Ladies and gentlemen, the "new" Macarena.

The relaunch of the Macarena is in part an attempt to piggyback off the phenomenon of Quinceañeras, which are lavish parties thrown for 15-year-old girls of Latino descent. However, I can't exactly tell what aspect of those occasions has been incorporated into the new Macarena. The whole thing has been sexed up a bit—which, if connected to the 15th birthday thing, creeps me out to no end.

But, hey, Jon Secada's involved!

Currently, Los del Rio are in the studio with multiple Grammy Award winner Jon Secada producing the new version of Macarena. A nationwide search for the Next Macarena Girl is planned as part of a TV Special tentatively entitled "En Busca de Macarena" or "Searching for Macarena" in English. "I have had the privilege of writing hits for Gloria Estefan, Ricky Martin and myself among others," says Jon Secada, "and now I have the privilege of writing and producing for Spanish icons Los del Rio. This is my first project producing under my company 'Secada Productions,' and it feels great to know that I am working on a hit."

Secada's track, as far as I could tell, turned out to be another remix of "Macarena."

Still, the creative team behind Los Del Rio have high, high hopes (or an impossibly low view of both the Latin music scene and the Grammys).

"Los del Rio have played at the Super Bowl half-time show, done every major television show and even had president Bill Clinton dance the Macarena. Their new album celebrates 15 years of Macarena & 40 years of Los del Rio and features some really cool collaborations, but it is all a big surprise so stay tuned," adds Darius Jordi Lassus. "Los del Rio have sold millions and received several accolades, including a World Music Award, we are now focusing on the Grammy." Incidentally, Antonio & Rafael are already working on a song titled "A Por El Grammy."

A World Music Award and working with Jon Secada aren't enough? Maybe it's time to step aside, Los Del Rio, and let someone else enjoy a taste of fame.

IMC Records Proudly Announces the Signing of 'Los del Rio' to an Unprecedented Deal Between Record Label and Recording Artists [PR Newswire]

BEST NEW ARTIST — GURU'S PREDIX

(Front-runners)

Sara Bareilles

Duffy

Estelle

The Jonas Brothers

Lady Antebellum

Leona Lewis

Katy Perry



(Possibles)

Adele

Yael Naim

OneRepublic

The Ting Tings

Vampire Weekend



(Long Shots)

Marie Digby

Little Jackie

Ingrid Michaelson

Kate Nash

Justin Nozuka

Charlotte Sometimes

Thriving Ivory

BEST NEW ARTIST — DOUBLED'S PREDIX
(Front-runners)

Leona Lewis

Duffy

Estelle



(Possibles)

Jordin Sparks

OneRepublic

Sara Bareilles

Vampire Weekend



(Long Shots)

Adele

Katy Perry

Lady Antebellum

What may be saddest about both these lists: The one band who could actually be seen as anything beyond a one-hit wonder is Vampire Freaking Weekend, who at least have critical . (Jordin Sparks might also transcend this label, although the Idol connection puts her on a different level.) But really, Sara Bareilles? Katy Perry? OneRepublic? Yael "30-Second Clip Wonder" Naim, who should really be angling for that jingle award, should it come to exist? Even Leona Lewis hasn't really had a second monster single yet, although she is still selling albums at a decent clip.

Also, is there any chance that a hip-hop artist might sneak in there, a possibility that hasn't even been hinted at by any of these predictions? Surely Soulja Boy's tireless commitment to self-promotion should at least get him some sort of nod.

Grammy predix [Gold Derby]

Albums released between October 2007 and the end of September '08 can be taken into account, so while will.i.am's Songs About Girls is ineligible, the Soulja Boy full-length is ready to receive the accolades it so richly deserves.

Here's the list Martens came up with:

Gnarls Barkley, The Odd Couple

Lupe Fiasco, The Cool

Sheryl Crow, Detours
Alicia Keys, As I Am
Radiohead, In Rainbows
Mariah Carey, E=MC²
Coldplay, Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends
Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, Raising Sand

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
Al Green, Lay It Down
Erykah Badu, New Amerykah Part One (4th World War)
Beck, Modern Guilt
Portishead, Third
Rhymefest, Man in the Mirror
Lil Wayne, Tha Carter III

Martens' picks make sense in one way or another, although Rhymefest's album in particular is a pipedream (a mixtape offered free online recieving a Grammy nod?), and Nick Cave probably shouldn't go picking out a tux for Grammy night just yet, either. And even if Lil Wayne is managing to keep the business afloat alongside Coldplay this summer, Tha Carter III might be a little out there for Grammy voters. Martens isn't re-listing acts he already profiled in his Best New Artist preview, in particular Duffy, but there are a few omissions that would be hard for Grammy voters to pass up: Bruce Springsteen's Magic, or possibly even the Wal-Mart-only Eagles disc.

It's hard for me to imagine the award going to anyone but Al Green, but sadly, it wouldn't surprise me if Sheryl Crow walked away with the small gold-plated phonograph either. Or Alison Krauss, who probably has a wing of her house just for Grammys. This might be a relatively complete list, since there aren't many other award-ready albums coming out before the deadline, unless you count Death Magnetic (I don't.) Which means that next year's Grammys might shape up to be one of the more depressing Grammy Awards ceremonies in recent memory, and that's saying a lot.

Grammys midway Part 3: An early look at the albums of the year [LA Times]
Grammys midway Part 4: Is this Coldplay or Mariah Carey's year? [LA Times]

Things obviously haven't going so well for last year's winner, Amy Winehouse. But the award has turned a bit of a corner after a rough run in the '90s, with recent winners including Carrie Underwood, John Legend, and Maroon 5. Still, the winner often seems to be a little predictable once the nominees are announced (did anyone think Ledisi was going to win in February?), so take your best guess (Duffy) of who will win (Duffy) from this list (Duffy) compiled by Martens.

