I kind of like this song—it sounds like a vintage Paula Abdul jam that's been tweaked into a bed for Fantasia's crazy vocals. But note Simon's reaction shot around the 2:40 mark. Dude looks absolutely flummoxed—in a somewhat familiar way:

Oh, come on, Simon— I can understand making that face at Kady Malloy's Britney impersonation, but this at least brought a little bit of fun into the deadly long results show.

Fantasia performs [RedLasso]
[50 Cent image via Fluxblog]

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Earlier: Last night's recap

8:00 p.m. The three remaining contestants are being introduced as a high school student, an actress, and a bartender—not a reality show winner, a failed reality show contestant, and a bartender.

8:01 p.m. This is also the order that the three contestants will sing in tonight. It's "a pivotal moment in the lives of our three finalists"! And "the closest race our show has ever seen"!

8:02 p.m. The judges are all in black, as if this is Idol's funeral. Randy is in paisley that looks like it's a star map; Paula is in glitter; Simon is in a crewneck.

8:02 p.m. Syesha is in a long glittery dress again—a floor-length version of her Beyonce song?—while the two guys are wearing jeans.

8:03 p.m. David A. is up first, singing "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel, who should probably be on the show next season.

8:04 p.m. Paula just let loose a bunch of gibberish about why this is a good pick for David. David, of course, is excited.

8:04 p.m. String intro leads into... David singing acappella. With not many runs at all! Do you think he understands the words now that his dad isn't telling him to melisma it up?

8:05 p.m. And he's not smiling, either. Could it have been his father who was making him all cheesed out?

8:06 p.m. Randy: "You are in it to win it, baby."

8:06 p.m. Paula: "It was a pure and stunning performance."

8:07 p.m. He still looks like he's going to cry. Ooh, Simon lets loose with the "predictable"! I wonder if he's trying to beat David down. "Good... I don't think it was outstanding." This is like the teacher's pet getting a B plus.

8:08 p.m. Commercial break No. 1: A Vitamin Water ad that does not feature Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood, but LeBron James. As a defense attorney. With a plot that is completely lifted from that episode of The Brady Bunch where the guy fakes whiplash.

8:10 p.m. I always like figuring out how the songs that are used as jingles, and their singers, would do on American Idol. Oh, shit, I just remembered I have to sign up for my audition slot!

8:11 p.m. It's chaos. Ryan is impersonating Randy. Syesha is in the back of a limo. Paula's mic is off.

8:12 p.m. "Why'd you choose [Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You"] for Syesha?" "Well, I saw her perform it on that abomination that tried to compete with Idol a few years back..."

8:12 p.m. Unlike her last televised performance of this song, she is not sitting on a piano. Also, her hair is straightened, which makes her look Serious, I guess.

8:13 p.m. Noticeably Flat Note No. 1.

8:14 p.m. Randy: "That's why you're standing there No. 3." OMG HINT AT ELIMINATIONS TO COME!! MUST CREDIT IDOLATOR!!

8:15 p.m. Syesha just gave a sassy "thanks gurl!!!" to Paula's compliment on her album.

8:15 p.m. Ah, now she's playing up the Southern accent. Girl has been watching Hillary Clinton's blue-collar-region stumping for sure.

8:16 p.m. David Cook and Syesha got their song choices via iPhone text messages, while David Archuleta had his handed to him by a weirdly moustached Utahan mayor.

8:18 p.m. Simon wanted David C. to stretch himself with "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face." It's working well so far, in a "I would change this if it came on in the car, but I can see people melting over it" sort of way.

8:18 p.m. Are they cutting to his mom? Kind of weird.

8:18 p.m. Ah, the big power-ballad finish. Some tropes of rock and roll never die.

8:19 p.m. House brought down.

8:19 p.m. Randy: "You can sing the phone book too.... but I want you to rock, baby. You're a rocker."

8:20 p.m. Paula tries to deflate Randy and Simon's collective-ego... and tells David he's the second-favorite person who's ever sung it. Uh, thanks?

8:20 p.m. Simon proclaims that he's won this round. OH GOD DAVID JUST GAVE HIS MOM A MOTHER'S DAY SHOUTOUT. Because, like the other contestants, he can't be in touch with his parents all the time, ahem.

8:22 p.m. Unless Archuleta faints onstage and Syesha finds another cleavage-baring dress, I think we're seeing the all-David finale that everyone's predicted for the past six weeks. I don't think that's premature.

8:25 p.m. The girls are going wild for David's Chris Brown pick. And he said it was a tough song to practice.

8:26 p.m. Ryan is telling David to move over to the stage, and David's confused. "Wait, what?"

8:26 p.m. Has anyone ever used the word "boo" more awkwardly?

8:27 p.m. Some obvious struggles with the lyrics—a near-muff at one point. He only really gets confident when he's deviating from the melody, which probably says something about his stage fright and its paralyzing nature. He really didn't seem confident at all on the lyrics, although I bet the judges won't say a damn thing.

8:28 p.m. Randy also didn't get the "my boo" thing, marking I think the first time we've agreed on David all season.

8:28 p.m. Paula thinks he did a great job, of course. Because he didn't pass out on stage.

8:29 p.m. Simon: "It was a little bit like a chihuahua trying to be a tiger"—Audience: BOOOO!!—"insomuch as it's not really you. I thought it was really awkward." Well, yeah. He's trying to act his age for the first time in, what, ten years or so?

8:30 p.m. Syesha is in another glittery dress. Singing "Fever." Apparently she's going to use a chair somehow.

8:31 p.m. Man, she is really playing up the Southern accent. Syesha. YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA.

8:31 p.m. Her syncopation is off. As is the lighting. Will she wind up humping the chair? ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

8:32 p.m. My friend Bryan, a diehard Idol watcher who just arrived: "She's kind of breasting it up."

8:33 p.m. Randy called her song choice "very interesting." But he likes it! And Paula, once again, is saying that she looks lovely. But she's surprised by her song choice, because it doesn't show her "who Syesha is as an artist."

