If anything, this constant pressure on Madonna to push at the boundaries of pop culture has made it increasingly difficult for her to actually influence much of anyone. In her prime, she embraced subcultural trends in music and fashion in a way that seemed like a personal expression of taste and inspiration, but since she's been saddled with the expectation to constantly break new ground, she just can't win. She either flits around from one image or sound to the next without connecting with it or her audience in any meaningful way, or she settles into her age, and she gets slammed for no longer pretending to be the sassy libertine she was back in the '80s. It's most depressing when she attempts to reconcile the two impulses; in those cases, we get bland, confusing compromises like Hard Candy that doesn't seem to please anyone, including herself.

If people really do want Madonna to be meaningful, we as a culture need to give Madonna the permission to give up on her quest for eternal youth and relevance, and to reconnect with her muse. It would be far more interesting to watch her embrace her advancing age, and to find ways to shatter our preconceptions about mature femininity. She could be profound and fascinating again, but only if we stop expecting her to be permanently 26.

Madonna, Once A Fashion Leader, Is No Longer Daring [NYT]

Why do I have a feeling that there's going to be a straight remake of this ad by N.E.R.D. in the coming months? Call it a hunch.

Christina Aguilera Rock The Vote [YouTube]
Madonna Rock The Vote Commercial [YouTube]

According to our insiders, the planned "short movie" will take place inside an elevator, where seven cameras will be strategically placed to capture the magic. The scene-by-scene breakdown goes like this:



Britney, partially disguised by a gray hoodie, walks into the elevator. As she starts traveling upward, she seems particularly nervous and anxious. The popster starts pacing back and forth. Then she progresses to kicking and smacking the walls, all frantic-like. She screams into one of the cameras. Then she starts climbing the wall, pulls down her hood and, into another camera, says:



"It's Britney, bitch."



...Strains of Madonna's "Human Nature" were also heard playing during some scenes and Britney could be seen mouthing the words.

Having revisited "Me Against The Music" as well, I'm kind of disappointed they'll be ignoring their initial collaboration. It's no "Human Nature," but is it really that much worse than the gibberish on Hard Candy?

Going Up? Britney Hits the Elevator for Madonna Concert Video [E! Online]
Britney Spears feat. Madonna - "Me Against The Music" [YouTube]
Madonna - Human Nature [YouTube]

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Set Issues Derail Britney's Madonna Shoot [E! Online]
Earlier: Madonna Outsources Tour Drama To Britney Spears

What's interesting about all that is Madonna moved her base of operations from London to New York for this "Sweet and Sticky Tour," opting to rehearse every day in Brooklyn, of all places. This is a little odd, considering the tour begins in Great Britain on Aug. 23 and doesn't come to America until Oct. 4 at the New Jersey Meadowlands.

According to her Web site, Madonna.com, there are plenty of tickets available in most major American cities, including New York and Boston. Apparently, all this publicity — a lot of which this reporter admittedly thought was being generated to sell tickets — has not helped much at all.

Quite a change from the claims of this tour "[outpacing] Madonna's last tour significantly" that he was making two weeks ago. Either he's not someone you want to scorn, or maybe his assistant finally checked out Ticketmaster? At any rate, watching Friedman's worm turn in real time is yet another reason why I want this story to never ever end. (And here is another one.)

Did Madonna Injure A-Rod? [Fox 411]

1. Britney and Madonna sucking on giant lollipops.
Hard Candy, geddit?

2. Britney staring into the camera for five minutes while Madonna sings "Live To Tell."
So Warhol. So nuts.

3. Britney wearing a giant black beehive, fake eyelashes and Madonna's old bustier, lip-synching to "Rehab."
Meta upon meta upon meta.

4. Footage of Britney watching "2 Girls, 1 Cup."
To be played every time Justin Timberlake prances on stage for "4 Minutes."

5. Footage Of Britney and Madonna re-enacting "2 Girls, 1 Cup."
Live Nation probably won't demand that until they're both signed to 360s.

Britney To Join Madonna's World Tour In Video [Access Hollywood]

Us found the somewhat threadbare tale, which seems to be mostly corroborated by jawing doormen, important enough to splash across its front page, although the fact that the headline only referred to Rodriguez as a "New York Yankee" must sting—hey, that appellation could also apply to Sidney Ponson! I suppose I should theorize whether or not this little rumor will help Madonna finally sell out Dodger Stadium, but really, I'm just waiting for one of Madonna's exes, confirmed A-Rod loather/stimulant spokesperson Jose Canseco, to weigh in on the whole mess.

