* Syesha Mercado – 1987’s “If I Were Your Woman” by Stephanie Mills
* David Cook – 1983’s “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson
* Carly Smithson – 1983’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler
* Chikezie – 1985’s “If Only For One Night” by Luther Vandross
* Brooke White – 1983’s “Every Breath You Take” by The Police
* Jason Castro – 1987’s “Fragile” by Sting
* Ramiele Malubay – 1987’s “Alone” by Heart
* Michael Johns – 1978’s “We Are the Champions” by Queen
* Kristy Lee Cook – 1984’s “God Bless the USA” by Lee Greenwood
* David Archuleta – 1990’s “You’re the Voice” by David Foster with Jeff Pescetto

Your Boy’s best guess is that the issue of Blender under consideration this week was about to be sent to the printer when it was announced that Joe Levy was going to leave his post as Rolling Stone’s executive editor for Blender’s editor-in-chief job.

YB’s analysis of the dual legacies of Levy and departing Blender EIC Craig Marks was written the next day, so he did not see this interview with Levy in Adweek until it was too late. Therein, he says that you can expect Blender to be more respectful of artists than it has been previously.

This is not, frankly, good news. It’s not unreasonable to suggest that Blender would often rather musical acts prance and caper monkey-style in their pages for the amusement of their readers than be treated as humans with, y’know, dignity. But it was the readers to which Blender answered, whereas “respect for artists” is really code for Rolling Stone’s frequently cozy relationship with major labels and owner Jann Wenner’s pals. You’d think that Levy might want to be freed of such considerations, but the above does not augur well how Blender is to be distinguished from RS going forward. We’ll see…

The March 2008 edition of Blender stands as the final issue helmed by Marks. The former Spin editor and former muckety-muck of the before-its-time Inside.com launched the mag in 2001 as the savvy consigliere to Andy Pemberton, an Englishman who was not particularly attuned to American culture. After Pemberton was fired in 2004, Marks took the EIC seat. (A commenter in the above-linked Levy/Marks analysis speculated that Marks would make a move towards TV or new media projects, which would make sense, given his involvement with Inside.)

He goes out with a bang with his final issue, despite the fact that it’s possible that RS put together a competing cover piece very quickly for its Feb. 21 issue in order to specifically fuck with Blender’s newsstand sales. YB may be hunting for poltergeists here, seeing as Britney Spears-related content has recently been estimated to generate $120 million for the American economy every year. But Mr. Wenner is known to play hardball when his aides-de-camp dare defect to a competitor.

Both magazines bear the image of Ms. Spears, a woman who is pretty much the embodiment of Blender’s raison d’etre and known to have a mutually advantageous relationship with RS when her career was functional. On Blender’s cover, her face is Photoshopped onto a model’s body, a crushed Red Bull can and a Mouseketeer cap full of cig butts visible below. RS’s cover features a heartbreaking close-up of her face, cropped from an old file photo.

YB should disclose his agenda: He does not visit TMZ.com and perezhilton.com and is otherwise not compelled to cogitate on the daily-unfolding events of Ms. Spears’ life. He does pretty much like every song he’s ever heard released under her name–and he loves more than a few–and is reasonably confident that, if said life had taken another path, she could have easily been one of many southern girls who drops her flimsy garment on a nearby chair then proceeds to gyrate and bend over in front of YB’s face for $20 a dance. YB will leave the psychological spelunking to the authors of the articles discussed below, and wish Ms. Spears well.

Blender’s cover story on Ms. Spears, “The Road to Ruin,” is very very good. Apparently, the mag had tried to do a conventional Spears piece late last fall, but given the events of the past two months, that wasn’t to be. Instead, contributing writer Michael Joseph Gross pens an engrossing, deeply reported story that attempts to determine why Ms. Spears’s life has immolated, compared to innumerable reports that settle for the “what” of said immolation.

Gross diligently recounts the events that have transfixed people other than YB, but he goes into great detail regarding the paparazzi that hound Spears. These “paps” (call ‘em “mopes” or “thugs” if you like) are also something like her friends and confidants, often paying for her gas and fast food when she’s indisposed. While Adnan Ghalib is now well known as the “pap” who has bedded Spears, Gross also goes into the shady history of Ghalib’s rival, Sam Lutfi, the latest in a series of Hollywood hustlers/quasi-suitcase pimps who has appeared to be running her life and who has two restraining orders against him.