8:33 p.m. Simon thinks that she'll regret her decision tomorrow, because she did "quite a lame cabaret performance." Well, when your version isn't even as good as Madonna's...

8:34 p.m. I'm replaying "With You" for Bryan, who got stuck in traffic on the George Washington Bridge. This is the first time he's ever seen Idol live, because he usually works night!

8:36 p.m. The dancing comes off even more kid-at-a-wedding-forced-by-his-parents on the second viewing.

8:37 p.m. "That was the worst decision ever," Bryan just told me.

8:39 p.m. Ryan is sitting spread-eagled on Syesha's chair! He looks even shorter than usual compared to David Cook on the stool.

8:40 p.m. David Cook singing Switchfoot's "Dare You To Move"—and once he kicks into the chorus I totally remember it. I wonder if this guy still buys Puddle of Mudd records?

8:41 p.m. Paula and Randy don't like it! Paula thinks his version was too short. Simon isn't crazy about the lack of melody that the track has, which, surprise, is my problem with most songs of that ilk too.

8:43 p.m. David Archuleta goes right into Dan Fogelberg. Yawn, yawn, another boring ballad.

8:44 p.m. This is the milkiest piece of white bread ever. Does America really want bad floral wallpaper as its Idol? Really, America?

8:44 p.m. Randy once again trots out the "you can sing the phone book" line. Ah, autopilot. Paula can only muster up the word "lovely." Simon, however, thinks the song is terrible, that the lyrics were so gooey and that they were more appropriate for a 90-year-old and that the producers should all fire themselves—OK I made that last part up—but that he's going to get through to the finals anyway.

8:50 p.m. Lloyd from Entourage and Justin Guarini are both in the audience. And Jeff Archuleta will be on the tour!

8:50 p.m. And now Syesha is in Happy Feet, singing one of those Beyonce-like percussive-run-filled songs that are pretty much impossible to pull off unless you're a) Beyonce and b) backed by her band.

8:51 p.m. This is not good. I feel like she's just sticking long notes in for the purposes of filler.

8:52 p.m. Well, that was fast-sexy as opposed to "Fever"'s slow-sexy, and neither of them worked.

8:52 p.m. Simon: "So it's a song about penguins."

8:53 p.m. And Paula drops the "not good enough for the finals" bomb! This is the test of Syesha's fanbase.

8:53 p.m. And Simon thinks that she peaked last week. She's done.

8:53 p.m. Bryan: "Is it really a song about penguins?" Me: "I think it's a song about filling space on a high-budget movie's soundtrack."

8:54 p.m. Bryan thinks that the week Syesha was the best was the week that she lost her voice. Oh burn! How many of us miss Carly, though? Hands?

8:57 p.m. The final performance! The guy standing next to Ryan is making a stupid "I'm totally going to be famous on YouTube" face!

8:58 p.m. I guess this is the Apocalyptica version of "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing."

8:58 p.m. This whole episode is making me miss Josiah Leming.

8:59 p.m. Strobe lights! Big notes! Ah, Syesha, it was fun while it lasted.

8:59 p.m. Whenever Randy starts a critique with "For me..." you know he's going to say he didn't like it.

9:00 p.m. Simon thinks that "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" is one of the greatest songs of all time—and that David won the night. Well, one kind of correct statement and one HORRIBLY WRONG OH MY GOD DO YOU HAVE EARS COWELL statement isn't all bad.

9:01 p.m. Nothing says "rocker," Bryan notes, like a tuxedo with a T-shirt, as opposed to a tuxedo t-shirt.

9:01 p.m. Cutting back to David Archuleta's version of "With You" is making Bryan crack up.

9:02 p.m. Oh man, and as if to underscore that they want Syesha out, they cut a montage with all flat notes. Mean producers! Not that I even want her to stick around, but come on.

9:03 p.m. Bryan and I agree that an opportunity was lost by not having David Cook sing "Dude Looks Like A Lady"—dedicated to Simon and/or Ryan.

9:07 p.m. Bobby V time. I mean, we all know what's going to happen tomorrow, right? I'm going to put a poll up but come on.

David Cook

* Simon Cowell chose: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack
* David chose: "The World I Know" by Collective Soul
* The producers chose: undetermined

Syesha Mercado

* Randy Jackson chose: "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys
* Syesha Chose: undetermined
* The producers chose: undetermined

David Archuleta

* Paula Abdul chose: "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel
* David chose: "With You" by Chris Brown
* The producers chose: "Longer" by Dan Fogelberg

Season 7 Final 4 Spoilers! [MJ's Big Blog]

If he bombs, the pity votes will come rushing in. The stress of the week, from the trip home where he broke down crying to Papagate, will probably make him even more nervous than usual, so anything that involves him not fainting onstage midway through "And So It Goes" will be seen as a victory by the Archie Angels. (Hey, the sympathy vote kept Brooke White around for an extra week.)

If he does well, it'll be the type of redemptive story that will make his fanbase exclaim, "See? He's a true artist! to anyone who'll listen. Pretty self-explanatory, I think, although I still believe that anyone who thinks he interprets his lyrics well—or at all—should get their ears checked.

If he just does semi-decently, he'll still get a ton of votes from his fans, since things like "forgetting lyrics" and "lacking charisma" haven't dissuaded them yet. Just look at the reception he got at the Utah Jazz game last week, where he sang the national anthem with the runs and melodic liberties that he's been known for:

Nice way of hitting the high note early so you got even more applause, dude.

Oh, and the show's producers have decided to have David sing a freaking Dan Fogelberg song, which should be a huge honking neon sign that they're really excited about the prospect of cash from grandma-types flowing Archuleta's way once his debut album is released. Who's psyched for November?

Ban on Archuleta's father stirs a lively "Idol" debate [USA Today]

Who gives a shit about Associated Press? I only believe whatever comes out from the NYT times sorry. These journalist needs to get a freakin life. LEAVE ARCHIE ALONE!!!

