BUY
Guns N' Roses, Chinese Democracy Hey, writing about Axl Rose's magnum opus has paid my bills for the last two years and change. The least I could do is give back.

Kanye West, 808s & Heartbreak: It may be the most divisive album to come out this year, if only because West is one of the few artists left who has a wide-enough fanbase to split through the power of his aesthetic decisions. But you know what? The more I listen, the more I'm coming out on the "pro" side.

The Killers, Day & Age: But wait until it's discounted to The Nice Price.

DOWNLOAD
Ludacris, Theater Of The Mind: Because it'll have at least one instance of Ludacris rolling up his vowels and his consonants in a way that drives me wild.

Barry Manilow, The Greatest Songs Of The '80s: This would go in the "kill" section were it not for the presence of a Journey cover, which I'm going to have to hear at least once for sick curiosity's sake.

The Fireman, Electric Arguments: That first single was straight, um, fire, but one only has so many hours in a day.

KILL
Trace Adkins, X (Ten): Not only did he have to explain that the "X" in his title isn't a reference to sleaze, but a nod to this being his 10th album, any success this album might have will probably result in him recording another awful between-innings anthem. (I suspect others might agree, as country isn't exactly flying off the shelves this year. Unless it's being sung by sparkly-guitar-wielding girls, that is.)

Scott Weiland, "Happy" In Galoshes: Because dude needs help infinitely more than he needs SoundScans.

Nov. 25, 2008 [Pause & Play]
[Thanks to Defamer for the inspiration]

7:46 p.m. A Carson Daly-hosted break during America's Next Top Model reveals that Times Square is actually crowded! Well, actually, it's not that crowded; half the crowd was just forced to stand in front of the Foot Locker across the street from 1515 Broadway so as to give the illusion of a New Year's Eve-like (or even Obama win-esque) atmosphere.

7:51 p.m. Speaking of outside, apparently Fall Out Boy's performance will be out in the Times Square chill. Any NYC Idolator readers want to head down there? (I'd go, but I'm pretty ensconsed up here on the Official Liveblogging Couch Of Late 2008, which, in case you're wondering, is green and could probably fit three people. But I'm all alone, aw. Oh well, more egg nog for me!)

7:54 p.m. Has anyone ever commented on the anti-grammatical stance of Tyra Banks on ANTM? "You're still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model?" It just sounds so nightmarish to me, even layered over the Siobhan Donaghy record (which I am listening to in order to steel myself for the next three hours).

7:59 p.m. This eliminated girl's clavicles could cut hair.

8:00 p.m. Aw, Carson Daly looked so pinchable in the old days. You know, when Times Square was all edgy and stuff?

8:01 p.m. I guess the show is opening with a countdown of top 10 TRL moments? And one of them includes... Britney performing "Me Against The Music." And another is Stevie Wonder freestyling on the harmonica? This is very strange.

8:02 p.m. Beyonce is No. 1. Well, I guess we're setting a "TRL's countdown never meant anything anyway" pattern early....

8:02 p.m. Ah, and of course, Beyonce is No. 1 because she's the guest with the closest album-release date. But why is she not doing "Single Ladies"? This is the same error she made on last night's SNL and on her album—leading with the balladry. It's never a good idea. Every hard rock band in the late '80s/early '90s knew this, B.

8:04 p.m. This song is OK. But it works better in a "brooding in one's room" context than a "surrounded by freaking-out teenagers and people who were teenagers around the time of TRL's debut" context. Although I will say that her band is pretty great.

8:05 p.m. And now "Single Ladies." Alas, Sasha Fierce's Krugerhand does not spontaneously generate when the two booty dancers show up.

8:06 p.m. Hey MTV director, chill out and just show the dancers, will you? Fosse-biting aside, this dance is one of the best bits of choreography we're likely to see on a mass level in 2008.

8:07 p.m. This song is so, so good. Straight up.

8:08 p.m. And on to "Crazy In Love," with a piped-in Jay-Z! But Beyonce is dancing her ass off and the MTV directors just can't. Stop. Cutting. I could make a really crass self-mutilation joke here but I won't. (I have to save something big for the last half-hour, right?)

8:09 p.m. Sway's intro of Damien Fahey and Carson Daly just repeated itself before stopping, and now neither of the hosts microphones are on... Oh, this is kind of a mess already. So, um, who's in the Sky Suite, guys?

8:10 p.m. Carson is waxing philosophical about how TRL is for the people. I guess "the people" includes "the label-employed street teams," at least on an abstract level.