Leona Lewis

The Ting Tings
Katy Perry
Vampire Weekend
Estelle

Santogold

She & Him

MGMT
Lil Mama
Duffy

From that list, I think you can immediately forget about She & Him; Merge probably doesn't carry the clout to pull of a win in a major category, even if the voters are taken in by what Martens describes as "a '50s-influenced sound, evidenced by Disneyana in songs like 'Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?' " Leona Lewis is generally the sort of act that does well at the Grammys, but without Clive Davis around to work the system in her favor, her pretty girl/good singer act might not be enough. MGMT, the Ting Tings, and Vampire Weekend are unlikely to stand too much of a chance besides a token nomination between them since one "rock" act usually grabs a nod (2008 example: Paramore).

Perhaps most intriguing is Santogold. Santi White been around the business for awhile and is doing an excellent job of turning her album into this year's version of Moby's Play, which can't hurt executives who are wondering where their next revenue stream might come from. Although Santogold's record itself seems on the verge of being too edgy for the notoriously stogy Grammy-voting bloc, she might be in the right place at the right time to pick up a few votes from those who want the Grammys to look hip.

Still, Martens hits the mark perfectly when describing Duffy's chances of taking home the award.

Duffy's vintage soul should be Grammy gold, if voters don't shy away from lauding a U.K. soul star two years running. On her debut, "Rockferry,"...Also working in Duffy's favor is her early success. Nearly two months after the album was released, it's still in the top 20, which is an impressive feat for a newcomer....

She's a perfectly inoffensive choice. Like Winehouse, Duffy's retro-themed tunes recall an era more than stand on their own. There's a bit more of a vagueness to an act like She & Him, a sense of familiarity that one can't quite place, but Duffy's appealingly sweet sense of song-craft works to her advantage.

Familiarity, vagueness, inoffensive appeal? Sounds like someone should clear a place on her mantel back in Wales.

Grammys midway Part 1: Estelle, Katy Perry and an early look at 2008's notable new artists [LA Times]
Grammys midway Part 2: Duffy, Zooey, Santogold and more [LA Times]

"Sarah Vaughn, Aretha Franklin, Chaka Khan ... historical women who have performed on this very stage. When I was a little girl I dreamed of being on this stage. But I knew I needed all the right elements. Like the beat of Donna Summer, the spirit of Mahalia Jackson, the jazz of Ella, or Nancy—band, gimme some! ("jazzy" bit of "Deja Vu" plays) Lena Horne, Anita Baker, Diana Ross, Gladys, Janet, and the beautiful melodies of Whitney. The legacy they have bestowed are simply irreplaceable.

"But there is one legend who has the essence of all of these things. The glamour. The soul. The passion. The strength. The talent. Ladies and gentlemen, stand on your feet and give it up for the Queen."

Aretha at Grammys: Not Feeling The R-E-S-P-E-C-T [People]
[Photo: AP]

^* B really likes instructing people to stand up—a Destiny's Child show a few years back was marked by her telling us to "Get up for God." Perhaps she was a second-grade teacher in a previous life?

"I always secretly hoped that we could pull off something like this, but I had almost given up. This win feels really good — and it's in a whole different field than we were in before. Now I'm thinking that we might have a good chance to win again next year because Long Road Out of Eden will be eligible then. This year, only the single, "How Long," came out in time to make the nomination process. We're all very grateful to the Academy members and to our loyal fans. It's been quite a ride and it apparently isn't over just yet."

So should we just start steeling ourselves for the throwdown between the Eagles and Alicia Keys' As I Am now? I'm thinking we should; despite Ms. Keys snagging two performance spots on last night's show—thanks, Clive Davis!—her album actually won't be eligible until next year. Which means that pretty much the whole show's performance well will probably consist of Don & Co. handing off with Alicia for various duets with more dead people, and maybe a token appearance by Dave Grohl on drums as a nod to the "younger" demographic.

The 51st Grammys: Eagles Vs. Alicia Keys Vs. ? [The Set List]

1. Can't anyone around here advertise this thing? Between the chaos surrounding who was and wasn't performing, the relative lack of TV spots, the user-generated "best Grammy moments" special that was relegated to the Friday-night wasteland, and "abstract" bus ads that tried to link Dave Grohl and Paul McCartney, the Grammys' run-up seemed oddly anticlimactic—even though the National Academy Of Recording Arts and Sciences enlisted a big-bucks ad agency to get the word out about the ceremony's 50th year. Clearly the agita over whether or not Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson would be showing up threw a monkeywrench into the Grammys' show-touting plans, but a show that has a big-agency ad budget should at least have some sort of Plan B as far as getting people who aren't in the biz excited about tuning in.

2. In a time when the music industry is dying, the last thing anyone wants to see is dead people. This isn't in reference to the montage of people who have passed away over the years—which had its own problems, like a bunch of glaring omissions (hello? Stockhausen?)—but to the show's opener, which brought back Frank Sinatra from the dead for the dual purpose of giving the Grammys a showy "hook" and elevating Alicia Keys' status. And the rest of the show followed suit, becoming a sort of grotesquerie that was paying homage to the days when albums actually went gold and platinum on a regular basis.