Well, I guess it could have been worse—the person could have said that they only believe what they read on Perez.

AP Source: Jeff Archuleta Loses "Idol" Backstage Pass [AP; HT DHMBIB]
Associated Press: Jeff Archuleta Banned From Rehearsals On American Idol [rickey.org]

David Archuleta
Schedule highlights: Fox's Utah affiliate is celebrating "D-Day" (yes, they're really calling it that) with a 90-minute special about David's life airing on the local Fox affiliate. Expect more filler than an elimination episode and lots of lip-licking.
What he's up to right now: Radio interviews.
What's on the live feed: News about the UN suspending aid to Myanmar. Happy D-Day?
Average number of people in chat room: N/A. It's exceeded its limit. For real.

David Cook
Schedule highlights: Singing the national anthem at tonight's Tampa Bay Rays- Anaheim Angels game;
What he's up to right now: He just finished up a mini-concert in downtown Kansas City, and his schedule seems to be free and clear until 5:30 p.m. ET.
What's on the live feed: A hard-hitting report on barbecue.
Average number of people in chat room: 1,070. Lots of people are smack-talking Blake Lewis, because beatboxing is so over as a gimmick.

Syesha Mercado
Schedule highlights: Singing the national anthem at tonight's Tampa Bay Rays-Anaheim Angels game.
What she's up to right now: Traveling between a celebration at her high school and a helicopter tour of her hometown, Sarasota, Fla.
What's on the live feed: Some sort of court proceeding, which may be a stark reminder of the actual levels of Syesha's popularity.
Average number of people in chat room: 65. Is it because of the crossed streams, or does she have as few fans as the Rays?

[HT: ONTD]

Anyway, in a best-case scenario he'll get picked up by Brushfire Records and make a light album that's heavily influenced by the surf, then tour university rec centers with Josiah Leming; the more Jason progressed through the competition, the more I realized that Leming couldn't have made it through to the top 24, if only because the two of them would have been mirroring each other, song-choice and trajectory-wise, week after week. Well, maybe without the forgotten lyrics on Leming's part.

Man, the next two weeks are not going to be fun to watch at all, huh.

Q: It seems like you're always emotionally connected to the lyrics you're singing.

Archuleta: When I was younger, I didn't know what made me sing the song differently or how I sang it. I still don't really understand fully, but the lyrics do mean a lot to me now, a lot more than before. I didn't even pay attention to the lyrics when I was 12, 13. Probably around the second year I did "Star Search" is when I paid more attention to the lyrics. I thought the music itself had such a power to it, and now that I've understood how powerful lyrics are as well, I think that has allowed me to progress.

That's from a Billboard chat with David that made me continue to feel bad for the kid, even while I think his level of talent is really overstated—almost as much as his commercial ability is. I mean, his "vocal paralysis" backstory is sad in a pulling-at-the-heartstrings way, but the rest of the interview is sad in a "this is what passes for an interesting pop star" way—a kid who's been tirelessly dragged along the assembly line of televised vocal competitions to be "famous" yet completely ignorant of the pop music marketplace, beaten down to the point where he's just putting together syllables to please the adults that are surrounding him, all of whom see a big dollar-sign mirage when they look at him and all of whom are probably going to dump on him really hard when his Idol coronation album inevitably flops.

Mind you, the other three remaining singers aren't without their flaws. While I continue to really root for Jason Castro's everydorm persona and ability to make the judges (who are apparently seeing Leona Lewis' success as evidence that the old model still works) go into full-on tantrum mode, he definitely needs a little more polish. (At least he sang through his little lyrical misstep last night, unlike Brooke "D.O." White—who probably would have wilted if she had to take the mean-spirited critiques everyone gave Jason, which came on the heels of Paula's losing the script last week.) Syesha Mercado has a reed-thin voice and a really grating persona that was best epitomized by her comparing her Idol trajectory to the civil rights movement. (Whoever said that she's probably going to compare herself to one of the presidential candidates if she keeps on going in the competition is right on.) David Cook is about five beats per minute away from Aaron Lewis territory, but I'd take him over the creepy Wayne Newton Mach II that is Archie any day.

I'm going to keep watching, if only because I have to see this thing through. But the desired outcome of this year's edition is so bad, so off the mark, that I can't help but wonder how the producers are going to fix the show next year, or at least get the 18-to-34 demographic back into watching it again.

Also, seriously, can Randy Jackson be fired, or at least given a thesaurus? At least Paula is entertainingly incoherent.

Q&A: David Archuleta of 'American Idol' [Billboard]

8:05 p.m. You know, not that Simon LeBon is a great vocalist or anything, but between this off-key, tossed-off version and that Nicole Scherzinger soap take on "Rio" I'm starting to think that he was way underrated.

8:07 p.m. Randy does not think that David brought the "mad hot vocals," but Paula is hungry! Although I get hungry when I have lots of drinkies too.

8:07 p.m. Simon thinks that it was good, too? What happened to his acerbic wit and biting commentary? Has the entire show lost its magic this season?

8:09 p.m. Commercial break! Indiana still hasn't been called! Also, please note the completely cheesy picture depicting the Idol hopefuls in the Hall of Fame.

8:12 p.m. Syesha is trying to outsparkle her eyeshadow with an all-sequin dress. And she's excited about the tour and "being able to meet all of my fans and all those who support me"! Ah, Syesha, your in-it-to-win-itness is so charming given that you've pretty much skated into the top four.

8:13 p.m. Oh shit, she's singing "Proud Mary." Hence the dress. Which intentionally looks familiar:

8:14 p.m. Pitch problems. But here it kicks into gear.

8:14 p.m. The backing singers are really carrying her here; her voice doesn't go well into the higher—oh, what was that?

8:15 p.m. Randy: "Syesha has showed up and she's in the zone." Oh, Randy, will you ever not speak in Britney Spears album titles?