8:12 p.m. There are a lot of A-listers backstage, you guys! And a countdown of "10 videos that defined music videos and pop culture." Because if there's one thing that American music needs more of, it's lists! Here's No. 10 while Carson and Damien bro-hug: "Hey Ya!"

10. OutKast, "Hey Ya!"

8:13 p.m. "Importance" doesn't mean that the whole video will be played and won't be talked over, just FYI.

8:14 p.m. Overexposure at every public place in the early part of this decade aside, this song still owns. Hey, here are two of the chick VJs with Taylor Swift!

8:15 p.m. Taylor Swift has appointed herself Official Annoying Person Who Forces Everyone To Sign Her Yearbook of the TRL finale.

8:16 p.m. Thanks, Carson Daly, for reminding me once again that I'm old. Oh, but wait, the Backstreet Boys are too! Hooray.

8:17 p.m. The minute-by-minute breakdown of what's coming up sure makes it easy for me to time bathroom breaks. (Also, it's so bad local news—did TRL come up with this practice?)

8:19 p.m. This Drew Barrymore mascara ad is reminding me of this crazy eyelash-decoration technique that I saw in the new issue of Elle earlier today while I was getting my hair done (NB haircuts are the only time I read "girl" magazines, because I inevitably run out of stuff to read). It involved—wait for it—turning the mascara wand to a 90-degree angle and forcing your eyelashes to clump together in points. It was an homage to Antonioni's Blow Up. No, really. Who says fashion can't be about culture?

8:22 p.m. BREAKING: MILEY CYRUS ISN'T DEAD. SHE'S IN THE TRL PHOTOBOOTH. And making that dumb cheeks-sucked-in face.

8:22 p.m. And, um, here's Travis Barker in his first post-plane-crash interview. (That's kind of a weird coincidence, no?) He's playing his drums again, which is nice.

8:23 p.m. I wonder if the people outside Foot Locker can hear Travis? I wonder if anyone has bought anything at Foot Locker?

8:24 p.m. Hey it's No. 9! This one's for Kate!

9. Blink-182, "What's My Age Again"

8:25 p.m. Diddy's Greatest Moments = Bathroom Breaks' Greatest Opportunities?

8:26 p.m. Ah, the days of the World Premiere Video. I got sort of nostalgic the other day when catching that Matthew Sweet clip that incorporated the world premiere of "Ugly Truth Rock," remembering all the times I'd set the VCR for post-drama club watching.

8:28 p.m. Diddy is crying. Or acting-crying. He is also wearing a leather coat that seems to have been excavated from Wilson's Leather ca. 1993.

8:29 p.m. One thing's for sure: MySpace Music is getting a lot of free ad time tonight.

8:30 p.m. Carson Daly: "There's so much more show." Yes. Yes, there is.

8:31 p.m. "A-Punk" selling Paris Hilton? I guess there have been weirder culture clashes this year. Maybe. Ah, whatever, they're all rich, right?

8:35 p.m. Ben Stiller's whole "I'm an arrogant asshole" schtick works a lot better when it's couched in a Bono impersonation.

8:36 p.m. Carson is taking us into the guts of the MTV studios! Lots of running around is ensuing. Since everyone's being self-indulgent, I will take a moment to let you all know that I have had my makeup done in one of these rooms. (I know, right?)

8:37 p.m. Vanessa Minillo is wearing a dress that looks to be fashioned from old American flags. And La La is there, too! Wow, they really brought out the big guns for tonight.

8:38 p.m. I don't know about you, but I don't remember "Yeah!" because of its lyrics.

8. Usher ft. Ludacris and Lil Jon, "Yeah!"

8:40 p.m. YAY IT'S DAVE HOLMES AND JESSE CAMP

8:40 p.m. Jesse is sad that he didn't get to serve as one of Sasha Fierce's backup dancers, and I think that's a sentiment that we all can agree on.

8:41 p.m. Ah, 1998: When one geek's capacity to wreak havoc on the Internet for the purpose of bringing the lulz was still relatively unplumbed.

8:42 p.m. One thing about tonight: It's really kind of tame compared to other MTV bacchanalia. Everyone is very reverent. Christina Aguilera is talking about "thank[ing] God for the start of many things." She is via satellite, but still, it's all kind of... sedate? Maybe it's the cultural moment seeping in.

8:44 p.m. "Amazing," "energy," "bask in it." Blah blah blah.

8:47 p.m. Really hating these Secret ads about BO ruining the mood on a wedding night. I'm sure there are like 5,000 other things leading up to that moment that could be dealbreakers, for serious.