3. A note to whoever books your show next year: There are other bands that know how to play rock and roll besides Kid Rock and the Foo Fighters. And incredibly, some of them have members that are under 35! That was one of the more startling aspects of the evening; all the "young" performers were in R & B and hip-hop—aside from Josh Groban, who manages to be both old and young simultaneously—even though rock albums like Daughtry and, God help me, Nickelback's All The Right Reasons have sold a lot more copies than Rihanna's just-brushing-a-million-sold Good Girl Gone Bad. (And let's not even get into will.i.am.) When you have John Fogerty as the torch-passee in a "history of rock" segment, something has gone horribly wrong on the demographic-calculation front.

4. Stop with the "bringing the fans into the show" contests. Both the My Grammy Moment contest and that People-sponsored sweepstakes that allowed some poor woman to serve as Spokesmodel For A Day made the show look even more desperate for people to have reasons to care about it. Not to mention that it makes the whole Olde Music Industry-glorifying aspects of the show even more insidious.

5. Tell Matthew Knowles where the sun can shine. This is going back to the whole "where were the rock performers under 35?" issue, but honestly—Solange gets stage time and you can't even bring one youngish rock nominee on stage? And people wonder why the music industry is in trouble, part XXVIII.

And a bonus track: For an anticlimactic show, that ending sure was an anticlimax. After Herbie Hancock's Album Of The Year win (still causing controversy, just in case you were wondering!), the New York CBS affiliate cut to about seven minutes of commercials—and then, all of a sudden, there were the credits, projected over a bunch of confetti falling while Cirque du Soleil members twirled around to Beatles songs. Which made me ask myself: Is David Foster Wallace getting side work with awards shows? A good closing number would have sent the broadcast out with a bang—and given the show a better parting hook than people scratching their heads over the fact that the "Rockit" guy was still alive.

Earlier: Idolator's complete Grammy coverage
[Photo: Getty]

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[Photo: AP]

7:31 p.m. The E! guy just asked Wilco how they went from "alternative" to "rock." This answer could completely revolutionize music writing as we know it.

7:32 p.m. Jeff Tweedy points out that 10 years ago, they were actually folk, thus sending a nation of rock critics to their Tumblr pages.

7:34 p.m. John Fogerty is discussing his fitness regime.

7:38 p.m. Jay-Z's closet is two stories high. He also looks very young this evening, although the tux he's wearing is very sharp.

7:40 p.m. Ludacris is freshly back from Milan! And in all-Armani! The banality is too much to bear! Almost!

7:42 p.m. Cyndi Lauper is an Amy Winehouse fan. I wonder if she's wearing Betsey Johnson? If she's not she should be.

7:44 p.m. John Legend's underwhelming red carpet showing pretty much sums up why he's not the huge megastar that the record industry so wants him to be.

7:48 p.m. Switching to the TV Guide Channel. I can't escape John Legend! He's performing with Fergie tonight!

7:49 p.m. Lisa Rinna looks completely flummoxed by Nas' shirt, which has the title of his album in huge gothic script letters. And Kelis is in a matching jacket! And now Nas is wasting his big stump speech on not sweeping racism under the rug on the freakin' TV Guide Channel.

7:50 p.m. Nas' entourage also includes a couple of white girls in matching dresses. Perhaps we'll see these on the racks at H&M tomorrow?

7:53 p.m. Coming up after the Grammy special: A hard-hitting look at celebrity breakups. Stay tuned?

7:55 p.m. Five minutes to go! A gay man with a black hat and a sinus infection is commenting on dresses and giving Joey Fatone the opportunity to make S & M references!

7:56 p.m. I had to change the channel when will.i.am talked about doing something "for America."

7:58 p.m. We're very close to being done. Here's Natalie Cole, the Best New Artist of 1975! Well at least the E! guy got her year of victory right.

7:59 p.m. It's starting!!

8:00 p.m. Frank Sinatra is reprising his Grammy explanation speech from many years ago. "It Had To Be You" is being cued up by the orchestra... and there's Alicia Keys. AND VIRTUAL FRANK SINATRA, right on her piano!! He's even reflected in the piano. Attention to detail, there.

8:01 p.m. The backdrop drops out! Someone's getting fired by the time 8:30 rolls around.

8:03 p.m. This performance would be a lot better if Sanjaya was singing backup.

8:03 p.m. Dan: "If you're going to do something like this, at least do, like, the Foo Fighters with Kurt Cobain or something."

8:03 p.m. Wow was that anticlimactic. And now Alicia Keys is walking down the runway... and welcoming everyone on behalf of the Chairman of the Board and herself.

8:04 p.m. "To appear on the Grammy Awards is to duet with history," said Alicia Keys.

8:04 p.m. "I'm going to reel off a bunch of legendary musicians' names so you associate me with them," she continued.

8:05 p.m. Carrie Underwood is dueting with freaking Stomp on "Before He Cheats"! While wearing a catsuit.

8:06 p.m. Someone pointed out that she's styled kind of like Nancy Sinatra. "Well, that's the theme tonight," said Dan. "The Sinatras! Someone's going to come out as Frank Jr. next."

8:09 p.m. Prince. Just presenting. Wait, how did Mary J's "Just Fine" squeak in under the deadline? It's not even like it's a good enough song to make exceptions for.

8:10 p.m. Prince: "Frank Sinatra looked good for 150, didn't he?" Bruce Vilanch didn't write that line.

8:12 p.m. Alicia Keys wins Best R & B performance by a woman.

8:16 p.m. 70 million people are watching NCIS. Anyone want to calculate the fraction of people who are watching this broadcast right now?

8:17 p.m. The Time is doing "Jungle Love"! The excitement is punctured a bit by the fact that the mix is really not good, dropping out and all messed-up-levels all over the place.

8:19 p.m. It's a mashup of "Jungle Love" and "Umbrella." Somewhere, the Hood Internet is going into meltdown mode.

