Idolator: KiSS

Kiss' Mr. Potato Head Line Was Made For Spudding You, Baby

Maura Johnston — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Why would one be surprised that Kiss had branched out into a line of branded Mr. Potato Head dolls? After all, they've hawked condoms, and coffins, and Barack Obama T-shirts, and coffee, and... well, the list goes on. But there's something almost cuddly about these renderings of Kiss in spud form, a certain roundness that's missing from the latest comic-book renderings of the group. And it's making me want to force through a lot of puns involving Kiss song titles and various ways of serving potatoes—"I Love It Baked"? "Turn On The Broiler"? "Cold G(rat)in"?—but instead I'll just show you the prototypes of the potatoes themselves, because really, the headline of this post alone is groanworthy enough.

I can't wait to pair the Gene face with the Ace outfit. Oh, the sacrilege!

KISS Online [Official site; HT Rob Murphy]

It Can Also Be Used For "Practice" Blood-Spitting Sessions

Maura Johnston — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:15:00 EDT

"The KISS Coffeehouse is releasing KISS Hotter Than Hell Ketchup! The Coffeehouse will be sampling KISS Ketchup & fries at noon on Sept 6th. Bottles of KISS Ketchup will be on sale for $7.95." [KissOnline

Possibly Touring: Bands You Might Like

Dan Gibson — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:00:00 EDT

In one of the stranger promotional teasers in recent memory, CAA managing partner Rob Light disclosed a list of acts that should be touring the States next year to HITS. Among them: Wal-Mart favs AC/DC, who haven't toured since 2003, and KISS, who might creak around arenas once again. Other acts mentioned by Light include Usher, Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, Eric Clapton, Stevie Wonder, Christina Aguilera, Depeche Mode, Green Day, Kid Rock, Slipknot, and, in an announcement that's sure to please all those bloggers with cameraphones, Daft Punk. Pretty sure someone is preparing a fake Coachella lineup poster listing all of these acts as we speak. [HITS Daily Double]

Five Kiss Songs That Could Easily Be Turned Into Jingles

Maura Johnston — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:45:00 EDT

The "writing ad-ready songs for the enjoyment of viewers at home and the delight of network accounting departments" reality show Jingles has had its debut, which was scheduled for later this month, pushed back by CBS, but that isn't stopping the network from letting the world know that Kiss bassist and entrepreneur Gene Simmons is going to be one of the show's judges. (I'm guessing he's going to take the acid-tongued "Simon" spot on the panel.) This caused me to think about how Simmons' body of work could itself be employed for the purposes of selling crap that people don't really don't need, via the time-tested "out of context lyric used to shill for a slightly incongruous product" method that so many ads employ these days. Five possible examples of how you could hear Kiss songs during breaks in Law & Order reruns after the jump.

Song: "I Was Made For Lovin' You"
Lyric: "And tonight I wanna lay it at your feet / 'Cause girl, I was made for you / And girl, you were made for me"
Product: Crocs Mary Janes.

Song: "Heaven's On Fire"
Lyric: "Feel my heat takin' you higher / burn with me, Heaven's on fire"
Product: Taco Bell's Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme.

Song: "Lick It Up"
Lyric: "Life's such a treat and its time you taste it / There ain't a reason on earth to waste it / It ain't a crime to be good to yourself"
Product: Haagen-Dazs Reserve Ice Cream. (Especially the Fleur De Sel flavor, mmm.)

Song: "Beth"
Lyric: "You say you feel so empty / That our house just ain't our home / I'm always somewhere else / And you're always there alone"
Product: ADT Security Systems.

Song: "Do You Love Me?"
Lyric: "You like the credit cards and private planes / Money can really take you far / You like the hotels and fancy clothes / And the sound of electric guitars, but / Do you love me, do you love me"
Product: FreeCreditReport.com. And hey, given Courtney Love's recent identity theft issues, maybe the Nirvana version could be used:

If Julie Is Paula, Linda Kaplan Thaler Is Randy [Ad Age]

Is Gene Simmons Really Pissed Off At Radiohead?

Anthony Miccio — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 12:30:00 EDT

Several Web sites are reporting that Gene Simmons is angry at Radiohead, based on this quote: "The record industry is dead. "It's six feet underground and unfortunately the fans have done this. They've decided to download and file share. There is no record industry around so we're going to wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilized. As soon as the record industry pops its head up we'll record new material." OK, so greedy fans are keeping us from songs that rhyme "hot" with "got," but what does that have to do with Radiohead? Are we taking his disappointment with the band on faith?