8:49 p.m. Vampire Weekend are showing the world that some people actually learn to ride a bike in college.

7. Beyonce ft. Jay-Z, "Crazy In Love"

8:50 p.m. There is a room with free booze? I am drinking cold coffee that I French pressed this morning. And people are mugging for the camera in the background. The life of a blogger, guys. It's glamorous.

8:52 p.m. The "traffic jam" montage, which is probably causing many a cab driver to raise his hands and cheer this day.

8:54 p.m. Dave Holmes: "That was weirder than it looked."

8:54 p.m. Fall Out Boy minus Wentz! Also, nice Fuck City stickers on the drums, Andy.

8:56 p.m. The band is on the lit-up bed of a truck, which I suppose is meant to replace the light-up guitars?

8:57 p.m. Whoops there they are! Uh, sorry, unfocused.

8:58 p.m. I am kind of jealous of Patrick Stump's skin.

8:59 p.m. And Vanessa's coat.

8:59 p.m. And anyone who got to hear songs from JC Chasez's Kate that weren't "Until Yesterday" or the song David Archuleta covered.

9:01 p.m. BURNING QUESTION: What will the recession do to the market for things like Neutrogena's Vibrator For Your Face?

9:02 p.m. Jess, who is not watching TRL but who is concerned about my general mental well-being, checks in:

jessdolator: so do you get to do something else for a living now that this is all over?
mauraatidolator: maybe i'll get to write tampon ads
mauraatidolator: since this one sucks
jessdolator: i'm thinking talk show
mauraatidolator: yeah?
mauraatidolator: but who would talk to me
jessdolator: in keeping with the grand post-trl tradition
mauraatidolator: i could be the nu-donahue
mauraatidolator: and say lots of things that the guests don't understand
mauraatidolator: (yes i watched 'to die for' last night)

9:04 p.m. Only "thousands" are outside in Times Square. Not even "tens of"? Times are tough, everybody.

9:04 p.m. 50 Cent is as of now a no-show? Oh, Curtis, you stay classy.

9:05 p.m. A montage of "good" live performances from years past is making me realize that this show is woefully Clarkson-deficient.

9:07 p.m. It's Justin and JC! And they're coming out to "Pop," which I still pretty much totally love. Celebrity is a pretty OK pop record when you get right down to it.

9:07 p.m. Wow, an old shot of Justin dressed like the "Dick In A Box" dude for real.

9:09 p.m. Also getting a lot of free airtime: Planters peanuts. Hey, I'm hungry!

9:09 p.m. Hey Carson, it may be best to not bring up MTV-masterminded Super Bowls to Justin. Ahem.

9:10 p.m. More meetings of The Olds: Dave Holmes with Jonathan Davis! Jonathan Davis is wearing this hoodie that looks like it's a black-and-white Magic Eye. The whole effect is very Sage Wizened Guy At The Comic Book Store.

9:12 p.m. Thinking of Korn, Kid Rock, and Limp Bizkit hanging out is making me think of what happened when Kid Rock hung out with Scott Stapp. Ick ick ick ick ickkkkk brb throwing up

9:14 p.m. Taking a break from the dry-heaving to commemorate possibly the final time that "violence" will be swapped out in favor of "Primus" on MTV.

9:17 p.m. Kid Rock is smoking and drinking indoors! Because he is such a fucking rebel! You guys!

9:18 p.m. And now he's drawing attention to the fact that he won't put his guitar out. What a fucking yutz. Sorry.

9:18 p.m. No wait, I'm not sorry! Because I can be a badass too. So there, everybody. So fucking there.

6. Kid Rock, "Bawitdaba"

9:20 p.m. And now, Kid Rock is pontificating on the relative diversity of music in 1998. And how we can all get along no matter what our individual tastes. Ah, Kid, you've convinced me. Maybe I won't think you're a yutz after all, you know? Let's say that it's in the spirit of "holding on for dear life as the ship that is 'popular music' finally capsizes."

9:21 p.m. Everyone's pilgrimages to the window are reminding me of reading about Catholic shrines during my childhood.

9:22 p.m. The MTV News contingent stops by: Sway with hat, Suchin with pretty dress, John with hairpiece. Oh, and it's time for another in-show listicle! The Top Five MTV News Moments! Five—AJ goes to rehab; Four—Blink-182 breaks up; Three—Nick Carter gets popped by the po' po; Two—Britney Spears files for divorce; One—Obama. I guess those other four were all there to set up for the Big Happy Sorta Optimistic Finish?

9:24 p.m. 9/11 gets its own special mention, complete with "Remember when Rudy Giuliani was only sorta creepy" video clip.