8:16 p.m. Simon says it's a bad Tina Turner impersonation! Which is pretty much what it was. Syesha: "I'm just trying to have fun." Simon: "Well—I didn't." Randy is chalking the difference in opinion up to the distance between Louisiana and the UK! If only Syesha picked a McFly song for her second one, then we could see what the real deal is.

8:19 p.m. Indiana is still too close to call, and there is an ad on Fox where a woman looks like she's driving a huge hot pink vibrator and yelling "Woo hoo." Which leads into a birth control ad! Sexy, sexy Fox.

8:21 p.m. Jason is up now. Wait, does that mean that David Archuleta is getting the pimp spot Again?

8:22 p.m. "It's a song by Bob Marley ... go figure." Ah, Jason, you are such a goofball.

8:23 p.m. You can tell that he knows this song because he is more animated than he has been on any other episode ever. (Too bad the horns are a little wedding-bandy.) Randy is gonna hate this.

8:23 p.m. His vocal is very Josiah Leming, I have to say.

8:24 p.m. He finished with the David Cook sneer!

8:24 p.m. Randy hated it. Of course. Randy is so predictable. If you looked at his record collection it would look like it was preserved in amber sometime during the last Whitney Houston chart reign.

8:25 p.m. Simon drops the "first round audition massacre" bomb. But is it reverse psychology to get his fanbase calling in???

8:26 p.m. Simon: "I don't know what you're thinking." Jason: "I was thinking... Bob Mar-ley!" Harold & Kumar 3 just had its signature moment etched into the American consciousness.

8:27 p.m. David Archuleta always sings "Stand By Me" when he's by himself, or "to a dog or something."

8:27 p.m. I don't like this kid. The patent leather sneakers are not helping. Although the Danzigish design on his shirt is.

8:28 p.m. OH NO HE JUST INTERPOLATED "BEAUTIFUL GIRLS" INTO HIS PERFORMANCE. To appear, you know, more current than Wayne Newton. Never mind that it completely torpedoes the lyrical intent of the song... ugh.

8:29 p.m. 30 seconds of screaming.

8:29 p.m. Randy continues to be in the tank for Archuleta. It's really just starting to be funny at this point, I guess.

8:30 p.m. Paula dropped the "only 17" bomb. Yes, he is the chosen one, people.

8:30 p.m. Simon christens it the best performance so far. Ryan asks David why he always looks sort of faint. David is panting. This is your American Idol? Oh, pop music.

8:32 p.m. Indiana is still too close to call with 52% of the precincts reporting; it's a 54-46 split in Clinton's favor but there's the whole northwestern part of Indiana that needs to come in, as well as Bloomington, Indianapolis, etc. Seriously, have you ever looked at Bush/Kerry and Clinton/Obama maps side-by-side in some of these more rural states? It's kind of—okay, very creepy.

8:35 p.m. Lavender Diamond for JC Penney! I wonder how Becky Stark would fare in front of Simon?

8:36 p.m. OK this Lurex-pinstriped jacket that David Cook is wearing is not a good look.

8:37 p.m. "Baba O'Riley," the nu-metal version.

8:38 p.m. I am in an empty room, but that did not stop me from saying "Oh, God," when he started going into the chorus. How do you strip every ounce of of excitement from this song? How about slowing it down just enough to make it sound like Staind's "Outside"?

8:39 p.m. Paula is screaming "I want more! I want more!" And Simon Cowell cynically says "welcome back, David Cook," a thought that I will finish by saying "because we need someone to shunt off to the active rock stations."

8:44 p.m. David Cook's horrible outfit explained: Rascal Flatts is in the audience. Hope they share more than just their clothes, wink wink.

8:45 p.m. Do you think that Syesha, when she was looking at the lyrics to "A Change Is Gonna Come," made her dad show her a picture of his rehab diploma via Webcam?

8:46 p.m. I mean if Idol wasn't completely and utterly broken, I would say that Syesha is going to walk away with this whole thing. She's got the annoying diva singing and the ability to open her mouth big on big notes and the not-too-humble-for-stardom persona.

8:47 p.m. But Randy doesn't like it! "Sam Cooke is one of the greatest singers ever in life... you don't need to do anything different... trying to be something that it wasn't."

8:47 p.m. As a counterpoint, Paula stands up and starts clapping like a seal. Also, she thinks this was a "superstar performance," and that a change has, in fact, come for Syesha. Well, not really in that she'll probably still be in the bottom two tomorrow.

8:48 p.m. Syesha is crying. And now that Simon's revealed that he liked it too, let the waterworks commence.

8:49 p.m. Onstage sobbing. Shoutouts to the civil rights movement. Bye bye, Jason Castro, it's been real.

8:50 p.m. But first, before Jason gets voted off, he has to sing another song! And he has a motto: "Stick with the Bobs, you can't go wrong."

8:50 p.m. He's doing the Dylan arrangement.

8:51 p.m. Edit: He's forgetting the words to the Dylan arrangement.

8:52 p.m. This is too bad because this is actually not terrible, save the lyric-spaz. The camera cuts to Carly, who looks pissed that she isn't on stage.

8:53 p.m. Simon is not happy either: "I'd pack your suitcase." Jason looks like he wants to crawl into the nearest hole and curl up with his guitar.

8:54 p.m. Is this, in fact, the worst Idol season ever? Well, for the purposes of blogging, it's been pretty awesome. But the falling-off-a-cliff ratings would provide yet more evidence that bloggers are in a minority.

8:55 p.m. Precincts in Indiana are running out of ballots! The race is still too close to call! I might have to picture-in-picture during Archuleta's performance just to keep my sanity.

8:57 p.m. David Archuleta is singing "Love Me Tender" and in the pre-song video he's reciting facts about Elvis like an eight-year-old at a rock and roll bee. Dear lord, David, you really need to go on some sort of season-long European vacation.

8:58 p.m. I really can't stand how all of his vocal arrangements have that "breaking" high note on verses. Understatement is not a bad thing, child. Perhaps when you grow up you'll figure this out.