It's not like it's hard to get Gene to discuss the band. Recently, Gene even claimed to admire Radiohead, even as he wishes they'd buy some fireworks and get the hell over themselves.

I admire bands like Radiohead, but the idea of being that serious? Fuck that, get up on stage and blow shit up. If you're not fulfilling the visual part it's like watching a movie with your eyes closed. One of the biggest compliments we get is (when people say), 'I f**king hate their music but that's the best show I ever saw in my life.'

Thom Yorke, undoubtedly distraught by these critiques, has yet to comment.

Kiss Star Gene Simmons Slams "Boring" Radiohead [Gigwise]

Desmond Child: A Loving Tribute

Anthony Miccio — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:30:00 EDT

In a long-overdue bit of acknowledgement, Desmond Child—the man behind many of the finest in '80s power ballads, as well as disco Kiss and Ricky Martin—will enter the Songwriters' Hall Of Fame on Thursday, along with relatively minor songwriting figures as John Sebastian, Loretta Lynn, and Albert Hammond. Child tells the Miami Herald, "It was funny because I had been nominated twice before but I hadn't made it, and I spoke to the heads of it and they said, 'Well, we always thought you were too young to get it, but then we recently looked at your bio and realized you are old. You just looked young.'' As most of his big-name collaborators are out touring this summer, Desmond Child has been forced "by default" to reunite his late '70s combo Rouge for the ceremony. While it would be insane to try and list all of his greatest achievements ("Kiss The Rain"? "Born To Be My Baby"? "Shake Your Bon Bon"?), we've compiled a list of every ASCAP-registered song of his that features the word "love" in the title. Can you guess how many there are?

According To The Gospel Of Love
After My Love Is Gone
All About Lovin' You
Almost A Love Song
Are You In It For Love?
Before Your Love
Calling It Love
Dare To Love
Does Anybody Really Fall In Love Anymore?

Does He Love You Like I Do?
Ghost Of Love
Give Our Love A Fighting Chance
How Can We Be Lovers?

I Feel Sorry For Love
I Hate Myself For Loving You
I Love Myself Today
I Was Made For Loving You

If I Can't Have Your Love
If I Loved You
If It Feels Like Love
In The Arms Of Love
In The Eyes Of Love
It Ain't About Love Anymore
It's Not Over Till We're Lovers
Let's Get To The Love Part

Live Up To Your Love
Love Cuts Deep
Love For Sale
Love Is My Witness
Love Is War
Love Junkie
Love On A Rooftop

Love Should Be A Crime
Love Transfusion
Love United
Love Will Keep Us Alive
Love You For A Day
Lovin' You Is A Dirty Job

Lovin' You, Lovin' Me
Man In Love
Missin' My Love
My Right To Love You
New Love
Our Love Is Insane

Price Of Loving You
The Problem With Love
The Way Of Love
There's Always Love
This Ain't A Love Song
This Maniac's In Love With You

Timeless Love
Times Are Hard For Lovers
Tonight My Love
Volvere A Amar
What About Love

Why Don't You Love Me?
Without Love
You Give Love A Bad Name

You Love Me To Hate You
You Should Be High Love
You're Lovin Me To Death
You're Not My Lover (But You Were Last Night)

And while this song doesn't have the word love in the title, it's one that shouldn't go unacknowledged when celebrating Desmond Child.

Child was only giving songwriting credit because of a "Livin' La Vida Loca" interpolation, but this only stands as proof of how the majesty of Desmond Child will live on long after he, Richie Sambora, Eric Bazilian, Paul Stanley, Dianne Warren, and his many other collaborators are in their cold, cold graves. We love you, Desmond.

You may not know his name, but you know his songs [Miami Herald]
Kane Roberts - Does Anybody Really Fall In Love Anymore [YouTube]
Michael Bolton - How Can We Be Lovers? [YouTube]
Kiss - I Was Made For Loving You [YouTube]
Play - Let's Get To The Love Part [YouTube]
Ratt - Lovin' You Is A Dirty Job [YouTube]
Desmond Child & Rouge - Our Love Is Insane [YouTube]
Alice Cooper - This Maniac's In Love With You [YouTube]
Heart - What About Love? [YouTube]
Blake Lewis - You Give Love A Bad Name [YouTube]
Sisqo - Thong Song [YouTube]

Kiss Plans Reality Show To Find Replacements For The Whole Band

Anthony Miccio — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Kiss is fun to see live, sure, but who hasn't thought they could use replacements for Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley? With all the hip surgery and facelifts, they've seen better days. And now that it's been established that people don't care who's hiding behind the make-up, Gene and Paul are thinking about getting out of the band and letting America pick who should be the new Starchild, Demon, Spaceman, and Kitty Cat. While I definitely would need a lot of exercise to fit into Paul's leotard, I'm already practicing my "'WOAH-OH-WOAH-OH-WOAH-OH-WOAH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" I can't play a power chord without strutting around, guys! I even act the fool when I play Guitar Hero. And I know you've already got some wigs I could use.

