Let Your Boy get something out of the way immediately: the main reason he chose to assess this particular publication this week is simply that it is likely that many, many more Idolator readers will have access to it than the printed versions of the magazines he normally considers in this space.

Which is to say that Fashion Rocks was mailed in the last couple of weeks to subscribers of Vanity Fair (of which it is nominally a supplement), Wired, and probably a few other magazines published by Condé Nast. Which is also to say that Condé Nast succeeds in producing publications that bespeak heft and significance and thus are less expendable to readers who would otherwise forsake printed matter entirely for the options presented by the Device You Are Currently Gazing At. Discriminating readers... like you!

Like last year's Movies Rock, a supplement sent to GQ and Vanity Fair subscribers, Fashion Rocks is clearly intended to attract additional revenue from many of Condé Nast's advertisers and also pimp a TV special by the same name that will be broadcast on CBS on Sept. 9.

But unlike Movies Rock, this issue is produced under the auspices of Vogue. (Previous iterations were produced under the auspices of GQ.) Which is yet again to say that it's more than likely that editor-in-chief Jonathan Van Meter had very little leeway as to what sort of content would constitute the issue and essentially carried out the wishes of Anna Wintour, the editor of Vogue since 1988.

About the best thing YB can say about Ms. Wintour is that she demonstrated a previously disguised sense of humor about herself by attending a high-profile screening of a movie premised on the persistent perception that she is, frankly, a cunt. Unlike virtually every woman he's ever known, YB is not fascinated with Vogue, the instrument with which Ms. Wintour preys on the insecurities of women. Wintour has been so good at making females feel like they're worthless unless they spend money on material goods proffered by Vogue advertisers for so long that, in terms of the publishing milieu, she's indestructible.

And so she's charged with producing a one-off magazine that is intended to promote a television special that involves famous music figures. Fashion Rocks is best understood as how Ms. Wintour contends with music culture. This means that Justin Timberlake, a guy with no new music on the horizon but whose fashion imprint, William Rast, will put out its fall line next month, is an appropriate cover choice.

It is beyond doubt that Wintour is familiar with Timberlake. But had she heard of the Kills, who are profiled herein via an article entitled "Band of Outsiders"? The London duo certainly bears a certain Velvet-esque élan that stands them in stood stead with runway habitués, but there's one aspect that's sure to get Wintour's attention: Kills guitarist James Hince is Kate Moss' latest pale, leather jacket-clad stunt dick. If pint-size hesher icon Ronnie James Dio found himself as Moss' dragon-slayer (or fellow dragon chaser) du jour, then he'd be profiled herein, no questions asked.

Writers and personalities that are only vaguely in Wintour's orbit are called in for pieces that are each headlined with a startling lack of flair. In the issue's de facto introduction, "Sound and Fashion," longtime Village Voice fashion scribe Lynn Yeager explains that "music and style have always been in sync," an idea which doesn't need explaining; Joan Jett talks about her own style aesthetics in "Born to be Bad"; in "Dirty Pretty Thing," Liz Phair is described as "the rock equivalent of Carrie Bradshaw"; the part of ex-label honcho Danny Goldberg's mem-wah, Bumping into Genius, concerning Courtney love and "that dirty little man she married that the younger people think is so wonderful" is excerpted in "I Am Legend"; "Hearts of Darkness" explores "emo" culture now that designers have taken note of it; "Fine and Dandy" examines André Benjamin and his Benjamin Bixby line; and finally, in "Hit Man," profilee Mark Ronson, a DJ at several events that Ms. Wintour has surely attended, is described as the son of "socialite Ann Dexter-Jones" and incorrectly as the stepson of "the singer of Foreigner, Mick Jones."

Ultimately, the writing in the mag does not address the point of Fashion Rocks. But the photographs accompanying the articles cited in the previous paragraph are lensed by the likes of Terry Richardson and Steven Meisel. And a marquee photo package, featuring several performers that will probably drop out of the accompanying special by the time it's broadcast, involve the contributions of Meisel, Norman Jean Roy, and Jean-Baptiste Mondino. Pretty pictures, after all, are the point of Fashion Rocks and of any endeavor involving Ms. Wintour.

(YB should say that an essay appending Meisel's shot of Mariah Carey includes the single, solitary example of memorable, insightful scribbling in the entire issue, courtesy of Michael Joseph Gross: "...Carey is Long Island's answer to Dolly Parton, a woman whose bodacious bod and over-the-top style have distracted many people from her rare and substantial talent...Carey's aspiration to G4 style seems an effort to make up for her bridge-and-tunnel background." True dat, and thus it's the one of very few ways someone with that kind of background can matter to Ms. Wintour.)