8:59 p.m. His voice gave out, then recovered and went flat. And that was his big finish. And Randy called it "another great performance." Yep, that about sums up this season of American Idol.

9:01 p.m. Let's see if they bring up Jason's lyrical spaz during the recap! That'll give us a big hint as to the producers' intent.

9:02 p.m. No replay of the senior moment, but Ryan did remind the audience that this week has been all about the Shock Eliminations in the past. So get voting! I'm going to watch Hell's Kitchen and try and figure out if I can reverse-engineer any of the recipes.

9:13 p.m. I'll have a longer postmortem for this unbelievably disappointing show in the morning, but in a nutshell, what we have learned tonight is this: David Cook should have never watched that Old Spice ad with Bruce Campbell singing "Hungry Like The Wolf." Syesha Mercado probably does believe that her dead-cat bounce from one reality show to another is exactly like the civil rights movement. Jason Castro really doesn't give a shit about winning Idol, although I bet you he's freaking out at the possibility of ever meeting Bob Dylan. And it's OK when David Archuleta forgets words, because he can do no wrong, even if what he does involves ruining some of the most understated songs of the early rock era with his constant runs and oversinging.

Yeah, apparently that bit of cryptic prose means that Jason is going to sing "I Shot The Sheriff" (!) and "Mr. Tambourine Man," which should at the very least pair well with his dorm-room vibe. (He'll probably do the Byrds' interpretation of the song—but I'm still bummed that he won't be performing "September Gurls," ah well.) Meanwhile, murmurings about what David Cook might sing surfaced last night at the Television Without Pity boards and while the original poster's since deleted her speculative words, someone allowed them to live on via blockquoting:

I do happen to know the songs David C. is singing tomorrow (neither of them too outlandish, btw, one more than the other perhaps), and I don't think we will be getting any lackluster performances from him (and the fangirls are gonna go nuts for one in particular).

Hmm, the fangirls going nuts for one, eh? I hope that isn't code for "David grunges up Marvin Gaye," because that would be the worst thing ever. Or at least the second-worst-thing ever after David Archuleta taking on the "message" of "What's Going On."

Season 7 Top 4 Spoilers! [MJ's Big Blog]
The Grassy Knoll (SPOILERS) [TWOP]

I've given half my life to this industry
And all I ever hear is it's him or me
Sometimes I just cant tell
If it's worth the tears

The grace of Clive
God bless the grace of Clive

There is a melody, but sadly I have no access to any of the instruments or recording equipment necessary to make this my now. Who knows, maybe I could submit it next year. Let "the other David" be more of a metaphorical thing.

Simon Cowell defends Paula Abdul, mocks 'American Idol' songwriting competition [EW]

On Wednesday, during his daily radio show on KIIS-FM in Los Angeles, Mr. Seacrest said that Nigel Lythgoe, an executive producer of "Idol," informed him of the change as the fifth contestant, Syesha Mercado, was performing her first song, only seconds before he was to query the judges.

When Mr. Seacrest asked Ms. Abdul for her comments, she offered her critique on Jason Castro's "first song," "Forever in Blue Jeans," then added: "The second song, I felt like your usual charm, it was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty. And the two songs, it made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the Top 4."

As Mr. Seacrest anxiously glanced offstage for help, Mr. Jackson, beside Ms. Abdul at the judges' table, gently prompted her to make comments "just on the first one." Confused, Ms. Abdul said to Mr. Castro, "I thought you sang twice." After realizing what had occurred, she then explained that she got her notes mixed up and had meant her comments to be about the next singer, David Cook. But instead of repeating that she thought Mr. Cook had given an uninspired performance, she told him, "You were fantastic."

Attempting on Wednesday to explain her misstep, Ms. Abdul spoke on Mr. Seacrest's radio show and said she had seen Mr. Castro's rehearsal of his second song as she was bringing in a friend to the dress rehearsal audience.

When Mr. Lythgoe changed the format, she hurriedly made further notes, she said, mixing up Mr. Castro's live performance with the rehearsal that she remembered.

My takeaway from this explanation: Like so much else that's been wrong with this season, it's Nigel's fault. So what were the rumors, anyway? Oh, just that Paula might have had a pre-show cocktail on Tuesday afternoon that might have addled her judgment—apparently TMZ first broke the "story," only to hit "unpublish" on the offending post once threatened with legal action from Paula's people. Surely I'm not alone in hoping that this little chink being revealed in their armor results in a flood of lawsuits sent their way, thus striking a blow for literacy and non-idiocy once and for all. (Dream big, my mom always said.)

'Idol' Judge Admits Rehearsal Guided Her [NYT]
Ryan talks about Paula being drunk [Redlasso via MJ's Big Blog]

9:46 p.m. The Idols' music video this week shows how, through the power of their hybrid vehicle's product placement, they can fix the litter problem.

9:47 p.m. Neil Diamond is singing "Amazing Grace"—not the Kristy Lee Cook go-to song, but a track that causes my viewing companion to remark that he's about half a step away from the career path taken by Scott Walker.

9:49 p.m. This song is totally OK—very understated. Although if he were a contestant he'd be raked over the coals for this being a singing competition.

9:50 p.m. Ryan is so addled! And there's Neil Diamond's mom, all proud.

9:51 p.m. "What can you say about that album?" "it's good." Ah, the Neil Diamond charm. If anyone would like to see him when he comes to New York, please drop me an e-mail.

9:51 p.m. Neil thought the judges were "a little harsh... but pretty right on" last night. He seems kind of nervous!

9:52 p.m. So here's the thing: I actually think Neil Diamond is a great songwriter. But given that Idol's aesthetic of choice is all about schmaltz in the form of wringing every note until it's bled dry, I feel like he was the complete wrong choice for the Idol universe, unless the judges changed their criteria at the last minute to include categories like "interpretation" and "subtlety." Which totally wasn't happening. Also it's 9:55 already? I got distracted by the promise of unlimited chip refills.

