Here are the nine steps to becoming a "Scene Kid." These are from a wiki, so part of me hopes this is all a joke. One big joke on us all.

1. Become active on Myspace, Stickam, Buzznet and other social networking sites. Post a tons of pictures of yourself and the shows you've been to. These should all be at strange angles [usually from above and a little to the side].

2. Get Scene Hair. Scene hair is usually black or bleached blonde and sometimes has random neon streaks such as pink or green in it, but this is not a must. Its usually very big and puffy at the top, the size of this depending on the length of your layers.

3. Wear eyeliner. Black eyeliner is a must for all scene kids, especially the girls. I would suggest to start out with the pencil eyeliner, as it is easier to apply and doesn't get as messy if you make a mistake. Once you get better at applying this, you can gradually start using liquid liner.

4. Wear skinny jeans or straight leg jeans. While the tighter the better, find a decent fit for you, because no one will talk to you if you look like a fashion victim.

5. Stock up on band shirts and graphic shirts. If you've done your music research, load up on classic band t-shirts (i.e. Enter Shikari). Get the tightest fitting t-shirt, within reason. Scene kids should listen to "Conway Twitty", "Jimmy Buffet", "Harry Chapin" and "Brook Benton".

6. Get classic shoes. Start with Vans Classics, or some Converse, then branch out to any style of Vans you want.

7. Accessorize. If you're a girl, invest in necklaces that have spiders, broken hearts, owls, Hellokitty, keys, cobwebs, skulls, and the like. If you're a guy, keep your keys dangling on the side with a carabiner attached to a belt loop.

8. Take up the scene writing style. Add extra letters to many of your words. For example: "rawwr" "kiiid" "kayyy" "baaby". Spelling your name in odd ways is popular as well, as is giving yourself a second name in addition to your first. Use scene lingo like "rad", "Ace", "stellar" and "niggz."

9. Go to shows. Shows are important, and all scene kids know everything about their music. If you know some local bands, be their friends, and brag about it. Girls should mosh at shows. People hate scene girls that don't mosh

Oooh boy. This is what Enter Shikari sounds like, btw.

Yeah, that's not emo.

Inside the clash of teen subcultures [Syndey Morning Herald]
How To Be A Scene Kid [WikiHow]
Enter Shikari 'Sorry Youre Not A Winner' video [YouTube]

I was thinking about the best band in the world the other night. They're these young kids from St Albans just north of London and they are quite simply the best band in the world today. (By a fucking mile; and the last time I was wrong was when I gave Harvest a bad review in my university newspaper, which I regretted two weeks later and have agonised over ever since). I have not got an art judgement wrong since so you can believe me. I saw Enter Shikari live last October, before I got ill with cancer, and the sight of these boys on stage with 200 fifteen year old kids with glow-sticks and glow rings going fucking berserk was the most exciting thing I've seen since the early Sex Pistols gigs back in '76/7.

And as with any band who capture a new generational spirit, God has given them the gift of melody. I never understand how that comes about, but that's a different essay. This is about the return of the object, the creation of something that gives you your little bit of the group, "to have and to hold, from this day forth."

Someone in the UK has released a single on a USB and I was thinking about it. OK so you'll put a nice graphic on the USB, but can you go further?

I texted Ian, Enter Shikari' s manager, and suggested a release of the album on USB, but having the USB as a glow stick. I'd buy that for a dollar. I felt pleased with the idea and Ian said he's going to look into it.

Yes, that's right: Glow-stick USB drives. Whether or not they suffer the same fate as the Factory Egg Timer remains to be seen—perhaps if the glow sticks take off, Wilson can figure out a way to slap a USB drive on Linder Sterling's design and parlay that into some sort of licensing deal with The Cycles Page?

"Oh Lord, Leave Me Record Shops" By Tony Wilson [The Tripwire; HT Philebrity]
Earlier: The Joy Division Sneaker: For When You Want To Walk Away...In Silence