Idolator: bret michaels

Bret Michaels And Rikki Rockett Think Joe Elliott Is A Lip-Syncing Jerk

Maura Johnston — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Last month, Joe Elliott told an Irish newspaper that he thought his former Headbanger's Ball cohorts Poison, Winger, and Warrant were "shite bands," and that he was too busy chasing after the latest tunes by the Stereophonics to even think about touring with them. Well, Poison members Rikki Rockett and Bret Michaels were not happy to hear that news, especially since they've been doubting the veracity of his band's live performances as of late. And Rockett wasn't afraid to say something about that on his blog!

I was talkin' with some friends last night and we were shaking our heads wondering when Joe became a rock historian. Well, Joe, when did ya? Do you think saying bad things about another band makes people like your band more? Oh, no. Can't be it. Let me guess, "You were JUST being honest." Look, I have always enjoyed Def Leppard. But, as of late that pre-programmed, Mutt Lang live record you guys are doing out there on tour is anything but "substance". JUST being honest.

Joe! I'd be hurt if this were coming from John Lennon. Listen up, you are not quite that important there fella! Ya know, just like you I put my pants on one leg at a time, but when I put mine on Joe, they are cooler than yours! But, does it really matter? So it takes about 1 minute and 45 seconds to put on eyeliner. I suppose during that same time you were writing the next "Imagine". In the words of the great Aerosmith, "Get a grip!" Oh, and by the way, just to add to your royal information pool of rock history, Sir Joe, in the 70's it was "Glitter Rock", in the 80's it was Glam Rock.

"Pre-programmed, Mutt Lang live record you guys are doing out there on tour"—those are (misspelled) fighting words! (Albeit probably true ones, since I doubt Elliott and his cronies can hit those multi-octave harmonies the extra octave every night.) Meanwhile, Bret Michaels responded to Elliott's allegations by slamming his lip-syncing on Dancing With The Stars and, perhaps more damningly, not saying that this fight was "turning him on a little bit":

Clearly, there's only one way that this will be solved: A Rock Of Love-off where the women have to choose between members of Def Leppard and members of Poison. (Oh, you know it's inevitable. Just give Vh1 a season or two.)

Joe Elliott (Def Leppard) Slams Poison! [Rikki Rockett's MySpace Blog via Sleaze Roxx]
Michaels (Poison) answers to Elliott's comment (Def Leppard) [YouTube]
Earlier: Def Leppard Will Not Be Tackling "Seventeen" On Its Next All-Covers Album

Bret Michaels Brings The Realness To Miley Cyrus Fans

Anthony Miccio — Mon, 19 May 2008 12:45:00 EDT

It's the age-old pop star dilemma: the more famous you get, the younger your fans get—to the point where eventually, you may find yourself legally unable to put your penis in them. How does an unwitting rock and roll Barney deal with this awkward situation? If you're Bret Michaels, you tell yourself that girls young enough to be your illegitimate daughter have been brought to your concerts by your "realness," rather than the fact that you remind them of their negligent father if he wore guyliner. You stick to your guns, play the music you want to play, incorporate more western iconography into your poodle rock and almost two decades later, people watching your Vh1 reality dating show will see what a totally credible bad-ass you are. And so will the New York Times' Sunday Styles section.

"You walk off the stage, and you've got 13-, 14-, 15-year-old girls and guys running up, and it isn't because they bought my first record," Mr. Michaels said, his eager eyes hooded by his trademark "guyliner" eye-shadow. True, the Disney demographic hardly seems compatible with his dating show, a PG-13 universe of melon-breasted bottle blondes, attempting to win his affections in dignity-free competitions like stroller derby and mud-bowl football.

But Mr. Michaels is thrilled to see his message get out to the 14-year-old daughters of Poison's original 14-year-old fans. It is a form of vindication. Mr. Michaels believes that it is his resistance to chasing musical trends over the years that has made him hot again.

"It's not like every other day there is some stylist saying, 'You have to become this,' " he said, a rhinestone-encrusted skull-and-bones belt buckle dangling over his crotch. He added, "I think the reason you see all these young fans is, they see the realness."

Members of his backing band said they have started catering to Mr. Michaels's swelling teeny-bopper fan base.

"I put a 'Hannah Montana' sticker on the back of my bass," Ray Scheuring, the bass player, said. "We are Hannah Montana now."

No, Bret was Hannah Montana then.

A Poisonous Love Affair [NYT]
Poison - Talk Dirty To Me [YouTube]

Bret Michaels' Version Of "Cum On Feel Tha Noize" Is Out Of Time (But It Makes Some Money Anyway)

Maura Johnston — Fri, 02 May 2008 08:55:00 EDT

Last night, Bret Michaels continued his run of TV exposure with an appearance on Don't Forget The Lyrics, a show that, I admit, I would probably completely suck on because I am the queen of making syllables up to fit the words of certain songs. He gave up after being tripped up by the pre-chorus to Slade's "Cum On Feel Tha Noize," a song which he claims he can get right when he's in his car. But can he get the melody right? Because there was a run of pretty rough notes there at the beginning. Cleanse your ears with Kevin DuBrow's interpretation of the track, which is after the jump.