Video footage recently surfaced (see below) of Gene Simmons and the group's longtime manager, Doc McGhee of McGhee Entertainment, apparently confirming that the band is planning on finding the members of the "new" KISS through a TV show, similar to programs like "Rock Star" and "American Idol".

"The answer is yes," Simmons can be heard stating in reponse to a question by Stig Karlsen of Norway's NRK with regards to whether they would ever turn to TV in order to find the members of this proposed "new" KISS. "The deal has just been signed," Simmons added. "It's coming soon."

Paul Stanley's hedging his bets compared to Gene, but he's not denying anything.

"A KISS clone reality show? First of all, contrary to what was said by anyone, there is no signed deal. Secondly, if we were to do a 'KISS II,' and I don't rule that out, it would be in addition to, and never in place of, KISS. If we were to do it, I know it would be done in a groundbreaking way and would be tremendously entertaining. KISS has always defined itself by the rules we break, so what's the big surprise? We are in the middle of our biggest and most successful tour of Europe ever, playing to over a half million people, and neither KISS or I have any plans to stop afterwards!"

Of course, not! If you didn't stop after your farewell tour, why would you stop now?

PAUL STANLEY 'Sets Record Straight' Regarding 'KISS Clone' Reality Show [Blabbermouth]

Gene Simmons: Lover, Fighter, Condoleeza Rice Fan

Maura Johnston — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:30:00 EDT

"U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice may have attended just four rock concerts in her life, but the rock band Kiss apparently thinks she is pretty cool. After a day-long international conference on Iraq, Rice was dining Thursday evening with Swedish Foreign Minister Carl Bildt at a 19th-century villa when a call came in that Kiss was in the Nordic capital on a tour and wanted to see her, aides said. ... Rice and her entourage returned to their hotel and gathered with the rock stars in a conference room where photos were taken of the occasion — without the band members wearing their trademark black-and-white facial make-up." Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Gene asked Condi how she would have replied to his "how do you feel about whores?" essay contest. [Reuters]

Ace Frehley Plans "Spectacular" Post-Show Meet And Greets

Anthony Miccio — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:30:00 EDT

Early this morning, I thought that posting about this would be indicative of a very slow news day. And while it is, I've realized just how unbelievably awesome it is that Ace Frehley has canceled planned meet-and-greets following shows on his European tour because he has "ideas which would make such meetings spectacular," and they need time to blossom. What popped in his head? "It's just not right to do this without my Kiss outfit on?" "If I can't meet and greet with lasers coming out of my hands while strapped to a harness, there's no point to this at all?" Did he hear how many people turned up in Helsinki to see the guy who wears his make up now and get jealous? What exactly does he have to do to "perfect these meet-and-greets?" The mind boggles!

"As you know, we've been experimenting, as have other performers, with the idea of meeting and greeting my fans at the end of a concert.
"A few days ago [on May 22], we had such a meet-and-greet at my show in Nashville. While it was a good event, upon reflection, I have ideas which would make such meetings spectacular. I want this to be an incredible experience for my fans.

"Until I have time to perfect these meet-and-greets, I have decided not to have any on this European tour.

"I hope to have this in place by my next European tour. In the meantime, I hope to see all of you at my scheduled tour dates, which remain unchanged."

Shock me, Ace!

Ace Frehley Scraps Planned Fan Meet-And-Greets [Blabbermouth]
Ace Frehley & Kiss - Shock Me

Former Schoolteacher Gene Simmons Assigns 200-Word Essay On Whores

Anthony Miccio — Mon, 19 May 2008 14:15:00 EDT

Usually, if you wanted Gene Simmons on your voicemail, all you had to do is tell one of his security people that you'd like to blow him. Now there's a more hygenic way to get the God Of Thunder's attention: write 200 words about whether or not you like prostitution! In order to promote his upcoming book on the subject Ladies Of The Night, Gene is asking for his more literate fans to provide him with a 200-word "essay" offering their own take (my advice to would-be winners? I'd go with "pro"). The finest blurb will win its writer various Gene Simmons products and a "personalized digital voicemail recording." "IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS!" says Phoenix Books. Better than an STD, I guess.