9:56 p.m. Syesha and Brooke are brought out to center stage! Either way, Brooke is going to freak out. (She's already crying.)

9:57 p.m. And Brooke is out. Oh, my god, the crying.

9:57 p.m. She seemed so... down to earth back in the day, you know? But this is what happens when you go the Shrek route.

9:59 p.m. She wants to thank everyone. They're making her sing again. And she's doing "I Am, I Said." Ah, Brooke. Annie Hall you ain't.

10:01 p.m. She's all rasp, very Amanda Overmyer. Syesha looks like she wants to be anywhere else but the Idol stage.

10:01 p.m. She's decided that she doesn't have to please the audience anymore, so her back's been turned to the audience. Good night.

David Archuleta
• Pearl Jam's "Jeremy," if he feels the need to make a cry for help;
• John Cougar Mellencamp's "Authority Song," because seriously, he's sick of this being-stage-parented-to-death shit; or
• Sonic Youth's "Teenage Riot," because no really he needs to get out and hop the first departing freight train now.

Jason Castro
• Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On," in order to make a sorta-sly reference to this week's debacle;
• Big Star's "September Gurls," because awwww; or
• Ben E. King's "Stand By Me," because he's totally into the Sean Kingston song that it samples.

David Cook
• Paul Young's arrangement of Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart," because so few people want to remember they've ever heard it that he'll have no problem claiming it as his own;
• The Doors' "The End," because he is edgy, dammit, Lythgoe or no Lythgoe; or
• Mott The Hoople's "All The Young Dudes," because it's almost mathematically impossible to ruin that song, no matter how much reheated post-grunge you ladle on top.

Syesha Mercado
• Jane's Addiction's "Been Caught Stealing," because it would pair well with her recently unearthed saucy side;
• Blondie's "Heart Of Glass," so she can show off her falsetto; or
• The Penguins' "Earth Angel," so she can reveal her ability to self-harmonize, thus clinching the Idol crown three weeks early.

Brooke White
• Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," to continue the crazy-girl-at-karaoke theme she started last night;
• R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion," in a suicide-mission move that will once and for all alienate her from all those right-wing voters who got offended by Carly last week; or
• Duran Duran's "Hungry Like The Wolf"—but in the style of Bruce Campbell:

500 Songs That Shaped Rock [infoplease.com]

5. If vocal prowess was that important, would the producers be as stowed away on the David Archuleta train as they are? Again, I point out that when the show's powers that be look at Archie, they see Jonas Brothers money, to the point where they are blinded to his lack of charisma and the fact that he squeaked a bunch of notes on last night's charmless, "let's-trot-out-the-kid-for-show" performance of "America." Then again, it's not like Miley Cyrus has the best voice ever.

4. Yarling is not singing well, and neither is putting every song through the Our Lady Peace Filter. Can someone please give the judges a copy of Buzz Ballads sometime before the finals? Thanks in advance.

3. The best pure singer last night got a bunch of backhanded compliments about her future on Broadway, while others who stumbled were praised. Why the judges are consistently nasty about Syesha's chances to win this whole thing (or, at least, come in second to Archie) is beyond me, especially on a night when Brooke's "better" performance was marked by her voice's "vinegary" qualities turning a lot of her notes sour.

2. Carly got sent home last week. Just saying.

1. David Archuleta's performance of "Sweet Caroline," which Randy called "the bomb."

Surely I'm the only one who thought the old "cruise ship" line should have been brought out for this one? Or perhaps the "you didn't hit half your notes" line would have worked better. Either way, I hope that Red Sox Nation is as offended by this performance as the Christian right was by Carly's last week.

WHO'S GOING HOME: An odd combination of lousy performances, Jason Castro sympathy votes, and Simon Cowell telling Syesha that she was "in trouble" leads me to believe that we're going to say goodbye to Brooke. Those of you with HD might want to stock up on Kleenex and wear your wellies, as tonight is going to be a waterworks.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: Al Shipley called it: This night went to 11. Not only did Paula give away her comments for Jason's second performance before he even sang, she called Syesha "Brooke" and looked really, really tired. I did like the neckline on her dress, though.

Johnston out!

Anyway, as Neil Diamond's catalog of beloved compositions is fairly vast, there are many possibilities for what other songs will be trotted out this evening. I'm hoping that David Cook takes "Cherry, Cherry" and doesn't grunge it up, because I think showing that he has some sort of versatility in the wide chasm between Puddle Of Mudd and Phantom Of The Opera would make me feel at least a little better about rooting for him once Jason Castro gets dispatched of. And as one reader said last week, he'll probably also do "the Pulp Fiction version" of "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon," which, at the very least, could mark the first and last time Urge Overkill gets props on American Idol.

I can see Brooke singing "Shilo," or "Lady Magdalene," or most of Neil's other slow-burn tracks—this week seems particularly suited to her as long as she keeps it together. Syesha, though, is the wild card: it's not crazy to think that she's currently at work turning "I Am, I Said" into a big, belty number, but beyond that song choice I'm pretty clueless. Any ideas?

There are a LOT of people with their panties in a bunch over her song choice. I have been trying to defend her everytime I see one, but it's like hitting off a bunch of flies....flies that bite!

One even had the notion that Carly was not a christian because she didn't talk about praying like the "other christian contestants did on their bio page". I am so sick of idiots.....

I could also say that it's kind of convenient for these viewers to get all het up about the interpretation of lyrics by singers they don't like, but be totally OK with singers who can't really interpret their lyrics at all and need Daddy's help to do so because said singers are button-cute. But anyway. One bright side to this whole debacle: It may provide a hint as to who's still watching the show (aside from the always-lucrative "people who blog about it" demo), as its ratings were down again this week—total viewership took a 700,000-person hit, while its 8.2 rating/21 share among viewers ages 18-49 was its lowest tally among that demographic in years.

carly in danger with that song choice [americanidol.com]
Why Carly went home and a note to future idols. [americanidol.com]
'Idol' Song Choice Courts Controversy and Finds It; Singer Is Voted Off [NYT]
"American Idol" slips further in ratings [Reuters]
Webmaster's advice for 'Idol': Let the bad in [Daily Herald]

"I don't know the chords, but I'm never gonna give up. You know why? You gotta want it." You know who Jason Castro reminds me of more than anyone else?