9:28 p.m. I should really know the name of this Frenchy song that's airing under the anti-HPV ad, no?

9:30 p.m. Miley Cyrus is back in the photobooth. Instead of pulling up her shirt and showing her underwear, she is posing in sunglasses and chains in an effort to be like Snoop Dogg, I guess since these photos aren't for her MySpace page.

9:32 p.m. "Diddy promotes himself"? I'm sorry, this is different from "Diddy speaks" how?

9:34 p.m. Diddy is now talking about his new fragrance. (It's available at Macy's!) And saving energy. Rock and roll, guys.

9:35 p.m. Here's Ludacris. He also has an album coming out, you know. (He also has one of my favorite voices ever—it's the way he rolls his rs in part, I think.)

9:37 p.m. And yet the incoherent editing and awful sound and somewhat anemic crowd response are kind of swallowing the proceedings.

9:37 p.m. Oh, poor Nelly, he has to lead with "Hot In Herre" so people remember who he is.

9:38 p.m. There was a six-month period in 2003 when my outgoing answering machine message was just my roommate at the time and me screaming "I WAS LIKE...." to any telemarketers who might be phoning.

9:39 p.m. No second song for Nelly; now it's Snoop's turn. He is totally Dropping It Like It Is Hot. Can a medley that ends with all three people singing one song really be considered "historic"? Is the hyperbolization of every second-rate bit in an effort to drive up ratings for shows like this part of the reason that culture seems so empty and people seem so worn out these days?

9:41 p.m. Carson: "That was something." Translation: "They really haven't figured out how to film a scene in a crowd since the 2007 VMAs, huh?"

9:44 p.m. Vampire Weekend: They hook up on the bus, just like the proles!

9:46 p.m. OK seriously I must have this HPV song on a French pop CD somewhere. Help me out guys!

9:47 p.m. So did they just dispense with this whole "top videos ever" countdown? We haven't had an entry in about half an hour, and there are only about 43 minutes left...

9:49 p.m. For those of you who missed the ice-cream-cart-aided beginning of Mariah Carey's early-decade breakdown, here it is! Because pop music has been all about chronicling the mental breakdowns of its biggest stars for much, much longer than Britney and Celebrity Rehab.

9:52 p.m. Hilary Duff still looks—and sounds—like she is about 15.

9:53 p.m. I think part of me knew that Christina Aguilera had a kid, but Carson Daly just saying to her "as a mom..." made me have a "whoa, old!" moment. (Also, she should can the red lipstick and go for the blush-gloss look more often.) Hey, speaking of coming of age:

5. Christina Aguilera, "Dirrty"

She was 21 years old when she made this, everybody. Just remember that the next time you think about having a daughter.

9:58 p.m. The countdown is coming fast and furious! Because there isn't much time left!

4. N*Sync, "Bye Bye Bye"

9:59 p.m. And now we get to see what happens when it's like when celebrities meet their celebrity crushes. Spoiler: It's somehow more awkward than what happens when normal people meet their celebrity crushes. (Ahem.) Although that could be the whole "presence of cameras" thing. And the whole "both parties are mutually assured of their relative importance" thing.

10:00 p.m. Justin's still tearing up (his heart) though.

10:01 p.m. Hey it's Fall Out Boy again, along with Pete Wentz on a sorta-spazzy phone connection. Ashlee hasn't had the baby yet, contrary to what the Internet might tell us. You guys all know that the Internet is wrong a lot, yes? Yes. It is. Trust me on this, please.

10:03 p.m. Patrick voted for one of the winners (hey they both won, right?) in that 1998 VJ contest. But I think he wasn't the hacker... I think?

10:03 p.m. Hey Dan Gibson, FNMTV is coming back! And now Quddus is using the opportunity to promote some artist he's producing? I guess everyone has to eat in the post-TRL landscape.

10:05 p.m. OK YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THIS FRENCH SONG. Shazam doesn't recognize it. The lyrics are un-Googleable. This is going to drive me crazy.

3. Backstreet Boys, "I Want It That Way"

10:09 p.m. OK everyone, let's sing along.

10:10 p.m. OMG CARSON IS EDGY FOR SAYING 'MOTHERFUCKER' ON SEVEN SECOND DELAYED TV. Also, Samuel L. Jackson introducing... the Backstreet Boys? Um.

10:10 p.m. The whole crowd is singing along. TRL is really about the fans, you guys!

10:12 p.m. This song may be one of five ever to get away with the "fire / desire" rhyme scheme.