Quiet Riot - Cum On Feel Tha Noize [YouTube]
Bret Michaels On Don't Forget The Lyrics Part 2 [RedLasso]

DUI Daddy Richie Sambora To Do Rock Of Love?

Anthony Miccio — Thu, 01 May 2008 09:30:00 EDT

Richie Sambora should be visiting Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab, but it looks like he'll be hitting up a dozen floozies for the love and support that Heather Locklear and Denise Richards couldn't provide instead. Yes, that's right: The Bon Jovi guitarist will allegedly replace Bret Michaels for season three of Rock Of Love. The bandanna-wearing Poison frontman claims that he's really found love with season two winner Ambre Lake, which means that his schedule is clear for him to turn his attentions to Look What The Cat Dragged In, a sitcom on MyNetwork TV about a party-hearty rocker who moves in with his uptight lawyer brother in Beverly Hills, played by Alan Ruck. Well, at least I'm hoping that happens.

Bon Jovi guitarist Sambora 48, has been single since his April 2007 divorce from actress Heather Locklear and a short-lived romance with Locklear's former pal Denise Richards ended last year.

And TV bosses want to help him find love. A source tells OK! magazine, "He's perfect for TV. If you thought Bret (Michaels) was must see TV, you ain't seen anything yet. Richie is going to be a train wreck looking for love."

Sounds pretty tentative, but now that Sambora successfully plea-bargained that whole "driving drunk with his daughter in the back seat" nuisance away, he's free to let VH1's comely lunatics work his talkbox.

Sambora To Replace Michaels on 'Rock of Love'? [SF Gate via Sleaze Roxx]
[Photo: AP]

Bret Michaels is releasing his autobiography ...

Maura Johnston — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:45:40 EST

Bret Michaels is releasing his autobiography this fall, and as MetalSucks notes, it will be sure to not be as interesting as either The Dirt or anything Poison guitarist C.C. DeVille would commit to paper. But maybe the bandana'd lead singer will be thoughtful enough to provide a glossary of terms that lets the world know the definition of an "unskinny bop" and what the true spelling of "diabeetus" is? [MetalSucks]

"Don't Forget The Lyrics" Brings In Ringers

Maura Johnston — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 09:30:04 EST

I noted during last night's Idol eliminations that the harmonizers of Boyz II Men would be on Don't Forget The Lyrics, the song-remembering game show that sends its viewers rushing to Google during its commercial breaks. While searching for clips from the show, I came across the news that other "celebrities" would be on the show in future weeks, including Poison's Bret Michaels, REO Speedwagon's Kevin Cronin, and former Idol contestant Kimberley Locke. It's like going to a state fair from the comfort of your own couch, and with a much messier process for procuring a fried Oreo! [TVCrunch]

Today's "Jesus (And/Or C.C. DeVille) Wept" Photo Of The Day

jharv — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 18:00:26 EST

I can't decide if this is heightening my egg nog-fueled good mood or hindering it. Hinder. Geddit? Goddamn you, VH1.

HT: Nicolars

VH1's "Rock Of Love 2" Lothario: Guess Freakin' Who It Is

mjohnston — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 14:30:41 EDT

Yes, Bret Michaels will be coming back for a second season of ladies fighting for his love, or at least 15 minutes worth of his undivided attention from time to time. And here we all thought it would be Tommy Lee. Guess that the idea of true romance goes out the window when your tour grosses suck, eh?

Yep, It's Bret! [VH1 Blog]
Earlier: Another Musician Prepares To Shed Clothing, Decency For VH1

Bret Michaels will be taking a break from ...

jharv — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 13:30:00 EDT

Bret Michaels will be taking a break from affronting reality TV viewers and old Poison fans to affront Guitar Hero players in the game's third installment, where he'll be wanking out a version of "Talk Dirty To Me." Wait, Michaels and not C.C.? My god this unconscionable ass is an attention whore. [Blabbermouth}

Alert! Last night's Rock Of Love contained ...

mjohnston — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:18:17 EDT

Alert! Last night's Rock Of Love contained actual musical content; Bret took three of the lucky ladies, including the one with "clown tits," to a session at the Jim Henson studios with Don Was. One of the women sang, another semi-orgasmically moaned, and circus-boobs rubbed her butt against Bret's groin. Also, at show's end, Bret dressed up like an extra from a Chick-Fil-A ad. [VH1 Blog]

"Rock Of Love" Pits Groupies Aganist Rockers

Dick Malone — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 12:00:08 EDT

Rock of Love, VH1's latest attempt to create an emotional equivalent to the Faces of Death series, consists of once and future Poison lead singer Bret Michaels and the women competing for his affections. It's the rock remix of and follow-up to Flavor of Love, on which Public Enemy's Flavor Flav tried to find someone to marry, sorta. But the genre switch has also changed something about the ladies participating (well, in addition to the racial inversion): this time, there are groupies, and there are rockers.