So clearly, YB finds Fashion Rocks to be a fairly vile proposition. But one photo essay therein is particularly ghoulish, and is the other reason he chose to write about the mag.

"Here Comes the Son" finds Dhani Harrison sporting a mustache and styled in the manner associated with his father George in 1967-1968. He also cavorts with one Sasha Pivovarova, one of those Eastern European wraiths models that Wintour often employs. This young woman is clearly cast as Patti Boyd, the woman pere Harrison was married to in the late '60s and early '70s—although Harrison disingenuously describes her look in a caption as being based on Stones muse Anita Pallenberg. Dhani's mother is Olivia Arias, who no doubt is thrilled to not only see her son pantomiming his father, but to witness him hugging up to a representation of her husband's first wife.

Harrison's new band thenewno2's album apparently will be released soon. YB can only assume that young Harrison or someone (poorly) advising him believes the record faces nigh-unto-impenetrable barriers, since somebody in a relevant position thinks there's something to be gained by breaking the rule observed by all Beatles progeny: "I will not be judged based on my dad's legacy—or at least I will avoid the appearance of doing so."

But Van Meter quotes Harrison in his editor's letter as a way to justify this bizarre exercise: "It's very hard to take a step in any direction musically without referencing something The Beatles have done." Van Meter adds, "In every way, our ten-page layout with Dhani and Sasha perfectly captures what Fashion Rocks is all about."

Precisely. It all makes perfect sense and is very high concept to vampires like Ms. Wintour and her underlings.

1) Andrew Mendelson - Morning Meditation
2) Mike Myers - 9 To 5
3) Cornershop - Brimful Of Asha (Norman Cook Remix)
4) Mike Myers - Stop Hitting Yourself (dialog)
5) Mike Myers and Manu Narayan - More Than Words
6) Mike Myers - The Joker
7) Telma Hopkins and Toronto Children's Concert Choir - Lead Me To Your Rock
8) B.A.S.K.O. - Big Boi
9) Robbie Nevil - C'est La Vie
10) Celine Dion - I Drove All Night
11) Mike Myers - My Name Is Guru Pitka (dialog)
12) Lata Mangeshkar and Mohd Rafi - Mere Mitwa Mere Meet Re
13) George S. Clinton - Guru Vindaloo
14) Danny Saber - Mathar
15) Mike Myers - Guru Lineage (dialog)
16) Guru Pitka's Ashram Band - Guru Pitka Chant

Cornershop agreed to this? Where's Panjabi MC?

Here's a classic number from The Apple as a humble apology for bringing any of this to your attention.

The Love Guru Soundtrack [MySpace]
Love Guru - I Drove All Night [YouTube]
The Apple

Available exclusively in the U.S. to Verizon Wireless' V CAST Music customers and internationally to Vodafone customers, 4 Minutes is the first single from Madonna's 11th studio album for Warner Bros. Records. HARD CANDY is scheduled for international release on April 28, 2008, with the U.S. release the following day.



In addition to Madonna's original "4 Minutes" track, co-produced by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake and Nate "Danja" Hills, and the underground mobile remix available on Verizon Wireless' V CAST Music and Vodafone, exclusive video footage of Madonna, Timbaland and Justin Timberlake's "mobile remix" recording session is now available on Verizon Wireless' V CAST Video service.

I miss when pop stars would just dance in front of Pepsi logos in Super Bowl ads and leave it at that.

Verizon Wireless debuts Underground Remix of Madonna 4 Minutes Single [I4U]

1. The idea of Madonna and Justin Timberlake hooking up is strangely repulsive to me, for petri-dish reasons instead of age-related ones. The whole clip dances around the idea of the world collapsing into a black hole and peoples' skin melting off if they don't—but they never kiss on screen, presumably because JT doesn't want to inherit his ex-girlfriend's curse.

2. Timbaland's rapping: Still unnecessary. Although none of the lyrics make sense overall (at least in a narrative sense—the flipping of "prima donna" into "Madonna" sounds pretty good, though), so perhaps syllable-ing along, and not singing along, is the point of this track.

3. The video is actually four minutes and six seconds long. Surely every pedant out there will point this out, but what is the significance of those extra six seconds? That the world hasn't been saved because Madge and JT have spent too much time washing up in the soon-to-be-doomed bathroom? Or that it has been? These questions will no doubt be answered in the post-apocalyptic clip for "Candy Store."