Exclusive: New York Yankee Making Late-Night Visits To Madonna's Apartment [Us]

Quoth Friedman, or whatever Live Nation mole put the Post-sized bee in his bonnet:

So let's clear up reports from Tuesday that her big fall tour isn't selling out. With the sole exception of Los Angeles' Dodger Stadium, the Sweet and Sticky tour, I am told, will outpace Madonna's last tour significantly.

Indeed, Dodger Stadium is the only venue Madonna hasn't sold out. Of course, the show isn't for five months. The fact that she's sold half the stadium now for November is pretty darn impressive

Well, first off, it's the Sticky and Sweet Tour, but that can easily be blamed on copyeditors who don't feel like slogging through Friedman's paeans to his pals too closely. The real falsity here is Friedman's assertion that Dodger Stadium is "the only venue Madonna hasn't sold out." Yesterday I did a little Ticketmaster searching for Madonna's shows in Boston and Houston, and found available seats at both dates; repeating that experiment just now revealed similar results. (I just did a plain old search, without any wiggling around for VIP seating or secondary-market offers.) Is there another definition of "sold out" that I'm not aware of? Or does he not care about those markets, since later on he puffs up his chest and says, "She's already sold out four shows at the Garden and out in New Jersey at what used to be the Continental Airlines Arena — now the Izod Arena. She's also sold out most of her venues in Europe." (Not to mention that it's the Izod Center, but again, the copyeditor assigned to this story was probably weeping by this point.)

Friedman also whines about the evil Mr. M. Group not promoting Madonna's shaping-up-to-be-a-dud Hard Candy properly:

Meanwhile, a better question to ask is why can't WMG cough up a follow-up single to "4 Minutes"? That is, assuming they would want to. "Hard Candy" is full of candidates such as "Miles Away" and "Give It to Me."

But WMG hasn't had made a move. By contrast, Mariah Carey — whose sales have outpaced Madonna's considerably — is already on her third single from her contemporaneous release, "E=MC2."

Two things: One, I do believe that part of the reason Mariah's on the verge of releasing her third single from E=MC² was that "Bye Bye" was kind of a flop; and two, apparently he forgot about the video for "Give It To Me," which has actually been spotted by this writer on MTV, of all places. But that's OK, because it's pretty forgettable.

Squatting at yourself in front of a mirror, Madonna? Is this leftover footage from "Hung Up"?

Anyway, Friedman also claims in the piece that Live Nation is on the verge of signing 360 deals with Nickelback and Shakira, but given that he claims that Nickelback's hits include "The Reason," we can assume that maybe he thought he heard "Nickelback" when what he really heard was the name of another band with a kinda-dumb, three-syllable name.

Is Madonna Being Sabotaged? [Fox 411 via Coolfer]
Earlier: Madonna's Ticket Sales Give Live Nation Something Else To Suck On

Well, I'm pretty sure that it means that Live Nation chief executive Michael Rapino was right to put his foot down about lucrative 360 deals that are based off an unproven business model. But other people in the company are more optimistic:

Arthur Fogel, chairman of global music and CEO of the global touring division at Live Nation, projects the tour will gross more than $250 million in ticket sales - surpassing her record-breaking "Confessions on a Dance Floor" tour two years ago, which pulled in $195 million worldwide.

But just over half of the 43,000 seats available for a Nov. 6 date at Los Angeles' Dodger Stadium - 27,000 tickets in all - have been sold in their first three weeks of availability, raising red flags about the limits of US demand for the 49-year-old Madonna at this stage of her career.

It also comes as Live Nation's management has been at odds over the strategy of handing out big-bucks, all-encompassing contracts, known as 360 deals, for aging stars like Madonna and Jay-Z. The rift led to last week's exit of company chairman Michael Cohl.

To be sure, Madonna's sales have been better at other venues.

A Nov. 4 show at San Diego's Petco Park has sold 29,000 of 35,000 seats. And over 33,000 out of 42,000 available tickets were sold for a Nov. 26 stadium date in Miami. ...

Fogel, who has produced Madonna's last three tours, said concern about ticket demand is overblown.

He noted that there are close to five months to go before the US stadium shows in question open, and each one has already grossed $3 million to $4 million in sales.

