ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Hills star Heidi Montag may have aspirations toward the lucrative Christian-pop scene, but for now she's happy to sing about "getting lost in this liquid high," and being one drink away from losing her better judgment. Ethical questions about an MTV star promoting drunken hook-ups aside ("last call for alcohol/ I'm feeling clumsy, about to fall..."), the song is a big step-up from "Fashion," and recommended to fans of Britney Spears' Blackout (which would also be a good name for a sequel to this track). Really, all that's missing from this is an opening "...HEIDI!"

WHERE TO FIND IT: You can easily find streams on YouTube, and Ali's Blog has a download.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: "Oh my God, I'm so messed up," CSS lead singer Lovefoxxx blurts out on the third lyric of the second album by the Brazilian dance-punk outfit she leads. It wouldn't be worth pointing out as a lyric if it didn't color the entirety of Donkey, which sounds like the soundtrack to a scenester party attended solely by people who went from being penniless bomb-throwers to self-satisfied rulers way too fast, and didn't realize that the indulgences (drinking, drugging, taking cell phone self-portraits, self-promoting) they'd become addicted to in the process made them everything they'd once poked fun at. The songs sound like rejected She Wants Revenge album filler that have been subsequently stuffed with their own filler, and one wonders why such a "fun" band has decided to become so, well, turgid.

There are some moments that break through—"Beautiful Song," in particular, departs enough from the relentlessly grinding 4/4 beat that supplies Donkey's backbone to stand out, and it actually has a bubbling synth part—but it's hard not to feel that Donkey works better as a cautionary tale than as something to press "play" on. Take heed, CSS fans: This is what happens when you get so stuck in "party" mode, with its flashbulbs and vomit-stained floors and indiscreet bumps and chances to meet Paris Hilton, that you're completely oblivious to how everyone around you is having a positively shit time.

UPDATE: Apparently the leak is one of those "let's make love and loop 30 seconds of each song endlessly" fake-outs, but I stand by this assessment, which was based off a promo CD that I got in the mail yesterday. (I have the IM logs to prove it, too.)

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: It seems that every time I end up doing one of these "leak of the day" posts, I end up being underwhelmed by the disc in question. Is it the nature of this "one-play review" system, or is it that today's "biggest names" are often those artists who have seen their most vibrant, innovative days pass them by? I listen to music nearly all day, every day, and every week there's inevitably something that I'm really excited about, something I can't wait to listen to again. Modern Guilt is not one of them.

If you replaced Beck with Cee-Lo, Modern Guilt would be a Gnarls Barkley disc, and not really in a positive way; each song sounds promising at the start, but then drops back in the Danger Mouse sound. Which makes me wonder: Is there some point when we're going to give up on Danger Mouse? Sure, I liked "Crazy" as much as anyone, the disc with Jemini was solid, and in retrospect The Good, The Bad, and The Queen was better than I initially thought, even if cutting up Tony Allen's beats is nearly unforgivable. His production on Modern Guilt is dangerously close to sounding like a cliche, with big beats you can't really dance to and moody vocals muddled somewhere in the middle. Beck obviously jumps from one interpretation of a genre to another, but this disc doesn't really sound like a Beck album beyond the presence of his vocals, which haven't really been his strong suit (with the possible exception of Midnite Vultures).

None of the songs are bad, and the ten tracks and 33 and a half minutes fly by. But I can't imagine deliberately putting this disc on again, although I'll probably leave it in my iTunes library and let the tracks pop up now and again on shuffle. What are the Dust Brothers doing these days, Beck? You might want to get out your Rolodex and give them a call.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Girl, you're lonely and you think nobody understands your pain. But you're wrong. Akon understands. And Michael Jackson? He understands too. So just take their hands and let them fly you away from all this misery. For if there's one place you'll be happy, it's resting safely with Akon and Michael Jackson on the serene island paradise that is this sweet, forgettable "Don't Matter"-esque ballad. And once R. Kelly gets a whiff of the track, I'm sure he'll come diving into the hot tub on the remix. ("Hold my hand toooo!") Darius Rucker will probably have to wait for the mash-up.

WHERE TO FIND IT: All over YouTube.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: "Loco" is a bit glossier than Annie's other Richard X-produced efforts, tempering the mid-'80s electropop feel for a smoother sound with slippery vocals that bring to mind Girls Aloud and Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Is that a complaint? Not at all; I can see this being an even more formidable summer-jam candidate than "I Know Ur Girlfriend Hates Me," even. (Plus any song that has a stuttery guitar-solo outro is 100% fine by me.)

WHERE TO FIND IT: Music Is The Heart Of Our Soul. Just, uh, don't mind the Staind song that you have to pass to get there. (Also: Popjustice has a snippet of the candy-flossed "Songs Remind Me Of You," which is also slated to be on the album.)