I could totally see him embracing Xenu too.

Jason Castro on My Couch [YouTube via ONTD]
John Travolta - Let Her In [MySpace]

But it wasn't to be, and Carly got sent off in an anticlimactic, awkward way that didn't even close out with her doing one last, rousing version of "Superstar" from Jesus Christ Superstar. Maybe she doomed herself by saying that she'd go all-out and have fun over the coming weeks of the competition; American Idol never rewards such "I'll Stick Around"-dervied hubris in kind. But even after all the crap surrounding her time on the show—the major-label record deal that I read about when writing about music was still just a vague dream of mine, the "NO U R FAT" sign she posted on her fridge back then, the tattoos, the husband with the face tattoo, the increasingly visible desperation every time she talked about how she just wanted to make it—I grew to actually root for Carly somewhat.

In a way she seemed like a great big Cautionary Tale for David Archuleta and his dad; she was the groomed-from-birth girl whose teenage quest for stardom fizzled after a series of ill-fated moves by the people who should have been looking out for her (and maybe/probably by herself, too). (For some reason I feel like her career and Jordin Sparks' recent travails should both send Archuleta running for a set of hills located somewhere bereft of cameras, and given that dude looked like a deer in the headlights for most of the evening, perhaps he's starting to feel the same way.) Will tonight be her last chance at making it? Even with the definition of that two-word phrase becoming more and more nebulous, and dare I say damning, by the day, it's doubtful; between the fragmentation of the musical landscape, the fact that I still have her version of "Superstar" in my head (and not in the annoying Flo Rida way), and her seemingly Broadway-ready voice I suspect that she'll have some sort of a career over the coming years, one that won't involve her living in a house equipped with cameras that run 24/7.

Also, how did Brooke White not go home? Keeping her around at this point = making the inevitable meltdown all the more of an utterly uncomfortable live-TV moment.

[Photo: AmericanIdol.com, since taking a picture of that little, DVR-free TV was a completely fruitless exercise]

1. Being top dog on Amazon MP3 may not mean all that much. Sure, it's getting a lot of good press for attracting non-iTunes users to its DRM-free fold, with the NPD group saying that its "distant No. 2" status means that it's got about a tenth of iTunes' market share—so the album's sales may have been in the three-digit range, if that.

2. In the interest of keeping the real feelings of the voting public secret, the Idol producers lobbied Amazon to keep a lid on Analog Heart's SoundScan data. Obviously the more interesting theory, and somewhat plausible because this is a tack that the powers that be have taken with all the iTunes releases of the contestants' performances—a bit of secrecy that has resulted in Idol superfan/rickey.org proprietor Rickey figuring out which songs were selling through a lengthy process involving iMix-making. Could their reach extend to a company that they don't have a promotional relationship with?

Earlier: Fox 411 Columnist's Anti-David Cook Diatribe: A Sign That Clive Is Not Pleased?

1. Carly Smithson. It helps that Jesus Christ Superstar is one of the few ALW musicals that I find tolerable, but she really brought it last night, showing the world that she needs to ditch the ballady Celine thing and go sorta-crazy like she did on that musical's title track. She can even say that she made the stylistic shift in honor of her pal Michael Johns! That'll elicit some "awwww"s (and maybe even some votes from the few 18-34 women still watching the show who are smitten with the ascotted Aussie). Her bringing out that T-shirt about Simon actually liking her performance would have knocked her down a peg on any other night, though.

2. Syesha Mercado. Like many of you, I was hoping that she'd do her song from Starlight Express on roller skates. But her performance of "One Rock N' Roll Too Many" was fairly competent if a little tentative when she was trying to be "sexy" with Ricky Minor, a hesitance that I think she's had in different guises during her performances all season.

3. Jason Castro. I get that the judges are so used to hearing songs like "Memory" belted in the American Idol vocal-cord-hemorrhage-inducing style that they were probably flummoxed by Jason's super-whispery treatment (and let's not even get into the "whoa, it was sung by a cat?" thing). But I kinda liked this performance, especially in the context of the awfulness surrounding it.

4. David Cook. Meanwhile, to close out last night's show, America was given the chance to witness the birth of Sebastian Bach, Mach 2. Look for him in the traveling production of Jekyll & Hyde come 2012, and fronting Velvet Revolver in 2014.

5. David Archuleta. So, a question: Why is it that when other singers forget words, they get dinged, but the golden boy Archuleta makes up lyrics and mumbles—and then gets praised by all the judges (save Simon, sort of, since he still liked Archie's performance but thought it was "forgettable")? I know he's tapped for winning this thing by Clive et al, but what with the news coming out that his dad is interpreting his lyrics for him in addition to picking his material, shouldn't we give the crazy praise a rest? Repeat after me, everybody: David Archuleta is not a Jonas Brother, and he never will be.

6. Brooke White. Ah, Brooke. She visibly crumpled on the second lyric of "You Must Love Me," asking the band to start over, and she looked so uncomfortable on stage that I just wanted to give her a hug, even if said hug would have been followed by a 90-minute crying jag.

WHO'S GOING HOME: It pretty much has to be Brooke—unless Syesha's 1-2 punch of putting in a decent performance and being first on the bill leaves her in the dust as everyone panic-dials for the people who screwed up.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 7/10. You could tell she was struggling against the thought of actually having to criticize some of the singers, which probably made her want to crawl back into bed. Also, am I the only person who thinks that her bangs have been making her look even more dazed than ever these past few weeks?