One of the “experts” swanning in to expound on the meaning of it all is Michael Hirschorn, the ex-VH1 exec behind the network’s “Celebreality” programming and Marks’ former boss at Inside (which probably should have been disclosed). “She got chewed up and spat out by this new celebrity culture,” he says, “so it’s hard not to feel some sympathy for her. She really was turned into a lab rat.” Given his recent doings, Hirschorn might have mentioned something regarding his own culpability in the “new celebrity culture.”

RS’s piece, “The Tragedy of Britney Spears,” is written by Vanessa Grigoriadis, who last fall penned a chin-stroker as to the greater meaning of the enterprise of which Idolator.com is a part. Her story is thus lighter on reportorial rigor and heavier on pop psychology than Gross’. “[Spears] is not book smart,” Grigoriadis writes. “But she is intelligent enough to understand what the world wanted of her: that she was created as a virgin to be deflowered before us for our amusement and titillation. She is not ashamed of her new persona–she wants us to know what we did to her… she is enjoying the chaos she’s creating.”

An editor’s note states that Grigoriadis spent six weeks running after Ms. Spears around L.A., so it could be that her article was conceived independent of Levy’s egress. She also is granted a brief interview with Ghalib and interacts with many of the shifty hustlers who buzzard about Spears. Due to RS’s later deadline, Grigoriadis covers Spears’ two hospitalizations, the power struggle between Lufti and Adnan’s over access to her, and her family’s attempt to wrest control from the above two. Said deadline did not permit Spears’ recently concluded two-week stint in UCLA Medical Center’s psych ward and probably some other shit that happened while YB was writing this goddamn sentence.

Here are three factoids intended as exclusive info but present in both articles:

1. Spears had breast augmentation when she was seventeen.

2. Kevin Federline is known amongst his bros as “Meat Pole” (Gross reports that Federline called his brother after his first night with his bride-to-be, remarking “you’re not going to believe whose back I broke”).

3. Paris Hilton refers to Spears as “The Animal.”

Ultimately, YB has to call the Battle of the Competing Definitive Britney Narratives a draw. He also wonders how many sources talked to both writers after promising “exclusivity” to each.

Otherwise, YB’ll make some quick comments on the March Blender, since he thought he’d be assessing only that mag before the Feb. 21 RS showed up on the newsstand.

• Robert Smith, photographed for an “In the Studio” front-of-book piece regarding The Cure’s in-progress album, looks like a portly beggar sans makeup.

• YB, no huge fan of R.E.M., is astounded that Senior Critic Jon Dolan reckons in the “Every Album Reviewed and Rated” back-catalogue feature that the band’s naked ploy for grunge bucks, 1995’s Monster, deserves five stars and is thus better than 1984’s Reckoning and 1991’s Out of Time.

• In an otherwise half-baked “the edit staff like these things” package titled “The Best List 2008,” contributor Aaron Burgess crafts a March Madness-styled tournament chart to determine “the best heavy metal drummer.” Beginning with post-NWoBHM beatsmen and extending to the current extreme metal movement (no Ian Paice and Tommy Lee, sadly), Meshuggah’s Tomas Haake prevails over Slayer’s Dave Lombardo. Burgess is allowed to use musicianly jargon therein, nominally a Blender no-no.

• Finally, Robert Christgau, the author of a recent RS review that YB noted seemed edited into tortured blandness, now appears in Blender’s masthead as Dolan’s co-Senior Critic. It seems that the Dean has already followed his onetime apprentice Levy over to Blender, possibly leaving RS’s hypothetical copyeditor with no editorial mandate along the lines of “we know this guy indignantly refuses to turn in clear, readable copy, but he’s the dean of rock criticism, so you, me and the rest of the staff have to grant him deference available to no one else.”