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: While I'm all for people calling out the fact that even people who have multiple communication devices can feel all alone—and, in some cases, even more alone than they might have had they just stuck with an old, Bell-provided corded phone for their communication needs—"Playas Get Lonely" feels like a bit of a misfire. R. Kelly apparently wallowed in the back catalog of Linkin Park (and Fort Minor!) during his recent trial, because this song starts off as a straight-up jack of Mike, Chester, and those other guys, from the sullenly plonked out piano chords that open the song to the "I look around and see so much emptiness" lyrics. At its core it's a love song, but it's one that says to its object, "Love me because I have nothing else"—even the line "I spend a couple of Gs when I'm bored" is sung in such a way that it should be lip-synced by an Intervention subject who's about to confess a family-crippling shopping addiction. (And I have a nagging feeling that this song is some weird attempt at an "apology" to the world, which I don't really want to entertain.)

WHERE TO HEAR IT: YouTube. Or here:

[Via Forkcast]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The run-up to Beck's Danger Mouse-produced Modern Guilt, which comes out next month, continues with a pair of songs that double as signals that the enigmatic singer is reaching back into the archives of pop psychedelia for his inspiration this time out. "Orphans" is sort of the get-up-and-go-ish brother to the sleepy, drony "Chemtrails"; its brisk backbeat, floating vocal harmonies, barely tapped xylophone and strummed guitar bits sound tailor-made for lazy Sundays and Elephant 6-themed Muxtapes. But "Gamma Ray" is pretty fantastic; it's a chugging little number with a taut rhythm section, hazy backing vocals and guitars that were beamed in from that part of space the Ventures visited way back when.

WHERE TO FIND THEM: iLike.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: A near-hour of clips from hits songs merged with clips of hit songs that adds up to a huge medley of... what, exactly? Unlike the best 1% of mash-ups (the ones that aren't ruined by grating off-key moments left by their lazy creators), there aren't any new songs or even a consistent groove created here. (Not that a steady beat makes Jive Bunny & The Mastermixers' similar, if less dense, work enjoyable.) Greg Gillis isn't proving he can take 40 songs and turn them into one; he's proving he can take 40 songs and turn them into 20 by playing each for 20 seconds.

Feed The Animals would be a lot more engaging if it didn't try to cram so much in; it's possible I'd love a track that puts a popular rap over a rock chestnut, like when T-Pain sings about boots with the fur over the Velvets' "Sunday Morning." But in this obese context, Gillis' trickery barely gets an eyebrow raise. I can see how people could be amused or impressed by his craft, but I can't imagine this album will hold anyone's attention for the entire running time, when it has even less of an attention span than any of us. I planned on comparing it negatively to Osymyso's "Intro-Introspection," praising the song for its thematic unity, but listening to it after Girl Talk's Casey Kasem casserole made it sound just as unengaging and relatively slower. So thanks for ruining that for me too, Girl Talk.

WHERE YOU CAN GET IT: Illegal Art.

I have opted to pay $0.00 because:

• I may donate later
• I can't afford to pay
• I don't really like Girl Talk
• I don't believe in paying for music
• I have already purchased this album
• I don't value music made from sampling
• I am part of the press, radio, or music industry
• Other reasons

Hey, I value music made from sampling, Girl Talk. If you make some, let me know.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT:There was an era when Missy Elliott was on top of the world, at least as far as buzz in the music world goes (which isn't terribly far). Million-dollar videos, a million appearances on mashups, the best of Timbaland's beats. It sort of seems like a long time ago now, especially since her last album, the somewhat underwhelming The Cookbook, came out in 2005; if you asked the attention-span-challenged kids of today, they might tell you that Missy is more notable for her appearances on Ciara tracks and her verse on Keyshia Cole's "Let It Go" than anything else. This may be due in part to the fact that both of her tracks from the Step Up 2 the Streets soundtrack were both dull and chirpishly irritating. So, what now?