First Place:
- A personalized digital voicemail recording from Gene Simmons
- An autographed copy of Gene Simmons new book, "Ladies of the Night"
- An autographed copy of "A&E's Gene Simmons' Family Jewels: The Best of Season 1 & 2"
- A month's supply of Frank's Energy Drink
- Loads of Gene Simmons swag
Second and Third Place:
- An autographed copy of Ladies of the Night
- A basket of Gene Simmons swag

Potential Gene Simmons voicemail messages:

"Hi, I'm Gene Simmons and —-—- knows more about whoring than I do."

"Hi, I'm Gene Simmons and —-—- can't come to the phone right now because I'm fucking her from behind while wearing a t-shirt."

"Hi, I'm Gene Simmons. —-—-- wrote 200 words about prostitution to get me on their voicemail. It's something you should know before leaving this person a message."

Ladies of the night: Good Or Bad? [Phoenix Audio via The Daily Swarm]

Peter Criss, Circa 1981: Full Of Misguided Hope

Dan Gibson — Tue, 13 May 2008 14:00:00 EDT

This has to be one of the most depressing YouTube videos in my admittedly limited memory: Peter Criss, a year removed from KISS stardom, discusses his solo career, bringing popcorn to childbirth classes, and the days when people wanted his autograph. The always tasteful Sue Simmons drops the classic interview question "Is your dad still alive?" midway through, after which Eric Singer replaces Criss for the remainder of the program. [YouTube]

Awwwright! Kiss Slaps Three Budget Comps Together And Calls It A New Box Set

Anthony Miccio — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EDT

You wanted the expensive repackaging, you got the expensive repackaging! Kiss will release a new three-CD box set, Playlist Plus, on April 29. The tracklisting to said box just happens to feature the exact same songs that appeared on the three volumes of that discount staple 20th Century Masters: The Millenium that they put out in '03, '04 and '06 respectively. Why? Cuz you people deserve to give yourself a round of applause! Would you like to know just how many times these songs have been featured on albums and compilations? For reasons I can't quite explain, I bothered to figured it out.

Disc 1:
1. Strutter (Kiss, Alive, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Double Platinum, Double Platinum, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

2. Deuce (Kiss, Alive, Alive III, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Double Platinum, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

3. Hotter Than Hell (Hotter Than Hell, Alive, Double Platinum, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

4. C'mon and Love Me (Hotter Than Hell, Alive, Double Platinum, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

5. Rock and Roll All Nite (Dressed To Kill Alive, Alive III, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Double Platinum, Killers, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, You Wanted The Best You Got The Best, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

6. Detroit Rock City (Destroyer,Alive II, Alive III, Kiss Unplugged, Double Platinum, Killers, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

7. Beth (Destroyer, Alive II, Kiss Unplugged, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Double Platinum, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, You Wanted The Best You Got The Best, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

8. Hard Luck Woman (Rock And Roll Over, Alive II, Double Platinum, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

9. Calling Dr. Love (Rock And Roll Over, Alive II, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Double Platinum, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, You Wanted The Best You Got The Best, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

10. Love Gun (Love Gun, Alive II, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Double Platinum, Killers, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

11. Christeen Sixteen (Love Gun, Alive II, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

12. I Was Made For Lovin' You (Dynasty, Alive III, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Killers, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection, Gold)

Disc 2:

1. Creatures of the Night (Creatures Of The Night, Alive III, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

2. I Love It Loud (Creatures Of The Night, Alive III, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

3. Lick It Up (Lick It Up, Alive III, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

4. All Hell's Breakin' Loose (Lick It Up, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

5. Heaven's On Fire (Animalize, Alive III, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

6. Thrills In the Night (Animalize, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

7. Tears Are Falling (Asylum, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

8. Uh! All Night (Asylum, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

9. Crazy Crazy Nights (Crazy Nights, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

10. Reason To Live (Crazy Nights, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

11. Hide Your Heart (Hot In The Shade, Alive III, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 2: The Millennium Collection)

12. Forever (Hot In The Shade, Alive III, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

Disc 3:

1. God Gave Rock 'N' Roll To You II (Revenge, Alive III, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

2. Unholy (Revenge, Alive III, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

3. Domino (Revenge, Alive III, Kiss Unplugged, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

4. Hate (Carnival Of Souls: The Final Sessions, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

5. Childhood's End (Carnival Of Souls: The Final Sessions, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

6. I Will Be There (Carnival Of Souls: The Final Sessions, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

7. Comin' Home (Hotter Than Hell, Kiss Unplugged, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

8. Got To Choose (Hotter Than Hell, Alive, Kiss Unplugged, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

9. Psycho Circus (Psycho Circus, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

10. Into the Void (Psycho Circus, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

11. I Pledge Allegiance To the State of Rock and Roll (Psycho Circus, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

12. Nothing Can Keep Me From You (Detroit Rock City soundtrack, The Box Set, The Best of Kiss Volume 3: The Millennium Collection)

No "Shout It Out Loud," though. You'll have to go to Destroyer, Alive II, Kiss Symphony: Alive IV, Killers, Smashes Thrashes And Hits, You Wanted The Best You Got The Best!!, Greatest Kiss, The Box Set, The Very Best Of Kiss or Gold for that one.

Kiss Release New CD [Kissnews.de via Blabbermouth]

Gene Simmons Now Claiming He's Been Having Passionless, Unnerving Sex For Decades

Jess Harvell — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:10:31 EST

Sex tape terrorist Gene Simmons is attempting to explain away the lovemaking session that scarred us forever (link, as always, most assuredly NSFW) when it leaked to a wholly unprepared Internet last week by claiming that the VHS abomination is "decades old" and has long been in the clutches of an "entity" who has tried to "blackmail and extort" Simmons in the past with the threat of revealing to the world the guy enjoys artificially enhanced blondes, the missionary position, and leaving his shirt on during coitus.

While we're not quite sure how exactly one would go about dating a sex tape—has this idea really not yet been tapped for a ripped-from-the-headlines task for the nerdy Law And Order crime lab tech?—Gene does seem to be covered considering his sexin' soundtrack, Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is," was indeed released decades ago. He'd be totally busted if he was banging to, say, that Hilary and Haylie Duff cover of "Our Lips Are Sealed." [Sleaze Roxx]

Gene Simmons' Sex Playlist: What's His Butt-Rock Backup Tune When It's Time To Get His Tongue Waggling?

Jess Harvell — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 09:15:54 EST

jess@idolator: Nothing going on this morning, eh?
maura@idolator: Ugh. Just the [alleged] Gene Simmons sex tape. [Ed. Note: Link not safe for ANYTHING, let alone work.]
maura@idolator: Did you hear what song was playing in the background?
maura@idolator: (I didn't watch; I just read about it.) [Ed. Note: Riiiiiiight.]
jess@idolator: I did not, no.
maura@idolator: "I Want To Know What Love Is"
jess@idolator: Well I mean who hasn't "made love" to that?
maura@idolator: I wonder what else gets Gene in the mood?

Good question, Maura! (Even if normal folks would rather imagine the family members of their choice getting it on atop a pile of newly dead bodies than think of Gene Simmons in (makeup-free) flagrante.) Since "I Want To Know What Love Is" clocks in at around 5:00 and the tape lasts a respectable (if not Sting-level) 10:00, one must assume that Gene had a second song picked to round out his 1/6th of an hour spent in the act of physical love with his Australian energy drink spokeslady. But what was it?

Calling Dr. Love (To Please Euthanize Us): The Gene Simmons Sex Tape [Fleshbot]

Musical Toothbrush Changing The Way Children Experience Hannah Montana, Having Songs Beamed Into Their Brains

Kate Richardson — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:40:59 EST

Now that purchasing music directly is out of style, how will the next generation consume their favorite Top 40 hits? And will they be able to do so while maintaining their daily personal hygiene routine? Hasbro's Tooth Tunes Musical Toothbrush is the only brush that sends music through your teeth...and into your head! Which two-minute song clip would you choose to be sent "through your jawbone to your inner ear?

"Survivor" by Destiny's Child
Pro: Very motivational; encourages you not to give up on your brushing, and maybe work harder to floss.
Con: You'll probably be forced to ask yourself every morning, "Hey, what ever happened to Kelly Rowland?"

"We're All in This Together" from High School Musical
Pro: Reminds you that people all over the world have to brush their teeth, too; you are not alone.
Con: You have to hear the lyric "All our dreams have no limitations" twice a day, every day, reminding you that your dreams do have limitations, and that the only reason you're up so early brushing your damn teeth is because you tried to follow your dreams and it just didn't work out. Bummer!

"Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson
Pro: Nice brushing tempo; catchy, but innocuous enough for a daily ritual.
Con: May inspire you to walk away before your two minutes of dentist-recommended brushing are done.

"Pumpin' Up the Party" by Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus
Pro: Might convince you that you're on the way to a party every morning.
Con: Reminds you of how Hannah Montana is single-handedly taking down Western Civilization.

Theme from Rocky
Pro: Gets you pumped!
Con: Maybe too pumped?

"Rock & Roll All Night" by KISS
Pro: Novelty conversation piece.
Con: Wait... you can't rock & roll all night! You just brushed your teeth!

Tooth Tunes [hasbro.com]

Gene Simmons Gives The People A Lesson In Economics

mjohnston — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 10:10:18 EST

Gene Simmons' areas of expertise don't just extend to ladies of the night and plastic surgery; he's also well-versed in the value of a dollar, as evidenced by his willingness to license the KISS brand to anything and everything that it can be slapped on. So naturally, he has some thoughts about the current "recorded music should be free" rhetoric that's sweeping the bandwidth-blessed nooks of the world, and guess what? Where some techno-utopianists see a beautiful world of free songs for all, he sees nothing but a bunch of flawed business models and freckled crooks.

It has been nine years since we've seen a new KISS album. Any plans to get back into the studio?
The record industry is in such a mess. I called for what it was when college kids first started download music for free — that they were crooks. I told every record label I spoke with that they just lit the fuse to their own bomb that was going to explode from under them and put them on the street.

There is nothing in me that wants to go in there and do new music. How are you going to deliver it? How are you going to get paid for it if people can just get it for free? ...

The record industry doesn't have a f*cking clue how to make money. It's only their fault for letting foxes get into the henhouse and then wondering why there's no eggs or chickens. Every little college kid, every freshly-scrubbed little kid's face should have been sued off the face of the earth. They should have taken their houses and cars and nipped it right there in the beginning. Those kids are putting 100,000 to a million people out of work. How can you pick on them? They've got freckles. That's a crook. He may as well be wearing a bandit's mask.

Doesn't affect me. But imagine being a new band with dreams of getting on stage and putting out your own record. Forget it.

But some artist like Radiohead and Trent Reznor are trying to find a new business model.
That doesn't count. You can't pick on one person as an exception. And that's not a business model that works. I open a store and say "Come on in and pay whatever you want." Are you on f*cking crack? Do you really believe that's a business model that works?

So what if music just becomes free and artists make their living off of touring and merchandise?
Well therein lies the most stupid mistake anybody can make. The most important part is the music. Without that, why would you care? Even the idea that you're considering giving the music away for free makes it easier to give it away for free. The only reason why gold is expensive is because we all agree that it is. There's no real use for it, except we all agree and abide by the idea that gold costs a certain amount per ounce. As soon as you give people the choice to deviate from it, you have chaos and anarchy. And that's what going on.

The fact that what Gene's saying here about the perceived value of music—particularly his comparing it to gold, which in case you're wondering is the metal of choice on the crazy "we're all gonna be broke because the banks are gonna run out of money tomorrow" housing-bubble blogs I read in my off hours—makes complete sense probably says more about the completely screwed-up state of the recorded-music business than anything else, doesn't it?

Billboard Q&A: Gene Simmons [Billboard.biz]

Kiss' Gene Simmons is "up to [his] neck writing ...

jharv — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 12:15:58 EST

Kiss' Gene Simmons is "up to [his] neck writing [his] next book: 'Ladies Of The Night—A Historical And Personal Overview Of The Oldest Profession' on our Simmons Books/Phoenix Books imprint. It should be finished by spring." Finally, the impetus to restart the long-stalled Idolator Book Club! Who's with us? [Blabbermouth]

In honor of Gene Simmons' birthday, a minor-league ...

mjohnston — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:40:06 EDT

In honor of Gene Simmons' birthday, a minor-league baseball team will wear "KISS-inspired jerseys" on Aug. 25. Fans are encouraged to get their faces painted like KISS members, although for the sake of not scaring kids, anyone who wears makeup inspired by Gene's recent plastic surgery should be denied admission to the park. [Brockton Rox, via Can't Stop The Bleeding]

In Ace Frehley's World, "P & L" Stands For "Pyro & Licks"

mjohnston — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 11:10:00 EDT

Above, the Ace Frehley/Zach Braff Dunkin' Donuts ad that we mentioned yesterday. The over/under on how many takes it took for Ace to get his line just unslurry enough: 57.