Perhaps people are waiting until right before the tour, so they can avoid Ticketmaster surcharges, or at least figure out whether or not they can afford to fill up their gas tank and shell out the cash for a nosebleed seat? Either way, I'm sure Madonna is taking comfort in the fact that she'll always have Dubai to fall back on should times get really rough.

MADONNA SALE$ SAG [NYP]
Madonna [Ticketmaster]

Robyn/Madonna:
26-August Nice Stade Charles Ehrmann
28-August Berlin Olympic Stadium
30-August Zurich Military Airfield Dubendorf
02-September Amsterdam Arena
04-September Dusseldorf LTU Arena
09-September Frankfurt Commerzbank Arena
14-September Lisbon Parque da Bela Vista
23-September Vienna Danube Island
27-September Athens Olympic Stadium

Sticky And Sweet Set List? [The Diva Report]

The music business has looked on with fascination in recent months as Live Nation spent huge sums to attract not just Madonna and Jay-Z, but also Irish rockers U2 and teen sensations the Jonas Brothers; the latter two deals give the company fewer rights, and so are presumably less lucrative.

The strategy has been rough on Live Nation's stock price, which has fallen more than 44% since its first big deal, with Madonna, which was announced in October. But "360 deals," as such all-encompassing arrangements are called, are becoming increasingly common as the music industry attempts to overcome its woes....

The combination of businesses is risky, however, in part because profit margins in concert promotion are perilously thin, and a bad tour could undercut the overall value of a package deal.

For record companies, such deals have usually been with unproven bands whose rights they can buy cheaply. But Live Nation, under Mr. Cohl — its largest individual shareholder and head of its Live Nation Artists unit — has been pushing the strategy's limits.

People close to Live Nation say the company hasn't veered from its commitment to the 360 strategy, despite disagreements over how many of the deals to strike. Live Nation has held talks for a similar deal with South American rocker Shakira, according to several people involved, though no agreement has been reached.

The battle that has played out in recent weeks was complicated by Mr. Cohl's threat to take with him stars he says he brought to Live Nation over the years, including the Rolling Stones and U2. In the ensuing discussions, Mr. Cohl was reminded that his employment contract would bar him from competing with Live Nation for eight years if he left.

Something tells me that this isn't going to be won or lost by either of the executives making a passionate case for or against their position, but by stock price.

Live Nation's Leaders Battle Over Strategy [WSJ]

Who cares about playing Madison Square Garden or the Hollywood Bowl these days? It's time to rock the casbah for a million plus a show!

Flush with oil dollars, Dubai is no longer satisfied with being just a business, tourist and sports mecca. It's trying to boost its prestige further by pouring money into entertainment to lure the music industry's priciest stars.

Santana's February concert in Dubai was sold out. Last week, Jon Bon Jovi performed in Abu Dhabi, the Emirates' capital just a short ride down the coast....

But a Madonna concert — if it happens — would take the musical glitz to a new level.

Earlier this month, the Dubai-based Gulf News daily and the tabloid 7 Days reported that the pop diva would come to Dubai this year on a tour organized by a Los Angeles-based events company, Live Nation, to promote her new album, "Hard Candy."

Madonna might perform twice, the newspapers reported, citing event organizers familiar with the plans — at a public concert and at a private party, a first in her decades-long career. The price tag for the performances: more than $20 million, the papers said.

It might sound like I'm faulting acts for taking the easy paycheck, which is far from the truth. (If any sheiks or oil magnates out there need a playlist put together for their next pool party or some music blogging, feel free to drop me a line.) However, is this the final step in Madonna's transition to a nostalgia act? I mean, is she really "promoting" Hard Candy at this point, or just making a cash grab? Two nights and a really expensive meet-and-greet in the U.A.E. would seem to foreshadow a lean toward the latter.

Dubai goes from business to music mecca [Associated Press]

1. Janet Jackson, "When I Think Of You"

This would also make a great "first dance at a wedding" song. I'm just saying.

2. Sissy Wish, "Float"

I put this on a "best of '07" mix that became the official CD that I toted along on every car trip I took last year.

3. Queen, "I'm In Love With My Car"

Bonus points if you can find the Mother Love Bone version. Speaking of:

4. Mother Love Bone, "Chloe Dancer/Crown Of Thorns"

5. New Edition, "If It Isn't Love"

That breakdown! I really need to get this on CD very soon.

6. Guns N' Roses, "Paradise City"

Also on the insurance company's list. Sometimes, the publicity-stunt-directed masses get it right.