4. Madonna has gone from "collagist of bohemian subcultures" to "totally OK with ripping off ideas from Jamiroquai." Fast forward to the two-minute mark and slap your head. And anyone who says "But it's different because it's on a grocery-store checkout lane!" is fired.

5. The chorus on "4 Minutes" still reminds me of the theme to The Price Is Right. No, really; every time I hear this song it converges with the game-show theme that kept me entertained during sick days of yore. Here's a clip that uses Crystal Waters' "Come On Down"—a song that, quite awesomely, samples the theme in question—for proof. I also like this clip because the cat in it may be one of the grouchiest cats I've ever seen.

Madonna - 4 Minutes [HQ] [YouTube]
Madonna - 4 Minutes [WorldStarHipHop]
Cat Tricking [YouTube]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The version floating around the Internet is an nth-generation radio rip with enough static to make the Timbaland-produced beat sound like it's part hurdy-gurdy, and it's dotted with a French DJ saying "ma-dun-NAH" at certain crucial points, but even through all that noise the new Madonna single packs in a bunch of fun, future-retro goofing around, and even through my tinny MacBook speakers I can tell that this track will really sound good coming out of car windows as the weather heats up. (Note to self: Buy better speakers.) Sure, the guest turns by Justin Timberlake (who provides the titular pleading to save the planet) and Timbaland (who provides his now-patented "uh"-ing and a few assorted verbal hiccups) are kinda superfluous on record, but at least they'll give radio programmers a reason to think that this song might appeal to the youth demographic. Beyond the song actually sounding good, of course.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Check the comments on this ONTD post (HT pump like thumpy).

MCDONALDS COOKIE JAR CONTAINER RARE
Current price: $9.99. (Shipping costs are $15!)
Description: No description, although there's a close-up of the McDonald's Seal Of Authenticity that reveals that it's from 1997. I'm not really sure how this is "rare," though.
Which former boybander should buy it: Justin Timberlake. Ba da ba ba ba!

WORLD CONNECTION AWARD 2002 BY MIKHAIL GORBACHEV
Current price: $1,000.
Description: "DON'T MISS OUT ON A VERY RARE AND NOT OFTEN SOLD TO THE PUBLIC ITEM... THIS IS THE ACTUAL AWARD THAT WAS GIVEN TO LOUIS J. PEARLMAN BY PRESIDENT MIKAIL [sic!] S. GORBACHEV AT THE AWARDS BANQUET IN 2002 ... INCLUDED IS THE VIDEO OF THE AWARD BEING PRESENTED TO L.J.P."
Which former boybander should buy it: Lance Bass. He's the thinky one who wrote a book, right?

BACKSTREET BOYS 6,000,000 Units AWARD
Current price: $9.99.
Description: "BSB World Wide Sales of 6,000,000 Units ... The Album "Back Street Boys" 1997 ... 20x16"
Which former boybander should buy it: Aw, heck, I'll buy it and give it to the Backstreet Boys, just so they can be reminded of their better days.

ANTHONY ROBBINS PERSONAL POWER II CD'S
Current price: $23.82.
Description: The official line: "Starting today, you can design the life you've always wanted. You can have closer relationships. Greater success in business. More money. Better health. Real happiness and personal fulfillment. True passion in your life. All it takes is 30 days, and Anthony Robbins' Personal Power II: The Driving Force!" And a note: "SET MAY CONTAIN DUPLICATES AS EXTRAS."
Which former boybander should buy it: Aaron Carter, who clearly needs some personal power of the legal kind (or at least better name recognition) thrown his way. (He can give the extras to the guys from LFO.)

a-v sales [eBay]
Pearlman may seek deal to avoid trial [St. Petersburg Times]

We can reveal that in the promo Madge plays - wait for it - a pimp who rescues the planet in an impressive 240 seconds.

And it gets better...

Justin Timberlake and US producer Timbaland play her bitches.

The video has been shot over three days in a top-secret location in West London, and included a gruelling all-night shoot yesterday.
In the sexually charged video, Madge cracks the whip and gets her slaves, Justin and Timbaland, to do whatever she wants as she towers over their quivering bodies in killer heels.

Madonna "whipping" Timbaland. Well that certainly qualifies for the all-time Do Not Want list. Maybe this is karmic punishment for both JT and Tim helping to inflict the "Ayo Technology" video on the planet? But if so, why do we have to suffer too?

Queen Of Pop Madonna Cracks The Whip On Justin Timberlake And Timbaland [Mirror]

A senior executive at another record company, who requested anonymity out of concern about irritating Mr. Jobs, said he was prepared to keep copy restrictions on his label's songs on iTunes for six months to a year while Amazon establishes itself.