More interesting, perhaps, are two names that are being bandied about for Nikolai; he’s the leader of the Satanic emo band that starts all of the problems that turns Needy into an ass-kicking monster fighter. The production is looking at two legitimately emo dipshits – Pete Wentz of Fallout Boy and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte. These names horrify me, and just typing them out has awoken some kind of genocidal monster in me – I want to torch your home if you own a Fallout Boy record. I want you removed from the Earth (Ron Paul supporters are next). Here’s to hoping that the third name on the list, One Tree Hill’s Chad Michael Murray, is who they go with.

Us too! Hell, we’d probably even be cool with one of the Madden brothers. Because just in case you think I’m being too hard on Cody’s screenwriting abilities, or Pete Wentz’s acting chops, please avail yourself of some of the dialogue from the leaked script from Jennifer’s Body, and then imagine Pete saying “Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped” in a Clandestine Industries-branded hoodie-cape. Sigh.

Jennifer’s Body Is Going Authentically Emo [CHUD]
Diablo Cody’s Next Catchphrase? “Fried Bologna Is The Bomb!” [Defamer]

^* And seriously, how happy was I to read Maura’s post and see how many Idolator readers also broke out in quirk-related hives during Juno? (Not alone! Not alone!) I have deep, deep issues with this whole 21st-century “Tracy and Hepburn diluted through bong water, a half-finished BA, and back issues of Sassy” aesthetic, but I’m holding back because before I know it I’ll be dissing Arrested Development and everyone will suddenly turn on me.

Raconteurs
The Verve
Jack Johnson
Kraftwerk
Portishead^*
Death Cab for Cutie
My Morning Jacket
Love and Rockets
Justice
M.I.A.
The Breeders
Rilo Kiley
Sasha & Digweed
Café Tacuba
Fatboy Slim
Spritualized
Tegan and Sara
Madness
The National
Animal Collective
Mum
Pendulum
Sharon Jones
Stars
Battles
Aesop Rock
Midnight Juggernauts
Does It Offend You, Yeah?
Spank Rock
Minus the Bear
Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Diplo
Adam Freeland
Santogold
Vampire Weekend
Dan Deacon
Hot Chip
Cold War Kids
Stephen Malkmus
Gogol Bordello
Chromeo
Metric
Danny Tenaglia
Booka Shade
Murs
Cool Kids
Sia
Les Savy Fav
Holy Fuck
Black Kids
Black Mountain
Man Man
I’m from Barcelona
Kid Sister
The Horrors
Austin TV
Shout Out Louds
Luckyiam
Autolux
Modeselektor
The Bees
Professor Murder
Cut Copy
Busy P
VHS or Beta

Coachella 2008 Lineup Announced [The Guide/latimes.com]
Kraftweerk, Roger Waters headline Coachella [URB]
[Poster via ONTD]

^* Please please please let them be playing other Stateside shows. Please.

Death Cab for Cutie
The Breeders
Justice
Jens Lekman
Junkie XL
The Verve
UNKLE
Cold War Kids
Chromeo
Autolux
Spiritualized
Portishead
VHS or Beta
Dan Deacon
Brett Dennen
The Cinematic Orchestra
Battles
Kid Sister
Crystal Castles
Louis XIV

Also, some commenter at Brooklyn Vegan is claiming that Led Zeppelin is playing but how many times have we heard that old song and dance lately.

Coachella roster slowly takes shape (and getting misshapen) [Buzz Bands via BV]

It’s unclear how much of an impact a WGA picket line would have, but the kudocast will have to make do without the usual 10-20 actors who usually serve as presenters. Last year, for example, Quentin Tarantino, Luke Wilson, Nicolas Cage, Terrence Howard, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Rock and David Spade appeared on the show.

This year also has a substantial number of nominated musicians who have appeared in films and on TV. Chief among them are Justin Timberlake, Queen Latifah, Tim McGraw, Beyonce, Jack White, Jon Bon Jovi, T.I. and Fantasia. Among the nominees who have historically not crossed picket lines are Bruce Springsteen, the Beastie Boys, Joni Mitchell, John Mellencamp and Steve Earle.

The strike could also affect the show’s script. For this year’s 50th anniversary edition of the Grammys, the Recording Academy would like to present a show with a number of historical packages, which would require a writing staff. Producer Ken Ehrlich and journalist David Wild, who wrote a Grammys 50th anni book, have written recent editions of the show.