8:21 p.m. And now we're into "Don't Stop The Music," and Rihanna is wearing one of Christian Siriano's creations from his Bryant Park show. That was fast!

8:22 p.m. Rihanna: Not so energetic with the "Jungle Love" dance moves there.

8:23 p.m. Tom Hanks is paying tribute to lifetime achievement award winners The Band. Does this mean that Panic At The Disco's cover of "The Weight" is up next?

8:25 p.m. The Beatles changed the history of our planet. And tonight, we honor them by forcing Ringo Starr and Yoko Ono to sit in the same row and making everyone sit through "re-imaginations" of the band's catalog. Can't we just get treated to some footage from A Hard Day's Night?

8:26 p.m. Cirque de Soleil: Redefining the phrase "You Had To Be There" for how many years now?

8:28 p.m. Is it shirking my live-blogging duties if I just close my eyes until the dancing stops? Please say no.

8:29 p.m. The car blew up—the second automobile to get demolished tonight! Is this all some sort of environmental analogy?

8:30 p.m. The aeralist's flopping all over the stage is making me really nervous in an Owen Hart kind of way.

8:30 p.m. The kid who's wearing pants from Urban Outfitters is singing "Let It Be" a capella.

8:31 p.m. And as everyone expected, the song is now being sung by a full-on choir! So when do we all get to go to Beatles church, anyway? If U2 is doing it there has to be some hip priest out there who's reimagining the Gospel as the letters of Lennon & McCartney.

8:33 p.m. That was actually pretty good. Keeping Evan Rachel Wood away from it definitely helped.

8:33 p.m. And from that, we go to... Cyndi Lauper and Miley Cyrus. God bless Cyndi's still strawng Noo Yawk accent.

8:35 p.m. Shocking no one—except maybe Cyndi, who was very happy and surprised!—Amy Winehouse wins Best New Artist.

8:36 p.m. Jason Bateman is surrounded by a plague of gnats while standing outside touting the Foo Fighters' performance in the Staples Center parking lot.

8:37 p.m. Jason's touting of the My Grammy Moment YouTube competition is almost as convincing as Michael Bluth saying "I have no problem with that."

8:37 p.m. They should have really had all the violinists in the My Grammy Moment competition audition with "Cotton Eyed Joe."

8:38 p.m. Jason Bateman just called the cello a "violin with a thyroid problem." And we only have 21 minutes to vote, which means that if this whole five-person room votes three times each, we might be able to swing the ballot.

8:44 p.m. Is it a conspiracy that there's no mention of legally downloading the album of Grammy nominees, or is it just another sign of how "in touch" the music industry is?

8:45 p.m. Kanye West is debuting his light-up glasses and his ... anarchy-symbol fade?

8:47 p.m. Hey look it's Daft Punk! Brooklyn Vegan's commenters are totally going to start crying.

8:49 p.m. Oh maybe his fade says "Mama," since he's performing "Hey Mama" right now.

8:52 p.m. Any goodwill toward the broadcast I might have just evaporated with the phrase "Three-time Grammy winner Fergie."

8:54 p.m. I'm guessing this collaboration is called "Finally." If only Ce Ce Peniston could be here instead.

8:55 p.m. The Best Soundtrack Album category has a Beatles vs. Beatles matchup! Does this mean that they'll split the vote?

8:55 p.m. No. Love wins.

8:58 p.m. Ringo mugs and talks about his son not being able to be there.

9:00 p.m OK, the Webcam ads by E*Trade need to stop ASAP because a) the trend is completely 10 years old and b) the peoples' heads are way too big in 2008-technology TVs.

9:01 p.m. Speaking of old, here's an ad with a girl going to her prom wearing Doc Martens!

9:03 p.m. Cher is wearing a dress that looks like it was a collaboration between Bob Mackie and Jessica McClintock.

9:04 p.m. A jazz remix of "Deja Vu" punctuated by the spoken-word opener from Christina Aguilera's Back To Basics? That's being lipsynced? Yeah, that's a way to introduce Tina Turner.

9:05 p.m. Not to go crazy with the Project Runway references, but why is Tina wearing an outfit made out of a few rolls of fabric from Spandex World's sale rack?

9:07 p.m. Although holy crap, "Better Be Good To Me"!? This song is kind of fire. (Also: Tina's dancing > Rihanna's dancing.)

9:09 p.m. Beyonce dedicated that "working for the man" line in "Proud Mary" to her father in her head.

9:11 p.m. It's nice to know that even after being trotted out by numerous American Idol contestants, karaoke singers, and others, "Proud Mary" is still a blazing song.

9:13 p.m. Nelly Furtado, some woman from some CBS show, and "O.G."—original Grammy host—Andy Williams come out to give Burt Bacharach some props.

9:14 p.m. It's also time to give out Song of The Year. And Amy Winehouse wins for chronicling her troubles. And Nelly Furtado is so excited to hear what she has to say! Which... yeah, I'm just wondering if they're still trying to tape her appearance.

9:20 p.m. Jason Bateman is about to bestow the My Grammy Moment prize. "By the power vested in me by whoever booked me for this gig..." His agent is very fired tomorrow.

9:21 p.m. Of course the chick with the sleeveless shirt won. Of course.

9:23 p.m. The back of the crowd needs to get a little more pepped up about this, you know? It's their moment, too, after all.

9:25 p.m. And now: It's time for the violin solo that (a few people in) America want to hear!

9:26 p.m. Dave Grohl is so freaking psyched! You'd think he just won a ... oh, wait.

9:27 p.m. Surely whoever wrote the copy about Kid Rock and "a new female friend" was trying to inspire many Scott Stapp sex tape-related jokes from the peanut gallery?