"Best, Best" begins with the announcement that it is a Danja production; while his beat isn't switching up R&B like Missy claims, it is good. Missy's verses are solid enough, and switching back and forth between singing and rapping, although frankly, I could live without hearing about the size of her lover's genitals. Just saying. The lyrics are a little dopey, but you can picture this track playing at a roller rink, and that's always a plus.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: There's no doubt the old coots writing these songs know what they're doing. The High School Musical formula—inspirational messages, frenzied hooks, and plenty of Autotune—was like sugar-flavored crack for the tween demographic, and the music on Camp Rock is wisely, though perhaps unfortunately, written in that vein. There are a few songs that really shine, like the "Lip Gloss"-recalling "What It Takes," the lighter-waving ballad (complete with swelling string section!) "Here I Am," and, not surprisingly, the Jonas Brothers' jaunty show-stopper "Play My Music." "Who Will I Be" and "Too Cool" aren't bad per se, but they sound as if they were created by a perpetual motion machine fueled by cocaine and Red Bull, and are too frantic by half. "Start the Party," a synth-dominated dance number, sounds like an Aaron Carter reject, and is the only flat-out atrocious track on the album. Overall, though, the songs are catchy enough and entirely competent, but if you got sidetracked while listening to it, Camp Rock would blend into a hum of white noise. That doesn't mean that it won't sell hundreds of thousands of records, mind you.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: When Santogold talked to Gigwise about recording "My Drive-Thru" for Converse, she said it was "such a Pharrell track," by which she likely meant that it sounds like it was rejected by Madonna after the Hard Candy sessions for being just a hair too incoherent. At the outset, each vocalist is given their own instrumental cue to let listeners know who's singing: Pharrell gets a guitar riff that sounds like it was the result of someone playing Guitar Hero on a level just beyond their ability; Julian gets some keyboard-mashing that may or may not have been performed by an inquisitive two-year-old; and Santogold gets cowbell (plus Pharrell saying "oh," because he's contractually obligated to do that on every track his vocals appear on). From there, things get more incoherent, with many repetitions of the word "dance"; perhaps egged on by this chaos, or perhaps just the promise of free kicks, Julian actually sounds kind of, well, alive.

This track may result in a few extra-compositional reactions. It may reinforce your feeling that musicians should stick to licensing their existing material if they want to make a buck. Or you may like it, and wonder why the world hasn't embraced Pharrell as its jingle writer yet. (Imagine what he could do with this Burger King campaign.) Or you could run screaming from it, thus deciding that musicians should just be happy with the piddling cash they get for making their contractually obligated releases. Whatever your reaction, be warned: You'll probably hear this track a ton if you'll be attending any Cobrasnake-chronicled soirees in the coming months, since I'm sure this will be on the tip of many DJs' styluses (stylii?) at many a free-vodka-soaked affair this summer.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Stereogum.

Earlier: Pharrell, Santogold, Julian Casablancas United By Converse

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The album opens with Pharrell describing the origins of his synethesia before the band whispers "It's time for some action" over a beat that's thankfully more In Search Of... than Fly Or Die, while being In My Mind enough that folks who didn't enjoy Skateboard P's solo debut may not react positively. Despite tighter beats on songs like "Yeah You" and the discofied "You Know What," N*E*R*D is still the Neptunes' Ween-like rock reference move: "Windows" could be the Knack; the verse of "Happy" is like later Morrissey on helium. Sure, the vocals are reliably groan-worthy and the band still seems to think that bridges must stop the groove and transform a track entirely rather than build upon the verse, but if you can't handle these queasy qualities, you probably gave up on N*E*R*D a long time ago. It's hard to say which tracks will improve with time or wind up subsumed by the quirk, but the improved danceability compared to Fly Or Die is promising, and I can't think of a N*E*R*D album that had more immediately enjoyable music moments than this already has.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: Music Is The Heart Of Our Soul has it zipped.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: A new Rick Ross track? Less than six months since the release of Trilla? Are we sure this is Rick Ross? The lyrics are his usual dick-grabbing swill, but riding Pharrell's beat, it's as easy to ignore Ross' nonsense as it is to ignore Flo Rida's. In fact, as Flo Rida has yet to realize a single with Pharrell, I'm going to pretend this is exactly that. Because if I admit that Rick Ross is capable of not sinking a fun track, I might have to admit that he's not leaving the pop charts any time soon.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: Nah Right, 2DopeBoyz, YouTube, etc.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: There's really no getting around it: This album is spectacularly bad.

The music itself is a hodge-podge of various ethnic styles and Eurodance beats that seems to have been cobbled together from various albums recommended by NPR over the last few years. And the lyrics... oh, the lyrics! "Giggling Again For No Reason" features the couplet "I'm driving my car up Highway 1/I left L.A. without telling anyone," followed by something how her bones are smiling inside her body after her friends have developed new levels of fun.

Maybe I just haven't reached the state of consciousness that Alanis has (possible), but a number of the lyrics made me turn my head inside-out as I tried to figure out what on earth she was talking about. It's not even worth trying to explain or analyze "In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man" and its tragically sweet, synthesized-string-laden ode to the male contingent of Oprah's viewing audience. I'm sure "I declare a respite from liasons...I declare a full time out from all things commitment" (from "Moratorium") sounded clever when she first wrote it down, but it's absurd to insulting when sung over the leftover beats from the last Frou Frou disc.

