You are ineligible to participate if you progressed in any previous season of American Idol® to any of the following levels:
— Season 1 - top 30 contestants
— Season 2 - top 32 contestants
— Season 3 - top 36 contestants
— Season 4 - top 44 contestants
— Season 5 - top 44 contestants
— Season 6 - top 40 contestants
— Season 7 - top 24 contestants

Over at MJ's Big Blog, the money seems to be on Ensley returning, but given Idol's slide into the weird lately (does no one remember the extended remix of "I Am Your Brother" during the finale?), I'm betting that we'll see some "where are they now?" packages on both fingernail-peeling cutie Brandon Greene and bubbleheaded abstinence diehard Amy Catherine Flynn. Who knows, maybe they'll even give the "I Am Your Brother" guy a ticket to Hollywood, if only to prime the pump for a single release of a song that's a lot more memorable than "This Is My Now."

Season 7 Top 50 Who Didn't Make the Top 24 Cut Are Eligible for American Idol Season 8 [MJ's Big Blog]

"I dig David Cook," says singer Austin Winkler, a native of Oklahoma, where Cook has lived for the past few years. "He shows that the world is starving for a little bit of rock-n-roll. Hopefully we can write some tunes for him."

According to Hinder, who were in the audience for this year's Idol finale and met the winner briefly that night, the admiration is mutual. "I heard he's a fan," Winkler tells EW.com. "I'm sure we'll cross paths."

Oh yeah, Austin, I'm sure you'll run into each other backstage at a 311 show or something. But really, given that Cook is something of a lost cause when it comes to his hopeless affection for bad, overblown rock, let's turn our attention to the band's more alarming designs when it comes to blowing out their one-hit wonder status into something else:

Meanwhile another Hinder member is holding out for a chance at some face time with a female Idol champ: Carrie Underwood. "I love her," says drummer Cody Hanson (no relation to Tulsa's Hanson brothers). "She's my favorite of everything, and probably the hottest chick on the planet."

Nooooo! I mean, she may like the hard rock, but the difference between "Kickstart My Heart" and Hinder's self-hating hedonism is that one is actually, you know, fun to listen to for reasons beyond any foundation garments hanging from the lead singer's microphone.

Hinder to David Cook: "We'll write with you" [Hollywood Insider]

Lewis claims that he never wanted to sign to a major in the first place (I mean, who goes on American Idol wanting corporate assistance in becoming rich and famous?), but whether it's a sign that execs aren't going to suffer some "creative control" fool following Kelly Clarkson's My December, or that one shot is all you get in the current marketplace, news like this will probably make next year's contestants even more complacent about actually winning the competition once they've made the top 12 and achieved enough name recognition to shop for a label that will let them live out whatever their ridiculous artistic ambitions are.

The question remains: what will become of Blake Lewis? Will he find a home willing to encourage his whimsical ways? Will the lack of the necessary flash and budget force him to abandon his dramatic R & B and settle for a Broadway cameo? While the answers are blatantly "nothing much," "no," and "maybe he can play Prez in The Wire: The Musical," I feel sorry that we'll probably never see a freak like him reach so high on American Idol again.

Blake Lewis Dropped From Arista [MJ's Big Blog]
Blake Lewis - Break Anotha [Dailymotion]

Well, the show did uncover Miranda Lambert, one of the few reality-show-derived musicians who's managed to release an album I enjoy listening to in its entirety. On the other hand, she did come in third to Buddy Jewell, who hasn't made much of the opportunity, possibly because he's not very talented and somewhat boring.

The show itself seems vaguely promising, with solo artists facing duos and trios while judged by a megalomaniac with some credibility (John Rich), a pop star who has the country credibility of once living in her car (Jewel), and a guy I've never heard of whose name sounds remarkably porn-starish (Jeffrey Steele). As a detraction, the increasingly creepy Billy Ray Cyrus is the host, and I'm not sure I can take an hour of that guy each week, especially if he's visiting aircraft carriers. And song selection is dubious: Someone apparently chose "Drops Of Jupiter" as their song this week, which is odd because Train wasn't really much of a country band, and really, not much of a band at all.

Reruns will air incessantly on CMT, so maybe I'll catch one. Somehow I think I'm going to regret that decision.

Nashville Star: week one recap [sheknows.com]

Tuesday afternoon, Archuleta's agent — Roger Widynowski — said there would be no concert due to contractural obligations between the 17-year-old and American Idol.

On Saturday, Archuleta and several other Idol contestants will begin touring the country as part of the reality show's official summer concerts.

Widynowski did not go into detail as to why Archuleta could not perform at the E Center — but just said that the Murray High School student simply could not appear at the non-American Idol sanctioned event.

Widynowski said the "thank you" concert would instead be postponed to a later date, which was not set. However, the agent said it would have to wait until the American Idol tour concludes.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the poll question attached to the story above—"Should the show go on?"—is running 80.5% pro to 19.5% con. (And yes, I voted yea, if only because that kid needs a little bit of joy in his life. I'm telling you, once he finally has the power to make his own decisions about his life, look out.)

David Archuleta Concert Canceled Due To Red Tape [KUTV]

As I look at this week's charts, I recall a 1994 interview in which Paul McCartney assured the world that the highly anticipated, ultimately anticlimactic 1995 Beatles single "Free as a Bird" would have a "grungy" guitar sound.

As with so many things, Sir Paul was just ahead of his time—14 years later, one of the Fab Four's most cherished chart records would be nearly equaled by a dude who can make anything, even "Eleanor Rigby," sound like grunge.

That record is for most songs on the Billboard Hot 100 by a single act. It was set on April 11, 1964, by the Beatles, who were credited on 14 of that week's 100 songs. The Fabs still hold this record, for now.

But thanks to a confluence of chart-tabulation quirks, this week a former bartender from Missouri—who until now had never appeared on any Billboard chart—comes close to tying it, placing 11 songs on the Hot 100 all at once. In so doing, David Cook sets a new, blowout record for most debuts, comes within spitting distance of the Fabs' record, and generally makes the chart grungier than it's been since Paul gave that interview.

Just how big a deal is the arrival of American Idol's Season 7 winner on the charts? It's unprecedented on a number of levels, but many of the records it sets have to do with the way the charts are tabulated and in the way the Idol producers have chosen to release recordings this season. (The full list of best-selling tracks by Cook, along with those of his fellow Idol competitors, was run down by Maura yesterday.)

The most obvious impact is near the top of the Hot 100, where Cook's finale song, "The Time of My Life," debuts at No. 3. He's behind Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" and Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love," both of which have the advantage of months of radio airplay. Cook's hit is nearly airplay-free (a few stations likely played it on their morning shows, as a news item), and his chart position is entirely the result of his sales haul at iTunes, where "Time/Life" sold more than 236,000 downloads in the four days after the confetti came down.

A No. 3 debut is not that impressive in the annals of Idol finalists charting their schlock-and-rainbows finale songs. All of the Idol winners have debuted at No. 1 or No. 2 with their debut singles (with the exception of Jordin Sparks, who suffered a pitiful No. 15 peak for "This Is My Now" last year thanks to a botched digital release). Also, 236,000 copies puts "Time/Life" in the middle of the pack: slightly ahead of the first week for Taylor Hicks's "Do I Make You Proud" (228,000 copies, 2006), virtually tied with Kelly Clarkson's "A Moment Like This" (236,000, 2002) and a bit behind Ruben Studdard's "Flying Without Wings" (286,000, 2003).