Oooh, burn! Of course, it probably never crossed this executive's mind that holding those tracks back from iTunes doesn't necessarily mean that a user is going to run to Amazon because they really, really want their music to be free of digital-rights management. (From the story: "Russ Crupnick, an analyst at the NPD Group, joked that D.R.M. should stand for 'doesn't really matter.' ") As another analyst interviewed by Jeff Leeds pointed out, iPods are where the real money is for Apple, and not only are they available at Amazon anyway, those DRM-free files Amazon sells? Work on iPods. So basically all the record companies have done is added a middleman while getting people acquainted with paying 89 cents for single tracks of digital music, instead of the 99-cent price point that was "too low" for the bigwigs. Nice work, guys! Seriously, is all you need to be a record executive these days some old comic books and the sense of entitlement you had when you first read them as a young tot?

Free Song Promotion Is Expected From Amazon [NYT]
[Photo: Getty]

So at Friday night's Jingle Ball, the most interminable set belonged to Timbaland, who spent most of his allotted time—I'm not sure of the exact minute count, but it seemed way longer than it was regardless—namedropping Justin Timberlake, hoisting around his son, and spinning that Scott Storch dis track in an effort to remind the audience of who he was. Well! Apparently he realized that these tactics weren't really the best way to keep the attention of a bunch of hormonally charged adolescents, so at the Philadelphia installment of the Jingle Ball he previewed the track "Four Minutes To Save The World," which is apparently going to serve as the "Ayo Technology" for Madonna's upcoming-album-that's-not-called-Licorice. If you can make it out over the guy screaming (and Timbaland), you can hear a slightly booty-shaking track that sounds kind of like Madonna instructed Timbo to update "Into The Groove" and add a little bit of Justin so as to make Lourdes' schoolmates think that she's the "cool mom" of her daughter's class. (Also: I bet you that once Duran Duran hears this they're going to be all, "Bloody hell, did we pay him his discount 'save a popstar, save the world' rate by accident?")

Timbaland concert [New Madge/JT song preview—4.M.T.S.T.W.] [YouTube]

If you, current pop act, are not an Oprah-anointed permhead with a name rhyming with "Lohan," you are not having a fun week: A mid-holiday-season malaise has settled over the Billboard charts. That's clear from the current results on the Hot 100, where Alicia Keys holds on to the top spot for a third week even as her sales fall considerably.

Incumbency Has Its Privileges: Every song in the Top 10 of the Hot 100 sold fewer copies at iTunes and other buck-a-song sites last week than the week before. Digital sales for Keys' smash—just nominated today for a Best R&B Song Grammy but, weirdly, no pop Grammys—fall 35% (the biggest drop in the song's chart life), and "No One" relinquishes the title of top seller to Flo Rida's "Low" featuring T-Pain, whose sales only shrink by 5%.

You'd think that would make "Low" a shoo-in for the top of the big chart, but the rap banger's more limited radio airplay keeps it static, while aging hits by Chris Brown and Timbaland/OneRepublic swap places at Nos. 2 and 3. Even Fergie's latest fast-rising hit, "Clumsy," has started to slow down, climbing one notch and remaining outside the Top Five.

Basically, it's not clear any song has the strength to oust the stalwart Keys from the top anytime soon, and if one does, it will be after "No One" wilts enough to allow another track to slip into the penthouse. With radio deeply entrenched in holiday playlist patterns—even stations that don't play Christmas music aren't adding many new records right now—expect the top of the chart to stay sleepy through the end of the year.

You Better Work: There's ample evidence that iTunes remains the big dog when it comes to affecting the outcome on the singles chart. The on-sale release of a digital song—a new album's first single, say—is the main way new hits explode. In the three years since iTunes sales were added to the Hot 100, we've seen records for biggest chart move broken repeatedly by songs fueled by an iTunes burst; Maroon 5's "Makes Me Wonder," with its 63-place jump to No. 1 last May, holds the current record.

But it's harder for second or third singles to benefit in the same way. In the new digital economy, the day an album is released, so are all of its songs—even future singles the record label isn't ready to "work" to radio yet. This has led to an implied Hot 100 rule, post-iTunes: first singles blow up on the chart; followup singles have to work for it.

This week, two followup hits (one of them a follow-follow-follow-followup) make impressive moves the old way: to quote John Houseman, they earn it.

The release last week of a special edition of Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveSounds also brought the Beyonce remix of "Until the End of Time" to the store's digital shelves. The sixth Top 40 hit from that aging JT album, "Until" enjoys a burst of sales—no doubt by Timberlake fans not interested in repurchasing a disc they've owned since mid-2006 just to get the remix—sending the song to a new peak on the Hot 100. (Billboard rules treat the original and the remix as contributing to a single chart position.)