New ... FULL COMMERCIAL! [YouTube]

Ace Frehley starring in Zach Braff-directed ...

mjohnston — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:53:51 EDT

Ace Frehley starring in Zach Braff-directed Dunkin' Donuts commercials. We can only hope that their encounter was long enough for Ace to turn Zach on to "New York Groove" and change his life, or at least his taste in soundtrack filler. [Blabbermouth]

Paul Stanley And Gene Simmons To Become Even More Cartoonish

mjohnston — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:16:03 EST

Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, and the other guys who make up KISS are heading back into the comic-book biz:

The co-venture aims to be more than a publisher; it plans to expand the comic-book characters' images onto multimedia platforms including print, mobile, online, film, television and licensed merchandise.

First up from the KCG will be "Kiss 4K," the story of Simmons, Stanley and other band members' transformation from rock stars to world-protecting warrior spirits. "4K" will be released in March as a 3-foot comic priced at $50, with an intent to make it the largest comic book ever published. It will be followed by merchandise including apparel, video games and comic strips for cell phones.

We can't wait for the second installment, which will be about how one man transformed himself from a world-protecting warrior spirit into a curmudgeonly father who must answer every last e-mail he gets. Bonus: Mixed in with the ink will be actual bits of drool mined from Gene's keyboard!

Kiss Seals Comics Deal with Platinum Studios [Reuters via NYT]
Earlier: Calling Dr. Love: Checking In With Gene Simmons' Fan-Mail Missives

Check Your Head: A Guide To Pop-Star Prophylactics

Brian Raftery — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:33:17 EST

Now that 50 Cent has announced his entry into the condom business—as he says in a press release, "You're either a lubrican or a lubricant"—perhaps it's time to look back at the other Top 40 stars who have branched into the safe-sex industry. After all, Fitty is hardly the first: Frankie Goes To Hollywood gave one away with a 1987 cassingle, and Aerosmith subtly sent one out as a promotional item for the group's "Pink" single. Sophie B. Hawkins, meanwhile, is still making a mint from "Damn! I Wish I Was Your Lover!" dental dams. After the click-through, our users' guide to some of the most rockin' rubbers of all time:

U2's "Achtung Baby" tour condom (199?)
NICKNAME: The BoNO
PROS: Sold during the band's early-'90s Zoo TV jaunts, and guaranteed to last for the duration of one of Bono's mid-song "Bullet The Blue Sky" speeches.
CONS: Who's gonna ride your wild horses when you're using a 15-year-old rubber?

Madonna condom (2001)
NICKNAME: Papa Don't Breach
PROS: These unauthorized imports feature images from Madge's infamous mid-'80s nude-photo sessions.
CONS: A disappointed Danny Aiello will glower at you from the room next door if you use them incorrectly.

Kiss Kondoms (2002)
NICKNAME: The Love Gun
PROS: Combines the thrill of schlocky merchandising tie-ins with the forced comedy of strained alliterations.
CONS: Every 100th condom shipped arrives at your door attached to Gene Simmons.

KISS Becomes More And More LitigISS

mjohnston — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 13:05:18 EST

KISS tongue-wagger Gene Simmons is taking time out from writing a tedious blog and appearing on reality TV to help craft asinine cease-and-desist letters:

According to their management, Canuck metallers KITTIE have been forced to change the name of their record company from Kiss Of Infamy to X Of Infamy. The band received a cease-and-desist letter recently from the attorneys representing Kiss Catalog Ltd., the owner of trademarks relating to the band KISS.

Next on the docket for KISS' attorneys:
· Kiss My Ice, for obvious reasons.
· Mocha Kiss Coffee, because of its possible conflict with the KISS Coffeehouse offerings.
· Zach Braff, for including the not-rocking-enough Remy Zero on the soundtrack to The Last Kiss.

KISS Attorneys Force KITTIE To Change Name Of Record Label [Brave Words & Bloody Knuckles]

The Vault: Nirvana Puts On Its Kiss Makeup

mjohnston — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 10:39:24 EST

We're betting that some of our readers are taking this Halloween to unleash their inner members of Kiss and/or Nirvana, so to get you into the mood, here's Nirvana's unhinged version of Kiss' "Do You Love Me?" It comes from the out-of-print 1990 Kiss tribute album Hard to Believe, which made Gene Simmons unhappy thanks to the copyright-infringing artwork at right.