Where Cook leaves all of his peers in the dust is the number of times his name appears on the chart. His 11 total debuts nearly doubles the all-time Hot 100 record of six debuts, set in November 2006 by Miley Cyrus in the first flush of Hannah Montana fame. Here's the full list of Cook's debuts—numbers below are the Hot 100 rank:

3. "Time Of My Life"
15. "Dream Big"
22. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
28. "The World I Know"
42. "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing"
47. "Billie Jean"
67. "Always Be My Baby"
73. "Hello"
77. "The Music of the Night"
92. "Eleanor Rigby"
99. "I'm Alive"

Moreover, Cook's raw sales total is staggering. No other Idol finalist has sold this many copies of anything in a single week: 942,000 downloads, adding up all 17 of his best-sellers. That total would even beat the best album sales weeks by the likes of Clarkson or Carrie Underwood. (Hell, it beats the entire cumulative sales of the Taylor Hicks album.)

Fourteen of Cook's 17 tracks make Billboard's 75-position Hot Digital Songs chart—also a record on that four-year-old chart. (Full disclosure: SoundScan reports sales on up to 200 top downloads per week, so we have data on tracks that didn't make the chart—hence, 17 songs tabulated.)

Just for perspective, the best sales week for any Idol finalist's single came in 2003, when Clay Aiken's debut hit, "This Is the Night," sold 393,000 physical singles. Then again, Aiken, and every other finalist before 2008, had never had his or her entire Idol body of work released to the public before.

Basically, the chart records set this week are the fruit of a series of Idol firsts. It's the first year of Fox's and 19 Entertainment's promotional partnership with Apple, which made every song performed by the finalists available for sale. (We can only imagine what Fantasia's cover of "Summertime" would have sold the week after she performed it in 2004.) It's the first time Idol has made the winner's victory song available the same week it was performed; in the past there's been a gap of at least three or four weeks.

And finally, this is the first week all year that Fox and 19 have allowed Apple to report the sales of Idol songs to SoundScan and Billboard. With the competition over, and the producers' fears of tipping off the viewing public not an issue anymore, songs that have been selling in the tens of thousands for the last three months are suddenly allowed to chart. It's as if a boiling kettle that was held down is suddenly released and spews everywhere: the 14 Idol-related songs on this week's Hot 100—11 by Cook and three by runner-up David Archuleta—are a revue of the entire season.

Remember when Cook covered "Eleanor Rigby" during Beatles week or "I'm Alive" during Neil Diamond week? Well, someone did—each sold more than 25,000 downloads last week. (Cook's "Day Tripper" sold pretty well, too: take that, McCartney!) We'll never know how well these older recordings sold the first week they were performed on the show, but if this week is any indication, the totals have been staggering all season long. Also: this week's results, while clearly affected by the final vote, refute anyone (like me) who suspected all season that girlyman Archuleta was the big seller; for all we know, Cook's been thumping his fellow competitors all along. And finally, we have clear evidence that 2008 will not be a repeat of 2003, when the Idol winner (Studdard) was instantly and permanently outsold by his runner-up (Aiken).

Notwithstanding my Beatles quip at the top of this column, I doubt Cook will approach the Fabs' record or look anywhere near this mighty next week, when probably half or more of his "hits" will drop off the chart.

Longer-term, what this week does augur is that future Idol winners will have one week a year to set ever-crazier chart records. In its first five seasons, the show produced one chart-topping single each year, most of them No. 1 debuts—a rarity in an age when Billboard policy makes chart-topping debuts exceedingly difficult. But by 2009 or 2010, when an Idol winner debuts with, say, 15 or 20 songs in a single week, all those previous successes will look like child's play.

Here's a rundown of the rest of this week's charts:

• In addition to its Hot 100 reign, Lil Wayne's "Lollipop" is sitting pretty on top of the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart. In last week's Billboard, a R&B/Hip-Hop chart sidebar noted that the gap in chart points between Nos. 1 and 2 on that list is the largest it's been in a couple of years. That's bad news for the runner-up single, Plies' "Bust It Baby" with Ne-Yo, which holds at No. 2 after a big move into the runner-up slot last week. Plies' song has a bullet this week, while Weezy loses his, but "Lollipop" has such a massive lead that Plies still has a long distance to travel to overtake it.

Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs is essentially an airplay chart—digital sales are not a factor, and physical sales are negligible—and "Lollipop" seems to have overtaken black-radio playlists nationwide. Frankly, for a rap hit, "Lollipop" is so mellow and smooth (if lewd) that it's probably palatable for some of the older-leaning, R&B-centric stations (your KISS-FM's as opposed to your Hot 97's) that make up a large chunk of the airplay base. Bottom line, even if "Lollipop" succumbs on the Hot 100 in the next couple of weeks, Weezy should be able to hold the penthouse on this chart well into June.

• Like my man Anthony, I'm almost ashamed to admit how seduced I am by Apple's latest iPod/iTunes commercial starring EMI saviors Coldplay. (The editing and art direction are just unreal; man, this is why I bought an HDTV.) Apparently the rest of America's been wooed, too: one week after it debuted on the tube, "Viva la Vida," the track featured in the ad, does a total 180° on the Hot 100, swerving from No. 15 two weeks ago to No. 41 last week and back up to a new peak of No. 10. On iTunes, sales more than double to almost 140,000 copies, making it the third-best-seller of the week after Cook's Idol track and Rihanna's "Take a Bow."

As tipped here two weeks ago, EMI and Coldplay continue to pursue a dual-track promotional strategy, hyping "Viva" via TV and pop radio and the (ahem) edgier "Violet Hill" to rock radio. The latter moved into the Modern Rock Top 10 last week and holds at No. 10 this week; "Violet"'s digital sales are about one-fourth those for "Vida."

• Note to my editor: you're not gonna like this. Katy Perry's kinda-evil "I Kissed a Girl" (why, Dr. Luke, why?!) is an emerging smash. In just three weeks on the Hot 100, it's shot from No. 76 to No. 40 to No. 21. And unlike almost every other emerging hit we've discussed in this week's column, Perry has radio on her side: "Kissed" debuts on Hot 100 airplay at, swear to God, No. 69. Besides being a groan-worthy double-entendre, that ranking means Perry is clearly on an upward trajectory, as she's got both iTunes (82,000 downloads this week, the 13th biggest seller) and your local Top 40 crapmerchant working for her.

Ah, well—look on the bright side: maybe this means Perry is going to fill this summer's tween slot, instead of Fergie.