9:29 p.m. It would appear that Art Brut is T-Mobile's new Of Montreal, but I won't give them that coronation totally until they rewrite "Formed A Band" for Applebee's.

9:32 p.m. Not content with having George Lopez announce the nominees, now the Grammy powers that be are trotting him out to make "political" ethnic jokes. And he is bombing almost as badly as Sarah Silverman at the VMAs.

9:33 p.m. The glittery shirt that Brad Paisley is wearing is distracting me from this weirdly muted performance of "Ticks." I know that this show got a waiver from the WGA, but did the sound mixers strike by proxy?

9:37 p.m. The not-invisible hand of Matthew Knowles is felt as Solange shows up to present an award with Akon and Chris Brown.

9:38 p.m. Remember when Jay-Z put out Kingdom Come? Yeah, those were the days.

9:39 p.m. Kanye West wins Best Rap Album for Graduation, and a nation holds its breath in anticipation of his acceptance speech. Also: His jacket is still lighting up.

9:40 p.m. Oh no, Kanye is getting played off! But he is soldiering on ... and he forced the playing-off to stop by invoking his mother. Damn. Damn.

9:43 p.m. Aretha Franklin and the "roof-raising" gospel performance are ready ... and playing underneath a giant glowing cross. Wait, does this mean Justice is going to come out?

9:45 p.m. It's a clash of the choirs! Only the choir competing now is more like a brass band with a few ornamental ... vocalists? Lute players?

9:47 p.m. Oh no, they're none of those things—they're their own thing.

9:47 p.m. It's very funny how it's one of the filthier rappers around who's charged with introducing all of the gospel groups.

9:49 p.m. And now for the big medley-closing group sing!

9:51 p.m. That's how to get people pumped for the rest of the show: Footage of some dude in a hoodie singing opera. (And yes, I know it's Josh Groban, but c'mon, if you're gonna be in front of a camera, at least dress up a little.)

9:54 p.m. Man, will.i.am is never going to stop in his quest to make America care about him, is he? Maybe he'd be a bit more sympathetic to his attempts at a recording career if he didn't go around wearing diamond-encrusted ear molds.

9:56 p.m. Dierks Bentley and Carole King are giving Earl Scruggs a Lifetime Achievement Award... and introducing Feist. Oh, I see what they did there!

9:58 p.m. This might be the only point in the night—or in my life—when I would welcome a Kid Rock run-in.

10:00 p.m. And as requested, here's Kid Rock... but he's performing with Keely Smith instead. They are singing "That Old Black Magic." Yes. And there's Dave Koz? And... yeah, Kid, please don't take to covering "Mambo No. 5" anytime soon.

10:01 p.m. Why was David Lee Roth not considered for the Kid Rock slot???

10:03 p.m. And it's Best Rock Album time: Daughtry v. John Fogerty v. Foo Fighters v. Bruce Springsteen v. Wilco. Someone is gonna get robbed, and it's gonna be the guy who was "Alternative" a few years back!

10:04 p.m. Someone sure gave Dave Grohl the Happy Vitamins [tm] tonight. Did you see that hug he gave to Dave Koz?

10:05 p.m. Dear announcers: Please stop saying that we've all been waiting for Amy Winehouse's performance. Please.

10:08 p.m. The more I hear this Mary J. song the more the overly syllabic therapyspeak gets to me.

10:12 p.m. Stevie Wonder continues the "let's make people think Alicia Keys is a legend in the making" campaign by giving Berry Gordy a lifetime achievement award and introducing her second performance of the night.

10:13 p.m. Is that the Edge on guitar?

10:14 p.m. The AMA performance of "No One" > this.

10:15 p.m. And as if to underscore that evaluation, here is JOHN MAYER ON GUITAR.

10:16 p.m. Joe: "Every generation gets the Clapton it deserves. And John Mayer is all we're worth."

10:17 p.m. Two balding, bearded men in shades. And Ringo just egregiously used the word "Fab." Get it? Get it???

10:18 p.m. Best Country Album: The only country album worthy of an Album of the Year nod. And here's another user-generated ad, where a woman gets a chance to win the part of... a Grammy babe? Wow, talk about setting the bar low.

10:23 p.m. How are there so many commercials on this? Is time expanding to fill the space in my brain that's left from me anticipating a VMA-style clusterfuck this evening?

10:25 p.m. It's time for some CBS cross-promotion: Joe Mantegna and a last.fm ad. Well, I guess they figure they need something for the non-pop-music portion of the evening.

10:26 p.m. And now: "Rhapsody In Blue." Wouldn't this have made more sense for the orchestral competition? C'mon, United Airlines could have sponsored the contest!

10:28 p.m. I am so engrossed in my liveblogging that I just now realized that drummer extraordinare Christopher Weingarten has been beatboxing along with the song for the past 45 seconds.

10:30 p.m. So when does everyone break into "Dueling Banjos"?

10:32 p.m. Or maybe trot out Woody Allen for a little clarinet action?

10:33 p.m. Juanes is totally giving Taylor Swift the stinkeye. Or is it the "hey baby" eye? And why are they presenting Best Rap/Sung Collaboration?

10:34 p.m. "Umbrella" wins, prompting Rihanna to drag Jay-Z up to the stage and... call him Dad?

10:35 p.m. Jay is translating Rihanna's accent into Self-Aggrandizing.

10:39 p.m. The Happy Meal ad with "Cha Cha Slide" is making me think of going to Shea! (I know, I know, you're shocked.) Yay!

10:41 p.m. Cuba Gooding Jr. introduces Amy Winehouse, perhaps to serve as a reminder that winning a big award doesn't necessarily mean that your career is actually going to be successful if you don't play your cards right.

