The Andrew WK-hosted Destroy Build Destroy debuts a week from tomorrow on the Cartoon Network, and in case you were wondering just what the title meant, here’s the show’s official description: “With host, Andrew W.K., two teams take turns destroying each other’s materials, then putting them back together, then destroying them again. Oh, and things blow up.” And the above trailer would seem to bear that out! Although I kept getting distracted by the stuff being destroyed by the commercial’s background music, which sounded like a certain song about desire-born Catholic guilt that appeared on one of my favorite albums of high school:





Seriously, that “cha cha cha chunk” riff underneath the scenes of Andrew WK-presided mass destruction is exactly the same as the one on the verses! Maybethis guy got a side job doing music for Cartoon Network ads. Either way, thanks, Andrew WK, for inadvertently teaching me that if you search “Pornograffiti” on Google, Extreme isn’t even mentioned in the first 100 links–or the “related searches” area? I thought they coined that term! What an outrage!


Andrew WK – “Destroy Build Destroy” [YouTube]
Extreme – It’s A Monster [YouTube]
Earlier: Andrew WK To Make Triumphant Return To TV

Back in my school days, Valentine’s Day was a time for exchanging cheap perforated Valentines cards and inedible Necco hearts, and punishing the unpopular kids by “forgetting” to give them anything. (I was perhaps one of those unpopular kids.) If you were really lucky you got a mixtape from a girl, and I did get a few in my day, even if they were from girl-space-friends and not girlfriends. What was disturbing was the presence of “Every Breath You Take” on said mixtapes, given it’s the kind of love song that John Wayne Gacy might write. Even Sting himself says it’s a paean to controlling someone:

I woke up in the middle of the night with that line in my head, sat down at the piano and had written it in half an hour. The tune itself is generic, an aggregate of hundreds of others, but the words are interesting. It sounds like a comforting love song. I didn’t realise at the time how sinister it is. I think I was thinking of Big Brother, surveillance and control.

It got me thinking of other so-called “love songs” that are about as uncomfortably grody as pulling a wool sweater over a hairy, Vaselined chest.

7. Extreme, “More Than Words“

If you could play this song or “Closer To Fine” on guitar in the early ’90s, you were pretty much getting to a base of some kind. Secret God Squad band Extreme ruled the mixtape roost during my high school years, but this song ain’t as innocent as it seems. Gary and Nuno have something on their minds, and words ain’t gonna cut it:

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
‘Cause I’d already know

In a nutshell: “Okay, listen, babe. I get that you love me. You’ve said it a million times. I’m, uh, gonna need something a little more now, if you know what I’m saying.” This song is the “please, baby, please” argument given every night in thousands of Pontiac Grand Ams.

6. / 5. Ringo Starr, “You’re Sixteen” / Benny Mardones, “Into The Night”

Age-appropriateness is the problem here with both Ringo Starr and Benny Mardones, though I think it could be argued that Ringo might be singing from the perspective of a high-school guy. The video doesn’t help things, as a bearded, older Ringo gads about with a Shampoo-era Carrie Fisher. Mardones’ “Into The Night” (which Maura and I both adore) is more problematic, as Mardones is told by “them” to “leave her alone,” but he keeps after the 16-year-old anyway. That kind of behavior will land you in jail, Benny.

4. Winger, “Seventeen”

I’m including this song for the sake of completeness, even though it actually makes no bones about addressing its creepiness.

3. Rod Stewart, “Love Touch”

I actually put Rod Stewart’s Legal Eagles atrocity on a tape for a lady once, and I can’t imagine what she thought. The song itself is pretty standard semi-raunchiness, but the phrase “Love Touch” is just so wrong. Especially since Rod’s is probably covered in scented suntan oil.

2. Bob Carlisle, “Butterfly Kisses”

I hate that my cynical, shriveled heart makes me look askance at a “heartfelt” song like this one, but the verse about perfume and makeup and looking like her mama and being between a girl and a woman and spreading her wings… just no. The lyrical point of view starts to sound less like a dad and more like a covetous older lover as the song goes on.