Top 10s
Last week's position and total weeks charted in parentheses (Digital Songs chart includes total downloads/percentage change in parentheses):

Hot 100
1. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 1, 11 weeks)
2. Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love" (LW No. 1, 15 weeks)
3. David Cook, "The Time of My Life" (CHART DEBUT, 1 week)
4. Rihanna, "Take a Bow" (LW No. 3, 7 weeks)
5. Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown, "No Air" (LW No. 5, 21 weeks)
6. Usher feat. Young Jeezy, "Love in This Club" (LW No. 4, 15 weeks)
7. Ray J & Yung Berg, "Sexy Can I" (LW No. 6, 17 weeks)
8. Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes" (LW No. 7, 10 weeks)
9. Natasha Bedingfield, "Pocketful of Sunshine" (LW No. 8, 15 weeks)
10. Coldplay, "Viva la Vida" (LW No. 41, 3 weeks)

Hot Digital Songs
1. David Cook, "The Time of My Life" (CHART DEBUT, 236,000 downloads)
2. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 3, 163,000 downloads, +16%)
3. Rihanna, "Take a Bow" (LW No. 1, 144,000 downloads, -27%)
4. Coldplay, "Viva la Vida" (LW No. 14, 139,000 downloads, +149%)
5. Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love" (LW No. 2, 122,000 downloads, -13%)
6. Natasha Bedingfield, "Pocketful of Sunshine" (LW No. 4, 115,000 downloads, -12%)
7. David Cook, "Dream Big" (CHART DEBUT, 111,000 downloads)
8. Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes" (LW No. 5, 98,000 downloads, -13%)
9. David Cook, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (CHART DEBUT, 98,000 downloads)
10. Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown, "No Air" (LW No. 7, 82,000 downloads, -5%)

Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs
1. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 1, 11 weeks)
2. Plies feat. Ne-Yo, "Bust It Baby (Part 2)" (LW No. 2, 13 weeks)
3. Keyshia Cole, "Heaven Sent" (LW No. 3, 9 weeks)
4. Chris Brown, "Take You Down" (LW No. 7, 9 weeks)
5. Usher feat. Young Jeezy, "Love in This Club" (LW No. 8, 16 weeks)
6. Ashanti, "The Way That I Love You" (LW No. 6, 15 weeks)
7. The-Dream, "I Luv Your Girl" (LW No. 12, 13 weeks)
8. Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown, "No Air" (LW No. 4, 12 weeks)
9. Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body" (LW No. 5, 16 weeks)
10. Usher feat. Beyonce and Lil Wayne, "Love in This Club, Part II" (LW No. 10, 5 weeks)

Hot Country Songs
1. Brad Paisley, "I'm Still a Guy" (LW No. 1, 14 weeks)
2. Phil Vassar, "Love Is A Beautiful Thing" (LW No. 2, 30 weeks)
3. James Otto, "Just Got Started Lovin' You" (LW No. 3, 32 weeks)
4. Rascal Flatts, "Every Day" (LW No. 4, 14 weeks)
5. Lady Antebellum, "Love Don't Live Here" (LW No. 5, 34 weeks)
6. Kenny Chesney, "Better as a Memory" (LW No. 8, 10 weeks)
7. Carrie Underwood, "Last Name" (LW No. 7, 11 weeks)
8. Blake Shelton, "Home" (LW No. 11, 18 weeks)
9. Montgomery Gentry, "Back When I Knew It All" (LW No. 10, 14 weeks)
10. George Strait, "I Saw God Today" (LW No. 6, 16 weeks)

Hot Modern Rock Tracks
1. Weezer, "Pork & Beans" (LW No. 1, 6 weeks)
2. Seether, "Rise Above This" (LW No. 2, 14 weeks)
3. The Offspring, "Hammerhead" (LW No. 4, 3 weeks)
4. Flobots, "Handlebars" (LW No. 3, 8 weeks)
5. Linkin Park, "Given Up" (LW No. 5, 12 weeks)
6. Foo Fighters, "Let It Die" (LW No. 7, 8 weeks)
7. Nine Inch Nails, "Discipline" (LW No. 6, 5 weeks)
8. The Raconteurs, "Salute Your Solution" (LW No. 8, 9 weeks)
9. Death Cab for Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart" (LW No. 9, 10 weeks)
10. Coldplay, "Violet Hill" (LW No. 10, 4 weeks)

1. David Cook, "Time Of My Life" (236,000 downloads)
7. David Cook, "Dream Big" (111,000 downloads)
9. David Cook, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" (98,000 downloads)
14. David Cook, "The World I Know" (80,000 downloads)
18. David Cook, "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" (60,000 downloads)
21. David Cook, "Billie Jean" (56,000 downloads)
23. David Archuleta, "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" (51,000 downloads)
25. David Archuleta, "In This Moment" (49,000 downloads)
27. David Cook, "Always Be My Baby" (47,000 downloads)
30. David Cook, "Hello" (42,000 downloads)
36. David Archuleta, "Imagine" (39,000 downloads)
40. David Cook, "Music Of The Night" (36,000 downloads)
45. David Archuleta, "Imagine" (32,000 downloads)
52. David Cook, "Eleanor Rigby" (28,000 downloads)
60. David Cook, "I'm Alive" (25,000 downloads)
64. David Cook, "Little Sparrow" (24,000 downloads)
69. David Cook, "Hungry Like The Wolf" (23,000 downloads)
70. David Cook, "Innocent" (23,000 downloads)
80. Jason Castro, "Hallelujah" (19,000 downloads)
81. David Cook, "Day Tripper" (19,000 downloads)
83. David Archuleta, "Longer" (19,000 downloads)
89. David Cook, "All Right Now" (18,000 downloads)
94. David Archuleta, "Think Of Me" (18,000 downloads)
96. David Archuleta, "Angels" (17,000 downloads)
98. David Cook, "Happy Together" (17,000 downloads)
102. Jason Castro, "Over The Rainbow" (16,000 downloads)
106. David Archuleta, "When You Believe" (16,000 downloads)
109. David Archuleta, "Love Me Tender" (15,000 downloads)
123. David Archuleta, "The Long And Winding Road" (14,000 downloads)
131. Brooke White, "Let It Be" (12,000 downloads)
145. David Archuleta, "Sweet Caroline" (11,000 downloads)
153. David Archuleta, "You're The Voice" (10,000 downloads)
161. David Archuleta, "Another Day In Paradise" (9,800 downloads)
171. Michael Johns, "Dream On" (9,100 downloads)
194. David Archuleta, "Smoky Mountain Memories" (8,300 downloads)

In some ways, yes. Between voters' bucking of the judges' consensus that David Archuleta had cleaned Cook's clock Tuesday—a consensus that Simon Cowell backtracked on last night twice, first in the TV Guide Channel's preshow then right before Cookie was crowned (a recanting that was accompanied by an apology!)— and the fact that, to be frank, Cook's brand of watery post-grunge is a lot more commercially viable for a new artist than the syrupy ballads that are Archie's stock in trade, it would seem that the pop compass of Idol, which has been staggeringly off this season in terms of guest mentors and the judges' comments about who they did and didn't "get," has been at least somewhat recalibrated for 2008. (Not 2007, Randy. Ahem.) In a way, the "you can play instruments" rule change was the advance that opened the door for the show to bounce back in this fashion; David Cook definitely wielded his guitar to his advantage all season, and it only sharpened his "real" edge over Archuleta, whose pageanty stage-kid persona seemed to turn off more people as the season wore on.

If the iTunes Store data dug up by rickey.org is to be believed, Cook's victory is not a fluke like the Taylor Hicks victory that Chris Molanphy claims "broke" the show; week after week, his flannel-wrapped versions of the popular songs given to him by the Idol producers outsold the competition—and some other top-selling songs on the overall chart—by quite a margin, and his music only seemed to gain steam as the show went on. Commercial viability for the show's winner could return this year, and Cook's debut album might well outsell My December—even if that saleability is in large part the result of a wrong from two years ago being "corrected" by voters.