I can only assume that Alanis figures the fans who purchased her bitter kiss-off album back in the late '90s might have grown up and started taking Pilates classes, and they're looking for an album that isn't terribly challenging, but seems slightly more empowering than Leona Lewis' Spirit. But Entanglement comes off like a pretentious acquaintance who enjoys flavor of the month watered-down interpretations of ethnic music and somehow manages to ruin every party with stories of how she's finally moved on from the guy who was living with her for the last few years. You're not going to invite her back to your house if you can help it, and you hope someone doesn't drag her along. Meanwhile, to prevent this album from being invited back into my iTunes playlist, I'm dragging it to my trash bin right away.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT How did Pharrell keep this beat away from Madonna? It's his best in a while—electro-dance that makes me want to put some cardboard out on the sidewalk and practice my moves. (Anybody want to school me on the source?) Common's staid, cheesy flow even fits the retro "yes, yes, y'all" vibe. This is easily the most immediately likable track I've ever heard from Common, possibly because it's the first one where the beat grabbed my attention before the lyric, without being Kanye bombast.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: Hip-Hop DX has a stream, Rap-Up has a download, and the track's starting to pop up on YouTube.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: LL Cool J is all about you, girl. The beats may get tiresome, the language less memorable, but he's still going to be the kind of man you need, girl. "If you feel it in your heart, it gets you much wetter," girl. "Live my life and go to sleep for you," girl. His upcoming album is named Exit 13, girl, because it's his thirteenth album, girl! What do you really expect, girl? Seeing as how the last album's best track aped the vocal patterns of "Goin' Back To Cali," it's no surprise he'd return to the earnestness of "I Need Love," girl. If you can think of anything that rhymes with "girl," girl, let him know, girl.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: MissInfo is hosting the track as an exclusive, but it went up on YouTube last night.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: With a musical bed clearly influenced by Prince's "The Beautiful Ones," this slow jam from Usher's upcoming Here I Stand reminded me of that terrible book Porn For Women, in which "beautiful PG photos of hunky men cooking, listening, asking for directions" are accompanied by captions like "I love a clean house!" and "As long as I have two legs to walk on, you'll never take out the trash." Here, Usher decides to let his lady friend do all the things that men usually do in the relationship—pay for a date, enjoy breakfast in bed, insist to Usher that the sex isn't over until she's satisfied, dammit. The lyrics manage to be both over-the-top and mundane at the same time in many spots, which I guess is Ush's tribute to married-life copulation. (My particular favorite is the line where he talks about how his paramour will "order Chinese food right before you do me.") But wait, what's this at the end, when Usher closes out the song with a promise that part two will have Usher "put it on your ass"?! I guess all that Folgers-making does come with a price.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Music Is The Heart Of Our Soul.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: It's a six-minute song that opens with a cheering crowd and a piano plonking out the old Shaker hymn "Simple Gifts"—and as the title suggests, the rest of the song is sort of based on that melody, although along the way it incorporates a Fred Durst imitation, a military drum-beat, some falsetto (actually, this part is pretty good, and would probably sound great as its own song), and a spoken-word break. Did I mention that it's six minutes long? This is really not shaking my feeling that their forthcoming red album is just going to be a great big Harvard semantics project/giant middle finger to the world.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: The Hype Machine. Please, someone, click over there and explain to me what's happening before I dare click the other Weezer song that's made its way to the Hype servers.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Wow, Oasis are seriously changing up the game on our asses. You'd think this was the Dukes Of Stratosphear or something, the way they've suddenly started taking on Beatle-isms! "Nothing On Me" mixes brash guitars and snide, Lennon-esque vocals from Liam Gallagher that plead for "truth." "I Wanna Live A Dream" flows from wan acoustic strumming with Noel Gallagher's blank vocals into a stomping, psychedelic coda familiar to fans of homages to "I Am The Walrus." "Stomp The Clocks" also flows from wan acoustic strumming topped by Noel Gallagher's blank vocals into a stomping, but the volume takes a lot longer to rise, and when the drums suddenly crash in, followed by a loud guitar solo, it's really more of a classic Radiohead-type of thing. I guess that's progress?

NEW OASIS SONGS [MySpace via Independent Music]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: As an album of Tom Waits interpretations, this is really weak—Johansson's flat, vacant voice is so buried in the mix and covered in echo that often you can't even make out the lyrics. Had it not been sold as such, I'd never guess that this was a Waits tribute album, and the original "Song For Jo" is hardly discernable in the dreamy stream of it all. As a TV On The Radio spin-off, however, Head is pretty enjoyable, full of grand backdrops guaranteed to make a 4AD devotee's day. While the album's male background vocalists sound awfully familiar, only on the closing "Who Are You?" does the music achieve TVOTR's usual turgidity.