1. Dan Hill, “Sometimes When We Touch”

The coup de grace of creepy, despite some people considering it “romantic” and “sweet.”

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Making love to this hairy man-child is the last thing you’d ever want to do. First, he hides under the sheets. Then he won’t let go of you until he dies—or, at the very least, until you start crying. And the entire time he’s afraid, cowering under the covers. Thanks, but no thanks, Dan. You are the worst lay ever.

Fans of Queen who can’t stomach Freddie Mercury replacement Paul Rodgers owe it to themselves to check out “Star,” a song from Extreme’s upcoming Saudades Du Rock that has tight harmonies, searing riffs, and sneering vocals about “profit” and “fame” that sound more “Tie Your Mother Down” than “C-Lebrity.” Sure they try to rhyme “star” with “for,” but hearing them rip into the track, I want to take back every snide remark I’ve made about Gary Cherone. Though when the media player eventually hops to one of their earlier hits, I quickly change my mind. [MySpace via Metal Sucks]

Coldplay’s forthcoming Viva la Vida, or Death and All His Friends has the Guardian moaning about the curse of the bad album title, raising the spectre of the Smashing Pumpkins’ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Fiona Apple’s When The Pawn…, and Public Enemy’s Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age to make the case that Vida‘s awkward title will probably sink the album, sales-wise. (Well, at least EMI will have something else to blame for the inevitably disappointing numbers besides “softening market conditions.”) But surely we’ve all bought unfortunately titled albums in an effort to look past awkward syntax and bad puns by musicians whose output we trust? I know I have, so after the jump, I run down five owned-by-me full-lengths that I generally only refer to as “that album by those guys, you know which one I mean.” (For what it’s worth, the best-titled in my collection is Ill Ease’s All Systems A-Go-Go!, but that particular honor can change at any moment.)

5. Metrotone, The Less You Have, The More You Are. A not-little-enough bit of undergraduate pretension that may inadvertently explain why I kept running into this album in used bins all over the place.

4. Sukpatch, Haulin’ Grass And Smokin’ Ass. Lovely album, pity about the name. Also, how has Snoop Dogg not repurposed this title for his own purposes yet?

3. Robbie Williams, The Ego Has Landed. The self-deprecation might have worked a little better if a) the title was half as witty as that bestowed upon Butch Walker’s Left Of Self-Centered; b) Ego hadn’t actually crash-landed on American shores.

2. Extreme, Extreme III Sides To Every Story. It’s always the albums with the roman numeral for “three” in the title that trip up Gary Cherone, isn’t it?

1. Electric Boys, Funk-O-Metal Carpet Ride. Try saying that album title with a straight face. I can’t and I’ve owned the album for nineteen years. That said, any excuse to post “All Lips ‘N Hips” is OK by me.

The perils of the pretentious album title [Guardian]

Looks like Who cover bands aren’t the only thing Gary Cherone has going on after all. Extreme is putting the finishing touches on a new album, with Nuno Bettencourt at the mixing board possibly even as I type! It will be the band’s first album since 1995′s Waiting For The Punchline, so I’m hoping they’ll name the album The Punchline if they don’t decide to go back to the whole roman numeral thing (V Alive, maybe?).

EXTREME FANS HAVE SPOKEN! And you are right! I apologize to you. Extreme have the most loyal and patient fans on the planet and you deserve an update every once in a while from the band. Is that too much to ask? OK enough with the groveling.

The record is finished except for one lead vocal and a few backgrounds. Nuno is working overtime finishing up the mixes, and believe the hype! These are the best performances of the band… ever! You’re gonna hear everything you expect from Extreme, and everything you don’t!

The release of the record will ultimately depend on the label, and what’s best for the band. We’re working on an American run for mid/late summer. Europe, Japan, and the rest of the world to follow!

Until the next time, yeah I know, what was so hard about that?

Your humble and lovable shoe shine boy,

-Gary

That “shoe shine boy” line actually makes me feel a little bad for mocking Whiz Kid. All he wants to do is entertain the good people! Who am I to make fun?