The one problem, though, is that this righting of the saleability ship comes after a season that was, in many ways, disastrous for Idol. Paulagate, the pro-Archuleta steamroll, the erosion in desirable demographics, the obvious cheap way out the producers took when it came to licensing music from this millennium; if Idol wants to fix itself, or at least ensure that last night's ratings boost wasn't a dead-cat bounce, it needs to address most of these issues. I would definitely take a page from the judges and say that song choice is the most important thing that needs to be fixed; the graying of the Idol demographic is probably at least somewhat attributable to the fact that finding a song that came out after 2000—even in Mariah Carey week!—was a task that resembled a wild-goose chase. And if relying on newer songs means that new judges, i.e. ones who have if not an appreciation for current popular music at least a vague knowledge that it's out there (NB: repeating the name "Jack Johnson" week-in and week-out does not count), have to be brought in, then so be it. But the high ratings of this season's finale shouldn't be seen as any sort of "success," or a sign that the show's problems this season magically resolved themselves on its last night.

And with that, I close out my commentary on this season of Idol—at least until the first album comes out or Chikezie makes some sort of public statement on his recording future, because during last night I realized that he's actually the member of the top 12 whose future I'm most interested in. When is he going to sign to Daptone? (David Cook and Jason Castro are obviously tied for No. 2, while Brooke White's Donna Summer medley showing made me wonder if she shouldn't ditch the singer-songwriter thing, or at least get someone to commission a few 12-inch remixes of her first few singles.)

David Cook: "The Time Of My Life" (Song Premiere) [PopEater]
David Cook Guitar Hero [Yahoo! Video]

7:55 p.m. Five minutes to go! Apparently the red carpet was crazy. And the special guests are breaking down: ZZ Top is playing with Cookie, OneRepublic with Archie, and Seal with... someone. (It has to be Brooke White, right?)

7:58 p.m. To properly prepare the New York viewing area for this momentous occasion, WNYW has decided to run the Seinfeld episode where Elaine and Jerry "mull intimacy but without commitment." And a New York Lottery ad featuring "Daydream," which awww. (Speaking of Jason: Please let Jeff Buckley not be one of tonight's digitally exhumed singers. Please.)

8:00 p.m. They're both in white! David Archuleta is wearing a shirt that says "Bowery & Bleecker" (what, no CBGB shirt?) and David Cook is wearing a white suit.

8:01 p.m. Seacrest is looking sharp. And he is unbelievably pumped to say the "FINAL RESULTS SHOW!!!" Last night, 97.5 million votes were cast, breaking the vote-total record by about 23 million ballots—the final split was 56%-44%. Quite a gap, especially for a primary night.

8:03 p.m. There was one miserable-looking guy in the crowd at David Cook's hometown rally, while the parade of young girls in David Archuleta's hometown—"all blondes and all neck," Ryan pointed out, and I have to agree—are unbelievably pumped.

8:04 p.m. The top 12 are also in all white, and now they're dancing with the So You Think You Can Dance dancers while trying to sing "Get Ready."

8:04 pm. Carly is hopelessly out of rhythm. Jason is just trying to focus on not tripping. You'd think the semi-pro dancers would take the pressure off, but I guess that's not happening. Oh, and Amanda is wearing a scarf to break up her all-white monochrome!

8:06 p.m. David Hernandez and Amanda Overmeyer are a study in contrasts: David looks thrilled to be back on a stage where he can keep his clothes on, while Amanda is looking like she just wants to get through the next 30 seconds.

8:06 p.m. Commercial break No. 1! Well, that was quick.

8:09 p.m. The ad for So You Think You Can Dance is touting its lack of B-list celebs. Janice Dickinson, you are on notice!

8:10 p.m. An awkward pause in the action, and then David Cook kickstarts that awful Nickelback song from Spider-Man. It's a duet.

8:11 p.m. It's probably not surprising that Cookie is carrying the crummy nu-grunge performance. But the sound mix is kind of terrible, too—the two mics seem to be cutting each other out.

8:12 p.m. Cook seems super-confident and happy; Archuleta is smiling blandly.

8:12 p.m. Oh no... it's a tie-in with The Love Guru. No. No.

8:13 p.m. I would rather watch an endless loop of Austin Powers 3 than this. Shoot, I'd rather watch just Beyonce's "acting" in Austin Powers 3.

8:14 p.m. They're interviewing the two Davids about the movie. Archie can barely muster out his pre-fab line about what he liked about the movie.

8:14 p.m. The torrent of '90s references being thrown at David Cook is a little funny, although I would have made a Screaming Trees joke instead of an Alice In Chains one.

8:15 p.m. Oh, this is going beyond the taped bit and into Mike Myers showing up on stage. God, I miss the subtlety of Wayne's World right now.

8:17 p.m. Are people really going to see this movie? And is Mike Myers still making the "I'm going to make a joke about promoting the movie as promoting the movie" joke? The answers would seem to be no and yes.

8:18 p.m. And now, it's Seal duetting with Syesha on that song that was in all those TNT promo ads a few years back. And the sound is still absolutely awful.

8:19 p.m. You know what this performance needs? Ice skaters.

8:19 p.m. "Underrehearsed" would be a good description for what's going on right now, I think.

8:20 p.m. Why would they give Syesha a song that was so out of her vocal range? They don't need to throw her under the bus anymore.

8:22 p.m. Next year, the eliminations should be sponsored by any company with a five-blade razor, if only for the express purpose of some super-awkward sponsor tie-in videos.

8:25 p.m. Jason!

8:26 p.m. The producers aren't taking any lyric-forgetting chances here, with him singing "Hallelujah." However, Mr. Castro is taking a fashion risk by wearing what seems to be a... a denim shirt.

8:27 p.m. Prediction: Jeff Buckley's version of this song will be back in the iTunes top 20 within the next 12 hours.

8:27 p.m. He made Melinda Doolittle cry!

8:28 p.m. And now it's time for the Blooper-reel Ford ad... including one shot of Carly, er, hugging the hood of a Ford.

8:29 p.m. ALL THE DAVIDS ARE GETTING CARS!!! David Archuleta actually took the Lord's name in vain, he was so excited.

8:29 p.m. The ladies, all in red, are now doing a Donna Summer medley that opens with "She Works Hard For The Money." Brooke's tone is very Donna-like; Kristy's is awful. Amanda, meanwhile, looks like she would like to be anywhere else on earth.

8:30 p.m. I bet you never thought you'd hear a yarled version of "Hot Stuff" tonight. God bless Amanda. Meanwhile, Carly sings the chorus as if her career still depends on it. And then there's Ramiele, who... well, let's just say that Alex Lushington was robbed one final time and leave it at that.

8:32 p.m. Donna is now out and performing her new single. I need a better mix to judge, but so far, this is no "This Time I Know It's For Real."

8:33 p.m. Yeah, I'm not into this. Please see the below clip as to why:

Stock Aitken and Waterman forever, yo.

8:34 p.m. Wait, how is it "Last Dance" time? It's only 8:34! Who won? What about the rest of the Ford ads?

8:35 p.m. Syesha: Still bringing the pitchy, even tonight. There's something to be said for consistency, I guess.