Which are which? Well, go to the Web site and look at the pictures; the ones where you can see more tattoos or tongue are rockers. This didn't seem to be the case with Flavor of Love, where none of the contestants claimed to be, say, a big fan of Nas. But in the rock version, quite a few of the participants are at least presenting themselves as true music fans who just happen to have gigantic bazoombas. This seems to mark a significant change from the hair-metal glory days, when acts like Poison were dismissed for being "bands that girls like," the only female musician seemed to be Lita Ford, and the only role female fans played in the iconography were as groupies. Of course, this was a distorted picture, as there were lots of female metal fans who were just as dedicated and knowledgeable as any male fan. (At least two of my friends fell into this category.) But of the many, many women who showed up in metal videos and were mentioned in interviews by metal bands, almost none qualified as pure fans.

Of course, you can understand why band members might have been more interested in the groupie side of the equation. But today, women seem to have achieved something like parity in hard rock. Bands such as Kittie make albums noisier and more intense than anything released in the '80s, ladies who can hold forth on what rocks and what doesn't with some authority are welcomed members of the community, and now you've got essentially a groupielympics with a sizable contingent of girls who are at least trying to appeal on the basis of their being like Bret Michaels, rather than different from and dumber than him.

Still, is this really a difference, or just a stylistic shift? And what does it mean for the younger genre of hip-hop, given the absence of fangirls on Flavor of Love—will girls who can quote Lil' Wayne one day be competing for the heart of Lloyd Banks? Also, how funny is it that Bret Michaels doesn't even seem to be making any pretensions of finding someone to actually marry? They might as well call it Rock of Love: The Quest To Touch Bret Michaels' Herpetic Male Member.

Rock of Love [VH1]

"Rock Of Love": Do You Care?

mjohnston — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 16:40:36 EDT

An e-mail from a reader today, subject line "bret michaels horrible/wonderful reality show": "Have you seen it? As per VH1 policy, they're rerunning it six times a day. It's just ghastly, but you truly cannot turn away. From Michaels' pathetic, forced enthusiasm to his bizarre wigs to the varying levels of desperation in each contestant, well, this thing is quite special." I haven't seen all of the first episode, in fact—I caught the first two segments when it streamed online last week, and we did break the news that Bret was the "'90s rock star" the ladies would be competing for—but it's waiting on the TiVo, almost begging me to write about it. Should I heed its call? I'm still a little indie-logged from the Pitchfork festival, so clearly this calls for an Idolator focus group. Check out the pros and cons, as well as a handy poll, after the jump.

Okay. First, the pros:

The show may actually have music-related content, and when do you see that on VH1 anymore? The theme song is a Bret original. There's a woman in the house who, upon seeing a drum kit, made a beeline for it and started playing. Surely the guys in Warrant would jump at the chance to visit a house full of ladies and be on camera at the same time.

Bret Michaels doesn't seem like that bad a guy. Yeah, he's a rock star and by extension kind of gross, but it's not like he's as disgusting as Vince Neil. (By the way, how did he not get asked for this first? "He's married" isn't even an excuse.) And there's even a promo during which he talks about his diabetes, which I'm sure will be amazing fodder for tipsy-lady chitchat.

I'll probably be sucked into it anyway. The season pass has already been thrown onto the TiVo, although I'd likely watch more of the show—particularly the stripper-pole scenes—on fast-forward were I not engaging with the show in some sort of "professional" capacity.

And the con—there's only one, but it's a doozy:

I feel pretty bad enough about humanity as it is. Also, what happens if I see someone I knew in high school on there? I'd have to take a long, hot lye shower, and those are never fun.

Anyway, I'm throwing it open to you, readers. If the numbers call for it, I'll watch it tonight and write it up, thus attracting all the Google News stragglers:

Rock Of Love [VH1]

The first episode of Rock Of Love, VH1's ...

mjohnston — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 17:23:23 EDT

The first episode of Rock Of Love, VH1's "ladies love Bret Michaels" tramp-a-thon, is now streaming online. Five-minutes-in impression: It's going to be real hard not to root for the one whose favorite song is "Every Thorn Has Its Rose." [VH1]

Meet The Classy Ladies Who Will Be Competing For Bret Michaels' Affection This Summer

mjohnston — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 15:46:09 EDT

From the VH1 Blog, here's the first look at the roster for Rock Of Love, this summer's attempt to "metal up" the Flavor Of Love formula by having the contestants vie for Poison lead singer Bret Michaels' romantic attentions. (In case you're having trouble picking him out of the lineup, Michaels is the one wearing pants.)

Rock of Love: First Look [VH1 Blog]

Is VH1's Rock Lothario Lying About His Age?

mjohnston — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:28:32 EST

Yesterday, we posted the casting call for VH1's latest bimbos-on-parade show, which advertised the chance to get down and dirty with "one of the '90s HOTTEST ROCKERS." But we've received multiple tips that the frontman in question is actually Bret Michaels of Poison—a band that is not only forever entwined with the '80s, but whose '90s studio output is equivalent to that of Guns N' Roses. Congratulations, VH1—if this is true, you're even more shameless than we thought you were. We can't wait until it's revealed that the show is actually called I Want Action.

~~Poison - Unskinny Bop~~ [MP3, link removed]
Earlier: Mystery '90s Frontman Gets Ready To Shed Clothing, Decency For VH1