10:13 p.m. "I Want It That Way" really did define that whole era, didn't it? Also ha ha at Nick Carter for claiming he remembers some of the people in the audience from The Old Days.

10:15 p.m. This is kind of sweet. I don't think it'll sell them any records, but it's nice.

10:16 p.m. Carson is back in the bowels of the studio again! The Maddens are there, and apparently will be worth being talked to. They do have a remix record coming out, after all.

10:18 p.m. "Apologize" actually sounds much better in string-quartet form. Added bonus: No Timbaland "eh"-ing!

10:18 p.m. So is Pepsi the only company left with any advertising money? This "What Is Love" ad has been on every freaking break. And it's old, so even they are hurting.

10:20 p.m. Seriously though, the ad breaks on this have been very interesting, in a "so this is who's left" way. The many house ads (the Vampire Weekend spots, the OneRepublic ads, those HPV commercials that I still don't know the song behind) and the repeated spots are enough to make one wonder what the ad landscape is going to be like once the holiday rush is over, and what the decline in ad budgets across the board will mean not just for channels like MTV, but all those extra ad-supported channels in the far reaches of the digital-cable universe. Ah, nothing like a little light Sunday-night pontificating, right?

10:22 p.m. I think Miley Cyrus grew fangs.

10:23 p.m. Eminem: Calling Carson Daly "buddy," making an "I'm crushing your head" joke. He sounds pretty happy to be alive!

10:25 p.m. Eminem's next album is coming out early next year! You heard it here, um, second.

10:25 p.m. The inspiration for this album is secret, too, unless you can deduce the multiple meanings of the word "relapse" that are in Em's head.

2. Eminem, "The Real Slim Shady"

10:27 p.m. The date may be different, the time may be different, but the excited girls are all the same.

10:27 p.m. Hold up—Kathy Griffin was in this video??

10:28 p.m. Oh here's 50 Cent, here to let people know that he has a single out. People didn't care the first, second, or eighth time, Curtis.

10:29 p.m. Here is where I would ruminate on how Curtis' brand of anti-charismatic "capitalism over everything else" personality was perfectly paired with the emptiness of this decade, but my hatred for dude's lazy-ass flow is overriding my urge to think.

10:30 p.m. At the very least, this two-song montage pretty much proves why Scott Storch is currently having "issues" and Dr. Dre is just working on records.

10:33 p.m. Hahahha Carson Daly just referred to "Tony Banks." Oh he is so dead.

10:33 p.m. 50 Cent is mourning the loss of "a platform to market and promote ourselves." Never let it be said that dude isn't a sentimentalist!

10:37 p.m. Ad break, ad break, ad break. Lots of video game and "personal care" ads. No ads for Viagra, Cialis, or anything that might get you drunk.

10:38 p.m. One reason I'm thinking about ads: I'm trying to be as much of a sentimentalist as Curtis. Another: This New York Times piece on how the cutback in sponsorship is affecting sports. I guarantee that reading that piece will enrich you much more than listening to the Madden brothers' latest attempt at marketing themselves.

10:39 p.m. Madden On The Right is talking about how life is different after having kids. It really is like a high school reunion!

10:41 p.m. Justin looks sort of dazed—perhaps because he's standing with YouTube sensation Esmee Denters! Although I love that he's making fun of the brain-dead Australian girl, who just asked an inane question about "Internet ah-tists," one last time. Do it for all of us, Justin.

10:43 p.m. And thanks to the wonders of YouTube and Justin Timberlake, you can see the difference between a girl in her bedroom and a girl in a studio.

10:43 p.m. Oh, Australian girl. I really think now is not the time to joke about layoffs at Viacom.

10:45 p.m. Sean Combs took up his page in the yearbook with every single one of his names. NB: It doesn't look like he used "Robert Plant fill-in."

10:46 p.m. Vampire Weekend: They're Just Like Us!, Part XVI: They Also Like To Try And Recreate The Opening Of Ghostbusters!

10:48 p.m. The Googlers Of The World Demand Answers:

Oh, kids. I could talk your ear off about it. Maybe tomorrow? (Also, it's worth noting that "Jesse Camp" is currently right behind "Miley Cyrus Dead" on Google's current hit parade. Jesse, to borrow a phrase from another show, this is your now!)

10:51 p.m. Damien thinks Kid Rock's cigar-wielding ways are "cool." Hmm...

10:52 p.m. Aw, no Britney appearance. But that means more time for a big ol' retrospective of all her videos! You know, "Drive Me Crazy" was crazy underrated. (Also, it should be noted that "Gimme More" is nowhere to be found.)