8:39 p.m. Carly and Michael, "shock" eliminees both, singing a ... bar-bandy rendition of "The Letter." Aw, they make a cute Captain and Tennille sort of pair. The Ascot and Tattoo!

8:41 p.m. I kind of love Carly's minidress, because it looks like it was made from a scrap of studded fabric that at one time served as her tattoo parlor's curtain.

8:42 p.m. These two are so going to do... something together. Right?

8:43 p.m. Oh God, Jimmy Kimmel?

8:43 p.m. Wow, a "Sanjaya is a has-been" joke and a "Chris Sligh is fat" joke. This whole thing is coming off like a best man's toast at a wedding of people who aren't funny at all.

8:45 p.m. And now the guys are doing what I suspect is a Bryan Adams medley. Michael Johns is probably appropriate for singing the lyrics about the summer of '69, since he's the oldest. And Jason Castro... no. He should not be anywhere near this song at all. Man, the producers have been up Bryan's ass this season, right? Remember the whole thing with "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" during Hollywood Week?

8:47 p.m. The Davids are singing "Heaven," but sadly, it is not the DJ Sammy version.

8:47 p.m. And now Bryan Adams is performing his new single. I guess it doesn't count as paid programming if all the promotions are the result of favor-trading, but...

8:50 p.m. "Somebody" doesn't really have the same oomph when it's sung by a chorus of guys. In fact, it kind of reminds me of that Saturday Night Live skit where Jason Sudeikis and his pals put a song on the jukebox and reveal their secrets in just enough time to launch into singalongs of every chorus. Creepy!

8:53 p.m. Something tells me this "Joe Torre adjusts to LA" State Farm ad won't be airing on the YES Network anytime soon.

8:54 p.m. Jordin Sparks talks about "living the Idol dream"... at Walt Disney World. The franchising of this show is officially out of hand.

8:55 p.m. No, Randy Jackson, ZZ Top do not rate devil horns.

8:55 p.m. Especially since it seems like they'll whore out their hits to any guy who sounds even vaguely Krogerish. (This time it's "Sharp Dressed Man," which they're performing behind D. Cook.) Does no one remember the Billboard Awards from 2006? Well, I guess no one does, since they don't exist anymore.

8:57 p.m. Cookie is having a good time. But the "underrehearsed" thing is definitely floating to the front of my mind again.

8:59 p.m. David Cook's high-school music teacher is on! Yay, music teachers.

8:59 p.m. And now it's time for... wait, someone who played with David Crosby and Stephen Stills? Uh, not Neil Young, right? Oh, no, it's Graham Nash, Brooke White, and an awkward count-in from the band. Did they decide to let the intern direct tonight's show?

9:02 p.m. This is very sweet. And it's clear that Brooke knew "Teach Your Children," because she sailed through the whole thing.

9:03 p.m. This Coldplay song: Totally OK, especially when it kicks into that U2/Arcade Fire chorus.

9:03 p.m. Oh my god, it's David Cook in a Guitar Hero ad that pays homage to Risky Business. Well, you have to know that Archie would probably never get that particular endorsement. Please don't tell me that this means another season of The Next Great American Band is in the offing, though?

9:06 p.m. The girls are freaking out because... it is... JONAS BROTHERS TIME!

9:07 p.m. Joe Jonas is wearing... a puffy T-shirt? And yes, here is where I note that David Archuleta is nowhere close to being a Jonas yet. He needs more time in shiny suits and, you know, talking to girls and stuff.

9:09 p.m. Ah, it's time for the annual "bring out your freaks" montage. Some people on this couch aren't likin' this.

9:10 p.m. 45 seconds for the girl who was painted gold. 45 seconds for the guy who couldn't enunciate. Ah, and now it's time for a tribute to Renaldo Lapuz and "I Am Your Brother." I guess more Mike Myers would be worse.

9:12 p.m. Oh, no, they brought him to the show to sing live! He's going to be doing this for the next 48 minutes!

9:12 p.m. No, really. This is going to be the rest of the show. An extended marching-band routine and then the So You Think You Can Dance dancers will come out and then they'll add the digital Pips and the digital Gladys Knight and the digital Beatles and I'm going to miss my midnight showing of Indiana Jones because the winners won't be announced until this cacophony is over and oh my God it's already been two minutes, you guys.

9:14 p.m. He's played off. My tickets are safe!

9:15 p.m. Speaking of summer blockbusters, how much is Get Smart going to suck? It's a shame, too, because I really want to see Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson drop the People's Elbow on a comedy that's actually worthy of his talent. And eyebrows.

9:16 p.m. WE'RE BROTHERS 'TIL THE END OF TIIIIIME... oh, this is going to be stuck in my head all night. Quick, someone find me a YouTube of the Hawaii Five-O theme, a.k.a. the ultimate earworm eraser! The future of this liveblog depends on you!

9:17 p.m. And now it's time for OneRepublic to perform "Against All Odds '07." Hey, remember when everyone thought they were going to have a second single? Ah, January.

9:19 p.m. And here's Archie, and the Piped-In Screams Of Producer Manipulation.

9:20 p.m. This song really isn't the same without those Timbaland "eh... eh, eh"s.

9:20 p.m. To be fair to David A., this song does play to his strengths. Particularly the fact that he doesn't have to remember all that many words, which must be some comfort to him.

9:22 p.m. David's grandfather just said that he's proud of his grandson and his son. Uh, OK.

9:23 p.m. Jordin Sparks comes out to perform her new single wearing what looks like an Isaac Mizrahi for Target dress. (I don't mean that in a bad way! I like his dresses.) This track is probably not going to reach the airplay heights of "Tattoo," since it's a bland cross between a coronation song and Michael Jackson's "Remember The Time." And Jordin seems rushed. I do like that she's broken free and made her nose ring more prominent, though.

9:26 p.m. Way, way too long. I miss Fantasia.

9:26 p.m. Blake Lewis, the devoted older brother/crush type, is singing along. So many Jordin journals are filled with lyrics about him.

9:27 p.m. How many comedies this summer are operating under the premise "Saturday Night Live guy adapts accent, expects roffles?" I count two advertised on this show so far.

9:30 p.m. Free idea: Dunkin' Donuts and They Might Be Giants should co-sponsor a songwriting contest that's decided by their good old Dial-A-Song concept, i.e., the track with the most calls wins.

9:31 p.m. Only 29 minutes to go! And it's just in time for... the Gladys Knight/fake Pips performance. The fake Pips being Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr., who are promoting that movie where Downey's in blackface— a "creative decision" that he wisely decided to not reprise here.

9:32 p.m. Actually, Downey's probably doing the Pip routine the best. Jack and Ben are predictably overhammy. Boy, do I miss the Jack Black of "Jeepers Creepers Semistar."

9:34 p.m. I also miss the Ben Stiller of The Ben Stiller Show, but that's probably something that goes without saying.

9:34 p.m. Oh, great, now the revenues from the video are for charity so I have to feel bad about thinking it was awful.

9:35 p.m. Carrie Underwood, in a ponytail, comes out blazing and pitchy for "Before He Cheats II," a.k.a. "Last Name."

