The Moldy Peaches were somehow lumped into those “return of New York rock” puff pieces at the turn of the decade, despite the fact that they rocked about as hard as the fluid in Grandma’s goiter. The booger-eating moron brainchild of the two of the most grating people on the planet, the Moldy Peaches were the equivalent of a seventh-grader from gifted class screeching “Cheese monkey!” at bullies until they were too sad and confused to give him the beating he so clearly deserved.





Oh yeah, remember how those kids said “crack” a lot too. Crack’s funny, right? Haha. You know, like on crack. Yeah. Hahaha. Crack. Oh man, “Panama Jack.” British people loved this as much as they loved other awesome things from the decade, like the Darkness and the Iraq War. Some sample lyrics from this gem: “I am a goat / In a moat / With a boat.”


I’m not some old cynic who can’t understand the appeal of childhood nostalgia as a way to channel the old, good, innocent times. But when will people realize this shit just reveals more about how most people are just painfully uncreative adults?


The Moldy Peaches – Who’s Got The Crack? [YouTube]
The Moldy Peaches [Official site]
F2K: Idolator Counts Down The 50 Worst Songs Of The ’00s, One By Ear-Splitting One

While the contents of the Juno soundtrack have probably made little difference to most Idolator readers’ lives (unless you didn’t know about the Moldy Peaches and, honest to blog, cried when you finally heard “Anybody Else But You”), there are at least three people who might be upgrading their furniture if director Jason Reitman had stuck with his original plans for the flick’s musical motif. “We started to realize there was this rebirth of lo-fi music that had the same energy as punk music, but nowhere as angry. The first band we discovered was Yo La Tengo and so I started to think that was the sound of the film.” Then Diablo Cody stormed in the room and went “blah blah I used to be a stripper and this isn’t sticky edgy sweet enough blah blah listen to this song on my Oh My iPod (get it?) it’s the biggity bomb!” Or rather Ellen Page downloaded “Anybody Else But You” for Reitman when he asked her what Juno would listen to. But it’s fun to pretend.

It’s also fun to imagine how the movie would have been if Georgia and Ira were crooning throughout the film instead of Kimya and Adam, and this clip reel set to Jacob Ruefer’s cover of “You Can Have It All” gives you an idea of how it would have been. (Yo La Tengo’s version did earn a place on the Juno B-sides comp.) (Also, isn’t it weird how much Ruefer sounds like YLT bassist James McNew?)

So would Reitman’s original plan have earned Yo La Tengo a gold album and the chance to perform on Sesame Street? Or would songs like “Sugarcube” and “The Summer” have failed to hit the same nerve as Kimya’s ultra-twee sensitivity?

JUNO – You Can Have It All (Cover) [YouTube]
Jason Reitman [KCRW via The Playlist]

Google searching for material occasionally leads you to some odd places, and today it took me to Human Events, a publication that apparently has been “leading the conservative moment since 1944″ for a Phyllis Schlafly review of the movie everyone was talking about several months ago, Juno! It turns out that Phyllis and I, despite otherwise sharing zero in the way of opinions, both disliked the film, but in the midst of an anti-feminist screed, there was one delightful, sorta music-related paragraph. So, you’ve probably been wondering…what does an 83 year old ERA foe think is wrong with today’s youth? Well, she’d be happy to tell you!

America is in bad shape if the financial success of this movie reflects today’s high school culture: sexual activity without marriage, crude pictures on the walls, vulgar language, a girl smoking a pipe, unattractive clothes, uncombed hair, enjoyment of slasher movies and weird music, and marriage breakup.

While I was a bit puzzled by Mark’s endorsement of the Carpenters’ tribute record as anyone, but to equate the music (outside of the truly tedious Kimya Dawson) with a girl smoking a pipe seems unfair. So, we leave it to you the reader…which of these teenage threats is most likely to destroy our beloved America?

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you’re viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Feminist “Juno” Unfit For Family Award [Human Events]

If you’re heading to SXSW next week, color me jealous-ish. Lots of bands, good. Long lines and tons of bloggers, bad. Nonetheless, may I offer a suggestion? Unless you enjoy tedious anti-war preaching from rock stars, avoid Stubbs on the 13th.

Any of the following acts might be tolerable on their own, but together? Performing for a movie about a soldier’s experience with war? Oh dear.

Ben Harper, Tom Morello and Serj Tankian will perform at a South by Southwest showcase for the documentary and soundtrack “Body of War,” inspired by a U.S. soldier paralyzed while serving in Iraq.

The performance is set for March 13 at Stubbs BBQ in Austin, Texas, and will also feature Kimya Dawson, American Bang, Brendan James, RX Bandits and special guests to be announced.

I’m sure the movie’s quite touching, but does anyone deserve to put through several hours of Harper, Morello and Tankian back to back demanding an impeachment or encouraging Nader to run, or whatever? Add Kimya Dawson to the mix, and watch the cuteness collide with the caustic rhetoric! Austin, I didn’t support the war, I never voted for Bush, but whatever I did to encourage those guys to perform together, I’m sorry. Really, really sorry.

SXSW: Harper, Morello, Tankian Declare ‘War’ [Billboard]

The man who created the Carrie Nations is apparently still into “chick music,” as evidenced by this line from his review of (ugh) Alvin & The Chipmunks: “Despite the fact that the film is set in the present, when the real (or “real”) Chipmunks already have a back catalog bigger than Kimya Dawson’s, the movie tells the story of how they become rock stars and almost get burned out on the rock circuit.” Dear Roger Ebert: Please write a Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls sequel that’s about an all-lady band that graduates from the K universe into the big, bad world of mainstream pop. The world needs it. [rogerebert.com]

The man who created the Carrie Nations is apparently still into “chick music,” as evidenced by this line from his review of (ugh) Alvin & The Chipmunks: “Despite the fact that the film is set in the present, when the real (or “real”) Chipmunks already have a back catalog bigger than Kimya Dawson’s, the movie tells the story of how they become rock stars and almost get burned out on the rock circuit.” Dear Roger Ebert: Please write a Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls sequel that’s about an all-lady band that graduates from the K universe into the big, bad world of mainstream pop. The world needs it. [rogerebert.com]

The man who created the Carrie Nations is apparently still into “chick music,” as evidenced by this line from his review of (ugh) Alvin & The Chipmunks: “Despite the fact that the film is set in the present, when the real (or “real”) Chipmunks already have a back catalog bigger than Kimya Dawson’s, the movie tells the story of how they become rock stars and almost get burned out on the rock circuit.” Dear Roger Ebert: Please write a Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls sequel that’s about an all-lady band that graduates from the K universe into the big, bad world of mainstream pop. The world needs it. [rogerebert.com]