1. Britney Spears, "...Baby One More Time"

Really, she looks so... well, sort of innocent here. Even with the big basketball between her legs.

10:56 p.m. Well, there's another anticlimactic finish to another MTV show. Everyone there has champagne (wait, does Taylor Swift have champagne?? SCANDAL!). Me, I still have my cold coffee and Carson's doing a toast. Complete with LFO dis (me-ow!). I just tried calling 1-800-DIAL-MTV and the line was busy. Everyone's waving at the window. It's over! Jesse Camp has somehow transformed into a slightly older William Beckett! Good night, TRL. Good night, moon. Good night, sales of sparkly paint at stores in the greater New York City metropolitan era.

I'm back on it like I just signed my record deal
yeah the best is here, the Bentley Coup paint is dripping wet, it got sex appeal
never should have hated
you never should've doubted him
with a slot in the president's iPod Obama shattered 'em
Said I handled his biz and I'm one of his favorite rappers
Well give Luda a special pardon if I'm ever in the slammer
Better yet put him in office, make me your vice president
Hillary hated on you, so that b^$&%* is irrelevant
Jesse talking slick and apologizing for what?
if you said it then you meant it how you want it have a gut!
and all you other politicians trying to hate on my man,
watch us win a majority vote in every state on my man
you can't stop what's bout to happen, we bout to make history
the first black president is destined and it's meant to be
the threats ain't fazing us, the nooses or the jokes
so get off your ass, black people, it's time to get out and vote!
paint the White House black and I'm sure that's got 'em terrified
McCain don't belong in ANY chair unless he's paralyzed
Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped
Ball up all of his speeches and I throw em like candy wrap
cause what you talking I hear nothing even relevant
and you the worst of all 43 presidents
get out and vote or the end will be near
the world is ready for change because Obama is here!
cause Obama is here
The world is ready for change because Obama is here!

Obama campaign rejects rapper Ludacris' rhymes [AP]
Ludacris - Obama Is Here [YouTube]
[Lyrics via Gawker]

April Fool's! Wocka wocka! Actually, Battleground Earth will feature Tommy Lee and Ludacris driving across the country in bio-diesel buses, competing in challenges that promote green living.

The series challenges Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges and Tommy Lee to "battle against the toxic forces destroying mother earth, attempting to keep their high-wattage acts on an eco-friendly course."

Throughout the series the stars will enlist the help of their entourage, celebrity friends and anyone else willing to lend a hand to reel in the duo's impact on the environment. Examples of adversity they must overcome include having to run an empty tour bus on used fat from a fast-food restaurant in the middle of the Texas Panhandle.

The series will climax with a concert in LA at the Greek Theater to benefit the fire-damaged Griffith Park. Here's a clip of Tommy Lee and a group of children helping to rescue a piece of the Wetlands.

Dude's gonna take pollution down to zero.

Tommy Lee, Ludacris Go Green [Variety]
Lee exposes Green credentials for Discovery [C12 Media]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The Atlanta-raised singer Lloyd had two of my favorite singles last year, and I could listen to Ludacris twist the vowels and consonants of almost any words in any language, so to say that finding this song in my RSS feed made me excited may be a bit of an understatement. And yet there's something about "How We Do It" that seems kind of off; I'm not too crazy about its syncopated beat (which sounds like a slowed-down "S.O.S"), especially since it doesn't quite mesh with Lloyd's sorta-frenetic vocal. And then there's Luda-by-the-numbers guest rap on the break, which starts off with Ludacris flaunting a singsongy delivery that gives the whole thing an Andrew "Dice" Clay perverted-nursery-rhyme feel but just feels tacked-on, particularly with the "ayyy"s that have been on so many other Ludacris songs being forcibly weaved into the chorus. (I do like the crazy guitar that slices into the song's end, though.) his song may define "meh" for 2008, and I'm hoping it isn't a sign of what's to come on Lloyd's next album, which drops this summer.

WHERE TO HEAR IT: Toya's World, who's as lukewarm on it as I am.

Now this sounds terrible, but I have to admit I was taken aback at the idea that someone who I know only in context of his desire "to lick you from your head to your toes" and his overly-virile claims about having "a hoe in every area code," could be business savvy enough to be able to delve into the real estate business and make an attempt at being a real entrepreneur.

"I don't generally speak about it... I keep it to myself. I'm definitely into real estate. I'm a silent partner and an entrepreneur outside of music," said Ludacris in an interview with the Chronicle

"Terrible" is one word for it, yes. "Clueless" and "quasi-offensive" are others. Up next, perhaps Fast Company will blow the lid off musicians they know "only in context of their desires to worship Satan and their overly enthusiastic claims about separating victims from their entrails" donating money to the local children's hospital.