It's no secret that Friedman is buddy-buddy with the recently shoved-aside Sony BMG executive Clive Davis; Friedman has devoted many a pixel to praising the aging exec and his Grammy-party-hosting old-biz ways. (A recent example: Friday's news that Sony BMG had bumped Davis aside prompted Friedman to say "the record business is just about over... with Clive removed from the picture on a daily basis, the end is one step nearer.") While it's unclear whether or not Davis' new position as "chief creative officer" will result in him being as involved with Idol winners' albums as he's been in previous years, it's not too much of a stretch to think that Davis, whose most recent success has come with the blandly spooky Leona Lewis, would be unnerved by Cook's not-all-that-edgy "edginess," especially when a) he wasn't so into Kelly Clarkson's attempt to take a similar tack and b) the (perhaps delusional) promise of teenpop money from David Archuleta's screaming fans seems so close.

My guess is that this will all come to a head on the Idol season finale, when Cook is forced to mug his way through the treacly coronation song while Archuleta smiles and wets his lips throughout his performance—you know, sort of like what happened last year, only this time I'm pretty sure that David Cook will actually sell albums once all is said and done.

'Idol' Singer a Ringer? David Cook's Album Already Out [Fox 411]
David Cook — "Analog Heart" Pulled from Amazon.com! [rickey.org]
David Cook's Analog Heart Pulled From Amazon [MJ's Big Blog]

The conventional wisdom among TV producers and their accountants is that hit shows, no matter how popular, usually start delivering diminished ratings somewhere from Season 5 to Season 7. Seen that way, "Idol's" apparent decline is adhering to form. Some fans are seeing the program as less essential than it was a year or two ago. How many times can Americans see Seacrest insult Simon Cowell, and vice versa, before they say, "Enough already"?

"It would be great if the ratings could stay in the high 20s or low 30s," said executive producer Ken Warwick, referring to "Idol's" customary viewership in the tens of millions. "But everything has a sell-by date. Everything."

Warwick scoffed at Cowell's notion, quoted in a recent Variety interview, that the show was suffering this year because the contestants lack "personality" and are making "safe" song choices.

That's not to say, though, that Fox and the producers aren't going to huddle at the end of the season and talk about making some changes. The network carefully weighs research on audience reactions to "Idol," Beckman said. This season, executives noticed that the ratings dipped a bit during the audition phase, rebounded during the Hollywood rounds and then dropped to last week's lows.

"We have to think about how it's presented," Beckman said of "Idol," although he declined to speculate what sorts of changes might be in the offing: "These are questions you naturally ask when a show is in its seventh year."

I'd argue that updating the musical calibration of the show overall would help—for example, thinking that David Cook's microwaved grunge is "original" is to be expected for a show that thinks "the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber" is a surefire hit to snag viewers, but it may not be the best long-term strategy for moving the show forward into the next decade. Although given that the show does air on Fox—and the network does have an investment in at least keeping it around—what's more likely than the show suddenly getting out of the Clive Davis School Of Acceptable Pop Music is some sort of hybrid between Idol and its current rising-star game show, The Moment Of Truth. Think of what the Antonella Barba episode would be like!

Ominous signs for 'American Idol' [LAT]

American Idol Top 7 Kristy Lee Cook Is Eliminated [RedLasso]
Earlier: Idolator's American Idolatry Archives

1. Jason Castro. Did a version of "I Don't Wanna Cry" that skipped the Mariah-isms for a take that was probably inspired by a late-night Idol-dorm-room spin of Beck's Mutations My only question: How did Saturday Night Live's producers not include Jason in the sketch about the Jack Johnson-hosted "Mellow Show"? Slap some dreads on Jason Sudeikis and you're golden.

2. David Cook. Hey, I have an idea: Let's remove the most charming part of "Always Be My Baby"—the "bo do doops" on the chorus—and then turn the song into your typical David Cook nu-grunge ballad slog, complete with his version of a "big note" and an unresolved chord at the end! I guess I give him points for originality (there's no Finger Eleven version of this song lurking out there, right?) and not getting tripped up by the Tower Of Mariah that the judges have been erecting week after week. But only a few.

3. Carly Smithson. Clad in a cleavage-revealing, tattoo-covering top, she sang "Without You," and the first half seemed shaky—perhaps because she had to put some restraint into the proceedings. But once the song veered into big-note territory she sounded a bit more comfortable. (Randy actually agreed with me on this point, for what I think is the first time all season.) Of course, she suffered from Simon's inevitable Mariah comparisons. Is this episode designed to just package all the ladies into one big lump of doom? Because it's kinda working.

4. David Archuleta. A very boring, all-big-note version of "When You Believe," which I guess constitutes a "deep cut" since the Mariah-Whitney duet was only on the Prince Of Egypt soundtrack and it peaked at No. 15 here, although a Simon Cowell-produced version went to the top spot in the UK. Tried a falsetto bit that really didn't work, but the judges lapped up his treacle anyway. Were they encouraging him or trying to discourage his crazy fans from calling? (Also: He actually said he "wasn't worthy" of being in Mariah's presence, which made me wonder what an Archie-hosted version of Wayne's World would be like.)

5. Syesha Mercado. Another relatively deep cut—this time, "Vanishing," from Mariah's self-titled debut. (Which, it should be noted, came out 18 years ago.) The second half of the song did not do it for me at all, what with it being just a lot of Syesha nasally wailing the word "vanishing" over and over again, but at least the viewers at home don't have an automatic Mariah comparison to draw on. If any viewers at home even care about Syesha at this point.

6. Brooke White. I'm not really sure what key Brooke's version of "Hero" was supposed to be in at the beginning, although turning it into a piano ballad a la "Imagine" did strip the "Mariah" from it and make the song a little more Brooke-ish. But you could see that she was pretty uncomfortable with the song as a whole, singing off-pitch (especially on that bridge!) and rushing the song in parts, then visibly shaking after she got off the piano bench and almost crying when Simon compared her performance to a Vegetarian Whopper—i.e. no meat. The latter fits in with Paula's proclamation that "every ounce