More impressive is the move made by Britney Spears' latest, "Piece of Me." Up 16 spots to No. 47, the track wins Billboard's "Sales Gainer" prize as its paid digital downloads rise 30% from the prior week. It's impressive because there's not much that accounts for this rise, other than the song's ever-growing radio profile.

Impressive as this move is, the fact that "Piece" still resides outside the Top 40 shows how steep a hill followup hits have to climb. If Blackout weren't out yet, "Piece" would probably already be approaching the Top 10.

Did Someone Give Rob Thomas a Laxative? Just 'cuz some loyal readers have made note of this: For the first time in about two months, matchbox twenty's "How Far We've Come" isn't ranked at No. 15 (it's down one notch). We can't be sure, but the amount of time the song spent in a chart position that isn't No. 1, 2 or 3 must be some kind of record.

The top 20, with last week's position and total weeks charted in parentheses:
1. Alicia Keys, "No One" (LW No. 1, 13 weeks)
2. Chris Brown feat. T-Pain, "Kiss Kiss" (LW No. 3, 12 weeks)
3. Timbaland feat. OneRepublic, "Apologize" (LW No. 2, 18 weeks)
4. Flo Rida feat. T-Pain, "Low" (LW No. 4, 6 weeks)
5. Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly" (LW No. 6, 23 weeks)
6. Fergie, "Clumsy" (LW No. 7, 8 weeks)
7. Kanye West feat. T-Pain, "Good Life" (LW No. 8, 12 weeks)
8. Soulja Boy, "Crank That (Soulja Boy), Soulja Boy Tell'em" (LW No. 5, 20 weeks)
9. Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo, "Hate That I Love You" (LW No. 9, 14 weeks)
10. Finger Eleven, "Paralyzer" (LW No. 11, 26 weeks)
11. Jordin Sparks, "Tattoo" (LW No. 12, 10 weeks)
12. Baby Bash feat. T-Pain, "Cyclone" (LW No. 10, 19 weeks)
13. Kanye West, "Stronger" (LW No. 13, 19 weeks)
14. Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson & D.O.E., "The Way I Are" (LW No. 14, 27 weeks)
15. J. Holiday, "Bed" (LW No. 15, 20 weeks)
16. matchbox twenty, "How Far We've Come" (LW No. 15, 14 weeks)
17. Justin Timberlake (duet with Beyoncé), "Until the End of Time" (LW No. 33, 22 weeks)
18. Playaz Circle Featuring Lil Wayne, "Duffle Bag Boy " (LW No. 17, 11 weeks)
19. Trey Songs, "Can't Help But Wait" (LW No. 25, 11 weeks)
20. Natasha Bedingfield feat. Sean Kingston, "Love Like This" (LW No. 21, 7 weeks)

Yes, sadly the LoveShow was just NotThatExciting, a neon-lit arena show headlined by possibly the biggest male pop singer on the planet at the moment, a manboy who hasn't quite figured out how to command that stage without resorting occasionally to cheesy Mickey Mouse Club tricks, and a musician whose excitement at being able to show his multi-instrument dexterity sometimes sacrificed the immediacy of his best songs for "stretching out" on his keyboard with double the guitar solos. Still, for those of you who missed it, here's Idolator's post-JT wrap-up. (Is "postblogging" a word yet?)