9:36 p.m. So Carrie is wearing this outfit that's like ... shorts and a jacket, only attached to the sleeves is this kind of shawl/jump rope contraption. I guess that's because she brings her own fun? But this song is all about getting drunk and going home with someone, which you'd think would make this outfit a bit... tricky.

9:38 p.m. Ashley Tisdale and her new nose are in the audience, and I am so happy that she's not on that stage singing her "He Said She Said" song.

9:41 p.m. Now it's a David Archuleta Guitar Hero ad. With, yes, him in the Risky Business boxers. No. Just.... no. Thankfully, this one seemed much shorter than the Cook ad.

9:43 p.m. The last top 12 medley ever... starts with Kristy Lee Pander-Girl Cook fucking up "Faith." Carly recovers, but then they force Ramiele down our throats again.

9:44 p.m. Yeah, Amanda is not a good pick for this song either.

9:44 p.m. Oh man, and now it's the guys singing "Father Figure." Don't mess this up you guys. I have to live through the next 16 minutes.

9:45 p.m. Michael first; OK, he can do it. Hahaha, they gave David Hernandez the line about being naked! And Chikezie growls his line. I would love to hear him sing this whole song.

9:45 p.m. OK, so I got chills when David Cook did the "end of... tiiime" bit.

9:46 p.m. This is all making me really miss Chikezie a lot, you guys.

9:47 p.m. Chikezie with the vamps! Where is his album, I ask you? When does ?uestlove snap him up?

9:48 p.m. Aw, "Praying For Time." I kind of figured this would be the song he'd sing after the whole "Idol Gives Back" thing. Is anyone getting a recent-Morrissey vibe off this?

9:50 p.m. Paula is crying. God, I love this song. I wonder if anyone would be willing to get me tickets to one of his shows... hint, hint.

9:51 p.m. "Praying For Time": Now more than ever?

9:52 p.m. Yeah, I think so.

9:53 p.m. Oh, he apologized for having a cold!! Poor George!!

9:55 p.m. Do you guys think that Ashton Kutcher has a Flickr page?

9:57 p.m. We're back! Jordin Sparks' reign of terror is about to end!

9:57 p.m. Randy: "You're both winners."

9:57 p.m. Paula: "It's the beginning of the start of the destinies of your careers." Then she babbled something about losing being OK. Densities?

9:58 p.m. Simon: "On the night, it was a terrific show..." and he apologized for treating David Cook the way he did last night! Could this be a hint? And now he's saying that he doesn't care who wins?

9:59 p.m. The votes are certified, and bona fide, to borrow a phrase from an old co-worker.

9:59 p.m. The lights go down.

10:00 p.m. The David who wins is... David Cook!

10:00 p.m. By 12 million votes! Wow. I guess all that bus-throwing reverse psychology worked.

10:01 p.m. David Cook is crying. Meanwhile, David Archuleta has run off to the other side of the stage.

10:01 p.m. And that's it. David Cook is blaming his brother, there's no sing-off I guess? Oh, here's... "Time Of My Life"? I guess this is what Paula meant by the songs from last night not being the winning songs.

10:03 p.m. So, how many months do you think we're going to have before Games puts out a special American Idol issue?

10:04 p.m. Wait, does David Archuleta look... relieved? Actually, that wouldn't surprise me in the least, given that he's now pretty much off the hook for all those interviews.

10:05 p.m. It's over! Does this mean that American Idol now has—gasp—credibility? Nah, we'll probably be complaining about Cookie's first single very, very soon.

10:08 p.m. Paula was just quoted on the local news as saying that this was the "best finale." Her prognosticating abilities are getting better by the minute!

10:11 p.m. Well, that's it, another year of American Idol in the books. I'm pretty happy with the results, although i suspect the hue and cry from the Archie fans elsewhere on the Internet will be loud and coming my way very soon. In the meantime, a friend of mine is trying to figure out which Chiefs game during the 2009 season will feature a David Cook national anthem.

10:13 p.m. Oh and I guess George Michael really is the biggest star in the world? To be honest, I'm pretty much 100% OK with that.

The evidence:

David Archuleta brought it to the finals.
Molten hot! Hot! Fire!

David's dad made him sing "You're The Voice," and on his own accord, he sang Chris Brown's "With You," unconsciously wiggling his ass.
Both more acceptable than Our Lady Peace.

Unlike his opponent, David Archuleta never revealed just how crappy a song "Baba O'Riley" is when it's stripped of its keyboard hook.

I'd blame Cook for his interpretation of "Billie Jean" as well, but really, that's Chris Cornell's fault.

David Archuleta is a wittle mouse who likes to pretend he's Vanessa Carlton.

Awwwww. Don't you just want to put him in a shoebox with a little blanket?

As the career of Daughtry proves, David Cook doesn't need the Idol crown to join all the other candy-ass yarlers who make me wish Eddie Vedder had suffered a lethal surfing accent soon after recording "Hunger Strike." (I don't want to imagine life without "Hunger Strike.") I've even caught myself referring to the sound as "Cook Rock" lately, reaffirming how easily he'd slipped into the tepid world of rock/adult contemporary crossover. Archuleta's magic is a more fragile thing, one that requires a royal handle in order that he may some day walk with cartoon animals. Yes, he may wind up a resentful queen like Clay Aiken. Perhaps his relationship with his father will send himself spiraling downward into chemicals and squalor. But when he sang "Smoky Mountain Memories" during Dolly Parton week, I watched the story of every child performer whose family depended on their modest talents brought to bittersweet life.

Not that I voted. (Just saying.)

American Idol 7 - David Cook - Baba O'Riley 05/06/08 [YouTube]
David Archuleta A Thousand Miles [YouTube]
David Archuleta - Smoky Mountain Memories - Top 9 [YouTube]

• Jason Castro has said that one of the guest stars could be known as "codename Virgin Airlines," which could mean Madonna... or it could mean the Spice Girls, who, don't forget, have a Virgin Atlantic jet named after them and are also managed by Idol creator Simon Fuller.
• However, E! is claiming that the biggest star in the world slated to appear on tonight's show is, in fact, George Michael, which makes me wonder if we'll be hearing "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" again.
• Not among the biggest stars in the world, but also scheduled to appear: The Jonas Brothers, Donna Summer, and ZZ Top. Ah, I hope this means Michael Johns will bust out "Tush"!
• Also, Seal, perhaps so Brooke White can sing "Crazy."
• Carrie Underwood will sing her new single, "Last Name," and other Idol contestants from years past will be on hand. Taylor Hicks, alas, will not be one of them, as he's currently bringing the wamp to Italy.
• Nigel Lythgoe is promising another "dead Elvis"-style duet. God, if it's John Lennon doing "Imagine," I'm going to imagine that there's no Fox affiliate on the TV in my living room and switch to Law & Order immediately.
• Lythgoe also hinted to Ryan Seacrest this morning that Jason Castro was going to reprise "Hallelujah" tonight.