Most of the tracks slowly swoon, with ScarJo happy to ape Hope Sandoval and other sleepy-effect pedal sirens, though the uptempo drum machine track on "I Don't Want To Grow Up" makes it sound as dated as a Four-Calendar Cafe outtake. Proof of the singer's secondary status is offered by an organ-led instrumental of "Fawn" that builds to a ridiculous saxophone solo worthy of Curtis Stigers. (Then again, maybe ScarJo was playing the sax.) Dave Sitek's arrangements may not do justice to Waits' songwriting, but they make the album frequently gorgeous, if unaffecting.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Maybe with Kanye making Coldplay songs now, Chris Martin et al had to come up with a new gambit—but having Brian Eno behind the boards hasn't resulted in the band's Another Green World, if this single is any indication. The song is a quick blur, with a slightly edgier guitar sound than I assumed the band was capable of and a strange, angsty falsetto during what passes for its chorus. Then before you know it, all you're hearing is Chris and the piano. If this is what all of Viva La Vida Or Death And All His Friends is going to sound like, it's going to make for a tedious listening experience—especially for an audience on the lookout for the next "Clocks." My wife, who is (admittedly) the sensitive British rock band fan of our household, liked it a bit more than I did, but she did say that she missed what she called the "layered subtlety" of their previous work.

Coldplay [Official site]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Lay It Down, produced by ?uestlove and James Poyser, has been a hotly anticipated album for a while now—and thankfully, it's pretty good. It's sort of a strange listen, as the tracks that lack neo-soul guest stars sound like they're lifted directly from the Willie Mitchell/Hi Records era that Green is most widely known for. The nearly ever-present Dap-King Horns? Check. Solid session guys on guitar and bass? Yep. I could have lived without John Legend's cameo or the duet between Green and Corinne Bailey Rae, although Anthony Hamilton's appearances were welcome.

Maybe it's the long lead time stoking my anticipation, but Down didn't have many "Wow" moments—it's a good album, but one that may be a little forgettable in the long-term. Closing track "Standing In The Rain" is the closest to a real highlight; it's upbeat and layers some hot guitar licks over the swelling horns. It seems wrong to complain about a solid Al Green album (and maybe I'm preparing myself for the stampede of critics ready to proclaim Lay It Down the album of the year), so I'll just say that in the end, I'm happy to hear Al returning to his classic sound—even if the results might be a bit too safe.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Journey's first new track with Perry-doppleganger Arnel Pineda fits seamlessly into the band's body of work; it's an uptempo rocker with a fairly gigantic guitar hook and lyrics about the power of love. But it's hard not to think of it as sorta inferior to the band's other monster hits thanks to its lack of a really big chorus; I kept waiting for Pineda to turn the "never walk awa-ee-yay" in the song's chorus into a triumphant moment, the sonic confirmation that he knew that love would in fact be staying quite put in the lives of the eloping lovers he's singing about. It never happened, which makes me think that Mach 2 Journey really needs to have Mutt Lange walk into their lives—otherwise, they'll just ride out the rest of their career making songs that sound like they've been written expressly for retail-therapy montages in Lifetime original movies.

(Also: the song's closing chord makes me wonder if this track was actually built to be the first jab in a one-two punch encore of their new single and "Don't Stop Believin'." Seriously, they'd segue together perfectly.)

WHERE TO FIND IT: Glad you asked:

If the embed doesn't work, you can always head to the source.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Just in time for it to fall from the top spot on the Hot 100, Usher has put out this remix of his comeback single that features much better collaborators than Young Jeezy—Beyonce and Lil Wayne, to be exact. "Part 2" of "Love In This Club" is slowed-down and a bit more restrained than the Godzilla-storming-the-dancefloor original, and while I don't want to make everyone all giddy by mentioning "Ignition (Remix)," because peccadilloes of its performer aside it is pretty much the shining example of the "theoretical slowed-down remix genre," I will say that "Part 2" musically reminded me of R. Kelly's Murder She Wrote-hailing banger, even with the raspiness in Lil Wayne's voice reaching Waits-like levels. And for that reason alone, I'm pretty sure that this song is going to blare from every car in the land well into, say, mid-July.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Ali's Blog.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: This weekend I took a short out-of-town trip that resulted in me punching around the radio offerings of the New York-Philadelphia corridor. "You know what I'm sort of looking forward to as a result of the recession?" I said to my companion as the phrase "Ap-ple-bot-tom-JEEEANS" screamed out of the speakers. "The demise of songs that substitute recitations of sorta-luxury-goods' labels for actual lyrics." Something tells me that Fergie's contribution to the Sex And The City soundtrack—which samples the show's theme and will probably be all over the radio by the time you hear this—might serve as the death knell for the genre, given that it's so out of touch with the times, it advocates running up credit cards. (Fergie Ferg, if you have all that cash, shouldn't you be peeking at the business pages to at least check up on your investments? Tsk, tsk.) And like, everyone knows that celebrities like the former Stacy Ferguson get all their shit for free anyway.

The most frustrating part about the lyrical hailing of "affordable luxury" brands and super-conspicuous consumption? The song itself is actually not all that bad. Fergie's yelling of "lookin' for labels, lookin' for love" brings a new super-staccato edge to her delivery (she's at her best when she's emulating early-days pop-rap, really) and the glittery chorus sounds like it was transported out of a mid-'80s roller rink. But the crowing about all the expensive crap she can buy instead of having a boyfriend sounds super-trite and completely lost in a fever dream of what it means to be "rich" that even the Sex And The City ladies would roll their eyes at.

