Former Kerrang! writer Howard Johnson has figured out a way to make money in this current crazy word-hostile age: T-shirts! Hey, everybody needs to be clothed, right? Sadly, he doesn’t have a replica of this top at his online store SaltyRockz, but he does have lots of other options for people who like to have passerby staring at their chests. The “Home Taping Is Killing Music” shirt at left—which seems so quaint now!—is but one of the items available at Johnson’s self-funded “labour of love”:

The 5150 call-out is a nice touch, although good luck wearing this without getting into at least one heated argument.

Also available in British and French. Somehow not available in Texan.

Um, I would probably wear this. Because I’m so bad I should be in detention!

Lawsuit in 3… 2…. 1….

Johnson also has a blog; the top entry is a touching story about Warrant where Jani Lane uses the term “fuckin’ faggot.” God I hope this doesn’t mean there’s a Sebastian Bach homage lurking on his shelves.

SaltyRockz [Official site]
[via Sleaze Roxx]

Following in the footsteps of his runner-up David Archuleta, American Idol champ David Cook has shared the contents of “his iPod” with USA Today. This is mainly worth noting because he has Warrant lead singer Jani Lane’s version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” on there, and Lane’s version of the chestnut isn’t all that bad, actually–it’s a gloomy-then-peppy cover that I will bet cash money was inspired by Joey Ramone’s version of “What A Wonderful World.” (Ramone, it should be noted, is not on Cook’s iPod, although Sevendust is. Sigh.) [YouTube / USA Today]

Hard rock blogs are abuzz with news of Warrant’s performance at Nevada’s Sunset Station Hotel & Casino on Saturday, at which Jani Lane seemed more than worse for wear. According to a Sleaze Roxx review, “the vocals were out of pitch and about a half beat off the rest of the music. I thought, ‘please, let there be some kind of delay in his ear monitors that’s throwing him off’. Then I watched his right hand holding the microphone shaking badly. Shaking to the point I thought for sure he would drop it. Joey Allen and Eric Turner were trying to help Jani catch up by singing into his ear. This was painful to watch.” Needless to say, YouTube was quickly full of evidence to this fact.

Here’s the band performing “Big Talk” less than two months ago in Walker, Minn.

And here’s Warrant attempting the song last weekend in Vegas.

Ugh. Think the band will get it together for their Rocklahoma gig Saturday, or drop out entirely?

Warrant Concert Review [Sleaze Roxx]
Las Vegas Uncle Toms Cabin (Jani drunk) part 2 [YouTube]
Warrant – Big Talk – Live In Walker, MN [YouTube]
Warrant sucks ass in Vegas [YouTube]

Get out your “Where are the hard-rock dudes of yore now?” scorecards: The version of L.A. Guns that has Tracii Guns playing lead guitar has fired its lead singer, Paul Black, and the band will officially announce its “as-yet-undisclosed replacement singer with ‘blond’ hair” sometime within the coming days. Well, I guess now we know the answer to the “which L.A. Guns is being fronted by Jani Lane at the Sunset Strip Music Festival?” query that some of us posed a few weeks back! And it will probably break Anthony’s heart, since he was so excited about the Warrant reunion and all. [Blabbermouth]

Get out your “Where are the hard-rock dudes of yore now?” scorecards: The version of L.A. Guns that has Tracii Guns playing lead guitar has fired its lead singer, Paul Black, and the band will officially announce its “as-yet-undisclosed replacement singer with ‘blond’ hair” sometime within the coming days. Well, I guess now we know the answer to the “which L.A. Guns is being fronted by Jani Lane at the Sunset Strip Music Festival?” query that some of us posed a few weeks back! And it will probably break Anthony’s heart, since he was so excited about the Warrant reunion and all. [Blabbermouth]

Warrant! They’ve lost their cherry, but that’s no sin — they’ve still got the box that the cherry came in. The classic lineup recently wrapped up some warm-up gigs for the band’s upcoming tour, and thankfully Jani Lane sounds like he’s in good condition. I will always love these guys, if mostly for Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich, which I consider the best hair-metal album of all time. (Occasionally Appetite For Destruction overhears me saying this and threatens to kick my pussy ass, at which point, I back off and pay respect, secretly knowing that I’ll never love it the way I love DRFSR.)

One of the great things about DRFSR is how the band attacks contradictory themes with the same ridonkulous relish. They’re stoked to be rich, but they’ve only got 32 pennies in a Ragu jar! They want to go where the down boys go, but they’re happy living in the sticks! In the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, Jani’ll be there for the girl who thinks she isn’t pretty no more, cuz he knows they’ll find a way! “Hookers! Whores! A teenage slut on the bathroom floor! I’m in love! I’m in love! I’m in love! I’m love! Oh yeah!” These schizos would seize any fucking day they got, livin’ just to live it up. And when they threatened that big talk needs to be backed up, it sounded like a damn Irish jig. And if they lacked G N’ R’s misanthropic edge, a lot of great bands do, and I’m glad.

Jani and the band were at odds for a while, and Celebrity Fit Club and tales of Jani puking all over the bar at solo gigs didn’t bode well for a reunion. So I’m glad to see they’re back and playing Walker, Minn., before kicking off a summer tour with Cinderella and Lynch Mob.

Tour dates!!
July 2, Stockton Arena, Stockton, Calif.
July 3, Viejas Casion Concerts in the Park, Alpine, Calif.
July 4, Gibson Amphitheater, Universal City, Calif.
July 5, Sunset Station Casio, Henderson, Nev.
July 7, El Paso County Coliseum, El Paso, Texas
July 8, Dos Amigos, Odessa, Texas
July 11, Azteca Music Hall, Amarillo, Texas
July 12, Rocklahoma, Pryor, Okla.
July 13, Kay Yeager Amphitheater, Wichita Falls, Texas
July 17, Verizon Amphitheater, Houston
July 19, Time Warner Amphitheater, Cleveland
July 20, First Midwest Bank Amphitheater, Chicago
July 21, DTE, Clarkston, Mich.
July 22, Pier Six Pavilion, Baltimore
July 25, St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Fla.
July 26, Pompano Beach Amp, Pompano Beach, Fla.
July 27, Hard Rock Live, Orlando, Fla.
July 29, Ozark Empire Fair, Springfield, Mo.
August 1, Clearfield County Fair, Clearfield, Penn.
August 3, Brookhaven Amphitheater, Farmingville, N.Y.
August 10, Iowa State Fair, Des Moines

Here’s “So Damn Pretty (Should Be Against The Law)” from the awe-inspiring Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich Live! video. If there’s one thing Warrant wanted you to know with gigs like this, it was that they’d really love some post-show blow jobs.

Now if only they’d wear the leather trenchcoats again, because those baggy t-shirts aren’t quite cutting it.

WARRANT: Footage Of Nashville Concert Available On YouTube [Blabbermoluth]
Warrant – Down Boys [YouTube]
Warrant – Heaven, Live In Walker, MN [YouTube]
Warrant – So Damn Pretty (Rare Version) [YouTube]

Jani Lane on “Cherry Pie,” a.k.a. “another song with innuendoes I didn’t get until long after I first heard it”: “I give a lot of credit to “Cherry Pie”. It has stood the test of time. It’s a little catchy. It’s a little tongue-in-cheek. It is probably not the most complicated song I have ever written but to write a song that is used as a measuring stick for a genre of music.” Heh, heh, he said “stick.” [Sleaze Roxx]