- Obviously JT sprung for a very Vegas-y stage set in the round with a few dozen dancers, backup singers, costume changes (black sequined frocks, a kind of whorish J. Crew ensemble, and outright underpants for the dancers ... Justin mainly stuck to the now trademarked sloppy untucked suit/sneakers combo in black/grey or grey/white), giant white sheets like world's largest bed on which images were projected, possibly a gong.
- Justin, as usual, played the likable southern goof who's aw-shucks happy to be famous and who's eager to show that his indebtedness to black music is just how he was raised, a childhood absorbing Stevie, Prince, Al Green, etc. second-hand, rather than the post-boy band defensiveness to front like his roots weren't paved over by the Orlando concrete.
- Also, he's now understood by those who write magazine profiles as a crucial part of the revived Timabaland hitmaking machine,the young turk songwriter who's replaced folks like Missy and Steve Garrett, brought in to work projects both small (Duran Duran) and big (Madge). Both of these things led to:
- Justin structuring the show as a modern day Prince-in-Vegas style big band showcase, where new arrangements were concocted to allow the leader to go nuts at a Rhodes or strum a white acoustic guitar and the rest of the ensemble to add casino band soul flourishes. While it would just be cruel to actually compare JT's less-than-virtuoso skill set to Prince, his still-developing playing and arranging led to dog's dinners like:
- The "1998 wine bar downtempo" remix of "My Love" that kicked the first third of the song off, which just proved how important Timbaland's beats—also: T.I.—are to carrying that song's cheeseball come-ons and will-o-the-wisp vocal melody. A brief live band rendition of the infamous rave-y riff was undone in the final moments by a wanky guitar solo. Throughout the show you got this kind of half-assed muso flashiness overcompensating where the original backing tracks would have done just fine.
- Justin did a shot of (I'm assuming) tequila with the band, thereby endearing him to me even further. (He grimaced pretty badly afterwards, though; man up, JT.) He also said the word "fuck," and seemed quite pleased with his own naughtiness.
- He actually seemed quite pleased with himself throughout the show. Some of that is earned, of course, given his track record, and self-posession is key to pulling off a show of this size. But his mugging for the cameras got wearying halfway through, and his inability to ditch the boy band need to please led to incongruous toothy grins during even the serious songs.
- The vocals were mixed too low throughout, JT's voice practically swallowed by the backup singers on the non-show-stopping numbers. The blank-voiced aesthetic of "SexyBack" isn't necessarily a good look when trying to play to several thousand people. (Not counting the bazillion watching at home.)
- Timbaland showed up halfway through looking beefier than he has since he stopped eating so many baked stuffed potatoes and started pumping iron. He, too, was mixed far too low, just in case you really needed to hear that crucial beatboxing.
- A thought occurred halfway through a FutureSex album track: "JT's non-hits are often ... non-good." "Senorita," "Rock Your Body," "Like I Love You"—all guaranteed to earn screams and singalongs and lobbed panties in almost any context. Otherwise don't feel too guilty about that bathroom pit stop. This is a problem when you're trying to fill up two hours plus.
- Another thought that occured during one of the "here's where the band shows you what they can do" moments: I'm still pulling for this doof, despite his indulgences. Or maybe because of them. You don't see Fatone or Chasez or Bass even trying to pull something like this off.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Yes, that's the very same "Ayo Technology" that was supposed to save 50 Cent's Curtis—only this new version, credited solely to JT, slices 50 right out of the song, giving it over fully to Timberlake's chorus and Timbaland's musings about "hips" and "thighs." So what new verses does this track use to make up for the fact that 50's been edited out? None, actually! All you get are long stretches of Timbaland's "malfunctioning copy of Punch-Out!" backing track, which, now that it's so far out front on this new version, unnervingly reminds me of the 8-bit remix of my co-editor's hottttest summer jam.
WHERE TO FIND IT: It's currently up at IKevinMusic (via Blender), but it'll probably be in heavy rotation on your local rap-averse hits station within the next 24 hours. Sorry Curtis!

British glamour models Jemma Jey and Lucie Eloise were among the girls picked to seduce the boys on screen. But their excitement soon turned to dismay.

Jemma told me: "When I got the job I was really surprised and thrilled - I'm a big fan of them both, especially Justin. So it was a great opportunity to meet him.

"It was disappointing, though, because he was away from the set filming separately for a lot of the time.

"We saw a lot of Fifty and he was a really nice guy - until he fell asleep on us. At one point we blindfolded the guys in the video and danced around them - then realised 50 Cent was sleeping.

"I think all the guys had been out for a party in the West End the night before because they were all pretty tired."

Poor Fiddy. (Kanye, it should probably be said, would never let this happen, blindfold or no. Hell, with those windowshade sunglasses, he's pretty much walking around blindfolded all the time these days.) What happened—did someone replace his Vitamin Water with the plain stuff? Or, even worse, Hi-C?

Superstar Justin is done lustin' [The Sun]

The BET edit of the clip has a lot of pixelated-out shots of writhing women, although it's the Jerry Springer type of pixelation where any titillation said shots are supposed to supply is replaced by you wondering if it's just been added in to make the video seem "edgy." It does match up nicely with Timbaland's 8-bit-malfunction beat, though, and that's making me think that a Nintendo remix of the clip—maybe within the world of Elevator Action—would be terrific.