EXTREME FANS HAVE SPOKEN! [MySpace via Sleaze Roxx]

When Idolator last posted the word “Cherone,” there were rumors that singer Gary and Extreme compatriot Nuno Bettencourt were writing together. Six months on and Nuno’s doing indie movie soundtracks while Gary… well, Gary’s playing shows in Massachusetts with the band Slip Kid, which “is not just another WHO tribute/cover band, nor does it try to impersonate them. Rather It is a truly inspired celebration of the music and live performance of THE WHO, that captures the raw emotional energy of the band.” It could be argued that Cherone was part of a “a truly inspired celebration of the music and live performance of VAN HALEN” ten years ago, but this still feels a little sad.

The brain child of the brothers Cherone,
with Markus on guitar and Gary singing lead,
SLIP KID was born from a common bond that has influenced
them from the very beginning and continues to inspire today.
The band consists of veterans of the Boston music scene with
Gary’s former bandmate, singer, songwriter Paul Mangone on bass,
and the manic antics of Moon handled by Dana Spellman on drums.
Rounding out the sound on keyboards and programming Jeff Calder.

Whether your a casual or hard-core fan,
you will hear everything from the early eclectic pop
to the familiar anthems of a g-g-g-generation,
with a few odds and sods in-between.

SLIP KID
meet the new boss.

Last September the played a high school’s Talentfest 2007. Next week, they’ll play Arlington, Mass. Stop the world, I want to get off.

Slip Kid [MySpace]
EXTREME Singer’s THE WHO Tribute Band: Concert Footage Available [Blabbermouth]
Slipkid – My Generation [YouTube]

A bunch of blogs are trying to give away copies of the soundtrack to the indie film Smart People starring Juno‘s Ellen Page, Sideways‘ Thomas Haden Church, Sex And The City‘s Sarah Jessica Parker and Enemymine‘s Dennis Quaid. Sounds like a quirky sleeper, but what’s that on the soundtrack? Why, Nuno Bettencourt! Lots and lots of Nuno Bettencourt!

Bettencourt wrote the strummy acoustic original music to the upcoming Miramax comedy/Sundance hit, “Smart People” (which stars Ellen Page, Sarah Jessica Parker and Thomas Haden Church as a random group of friends and family that come to the aid of Dennis Quaid – a recently widowed professor dealing with the after-effects of a concussion).

The digital-only soundtrack release comes out April 11 via Miramax/Hollywood records and features, Bettencourt’s original tunes (with vocals too), newly-reformed ’90s Australian hard-rock band Baby Animals (fronted by his wife Suze DeMarchi), and former Extreme bassist Paul Mangone.

A reunited Baby Animals! And we all Nuno know can bring the strummy acoustic goodness.

Woo!

More Than Just Words: Ex-Extreme Guitarist Nuno Bettencourt Scores ‘Smart People’ Soundtrack [The Playlist]
Extreme – Holehearted [Youtube]

The easiest go-to joke after yesterday’s long-delayed Van Halen reunion announcement involved the fate of Gary Cherone, who the brothers VH contracted for lead-singer duty on the floptastic Van Halen III. But according to Collider.com, Cherone has, in fact, been writing songs with none other than his ex-bandmate Nuno Bettencourt, who recently escaped the clutches of Perry Farrell’s Satellite Party:

I had an opportunity to chat with Gary and Pat from Extreme for a few minutes, and not only has Extreme written a special song to contribute to the Brad Delp tribute concert this coming weekend in Boston (Extreme is performing), but apparently Gary and Nuno Bettencourt have been writing together all year (perhaps preparing for a new Extreme album?) This would be fantastic news for longtime fans of the band. Stay tuned!

Sure, this could just be a case of both guys just trying to save face after years that didn’t go so well, but for that reason alone, I’d give an Extreme reunion a better chance of surviving into the holiday season than the Van Halen tour. (And yeah, OK, I’m probably looking forward to it more, overarching evangelical messages of some of the band’s songs–”Hole Hearted,” cough cough–aside.) Let’s just hope that Cherone forgot everything he learned in 1998 before the writing process started.

Collider attends the Hard Rock Café Boston Grand Opening [Collider, via Blabbermouth]