Ludacris - Rapper Turned Entrepreneur? [Fast Company; HT: therichgirlsareweeping]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: When listening to Usher's monster hit from a few years back, "Yeah!," did you ever feel that what the song needed was less Lil' Jon, and more music that sounded like someone rubbing their wet fingers on a balloon, then turning that sound way, way, way up? If so, then "Dat Girl Right There"—the lead single from Usher's forthcoming album, which has apparently been moved up from "indefinitely postponed" to "maybe coming out sometime in 2008, we think"—is for you. The rest of the song kind of takes a backseat to the chaos provided by the backing track; Usher sings about seeing a girl, falling for her at first sight, etc., and Ludacris drops in for the chorus and a bridge where his voice is pitch-shifted so that it matches the squeak-sounds at each verse's end.
WHERE TO FIND IT: Chris Picks, who is really not into the squeaks. At all.

The Lion King has some of the best—or at least some of the most memorable—music in recent Disney-movie history. But the tribute-video community has never taken to heart the phrase, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Today's clips demonstrate the consequences of combining one's favorite song with one's favorite movie, relevance be damned. The joy of victory? The agony of defeat? It's always a little bit of both when you bring together mid-'90s philosophy pop and Lil' Jon.

Song: "One of Us" by Joan Osborne
Concept: The Lion King as one lion's struggle to come to terms with God and his own mortality after the death of his father.
If God had a name, what would it be? Simba? Rafiki? This video skates by mostly on the novelty of its concept. Basically none of the images, except maybe the nature scenes, particularly mesh with the song, and I'm deducting major points for the clip's emphasis on the tragic Mufasa death scene. It's almost like subtle, calculated emotional torture: having to listen to this droning song while watching one of the saddest scenes Disney has ever conjured. Plus the editing is really draggy and uninspired, making the whole thing feel kind of flat. I guess I can see the idea behind it—apply some deeper meanings to a heavy part of The Lion King—but all in all, the clip just doesn't really work.
Best music-to-image sync-up moment: The last minute of the video when Simba talks to the God-like Mufasa in the clouds. It's definitely the most appropriate scene for the song,
Silliest music-to-image sync-up moment: At 2:15, when Zazu is comically smashed against the side of a rock by Scar as Joan Osborne sings, "Yeah, yeah, God is good."

Song: "Lovers & Friends" by Lil' Jon & the East Side Boyz featuring Usher and Ludacris
Concept: The Lion King as passionate story of an ambiguous relationship.
Never before has the sensuality of lion love been explored so thoroughly. Kudos to this video for taking a seemingly irrelevant song and employing it to make characters in The Lion King uncomfortably sexual. Is it the silky-smooth beat? The ever-so-subtle innuendo of Ludacris? I can't put my finger on it, but the combination of this song and the Simba-Nala flirtation footage is inexplicably successful and completely bizarre.
Best music-to-image sync-up moment: There are many well-crafted moments in this video, but my personal favorite is near the beginning when Usher sings "Take a shot of this here Patron and it's gon' be on" as Simba and Nala are drinking from a pond. A pond of Patron!
Silliest music-to-image sync-up moment: A little over halfway in, when Lil' Jon comes in and it looks like Simba is singing to Nala.

Verdict: Though the Joan Osborne video is noble of spirit, the Lil' Jon & co. clip is better-assembled, generally more entertaining, and sexier by far, making it the king of Pride Rock and winner of this week's match-up.

Bonus: I couldn't bear to subject myself to multiple viewings of this Rammstein/Lion King video, but I felt that it couldn't go completely unmentioned. It's got some great editing and a few truly inspired moments.

Luda, 29, politely played along as Robinson, who appears to be in her mid-50s, asked questions that started with such phrases as "I don't understand all that rap stuff" and "Now, if you're fronting," among other gems. After her use of the word fronting, Bridges and the crowd erupted in laughter, and the amused rapper eventually grinned and asked the elder editor to explain what "fronting is ... for all the people in the audience who may not know."

Later, Robinson's tired comparison of rappers to white rock dinosaurs like David Bowie and members of The Rolling Stones was lost on the youthful audience, who, moments before the panel, were enjoying Ludcaris's hits piped in through the speakers. While a few audience members slept, one was overheard remarking, "What are these questions she's asking?"

Note to Robinson: That's what they call a "diss."