WHERE TO FIND IT: ALi's Blog.

[Photo: AP]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: "Discipline" is a completely fine Nine Inch Nails track that operates mostly in the same vein of Year Zero's singles, and it'll probably make at least the top 10 of the Modern Rock chart within the first week of its release thanks to the "wtf" factor surrounding its just dropping out of nowhere today. And its release was accompanied by a blog post that just said "2 weeks," which is fueling speculation that Reznor's going to release a full album of new, not-just-instrumental tracks within two weeks. (Hey, today is Tuesday.) So is this guy going to just put out a new album every two months or so now that he's free of label constraints?

WHERE TO FIND IT: Reznor's giving it away as a free download on his official site in a few hours, but for now you can find it right here!

Discipline (NEW Nine Inch Nails song) [YouTube]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: In her blog post announcing that she'd added some new "shizzle" to her MySpace page, Lily Allen said that her music was going in a new direction—and sure enough, the stitched-together samples that made Alright, Still... a fine summertime album are pretty much gone. In their place is some smoothed-out synthpop that on first pass veered a bit too close to the territory where that Good Charlotte song about not wanting to be in love resides for my taste. "I Don't Know" also grates lyrically because in it, Lily takes on the persona of someone unsavory in the Paris/Nicole/Kardashian "talentless celebrity" way, obviously trying to make light of their foibles and plasticine outlooks. But there was more than one occasion when she spit a line that made me wonder, "Hmm, the paparazzi-beloved host of that really stupid TV show about animals boinking on MySpace really doesn't have that whole 'self-reflection' thing down yet, does she?"

Lily Allen [MySpace; HT ONTD]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: It's hard to tell whether or not Madonna's contract-killing album with Warner will be as satisfying a dance-pop record as Blackout (which, Britney personal drama aside, is the best example of the genre in a while), but the bits and pieces of choruses strung together in the name of whetting appetites isn't exactly inspiring. Listen for yourself while you still can, and see if you agree with me that the only tracks that'll sound good coming out of your personal summertime radio are the last one and the one right after "Candy Shop" that uses the dirty "James Brown Is Dead"-style keyboards:

Madonna - Hard Candy snippets [YouTube via ONTD]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Purportedly the first single from Beyonce's next album, which is set to drop later this year, "Beautiful Nitemare" sounds like a departure from the ex-Destiny's Child frontwoman's earlier work because it sounds so, well, restrained. Gone are the oddball melodies and key-defying runs that made Beyonce's older material stick out even more on the radio; in their place is a 100% straightforward dance-pop tune that wouldn't have sounded out of place on Blackout, or maybe even on Judy Torres' Sunday night freestyle show. (Well, B's vocals are definitely a lot better trained than those of your average Cover Girl, but that's 2008 for you.) Of course, this is a rough demo (complete with annoying loop), so maybe she'll figure out a way to make it more irresistibly grating during the rest of the production process.

WHERE TO FIND IT: PopCrunch.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: OutKast as a group has given us so much, it's hard to really complain. But still, every great track with Big Boi and Andre 3000 helps me forget the misstep of Idlewild a tiny bit."International Players Anthem" helped quite a bit, and if "Royal Flush" is any indication, Big Boi's solo album, Sir Luscious Left Foot, might finish the job. Big Boi sounds more like his Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik era self, and any appearance by Raekwon is appreciated. If nothing else, I appreciate Andre's (who apparently is going by "3 Stacks" somewhat officially now) rhyme of "Nintendo Wiis" and "Whopper with Cheese". Classic.

Big Boi, 3 Stacks & Rae - Royal Flush *CDQ* [Nah Right]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The first thing that needs to be said, although this certainly isn't the first place where its been said, is that it's much better than Reveal or Around The Sun. The more aggressive sound is appreciated, actually compelling you to listen to the finish without an urge to really slam the skip button, possibly thanks to the heavily compressed sound that producer Jackknife Lee is known for. That being said, should the terms "return to form" or "classic R.E.M." be tossed around? No, of course not. Anyone who is expecting a 2008 version of Life's Rich Pageant will be sorely disappointed, but Accelerate's certainly a solid modern rock album, and probably will fall near the top of the bottom third of their catalog, if you're into ranking those sort of things.

At very least, it's nice to hear a big, strong opener: "Living Well..." sounds great loud, and R.E.M. sounds like a band with purpose. Michael Stipe's lyrics are largely fine throughout—although there are some real clunkers—and he's gotten slightly better at being cryptic again, which to me is a welcome turn. My favorite part of the album was probably hearing Mike Mills through the speakers, track after track. To me, "Man Sized Wreath" and "Supernatural Superserious" are saved by his performances and there were numerous occasions where I was so thankful for his backing vocals that it felt as if they were the aspect of R.E.M. I was most nostalgic for. "Houston" sounds like a Automatic For The People b-side; "Horse To Water" features an angrier R.E.M. than I might have thought possible; and "I'm Gonna DJ" is a bad idea somewhat well executed.

