [Status Ain't Hood]

You’ll have to wait a few more months to hear New Wave, the forthcoming record by Florida punks Against Me!; but trust us when we say it’s well worth the wait, and that it will compel you to print up anti-war pamphlets and renew your MRR subscription. In the meantime, here are two tracks from the group’s 2005 album Searching For A Former Clarity, including “From Her Lips To God’s Ears (The Energizer),” the best song about a Secretary of State since Black Flag’s “George Shultz Is A Dick”:

Against Me! – Miami [MP3, link expired]
Against Me! – From Her Lips To God’s Ears (The Energizer) [MP3, link expired]
Against Me! [MySpace]