Vanity Fair Editor Be 'Frontin' on Luda [Radar]

Ludacris featuring R. Kelly - Woozy (Re-Release Therapy Mix) [MP3, link expired]
Re-Release Therapy [5gproductions, via The Rap Up]

- Just in time for her album's U.S. release date, pint-size Brit Lily Allen picks a fight with Madonna. [Gigwise]
- Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" holds off Fall Out Boy—whose "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race" sold 162,000 digital copies last week—and stays atop the Billboard Hot 100 for the eighth straight week. [Billboard]
- A Kentucky high school has banned its marching band from opening for Ludacris because of concerns over the hip-hop star's lyrics. The countdown to this story becoming inspiration for a Ludacris movie starts now. [XXL]

Obama, Ludacris Talk About Guiding Kids [AP via NYT]
[Photo: Associated Press]

Last week's sales figures have been tallied, and, much like America, it's a strange mix of smooth-talkers, skanks and polka enthusiasts:

Biggest Debuts: Ludacris' Release Therapy took the No. 1 slot, selling 309,000 copies, while Ms. Jackson's Jermaine Dupri-directed 20 Y.O. album sold 296,000 copies, her smallest sales week in nearly a decade. Elsewhere: Tony Bennett's Duets: Who The Hell Gave Bono The Studio Keys? at No. 3, Alan Jackson's Like Red on a Rose at No. 4, and blogger-buzz act "Weird Al" Yankovic's Straight Outta Lynwood at No. 10.

Biggest Slides: Clearly, Clay Aiken's A Thousand Different Ways only appealed to a thousand different gays, taking a 65% sales decrease. Fergie's The Dutchess also moved down a few notches, but we think she'll get a few sympathy purchases after people see her desperate Rolling Stone cover.

Nickelback Award For Inexplicable Durability: Nickelback, whose All The Right Reasons continues to infect our country's playgrounds and 24-hour work-out facilities.

Ludacris Scores Third No. 1 With 'Release Therapy' [Billboard]

Ludacris, Release Therapy (Disturbing Tha Peace)
The artist: Atlanta hip-hop superstar returning to the recording studio after a couple of critically acclaimed acting turns.
The sound: Luda's trademark baritone storms through an album of half-"feel good" music, half-Luda getting things off his chest, and accompanied by a guest list including Young Jeezy, Mary J. Blige, and the again-omnipresent (sigh) Pharrell.
The first in line: Hip-pop fans and Academy members will be fighting it out all the way to the register.

Scissor Sisters, Ta-Dah! (Universal)
The artist: Gender-bending, NYC-born Elton John proteges who are huge pop stars in Britain, but who, as everyone is quick to remind us, can't make a dent in the US sales arena.
The sound: Slightly tempered take on the out-and-proud disco that made their debut album a staple both on the catwalks and at the clubs.
The first in line: Jock Jams fans. Ha ha, just kidding!

The Oohlas, Best Stop Pop (Stolen Transmission)
The artist: Ex-Everclear drummer and his brother team up with frontwoman Ollie Stone and her Kristin Hersh caterwaul.
The sound: Chunky alt-pop that cherry-picks stylistic flourishes from Throwing Muses, Cocteau Twins, and K Records.
The first in line: Recovering college radio DJs who can't bring themselves to pick up the new Veruca Salt album; fans of Stolen Transmission darling Ultragrrrl, who was the band's earliest champion—and who may actually have picked herself a winner, at least sound-wise. (Then again, after you've hailed the creepo Louis XIV, your taste can only get better.)

Alan Jackson, Like Red On A Rose (Arista Nashville)
The artist: Staunch country traditionalist who had a moment in the pop spotlight after releasing the Sept. 11 lament "Where Were You."
The sound: A subtler take on his sweet melodies, thanks to the recruitment of bluegrass fiddler Alison Krauss for production duties.
The first in line: Honky-tonked out fans of Jackson's deep tenor who want to reflect on love, aging, and romance. We're betting there are a lot of them, even though we don't personally know a single one—hey, we're talking about a man whose gospel record went platinum.

On The CD Front [Pause & Play]

And that brings us to Ludacris, whose new "Money Maker" clip plays down the goofiness of his "Area Codes" heyday, and finds him striving for a slightly more GQ (or at least Details) look. It's a subtle change, and a visual clue that maybe he's trying to grow a bit; unfortunately, the rest of the clip is yet another turgid rap cliché-fest: The cell phones blow up, the dollar bills scatter, and the back-up dancers do their predictable-to-the-point-of-chaste wiggling. Oh, and the song sucks, too.

Ludacris, "Money Maker" [MTV.com clip; lots of annoying ads]