Season 7 Finale Spoilers [MJ's Big Blog]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Honestly, I have no idea who will win. On MJ's Blog there are lots of reports of busy signals for David Cook, and reports that Dial Idol, which has been pretty slammed all evening, is firmly in the green for him—but these reports are all coming way before the West Coast strongholds have really gotten into the thick of voting. For those of you who were having some sort of life from 8-9 p.m. in your local time zone, here's video of each contestant's strongest performance:

David Cook's Collective Soul song, which, upon further review, was a strong performance and pretty much thrown under the bus by the We Love Archie crew:

And David Archuleta's "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me," which showed off the George Michael-ish aspects of his vocal tone and wasn't watered down for religious purposes:

David Cook - The World I Know [Redlasso]
David Archuleta - Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me [Redlasso]
[Videos via MJ]
Earlier: Live-Blogging The Finale, Part I

8:00 p.m. We're starting with... the Rocky theme? And Michael Buffer? Honestly, do they have to butch up David Archuleta that badly?

8:01 p.m. "Weighing in at 180 lbs..." well, that's definitely Cook. Oh my god, they're both in boxing robes! Where is Ryan in a Foot Locker uniform!

8:01 p.m. This did not really work as far as "instilling tension" goes. I'm just waiting for the New York Lotto Mega Millions announcer to come out and say just how much the prize recording contract is worth.

8:02 p.m. Luke Perry is in the audience! Guess he's in Danny Noriega's seat.

8:02 p.m. Ryan: "Once again, the eyes of America are trained on a single stage..." Bryan: "Isn't there a primary tonight?"

8:03 p.m. Oh, they're really referring to these two kids as "Big David" and "Little David." Tonight there are four hours to vote! For each time zone!

8:04 p.m. Did Fox just get boxing or something? Or maybe the WWE rights? Because the amount of boxing imagery in this is already ridiculous, and it's four minutes in.

8:04 p.m. Wow, I hope this means that Clive Davis is having David Cook sing "Eye Of The Tiger."

8:05 p.m. Old White Males Offer Their Predictions. Yes, this is definitely an homage to boxing.

8:05 p.m. How was neither David ever in the bottom three? What about the week when there were only four contestants? Was everyone tied? What about last week? The math of Idol is already addling my head.

8:06 p.m. In the "spikes of hair" competition, Archie is beating Cook, if only because his aren't sticking up as absurdly as his compatriot's.

8:07 p.m. This whole segment is sponsored by Coca-Cola. And the Nokia Theater, judging by the number of times each judge has name-dropped the venue as a "special place" for competition. I thought they were here because the Kodak was booked?

8:08 p.m. Simon: "You've got to hate your opponent." David A: "You know, this guy is awesome." So of course David Cook has to talk about how nice Cookie is! Will Little David get further penalized for diverting from the script?

8:13 p.m. The boxing allegories continue. Seriously, where did this footage come from?

8:13 p.m. Clive Davis is on talking about how he looked for songs that spoke to generational angst, etc. Ahh, so he picked "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for Cook. I shudder to think what shitty nu-grunge song Cookie picked for himself.

8:14 p.m. Cook kicks in. His voice sounds very... airy.

8:15 p.m. IS THAT A TELEPROMPTER BEHIND THE JUDGES?

8:15 p.m. Oh, and now he's jumping on the catwalk. Clive Davis is front row center, but not clapping along, perhaps because he sees Kelly Clarkson Mach II singing in front of him right now.

8:16 p.m. I don't know if condensing this song really worked for it—too much of the build was lost. But hey, maybe Paula will judge all three songs right now and we won't have to worry.

8:17 p.m. Randy just called tonight the "duel of 2007." I guess Jordin Sparks is now officially erased from the books.

8:17 p.m. Paula had another one of her semi-cougary "I want you so bad" lines prewritten for her as praise for Cookie. Simon liked it too, so there. I guess the judges can't complain about "song choice" given that they're so dependent on Clive.

8:18 p.m. And we go right into David the Little singing "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me."

8:18 p.m. He's already doing the vamping. I really hate that about this kid. He's all about telling via runs, and not showing via interpretation.

8:19 p.m. He's doing the squinting thing too.

8:19 p.m. The way he's shaking the mic looks like Axl Rose's shaky hands in the "Don't Cry" video. The judges are going to love this. Big smile from David's dad.

8:20 p.m. Randy starts with the "so, uh..." which is not a good sign.

8:21 p.m. Uh, so much for that. Randy says that he's picked the right time to peak. Really? Really, Randy? After pimping—and I hate using that word—this kid all season?

8:21 p.m. Paula sunshine blah blah blah.

8:21 p.m. Simon thinks that it was the best he's done so far. But—is there a but? Ah, yes, he gives round 1 to Archie. Yes, it's so in the bag for David The Younger. How could we have thought any differently?

8:22 p.m. Archie is still panting. If he's physically unable to sing songs 2 and 3, does he get DQ'd?

8:26 p.m. There are still two songs to go and the show is almost half over! Does this mean fewer tortured boxing analogies?

8:27 p.m. Ah, I spoke too soon. Oh no it's songwriting contest time!!! OH NO

8:28 p.m. Jim Lampley is camping this up if he's really doing this for Idol.

8:28 p.m. Oh, the songwriting contest. This song is apparently called "Dream Big." It sounds like it was originally filler for some mid-period Survivor album. "If you don't dream big, what's the use of dreaming"? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

8:29 p.m. "Faith is something you can('t?) see." I'm starting to wonder if all these songwriting contest picks are first vetted by some sort of Christian rock organization so their Stealth Religious Quotient can meet a certain threshold.

8:31 p.m. OKAY SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY WRITING PAULA'S LINES. If the person who is could e-mail me I would be forever indebted to you, just for personal satisfaction of conspiracy theory purposes.

8:31 p.m. Simon didn't like the song. Well, they can't all be "This Is My Now," right?

8:32 p.m. Paula just said that the song David sang "wasn't the winning song." What? Really, Paula? Are you opening the door to conspiracy theories again?

8:35 p.m. The "Lust For Life" ad. If only Iggy and the Stooges were slated to be on tomorrow's show. And singing with Madonna. She could make up with Mike Watt!

8:36 p.m. Tickets to the tour are actually selling? Huh.

8:36 p.m. Archie starts to sing, and we're treated to random explosion of screams in the low, end of the background. And the crowd looks placid. Maybe they are piping in crazed teenage screeches, just like I theorized last week!

8:37 p.m. This song: Also terrible. Dear producers: Please ditch the singing competition next year. This song sounds like "Don't Cry Out Loud" neutered by a grape-juice-and-communion-wafers hangover.

8:38 p.m. The screams come up again. I really do think that his "teen girl" appeal is being way overstated here.

8:39 p.m. Randy is breaking out the "singing the phone book" again? The crowd is really not into the judges' raves. However, Bryan is very happy that Constantine is in the audience.

8:40 p.m. Simon gives round two to Archie. To celebrate, Archie is licking the middle of his top lip down to a nub.

8:41 p.m. Ooh, a new iTunes ad with Coldplay!

8:42 p.m. You guys, I'm starting to get bummed out. I wanted to see the big "Jeff Archuleta looks crestfallen because of the crashing of his gravy train" camera shot tomorrow night! Instead, I'm probably going to wind up seeing Young David on Celebrity Rehab on Vh1 Lost Dignity in 2011 or so.

8:44 p.m. Wait, was that Kid from Kid N' Play in the So You Think You Can Dance commercial?

8:45 p.m. The boxing analogies are back. "The last round is always a fight." Dear David Cook—oh no, you're singing Collective Soul this time out?

8:45 p.m. David Archuleta is reprising "Imagine." Guessing he won't leave in the heaven line this time around.