10:42 p.m. She really does rely on tics a lot for her "performance," eh.

10:43 p.m. Well, she got through one song... and here's "Rehab."

10:45 p.m. I know I've watched a lot of American Idol the past few weeks, but SImon's calling people "demonic" is echoing in my head right now.

10:46 p.m. It was a very "fuck you" performance to be sure, but eh, I'm kinda lukewarm on it. I'm the only person in the room who feels this way, I should point out.

10:49 p.m. Record of the Year time. It's a Natalie Cole-Tony Bennett lovefest! There's no way "Rehab" doesn't win this, given the timing.

10:50 p.m. "Rehab" wins. Oh man, they cut to the Amy reaction shot. She's crying; big pile on Amy; people in the London crowd chanting "Amy, Amy, Amy"; she has no idea what to say. Her speech... it started off slow, then gained momentum, and she maintained. Now that is a Grammy moment, not a dumb YouTube tie-in.

10:56 p.m. Is it lame that I realized the version of "I Wanna Rock" in this WaMu ad was a re-recording of the song, like, right away?

10:57 p.m. Ohh... it's Neil Portnow to drop some numbers. 7,578 Grammys given out over time. And now it's a pre-taped package touting the Grammy Museum, which opens this fall. Perhaps I'll be able to at least get a press pass to visiting that place.

10:58 p.m. The performance royalty for radio gets a smattering of applause.

10:59 p.m. OK, I can totally get behind music in the public schools. Signed, Recovering Orchestra Geek.

11:00 p.m. No one in the audience understands "The Next 50 Is Here" either. Which means it's time to bring out the dead people!

11:02 p.m. Man, this was a bad year for musicians. Boots Randolph and Don Ho and the guy who came up with Sesame Street Disco and Joe Zawinul?

11:03 p.m. Oh no, finishing with Pavarotti means it's time for Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli. I guess they had to keep the Oprah crowd around somehow... but are any of them even awake by now?

11:04 p.m. Also: No mention of Stockhausen during the dead people montage? Or the Hawthorne Heights guy? Hmm.

11:07 p.m. Still remaining in the broadcast: Album of the Year and the John Fogerty/Little Richard/Jerry Lee Lewis performance. If that closes the show, it'll be the ultimate tribute to the Grammys' iron grip on the pop music landscape of the present moment.

11:12 p.m. And as if to underscore the above statement, here's Bonnie Raitt!

11:13 p.m. So are there real for-hire writers writing this thing? Because between the "fab" non-pun and the awkward "fortunate son" interpolation... wow.

11:14 p.m. It looks like Kenny Aronoff borrowed Kanye West's shades.

11:14 p.m. Jerry Lee Lewis: For 73, he sounds pretty decent. And shit, I have to be sorta deferent to the man who wrote "Great Balls O' Fire."

11:17 p.m. Let's all take a moment to remember this singular moment in Little Richard's career. (And FYI, he's 76.) Also, anyone who ever wrote a song for a stripper that hit the top 10 should thank Little Richard for knocking down that door.

11:21 p.m. But... is that going to be the last musical performance of the night? Really?

11:22 p.m. Barack Obama is now a Grammy winner. He sure has had a good weekend.

11:24 p.m. A non-rhetorical question for all of you: What's the song in the Grammy CD ads that I keep thinking might be Bad Religion but is probably not because, I mean, come on, right?

11:25 p.m. will.i.am doing "Mack The Knife" as a Grammy-fellating rap! Why do people think that America wants to hear anything that this guy has to say in 2008?

11:25 p.m. Oh my God, it's a medley of Grammy-winning songs. Like "Don't Worry Be Happy." And "Beautiful Day." And ... "Beat It"? It's time for the Michael Jackson tribute!

11:27 p.m. Quincy Jones just said that Mark Ronson is going to enjoy his Producer Of The Year award... and his tone implied that said "enjoyment" would be sorta conjugal. Oh man that gramophone hole....

11:28 p.m. Whose "I have to win" pose is more urgent... Amy Winehouse or Kanye West's?

11:28 p.m. HAHA EVERYONE GOT PWNED BY THE TRIBUTE TO THE OLD PERSON WINNING

11:29 p.m. Oh really, come on you guys if you didn't at least think that Herbie Hancock paying tribute to Joni Mitchell would sway at least half the people who voted for Steely Dan over Eminem a few years back you haven't been paying attention.

11:30 p.m. Plus it featured a bunch of Grammy-bait artists! Norah Jones! Corinne Bailey Rae! Tina Turner! And Leonard Cohen. I mean, really.

11:38 p.m. Wait, it's over?

11:38 p.m. Confetti, credits, and "Sgt. Pepper." There's that commitment to the now!

11:39 p.m. I know that live TV is a pain, but you'd think that at least someone would know when everyone was saying thanks and good night?

And it's only made better by the fact that the "official" caption calls the assemblage above "Nominee for Best Metal Performance Slayer [and] his family."

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Jimmy Jam is reuniting with The Time for their performance with Rihanna on Sunday night. And the group has apparently mended fences with Prince, for those of you who want to taunt yourself with the possibility of the Purple One returning to the small screen.

• Kanye West is planning on paying tribute to his mom during his just-announced set.

• John Mayer is playing too! Please God I hope he's not going to dress up like Borat.

• There's a company out there that's trying to scam people by selling fake tickets to the Grammys. Wouldn't fake tickets to the Hannah Montana movie have been a more profitable enterprise?

• Sasha Frere-Jones thinks Soulja Boy was robbed when it came to Grammy nominations. Tell it to Mims, dude.

