As promised, M.I.A. has launched her limited-edition clothing line, and the “Okley Run” store is open for business on her Web site. While the prints are pretty much as outlandish as you expect, the prices for each individual piece are a bit insane–and not in the “clashing colors that actually look better and better the more you focus on their dissonance” way, or even the Crazy Eddie way^*. A few of the looks, and their attendant price tags, after the jump.

This tank top is the most subdued item in the collection, which is why it’s “only” $65.

The answer is “seventy-five.” As in dollars.

When a bodysuit is splashed with a print that makes even a model that doesn’t exist look a little pudgy, you might think that there’s a design issue.

Are you ready for a brave new world where cultures collide in unexpected ways? And where you can pay $180 for the privilege of wearing a fruit-adorned hoodie?

The only way this hoodie could be worth the $180 asking price? Wearing it to a gathering of Sarah Palin fans and reveling in the looks they give you when you tell them you’re wearing a piece that calls itself “Islamic.”

Okley Run [miauk.com]

^* That “beeeeat the heeeat” opening sure sounds ripe for picking by M.I.A.’s sample-happy ways, no?

Ever wonder what it’s like to write a saccharine-sweet acoustic guitar pop song comparing a girl you allegedly like to the consumerist cesspool that is Times Square, then be destined never to match its success again? Well, if you’re a 13-year-old boy at the mercy of your well-meaning mother, you can now approximate this experience by shopping at Kohl’s, which now has via the Plain White T’s-inspired clothing line Urban Pipeline on its racks. Part of the same cringe-worthy campaign as the hoodie-stricken Avril line (“Inspired by the artists…worn by you”), the Plain White T’s line features only the finest in bro training wear, plus the obligatory formal t-shirt.

I’ve assembled an outfit from the Urban Pipeline section of Kohl’s Web site. Just imagine you’re a young man gearing up for the first day of 8th grade, and you’re determined to express that you’re serious about acoustic melodies.

First you put on your shirt.



It’s plain, it’s white, it’s 100% non-threatening and blandly appealing. Perfect.

Now your shorts.



Camo conveys strength. You’re a man despite your wimpy music.

You always get cold while sitting in class, so you make sure to put on your new hoodie.



It says, “Hey, I want to be Pete Wentz.”

And, finally, you wouldn’t want to be ill-prepared in case of a sudden extreme sports situation, so you grab your new shades.



Rockin’.

Now you’re all set to appeal to girls, sensitive boys, and total bros who occasionally like a break from Nickleback. But what about formal dances? Dude, got you covered:

This is the signature Plain White T’s shirt in the collection. Your mom thought it was cute.

Back To School 2008 [Kohl's]
New Kohls clothing line is inspired by famous artists [Dayton Daily News]
Earlier: Avril Lavigne’s Clothing Line Just As Awkwardly Punk Rock As Its Designer

From the looks of Google Trends, it would seem that people are much more interested in Sheryl Crow’s new jeans line, Bootheel Trading Co., than they are in her music (the term “sheryl crow jeans” is No. 2 on that chart right now; meanwhile, sales of her album Detours, which came out in February, just hit the 350,000-unit mark). Which makes sense for two reasons: one, people actually need clothes more than they need Crow’s sunblasted version of lite-rock; and two, the clothes are actually not all that bad, with relatively reasonable prices (tops range from $26-$48, while the jeans’ price points are between $62 and $64) and a “green” message (all the cotton used is fair trade). I would maybe consider buying the jeans at left if Crow’s name wasn’t visible–hey, I have some standards–although I have to warn you that the tops fall far outside the realm of what makes me happy:

This T-shirt isn’t bad from a distance, but when you see it close-up, you realize that it has descriptive adjectives all over it. And that said adjectives–among them “survivor,” “musician,” “eco-activist,” and “free spirit”–are meant to describe Sheryl Crow, and not the person who paid $26 for it.

Shirts like these make anyone with boobs look much more Grimace-like than they actually are. Waistlines, people!

Christ. Vests again? No thanks.

So, the tops are pretty much a misfire. But at least there aren’t any ugly sweatpants, which means that it’s more of a success than Avril Lavigne’s line for Kohl’s!

Bootheel Trading Co. [Dillards]

This weekend, Vampire Weekend cemented their superstar status, joining the ranks of such timeless acts as 3-D, the Tragically Hip, the Bus Boys, Timbuk3, and the Hothouse Flowers as musical guests on Saturday Night Live! There’s been a lot of talk about whether these guys are really Columbia douchebags or just playing up an image of Columbia douchebags and while there’ve been some salient points about the precarious position of class and race, we… wait a minute, what the fuck is that guy wearing? Really? A scarf the size of a tent? Indoors? He looks like Stuart Little after he curls up for a nap inside a shirt sleeve.