50 Cent - She Wants It (Ayo Technology) [OnSmash, via Nah Right]
Still Not Tired of Hypocrisy: 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake "Ayo Technology" [Obtusity]

Outstanding Original Music And Lyrics Family Guy • Peter's Two Dads • Fox MADtv • 1209 • Fox Saturday Night Live • Host: Justin Timberlake - Song title: "Dick In A Box" • NBC Scrubs • My Musical: Song Title: "Everyting Comes Down to Poo" Scrubs • My Musical - Song Title: "Guy Love"

Outstanding Special Class Program
79th Annual Academy Awards • ABC
Jerry Seinfeld - The Comedy Award • HBO
Prince Super Bowl XLI Halftime Show • CBS
The 60th Annual Tony Awards (2006) • CBS
The 64th Golden Globe Awards • NBC

I don't know about you, but if Family Guy or the friggin' Golden Globes win their categories, I'll have a little present for the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences to open.

59th Annual Emmy Awards Nominees [Academy of Television Arts & Sciences]

A source told Britain's The Sun newspaper: "The track is an analogy for watching porn. The word 'technology' was put in as a way to replace what they really wanted to say - 'pornography'.

"It's all about being fed up with having to make do watching dirty movies and how desperate they are to have real-life stunning girls."

Yes, because Jessica Biel is apparently not hot enough for Justin. But wait, it gets better:

Justin and 50 - real name Curtis Jackson - will reportedly film the video for the song this weekend with Los Angeles director Joseph Khan. It will see the pair star as sex-obsessed Matrix style secret agents who spy on women.

Uh ... right. Anyway, the track's made its way out to the Internet, and listening to 50 and Justin trade verses is sort of like hearing a live feed from a room where everyone is straining to get a "C" on a test (Timbaland should have saved his malfunctioning-Atari beat for Shock Value). The flophouse reaction was pretty similar to Eskay's schadenfreude-tinged review at Nah Right: "This and the Robin Thicke joint are the songs Curtis is hoping will save the fiasco of an album this is shaping up to be. " Will it work?

Well, not to rain on 50's birthday parade, but: Probably not. Sure, pairing up with cutie-patootie Justin will probably thrill 50's newer, younger fanbase, as long as their parents stay blissfully unaware of what 50's actually rhyming about. But at this point, 50's "throw any guest appearance against the wall, and see if it sticks" approach to Curtis is making me wonder if he should just trash the whole thing and spend the next year making Vitamin Water ads.

(And one last aside to Justin: If you want to help out an album in limbo, may we suggest that you bring your talents to one of your former bandmates' rescue?)

Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent in porn duet [news.com.au]

- The day's biggest test? Cleaning up all the garbage. [Reuters via Canada.com]
- Virtual world Zwinktopia is counterprogramming the all-day affair with a concert featuring Kelly Rowland, Hinder, and Scott Ian. Wait, does this mean that Judge Dredd has a Zwinky? [PRNewswire]

Apparently Justin Timberlake wasn't completely put off by user-generated content after his awkward Grammy experience; the first signing to his new record label, Tennman Records, is Esmee Denters, an 18-year-old from the Netherlands who has posted about 60 videos of her singing mostly other peoples' songs (including Timberlake's, above) to her YouTube channel. Denters' YouTube channel is the 16th-most-watched on the entire site—she's even more popular than the "Will It Blend? guys!—and we suspect its popularity has less to do with her perfectly adequate pipes and more to do with her camgirl-like ability to have her eyes zone in on whatever lens is recording her at the moment—which, frankly, is creeping us out a little. (Maybe it'll look less unsettling once she uses her budget to get better lighting?)

me singing ``what goes around`` Justin Timberlake [YouTube]
Internet Phenomenon Esmee Denters Signs With Tennman Records [PR Newswire]

Marilyn Manson - What Comes Around Goes Around [MP3, link expired; via Whudahexup]

John Mayer doesn't radiate courage. With his sunken eyes and a wardrobe you might generously call agoraphobic chic, his aura of passivity is an artistic achievement. Factor in Mayer's Grammy-winning ode to helplessness, Waiting on the World to Change, and it's tempting to dismiss the 29-year-old as the latest figure in a disturbing cultural phenomenon: the rock star as wuss.

Listen to his music, though, and you'll discover that Mayer wields sincerity like a pitchfork. His empathetic voice and emotional fearlessness elevate songs like Your Body Is a Wonderland and Daughters from pop ballads into more meaningful territory; give them half a chance, and during vulnerable moments, they'll be your friends for life.

Come on, Time—we know that nobody over there actually thinks Mayer (who, we'll admit, seems very smart and witty) is anything other than a modern-day version of Loggins and/or Messina. But hey, maybe he'll show up at the party if we put him on there!