8:46 p.m. David Cook's pick is yet another piece of rock-radio filler. Like I knew this song? But I didn't know that it was by Collective Soul (NB this could be in part because rock radio, like pretty much every other format except classic rock and classical, doesn't back-announce anymore). The judges are going to hate this, the kids aren't going to vote, and David Archuleta's going to win.

8:47 p.m. I'm not even that invested in David Cook, but I feel like tonight's show is like one of those obviously mismatched playoff games where the team you're rooting for is the underdog, and you're so pumped... until the opposing team puts up a five-run fourth.

8:48 p.m. He's crying. Will this make people embrace him? Randy loves Collective Soul. "This is the kind of record that you could make and get by with," he says. Uh, quite the ringing endorsement there.

8:49 p.m. Standing O from Paula.

8:49 p.m. "One of the nicest, most sincere contestants we've had," says Simon. But he thought it was "completely and utterly the wrong song choice," because he should have reprised one of the songs from a few weeks back.

8:50 p.m. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" asks Simon. "Well, yes and no," David says. "Why do something I've already done?" Ooh, Archu-BURN-a! But he has a point. Even though in America, David Cook, you should know that artistry never wins.

8:53 p.m. I really want to go back to this "phantom crowd noise" thing, because it is more than a little fishy. I was always wondering if the little girls really liked young David more than his other David... I mean, I'm saying this as someone who preferred Guns N' Roses to New Kids On The Block back in the day, so.

8:53 p.m. OH MY GOD SOMEONE EATS A FINGERTIP ON HELLS KITCHEN???

8:54 p.m. I seriously loathe this version of "Imagine" because he obviously has no idea what the song means, and it's made patently obvious by the fact that all he can do is show off his instrument. No lyrical interpretation, just runs, runs, runs. This is so obviously what the Clive Davis Machine hath wrought, though—Whitney and Celine and Mariah, the troika of revered singers, were just the starting point for the robo-voiced, and David is the next generation, all "virtuosity" but no art.

8:56 p.m. Will Randy say that thing about the phone book? No, but he does say that he thought all season that the final would be both Davids. Which prompts a concerned look from Simon.

8:57 p.m. Blah, blah, Paula's speechless, it was stunning. Can we just give it to the kid so we don't have to sit through Madonna tomorrow?

8:57 p.m. Simon: "We've taken a bit of stick, but this show is about finding a star... and what we have witnessed is a knockout." Yes, but David? Is not a star. He is a technical singer who's held up like a marionette by a bunch of people, who's unable to say anything but "cool" or "awesome" if he's not being fed the lines by his father or Andrew Lloyd Webber. He's even breaking down right now, you can see it. No poise, just a voice.

9:00 p.m. I do like how the producers recut "Imagine" during the ending montage to include an Archu-squeaka. Yeah, like the judges would have commented on that.

9:00 p.m. Aw, David Cook. Come over and we can do crosswords and listen to Soundgarden. I'll even give you hints on the Saturday puzzle if I know the answers.

9:01 p.m. Whoa, it's Ruben! Singing the "see ya" song! David Archuleta, turn to your left and watch closely.

9:02 p.m. Is Ruben even signed to a label at this point? Is this performance supposed to be an audition? Ruben's voice is pretty great. How did J botch his marketing so badly?

9:03 p.m. The ending montage features the Michael Johns elimination and Carly's Fateful Shirt Of Simon Love.

9:05 p.m. Well, that was anticlimactic. And we're going to have to hear "Don't Cry Out Loud" again tomorrow, too! Gah. At least I have the prospect of watching a food critic eat a human fingertip to cheer me up.

David Archuleta's pick is "Here I Am":

Ah, another one of those vaguely Christian-rock songs with a vaguely R & B edge that draws deliberate comparisons between fame and being saved by the Lord. The breathiness of the demo's singer must have really appealed to David's dad vocal coaches.

Meanwhile, David Cook's rumored pick is the song that I originally thought was sung by a Weiland clone!

Nice "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" guitars on the pre-chorus there.

A few other notable items in the Idol universe, via MJ unless otherwise noted:

• No word on Clive Davis' picks for the two Davids yet, but I'm sure they'll both be written by Professional Songwriters. Ahem.
• Neil Diamond is allegedly going to duet on "America" with little David, while in what could be an amazing mash-up trainwreck, Mariah Carey and David Cook are planning to sing "Always Be My Baby" together. Do you think she'll get mad if he steps on her lines?
• Vote for the Worst is reporting that a cappella aficionado Luke Menard has been diagnosed with cancer. The site is saying that the cancer is inoperable, but a commenter claiming inside knowledge is saying that whatever Luke has been diagnosed with is treatable. Either way, here's hoping for a speedy recovery.
• I think we all need a pick-me-up after that news, so for those of you who were missing Danny Noriega, here he is talking about how he was too TMTH for the Idol producers on the TV Guide Channel:

Ish!

Season 7 Final 2 Song Spoilers [MJ's Big Blog]
Danny Noriega - Idol Chat (Idol Tonight) 5192008 [YouTube]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

It's going to be Dead Elvis, isn't it? Sigh.

A Roundup Of Season 7 Finale Spoilers [MJ's Big Blog]
[Photo via The Advocate]

"It's a big number, and, you know, I've made some pretty grand entrances before," Hicks told The Associated Press on Thursday. "And this one is probably the grandest entrance I've had in my career."

..."If you're gonna be a great entertainer and you're gonna be a great performer, than these are the things that you have to do to season yourself in that manner," said Hicks, who views this "opportunity of a lifetime" as a way to improve his "Idol"-tested skills.

...Hicks' self-titled, post-"Idol" album, released in December 2006, has sold a respectable 702,000 copies, according to Nielsen Soundscan data. But it didn't reach the 1 million mark or register a hit song, unlike previous "Idol" winners.

This summer, Hicks intends to finish up a follow-up album — on his own terms.

"I've had the creative freedom and the time to write some of the best music that I've ever written in my whole life. ... The options are unlimited and there has been some great interest now that I'm a free agent, so to speak," he said.

Taylor, the road to success is laced with synth-horns. Trust me!

Soul patrol!

Taylor Hicks to play Teen Angel in Broadway's `Grease' [AP]
ERIC CLAPTON - Pretending (Edit)(Album Version) [YouTube]

I kind of like this song—it sounds like a vintage Paula Abdul jam that's been tweaked into a bed for Fantasia's crazy vocals. But note Simon's reaction shot around the 2:40 mark. Dude looks absolutely flummoxed—in a somewhat familiar way:

Oh, come on, Simon— I can understand making that face at Kady Malloy's Britney impersonation, but this at least brought a little bit of fun into the deadly long results show.

Fantasia performs [RedLasso]
[50 Cent image via Fluxblog]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Earlier: Last night's recap

8:00 p.m. The three remaining contestants are being introduced as a high school student, an actress, and a bartender—not a reality show winner, a failed reality show contestant, and a bartender.

8:01 p.m. This is also the order that the three contestants will sing in tonight. It's "a pivotal moment in the lives of our three finalists"! And "the closest race our show has ever seen"!

8:02 p.m. The judges are all in black, as if this is Idol's funeral. Randy is in paisley that looks like it's a star map; Paula is in glitter; Simon is in a crewneck.