Well, T.I. was sort of a given as a no-show. There have still been no performers announced for the telecast aside from the Foo Fighters, although Variety’searlier report indicated that Dave Grohl would also be unlikely to cross a picket line. I’m just hoping that whatever does happen, Billy Bush will be nowhere near a Grammy-related telecast, as watching that guy smarm his way through Sunday night’s Golden Globes press conference for even two minutes was absolutely nauseating.

Grammys strike chord with WGA [Variety]
Earlier: Will The Writer’s Strike Drain The Grammys’ Talent Pool?
[Photo: AP]

No wonder the news segments on TRL have been trotting out every so-called expert willing to opine about Britney’s problems over the past few days; between the lost custody, the driver’s license, and the other various and sundry rumors, having a Britney video in rotation would be quite the 360-degree coverage coup for the channel, although we’re sure the Viacom powers that be are cursing the fact that there’s no way to have searches for “britney sex video” somehow result in people being lured into actually watching those 5 a.m. music-video blocks.

MTV Adds for the Week of 10/08/07 [Video Static]

maura@idolator: so do you think the meg white sex tape is legit
unidentified_lurker: oh my god where did you see that?
unidentified_lurker: i mean i’ve seen it
maura@idolator: it was on google trends
unidentified_lurker: i’m saying who is purporting it’s legit
unidentified_lurker: it’s a message board joke
unidentified_lurker: i was thinking about forwarding it to you
unidentified_lurker: as a funny joke
unidentified_lurker: it’s great to have a video on the internet for indie rock people to jerk off and pretend it’s meg white tho

And we all know how that turned out. Anyway, The Daily Swarm plumbed the archives of the message board Hipinion and found where the clip was born–the mind of a poster named Itsmecraig:

On Monday, September 17, at 6:17 AM, a long-time member of the Hipinion forum community started a thread entitled MEG WHITE SEX TAPE with a simple link to a homemade porn video featuring a female sex partner who bore more than a passing resemblance to a certain rock and roll drummer. A brief 8-hour, 40-post debate ensued over the authenticity of its subject – with many of the same jokes that were soon to be made all over the world – before the thread slipped into the archives.

Until yesterday. You know what happened next.

What did “Itsmecraig” have to say about it after the story broke wide open? Here it is straight from the horse’s mouth:

oh shit dudes,

i found this video through random wank mining efforts and put it up here cause i figured you guys would have a laugh. it had nothing to do with meg white when i found it.

And look what happened. People, this is what happens when you believe what you read on the Internet–unless, of course, it’s from friends who you are drunkenly instant-messaging with late at night and who are on their shit, as my lurky, unidentified friend who gave me a scoop that I am kicking myself for not following up on is.

(Also, I seriously should have Googled the filename of the clip as a way to figure out just where the hell it came from. Let this be a lesson to us all.)

Back to the source: ‘Itsmecraig’ started the Meg White sex tape scandal [The Daily Swarm]

There are two reasons for this. First off, any band that has to put out a press release letting people know that one of its members is, in fact, recovering with Lindsay Lohan is probably doing so out of desperation to actually get noticed, or at least pop up in Google News searches about the troubled starlet. (Not that the Aug. 25 release has helped all that much; so far, the band’s MySpace profile has only been viewed about 6,300 times.)

Second, the band is–and this may not surprise you much!–absolutely wretched. Imagine a world in which the evolution of music stopped after Orgy dropped its cover of “Blue Monday,” but somehow allowed Hinder to exist in some weird space-time warp, and you might get a vague idea of the craptasticness that is Dead Stays Alive. (They should not be confused with these guys in any way.) Listening to their blend of middle-of-the-road rock, lazy electro beats, and yarling made me reflect on the skilled musicianship and catchy songs that are sprinkled throughout Nickelback’s catalog.

Either way, this whole kerfuffle will probably get the guys some sort of record deal, perhaps even with the long-dormant Casablanca Records. After all, the music business is, as an old boss of mine would never hesitate to tell me, “all about relationships,” and what sort of relationship could be stronger than two people becoming friends in rehab, and one of them subsequently whoring that friendship out to the press for cheap publicity purposes?

Dead Stays Alive [MySpace]