~~Nirvana - Do You Love Me?~~ [MP3, link expired; via Lamestain]
HARD TO BELIEVE - A KISS COVERS COMPILATION (1990) [kissfaq.com]

Ace Frehley Gets His "Groove" On

Brian Raftery — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 17:12:46 EDT

We wanted to post Ace Frehley's fantastic "New York Groove" to celebrate the Mets making it to the series, but alas, that didn't happen. But here's the song anyway, with a plea: If anyone happens to have the original version by some group named Hello, could you please send a link (or even an MP3) to tips@idolator.com? We've never heard it, and though we can't imagine how a song that President Bush once called "drunk with swagger" could get any better, we're curious.

UPDATE: Wow, that was fast: Thanks to the tipster who sent along the Hello version.

~~Hello - New York Groove~~ [MP3, link expired]
~~Ace Frehley - New York Groove~~ [MP3, link expired]
"New York Groove" [Wikipedia]

Calling Dr. Love: Checking In With Gene Simmons' Fan-Mail Missives

Brian Raftery — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 10:55:08 EDT

It's been a few weeks since we stopped by Gene Simmons' delightful blog, in which he answers ALL of his readers' mail, usually responding with the sort of tetchy terseness that makes you wonder: "Why does he even bother writing back?" Some favorites from the last few weeks:

i met you in burger king on 3rd ave in nyc ,, when i 14 .. my question is ,, did you know the impact you had on youth in the 70 s especially .. that 3 of us became cops ? THANK YOU GOD OF THUNDER !
Response from Gene:
Yes, Sir.

I think that you should run for President! This country could use a resourceful man in the White House. Granted your paycheck wouldn't be as big as it is now but your financial investments would make up for it. Think of all your fans that would contribute to your campaign!!

Response from Gene:
Hmm.

Hi Gene.
Are you still a Hare Krishna? I believe you wrote a book in the 1970s called "Chant and Be Happy." Just wanted some clarification on this. -Charles

Response from Gene:
Please stop using crack. It's not good for you.

We could do this all day, but it's probably best if you print out all 873 pages, buy some hairplugs, and spend the whole weekend recreating these amazing back-and-forths with some theatrically inclined friends.

Fan Stories [GeneSimmons.com]

As It Turns Out, Gene Simmons Didn't Rank Much Higher

Brian Raftery — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:29:47 EDT

A bad day for former Kiss member Vinnie Vincent: First he gets dissed by the Supreme Court, and then CNN.com decides that, in terms of importance, he's somewhere between a former concentration-camp guard and a dildo.

Justices to Nazi, Kiss guitarist, sex toys: No [CNN]
Earlier: Supreme Court Forces Former Kiss Member To Lick It Up

Supreme Court Forces Former Kiss Member To Lick It Up

mjohnston — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 12:28:09 EDT

Ex-Kiss guitarist Vinnie Vincent lost a Supreme Court appeal Monday in a dispute over royalties with his former bandmates.
Justices declined to consider lower court rulings dismissing Vincent's claim that he is owed royalties for his contributions to the heavy metal band's 1983 album Lick It Up.

Vincent, whose real name is Vincent Cusano, played with Kiss from 1982 to 1984, co-writing "I Love it Loud," "Lick it Up" and other songs.

Don't fret, Vinnie. At least you'll always be remembered as "the guy who stood next to Gene Simmons in the flaming junkyard."

High Court Turns Down Kiss Member Appeal [AP via Death May Be Your Santa Claus]

Gene Simmons: Brevity Is The Soul Of...Something

Brian Raftery — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 15:56:14 EDT

Gene Simmons' website is hilarious. He apparently prints all of his fans' letters, and you can almost hear the scowling as he dispenses the most minimal-effort response. Check out these insightful exchanges:

I recently started college, i've been thinking about what to major in went for journalism but discovered it wasn't for me, also i been doing some searching and found out that i can get a small business academy certificate in entrepreneurship in less than 2 years. From your point of view, would this be a better option than going for a degree? Thank you for your time Gene!
Response from Gene:

Figure it out. We all have to.

Or:

Do you believe in trolls and wizards and fairy kings?

Response from Gene:

Only if they believe in me. That's much more important.

He has—no kidding—805 pages of this stuff. Pure gold.

Fan Stories [GeneSimmons.com]