Perhaps I'm especially unnerved by the piece since it asks the question "But how many of today's Grammy initiates will be back vying for awards at the diamond anniversary in 25 years?" The unspoken context being that, lol, like Winehouse will even be around in 25 years, right? Ugh. I mean, as Grammy "storylines" go, the troubles of the Back To Black singer are currently overshadowing pretty much everything else about the night (although to be fair, it's not really hard to overshadow the current lineup of "a bunch of old people and Kid Rock") and it's probably good to look at other ones, but if you're looking at breakout artists it's almost like you're drawing more attention to Winehouse to not mention her, seeing as she's been more heavily feted than any other artist in the piece and has outsold four of the five. (Swift, whose Soundscans are at 2.4 million, is the anomaly there.)

These five Grammy hopefuls must defy pop's 'disposable mentality' [USA Today; HT DHMBIB]

SANTA MONICA, Calif. (Feb. 7, 2008) — Six-time GRAMMY® winner Tina Turner will join current two-time nominee Beyoncé for a special performance; and jazz pianist Eldar, rap-rocker Kid Rock, jazz saxophonist Dave Koz and jazz/pop singer Keely Smith also will perform on the 50th Annual GRAMMY Awards telecast, it was announced today by The Recording Academy®. Current four-time nominee Akon, actor Jason Bateman, 14-time GRAMMY winner Tony Bennett, GRAMMY winner Cher, GRAMMY winner and current two-time nominee Nelly Furtado, two-time Academy Award® winner Tom Hanks, 27-time GRAMMY winner and 50th GRAMMY Celebration Ambassador Quincy Jones, actor Joe Mantegna, six-time GRAMMY winner Prince, nine-time GRAMMY winner Ringo Starr, GRAMMY winner Dave Stewart and 25-time GRAMMY winner Stevie Wonder are the latest presenters added to Music's Biggest Night®. Previously announced performers include Beyoncé; Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban; Feist; Fergie and John Legend; John Fogerty with Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard; Foo Fighters (with special guest conductor John Paul Jones); Herbie Hancock and Lang Lang (conducted by famed maestro John Mauceri); Alicia Keys; Brad Paisley; Carrie Underwood; 2008 MusiCares® Person of the Year Aretha Franklin, the Clark Sisters, Israel And New Breed, and Trin-I-Tee 5:7; the casts of "The Beatles LOVE by Cirque du Soleil" and Across The Universe; and Rihanna with a reunited the Time. Previously announced presenters include Chris Brown, Natalie Cole, Miley Cyrus, Juanes, Solange Knowles, Cyndi Lauper, George Lopez, Lyle Lovett, Ludacris and Bonnie Raitt.

The music industry's premier event will take place live on Sunday, Feb. 10, 2008, at STAPLES Center in Los Angeles and will be broadcast in HDTV and 5.1 Surround Sound on the CBS Television Network from 8 - 11:30 p.m. (ET/PT). The show also will be supported on radio via Westwood One worldwide and XM Satellite Radio, and covered online at GRAMMY.com. Additional performers, presenters and special segments will continue to be announced in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the GRAMMY Awards.

Akon, Nelly Furtado, Dave Koz and Taylor Swift are all nominees this year. Akon is nominated for four awards: Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals ("The Sweet Escape" with Gwen Stefani), Best R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals ("Bartender" with T-Pain), Best Contemporary R&B Album (Konvicted) and Best Rap/Sung Collaboration ("I Wanna Love You" with Snoop Dogg). GRAMMY winner Nelly Furtado is up for two awards: Best Female Pop Vocal Performance ("Say It Right") and Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals ("Give It To Me" with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake). Dave Koz has two nods for Best Pop Instrumental Performance ("Over The Rainbow") and Best Pop Instrumental Album (At The Movies). And Taylor Swift is nominated for Best New Artist.

The 50th Annual GRAMMY Awards are produced by John Cossette Productions in association with AEG Ehrlich Ventures for The Recording Academy. Ken Ehrlich and John Cossette are executive producers, Walter C. Miller is producer/director, Tisha Fein is the coordinating producer, David Wild and Ken Ehrlich are the writers and Tzvi Small is supervising producer. Musical directors for the telecast and pre-telecast are Rickey Minor and Larry Batiste, respectively.

Established in 1957, The Recording Academy is an organization of musicians, producers, engineers and recording professionals that is dedicated to improving the cultural condition and quality of life for music and its makers. Internationally known for the GRAMMY Awards — the preeminent peer-recognized award for musical excellence and the most credible brand in music — The Recording Academy is responsible for groundbreaking professional development, cultural enrichment, advocacy, education and human services programs. In its 50th year, The Academy continues to focus on its mission of recognizing musical excellence, advocating for the well-being of music makers and ensuring music remains an indelible part of our culture. For more information about The Academy, please visit www.grammy.com.

• Michael Jackson will appear onstage at Sunday night's ceremony, but he has apparently "won a stare-down" against the producers, who wanted him to perform a medley of reworked Thriller hits. So instead, he'll just... stand around? Wave his glove in the air? Who knows. The upside: The chance of an Akon appearance just dropped by about 66%. [Rush & Molloy]
• In news that is sure to excite the Oprah crowd, Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban are going to duet on a Celine Dion song. Also, Fergie is performing with John Legend and John Fogerty is going to share a stage with Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis. [Centre Daily]
• Amy Winehouse went to the US embassy in London yesterday in order to secure a visa for travel to the States; while her dad doesn't want her to perform because of her fragile state, her label and Grammy organizers are hoping she'll show up. Because they care that much. (NB: I don't think reporting this bit of news breaks our Winehouse embargo; Jess disagrees.) [E!]
[Photo: AP]

Perhaps she thought that the orchestra would actually break out in a dance at the song's end?