Then it's over. I knew the album was short, but the end caught me by surprise.

And then—and maybe this is a sad, back-handed compliment for a band with a great catalog—I started over from the beginning. I actually wanted to listen to a recent R.E.M. disc...again, and without being disappointed or depressed about "fallen heroes" or "Stevie Wonder-style depressing career turns". Accelerate's not going to be part of the race for "best R.E.M. album", but I'll thank them for not making it another contender for the worst.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Because they are not without their ephemeral summertime charms, if there's one thing you should demand from a canned tween pop cover of a classic rock standard, it's too much pep, not too little. The two A's (who've actually displayed some honest pep in the past) flub by offering up a turgid butt-rockin' take on the (admittedly butt-rockin') Grand Funk original, notable mostly for A.) making me long for a Grand Funk original. (Who at least didn't sound so squished and enervated thanks to all that compression.) (Or like their producers had just C+P'd the vocal in from another session.) And B.) perhaps the most cowbell on a record by a Radio Disney-related act ever.
WHERE TO HEAR IT: We woulda said pop leak source Crazy World Of Music, but alas it seems to have finally fallen afoul of the great leak-blog war of '08. So here's a YouTube:

(Listening again, I actually kinda like the guitar tone during the run-up to the second chorus, and surprisingly it actually sounds a little less flat when YouTubed. But still...eesh. I also can't believe I initially credited "WAAB" to dirty Canadians Guess Who. I'm sleepy. Apologies to Messrs. Farner/Brewer/Schacher.)

Aly And AJ - "We're An American Band" [YouTube]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Purportedly the first single of their upcoming Rising Down, the Roots team with Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump... and it kind of sucks. Which is too bad, since everything else that's leaked from their 3,579th album has been pretty excellent! Remember the all-the-way-live, ridonkulous, distorted "75 Bars (Black's Reconstruction)" that got us through the cold throes of late February? And the deliciously moody, horrorcore-era Dre squeak of "Get Busy," which lit up our early March? (It's been 22 years, and we never get tired of hearing Joeski Love getting scratched.) And now we get this Cody ChesnuTT-meets-Gym-Class-Heroes emo-love jam?

Lame, sure, but fuck it. We'll gladly swallow a sell-some-records tactic if it means another album as solid as Game Theory (and, hey, we already established today that critics and the public have different tastes). So once I buy the album (or some kindly saint at Def Jam sends me a promo), I'll just quietly skip this like I did "Back Like That" on Fishscale or "I Know" on American Gangster. And by "quietly," I mean "make this blog post and be a huge dick about it."

Plus Kip Winger already proved that writing a song about wanting to bang a 17-year-old is kinda gross. Thankfully, we didn't have to see Black Thought's chest hair this time around.

WHERE TO FIND IT:Nah Right.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: On 3 Portishead have achieved something many freshly invigorated bands shoot for and miss after they've recovered from their sophomore slump (even if it took them longer than most to bounce back): a wide-ranging album that's still comfortingly familiar, the gloomy gamine you initially fell for now sporting a few seemingly out-of-character frocks. Many of Portishead's new tracks could never be mistaken for the work of their blunted copyists, the spawn of a sound as unfortunately pernicious as the Vedder yarl or Brian Setzer's love of the greatest generation. (Not the Bristolians' fault, obviously.) But Beth Gibbons' inimitably lovesickened voice and the band's permanent frown mean old fans won't be worrying they downloaded the wrong album. And though some might gripe the trio is stuck in a moody rut, really, who was waiting for the first sunny entry in the Portishead discography?

That said—and it's not entirely surprising if you've been following the group's individual breadcrumb trails during its long downtime—there are a few overtures toward the pastoral on 3 like "Deep Water," a sketch for banjo and a murmuring Gibbons playing drowsy English folk princess chilling lakeside rather than dread soul siren cruising noir cityscapes. That said, "Deep Water" is followed by "Machine Gun," which ditches the crackling turntable loops of old for grimy, staccato electro rhythms that shoot holes in the walls of your chill out room. Nothing on 3 is as violent as the band's been hinting during the album's long, on-stage coming out party, but it's certainly raw and uneasy, often in unexpected ways.

The Krautrock tinge I heard when the band debuted several new tunes at All Tomorrow's Parties is only an intermittent influence on 3, though the motorik break/bass combo on "Silence" is such an Ege Bamyasi dead-ringer that even a seasoned sonic pasticheur (and Can fan) like James Murphy would blush, and the beat on "Nylon Smile" has a certain tribal quality that makes me think of hirsute experimental rockers of indeterminate nationality.