John Mayer [Time.com]

[Photo from The Daily Mail, via Towelroad]

Timbaland feat. Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake - Laff At Em (Give It To Me Remix) [MP3, link expired]

Editor's note: Aside from a few Clash lyrics, your Idolators know nothing about the law. Which is why we're proud to introduce the IdoLawyer, an anonymous California attorney who will be weighing in on various music-related matters. While her column isn't intended as legal advice, it is sage advice nontheless, and we've asked her to take on a dilemma that's been bugging us for weeks: Is Justin Timberlake above the law?

One of the most famous songs in opera is Verdi's "La Donna e Mobile," which translates, inartfully, to "Woman is fickle." Verdi got his message across in two minutes; Justin Timberlake, in his video for "What Goes Around ... Comes Around," takes nine and a half. The clip begins with JT stealing Scarlett Johansson away from her man and ends with her death in a car crash, after she cheats on him. Thanks to this deficit of subtext, the video is worth watching exactly once.

But this video raised red flags for your IdolLawyer. If the events of this video were reality, instead of fantasy, Justin could face some serious legal charges.

Let me paint this picture for you, baby:

"Justin" has convinced "Scarlett" to cheat on, and ultimately ditch, her inattentive man. She and Justin proceed to date, we are told, on the regular. But one night at the club, he discovers Scarlett making out in a stairwell with his best friend. He punches the guy out and threatens Scarlett until she runs, teary-eyed, to her car parked outside. She roars off into the manhole-steaming night, and Justin follows, close behind.

Just as he pulls alongside her car, he notices what she doesn't: A giant flaming car wreck that's blocking the road. Her car soars, flips, and crash lands. She lies on the road, dead in the Los Angeles dawn. With a look that his acting teacher no doubt told him would convey shock and disgust, JT emerges from his roadster, karmically victorious.

Legally, this video is full of potential liability. Some examples:

Could Justin be sued for stealing Scarlett? Nope. But if she were married, and if the year were 1934, the story might have been different. At that time, California still allowed lawsuits based on "alienation of affection." These suits were based on the idea that wives belonged to their husbands, so Hubby could demand money from the guy who stole his dame.

Scarlett fakes her own death in a swimming pool to get Justin's attention. Aside from the fact that it comes out of nowhere, doesn't the law punish this act? Indeed, yes. Though Justin wasn't required to rescue the drowning woman, she could still be forced to pay for any injury he incurred trying to save her. Under this "rescue doctrine," if the victim has created the dangerous situation, she has to pay up when another person attempts, within reason, to save her.

Justin wallops the bejeezus out of his friend. Can he be sued? Of course! Justin could be liable for assault and battery, and his righteous indignation would be no defense. (Catching your spouse cheating may be enough to reduce a murder charge to manslaughter, but that rule doesn't kick in at these levels of injury.) To escape liability, Justin has three options: (1) He could argue that no one suffered from his outburst, but he clearly punched the guy out; (2) he could argue he was provoked, but provocation only reduces the amount of punitive damages, which is the icing on the cake of regular "compensatory" damages; or (3) he could argue he was acting in self-defense. But defending your ego doesn't count.

The real show-stopper here, though, is the car chase, which ends in Scarlett's demise. In California, Justin could face a raft of criminal charges for this non-trivial pursuit. It doesn't matter that his car didn't hit anybody or anything. What matters is Justin's mental state during that car chase.

· If Justin was acting "recklessly" (say, by speeding on dark streets), and this action caused the accident, he could face up to six months in jail.

· But if he was acting with "gross negligence," he could be charged with vehicular manslaughter. Gross negligence means you're more than irresponsible but less than evil. For example: Fixing your buddy's bike with a part that turned out to be faulty is negligent, whereas fixing your buddy's bike with a part you knew in advance would break is grossly negligent.

· Even if he wasn't grossly negligent, Justin could still be charged with misdemeanor manslaughter for killing someone while committing an unlawful act—in this case, reckless driving. This crime that has been recommended but not charged in Brandy's car accident case.

· If Justin was driving with a "conscious disregard for human life," the jury would be allowed to impute malicious intent to him and convict him of murder, off the dance floor. For these big charges, it wouldn't matter if Scarlett were partially responsible for her own demise.

Justin could try to argue he was acting in "defense of a third person," namely Scarlett, by attempting to catch up with her. But there's no proof here that he thought she was going to harm herself. In fact, he seemed to be following her just so he could continue berating her.

Thanks to Justin's fledgling acting abilities, we can't be sure just what he was thinking getting into his car to chase her down. But with the law as it is, he has some 'splainin to do. After he crouches over her cold, dead body, he should think twice and take his own advice from an earlier album: Don't be so quick to walk away.