Grammy gig is a classical gas [Chicago Sun-Times]
My Grammy Moment [YouTube]

"On top of all the fantastic new tracks there are many things in the works that we are going to do to make 2008 truly the year of THRILLER," according to the SONY-BMG memo traffic. Specifically mentioned: Grammy involvement (as in Michael Jackson will appear - and maybe sing?) - A planned TV special (featuring just Michael or the long discussed reunion with his brothers?) and potential live shows. Hmmmmmm. Wonder what they mean by that and who might be scheduled to perform at these live shows? Watch for involvement with YouTube, Facebook, iLike, iTunes, I've learned.

Dimond has since told the LA Times' Tom O'Neil that she's 90% certain that Michael will show up at the awards ceremony, although whether or not he'll sing is still up in the air. Last time he showed up at an awards show, the results were, well, somewhat awkward, but part of me is holding out hope for Michael to return to his former glory, and maybe start off his comeback slowly—perhaps by lending a few "mama se, mama sa"s to Rihanna and the Time's performance of "Don't Stop The Music," and keeping Fergie and will.i.am far, far away.

Can Michael Jackson still sing? [DianeDimond.net]
Report: Jacko will be backo at the Grammys [Gold Derby]

And in a special 50th anniversary moment, Rihanna will perform with the Time, which is reuniting for the occasion.

ZOMG. If this means a live version of "Don't Stop The Music," then it will totally make all of the agonizing pauses and flubbed transitions and cringeworthy ad libbing totally worth it. Okay, it won't at all, but still: the Time!

Beyonce, Rihanna, Underwood Performing At Grammys [Billboard]

To Our Fellow Members,

We have responded favorably to the invitation from the AMPTP to enter into informal talks that will help establish a reasonable basis for returning to negotiations. During this period, we have agreed to a complete news blackout. We are grateful for this opportunity to engage in meaningful discussion with industry leaders that we hope will lead to a contract. We ask that all members exercise restraint in their public statements during this critical period.

In order to make absolutely clear our commitment to bringing a speedy conclusion to negotiations, we have decided to withdraw our proposals on reality and animation. Our organizing efforts to achieve Guild representation in these genres for writers will continue. You will hear more about this in the next two weeks.

On another issue, the Writers Guild, West Board of Directors has voted not to picket the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. Members of the American Federation of Musicians (AFM) face many of the same issues concerning compensation in new media that we do. In the interest of advancing our goal of achieving a fair contract, the WGAW Board felt that this gesture should be made on behalf our brothers and sisters in AFM and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA).

Best,

Patric M. Verrone
President, WGAW

Michael Winship
President, WGAE

WGA Takes Reality And Animation Off The Table, Won't Picket Grammys [Defamer]
[Photo: AP]

The opening salvo kept it classy, as always:

Harniss wrote: 12h 4m ago
Wow that dude is ugly...

And then the slightly sexist speculation followed! If you want to crank up "Gold Digger" while you're reading the following posts, by all means please do.

IndaGaddaDavida wrote: 9h 44m ago
I hope she didn't say "yes" because now he's famous and has money. That's kind of sad. I think he should invite someone gorgeous and call that chickie back and say "Hey there Delilah, I'm takin someone better thank you to the Grammy's."

HSY wrote: 4h 37m ago
An ugly man looks beautiful when he's rich and famous. I'm sure Delilah is out to profit off a song named after him. What better way than to go on a date in the a highly public event with cameras and media around. You wouldn't think she would have said yes to a date at the local steakhouse without media around. Better hope the writers strike doesn't afffect the grammy or Delilah will actually have to go on a date with him.

And if you thought that was cynical, wait until you see missjudy, who thinks that this is all—heavens!—a marketing stunt for a song whose song has already garnered enough publicity to last at least five news cycles!

missjudy wrote: 3h 8m ago
Tom, congrats on finding someone named Delilah to publicize your song.. Guess I am really a meanie because I am not buying this story at all. But, hey, you both got your picture in USA Today.

Indeed they did. And you got your comment reprinted on a Web site! Everybody wins!

Finally, a true fan weighs in:

djekrmcm13 wrote: 10m ago I have read stories on these two, and they have been friends for a long time, she just really wasnt interested.........and I am happy for him, but I cant help but say that shes in it for the grammys. If she really liked him she would have fell for him when he wrote her that song. I know I would have.

Aww, is that a proposition? Here's a hint: Change your name to something that rhymes with a word that isn't djekrmcm13 and you may, some day, get a song of your own dedicated to you.

Plain White T's singer lands a date with Delilah [USA Today]

Best new artist nominee Feist, who is up for four Grammys, told the AP last week she planned to go to the event.

"It's going to be kind of a reunion for `The Reminder,' everyone who was involved," she said of her critically acclaimed album. "For us, it's just a night to see everyone dressed up."

That may change if the WGA pickets. She admitted she doesn't really understand the issues involved in the writers strike, and because of that, she said, she turned down an invitation to appear last week on Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report."

"I just balked," she said. "I couldn't see myself crossing the picket line. I don't know enough about the cause to speak about it, for or against. You cross the picket line, you have to speak about it."

And here we suspected it'd be easy for the "indie" artist hailing from our commie neighbors to come out in favor of artistic solidarity rather than the execs/the opportunity to get her hair did. Realest talk comes from Tom Petty, whose support for the workin' man will keep him away from the show but that his decision is mostly academic since, "I've never met a musician who gave a damn about the Grammys, actually." Dude, we've been watching Grammy-related performances for more than 20 years; we know.

Music Industry Frustrated Over Strike [Yahoo; Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic.com]