Well, to be totally honest, this guy is smarter, better-looking, richer, more successful and more fun than I’ll ever be. So maybe this is what well-educated, skinny, popular kids wear when they’re somehow fooling the world that they deserve to be much more than our generation’s Camper Van Beethoven. But something doesn’t sit right with me. I’d ask one of my friends that go to Columbia, but if I had a ton of friends who went to Columbia, I probably wouldn’t be trying to pay my rent by writing 400-word blurbs on Hydra Head bands. I feel lost, confused,,,,,,,[sic--that's how little I care about an Oxford comma] and really old.

Seriously, do people wear this shit? Is there some uptown hipster keffiyeh community I’ve somehow missed? Is this some kind of Seinfeld-ian puffy shirt fiasco? Or is he trying to protect his neck from real vampires?!

Recently the Maori decided that Elton John should drop the staid black-suited look and get back to his flashy roots. Luckily, they had just the garment to help him get there: a handmade bird-feather cloak–the “equivalent to an Academy Award”–that they awarded to Sir Elton in honor of his “loyal continuance to return to Aotearoa to entertain.”

As of yet there are no pictures of Elton draped in this cloak, its colorful tails whipping behind him in the New Zealand wind as he stands atop his piano in four-inch platforms shooting off Roman candles into the sky while still somehow managing to bang out an extended version of “Benny and the Jets,” but we can only assume that the Maori’s gift has inspired such greatness. Here is a picture of Prince Charles receiving one, just to give you an idea of how it might look:

That cloak is wearing you, Charles!

Elton John gifted rare Maori cloak [New Zealand Herald]

So first artsy-fartsy sculptor Banks Violette siphons off some of the kult darkness of black metal, the awesomely unlistenable (if yr not a fan) subgenre that originated in Scandinavia and has since spread like a rat-borne plague to such bleak locations as the South of France and Tasmania, and now Brazilian fashion designer Alexandre Herchcovitch has gotten in touch with his inner sense of necro with some metal-derived designs. Check out a YouTube clip from a corpsed-up Herchcovitch runway show after the jump:

I’m not quite sure what’s better, the totally incogruous music or the death threats in the comments box.

No. 1 music mag Decibel, which brought these blackened frocks to our attention, seems totally stymied by this development, but c’mon: gaunt, pale boys with a penchant for make-up and striking ridiculously overwrought poses in front of any available camera? I’m just surprised it hasn’t happened before. The only thing that’s off about this is that Herchcovitch’s collection is dropping in the balmy spring season, though if those nutty church-burning, Wotan-worshipping, totally isolationist BM kids have taught us anything it’s that black metal is a state of mind.

Ravisihing Grimness [Deciblog]

To your left, the manifesto from the latest collection offered by Lyric Culture, a Los Angeles-based peddler of $90 “Rebel Rebel” t-shirts and $325 “Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)” belt buckles. Because there’s no better accessory for your midlife crisis than an overpriced trinket that uses a much wordier take on 20-year-old Nike campaign for its marketing hook.

The New Record Labels [WSJ]

We’re guessing that the fashion department at the New York Post isn’t on a lot of music promo lists; the paper’s caption underneath the above picture refers to a “graffiti-print” Stephen Sprouse dress, even though it’s clearly patterned with a jumble for punk-rock nerds. (So far, we’ve spotted the Black Flag, Public Image Limited, and Tuxedomoon (!) logos.) Two factors are making us not rip our hair out about this dress: the cut-and-paste playfulness, which is a lot more inventive than those CBGB armbands; and its 1988 street date, meaning that it probably wasn’t ripped off by an Urban Outfitters designer a week later.

Day-Glo Vu [NY Post]

A few weeks after tapping Chan Marshall for a modeling gig, Chanel head Karl Lagerfeld has landed on another muse beloved by the yupster crowd: pint-sized Brit Lily Allen.

“Nothing is set in stone but Karl believes she has come up with a look that will define 2007. It’s all about wearing really classy clothes in a different context.

“He is keen to dress her and work with her.”

The cheeky Allen–who’s bragged about her on-stage getups combining Marc Jacobs dresses and trainers–represents a shift for Chanel, which has normally looked to the silver screen for its non-supermodel faces (and no, Nicole Kidman doesn’t count, despite her Moulin Rouge role). All of this must smart for Lindsay Lohan, who was rejected by Lagerfeld for not being sophisticated enough. Our advice? Convince Asthmatic Kitty to re-release Speak, then give your face-of-Chanel campaign another go.

Lily Is Top Of The Frocks [The Sun, via No Rock And Roll Fun]
Earlier: Cat Power Lands Smokin’ New Gig