But here's where these one-listen verdicts become unfair to pop-unfriendly albums not designed to reveal the rightness/wrongness of their shape on first (or fourth, in this case) spin: despite digging the band's expanded vision, my initial reaction was actually a slight disappointment that they held back from pushing entirely past the Portishead of "Sour Times" and into the 21st-century sound 3 approaches in its best moments. (Even if that "21st-century" sound is ironically rooted in the '70s and '80s.) And yet while the rhythmic rewrites are the album's most welcome development, there are plenty of tweaks to the group's well-worn groove, the kind of subtleties that take longer to sink in (or even notice). The trudging "Hunter" moves likes the Portishead's old bad trips, but the creepy library record synths are new, as is the guitar that spins pensive spiderwebs not dissimilar to (Gibbons faves) Talk Talk or that old Slint black magic. In a few months, even 3's throwbacks will likely prove seductive for reasons beyond '90s nostalgia.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: About a month ahead of release date, the second Gnarls Barkley disc hit the Internet, albeit with mislabeled tracks (at least, the version I saw). Nonetheless, you have to feel for Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse a bit, living under the spectre of "Crazy," one of the most memorable genre-busting singles in decades Sure, there were other singles from St. Elsewhere, but it's difficult to listen to The Odd Couple without waiting for a perfect pop moment that never arrives. The disc is fine and throughly listenable, and Cee-Lo will likely always be one of pop music's most interesting vocalists, but there's not too much to hang your hat on. Danger Mouse's production is more atmospheric than engaging at times, with lush keyboards floating in the distance and breakbeats that wouldn't have been out of place on a Roni Size disc, and a number of tracks (like "Whatever") seem to nod towards a skewed view of '60s pop that never seems to catch on. But overall, there's not much to rave or complain about; The Odd Couple is pretty good, but it will probably disappear somewhere into the back of my mind until its tracks start re-appearing in every commercial I see.

THE BEST TRACK: The temptation is there to say "Run," but let's go with "A Little Better," which sounds a little like a lost "Papa Was A Rollin' Stone"-era Temptations outtake, even in lyrical content. Mostly, it made me happy to hear Cee-Lo shout out "the friendly ghost," and it's nice to hear Casper get his props.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The Atlanta-raised singer Lloyd had two of my favorite singles last year, and I could listen to Ludacris twist the vowels and consonants of almost any words in any language, so to say that finding this song in my RSS feed made me excited may be a bit of an understatement. And yet there's something about "How We Do It" that seems kind of off; I'm not too crazy about its syncopated beat (which sounds like a slowed-down "S.O.S"), especially since it doesn't quite mesh with Lloyd's sorta-frenetic vocal. And then there's Luda-by-the-numbers guest rap on the break, which starts off with Ludacris flaunting a singsongy delivery that gives the whole thing an Andrew "Dice" Clay perverted-nursery-rhyme feel but just feels tacked-on, particularly with the "ayyy"s that have been on so many other Ludacris songs being forcibly weaved into the chorus. (I do like the crazy guitar that slices into the song's end, though.) his song may define "meh" for 2008, and I'm hoping it isn't a sign of what's to come on Lloyd's next album, which drops this summer.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: Toya's World, who's as lukewarm on it as I am.

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Have you ever wondered what would happen if R. Kelly redid "Real Talk" as a song that rhymed a little bit more, made him sound like he was saying each word through his teeth and a Vocoder, and had Ne-Yo as the target of its ire? Then you'll be very happy to hear "I'm A Beast," during which R. takes down people who are jacking his style. R. doesn't name names throughout the song, though it's pretty obvious that one of the people he's really unhappy with is his ex-opener Ne-Yo, who's currently suing R. in part because he doesn't think the Pied Piper of R & B is as awesome as he is. And the song even has a happy ending: It closes out with R. promising that there will be a remix where he'll finally call out specific targets—although I'm hoping that it will be less rage-y and more appropriate for spins during late nights at the club.

WHERE TO FIND IT: SOHH's Ya Heard? Blog, which astutely points out that "dude seems mad angry." Gee, you think?

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The version floating around the Internet is an nth-generation radio rip with enough static to make the Timbaland-produced beat sound like it's part hurdy-gurdy, and it's dotted with a French DJ saying "ma-dun-NAH" at certain crucial points, but even through all that noise the new Madonna single packs in a bunch of fun, future-retro goofing around, and even through my tinny MacBook speakers I can tell that this track will really sound good coming out of car windows as the weather heats up. (Note to self: Buy better speakers.) Sure, the guest turns by Justin Timberlake (who provides the titular pleading to save the planet) and Timbaland (who provides his now-patented "uh"-ing and a few assorted verbal hiccups) are kinda superfluous on record, but at least they'll give radio programmers a reason to think that this song might appeal to the youth demographic. Beyond the song actually sounding good, of course.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Check the comments on this ONTD post (HT pump like thumpy).