7. Madonna, "Ray Of Light"

elephant.co.uk Ultimate Driving Songs [elephant.co.uk via ONTD]

• Jason Castro has said that one of the guest stars could be known as "codename Virgin Airlines," which could mean Madonna... or it could mean the Spice Girls, who, don't forget, have a Virgin Atlantic jet named after them and are also managed by Idol creator Simon Fuller.
• However, E! is claiming that the biggest star in the world slated to appear on tonight's show is, in fact, George Michael, which makes me wonder if we'll be hearing "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" again.
• Not among the biggest stars in the world, but also scheduled to appear: The Jonas Brothers, Donna Summer, and ZZ Top. Ah, I hope this means Michael Johns will bust out "Tush"!
• Also, Seal, perhaps so Brooke White can sing "Crazy."
• Carrie Underwood will sing her new single, "Last Name," and other Idol contestants from years past will be on hand. Taylor Hicks, alas, will not be one of them, as he's currently bringing the wamp to Italy.
• Nigel Lythgoe is promising another "dead Elvis"-style duet. God, if it's John Lennon doing "Imagine," I'm going to imagine that there's no Fox affiliate on the TV in my living room and switch to Law & Order immediately.
• Lythgoe also hinted to Ryan Seacrest this morning that Jason Castro was going to reprise "Hallelujah" tonight.

Season 7 Finale Spoilers [MJ's Big Blog]

The Brighton-based star, who played a blinding set at Radio 1's Big Weekend on Saturday, is toying with a few different monickers.



But the DJing legend is keeping schtum about them until he makes his decision. He said: "Yes, I am ditching the Fatboy Slim name but I can't tell you the new one.



"I'm going to take the Fifth Amendment on that question and not say because I'll get myself into trouble."



I reminded the Praise You creator about his place in the Guinness Book Of Records for achieving the most UK Top 40 hits under different names.



He added: "I hadn't thought of that so if hypothetically there was one more...



"I'm changing my name to Madonna!"

Oh, Norman. If you want to be a spent trend-chaser on the dance charts relying on guest stars and name recognition, you don't have to change a thing.

Cook's toying with new name [The Sun via Antimusic]

"Jumping All Over The World" is nearly four minutes of music that you would imagine challenging someone to listen to on a dare, like a pop music rodeo, but maybe this is another step in the early '90s dance revival I've been waiting for. As a nice bonus, their album Jumping All Over The World includes a bonus disc of the group's greatest hits, so you can relieve this masterpiece:

Oh, Germany: So much good music, so little time.

Scooter Unseats Madonna On U.K. Album Chart [Billboard]

I know in the past you've felt bad for those poor bastards selling tickets in the primary market, who are forced to charge only the face value of the ticket (plus those exorbitant additional charges) while those bastards on the secondary market can force people to pay prices that are even more jacked up. Well, Live Nation has finally solved that problem; they'll make a direct deal with the scalpers themselves, or at very least, an eBay subsidiary that replaces the traditional role of the scalper with a web-based solution.

Madonna's coming concert tour is to feature what appears to be a first in the concert business: An official ticket reseller that will peddle seats at marked-up prices to fans who couldn't get them through normal channels.

In the U.S. and Canada, eBay Inc.'s StubHub will serve as the "official fan-to-fan ticket marketplace." In Europe, the role will be filled by Viagogo Ltd., a ticket reseller that also will sell "VIP packages" — higher-priced tickets that include amenities like backstage passes and meetings with performers.

The endorsements highlight the growing popularity and influence of so-called secondary ticketing companies, which let both fans and brokers sell tickets to others at prices that often far exceed their face values. Concert promoters and artists have long complained that they are locked out of the secondary marketplace, putting money in the pockets of speculators and middlemen who aren't involved in staging or promoting concerts....

"It's the future of the ticketing business," said Chuck La Vallee, StubHub's head of business development for music. "Promoters have always complained that we don't have skin in the game."

Sadly, this practice isn't all that new; Ticketmaster has pulled a similar stunt with their TicketExchange program over the last few years. So, Madonna fan, when you can't seem to get tickets for her upcoming shows despite hitting refresh on your browser repeatedly in the minutes before the on-sale time, at least you'll know where to look for the tickets you weren't able to buy on your own!

StubHub Enlisted in Resale Of Madonna Concert Tickets [Wall Street Journal]

23-Aug - Cardiff, Millennium Stadium
26-Aug - Nice, Stade Charles Ehrmann
28-Aug - Berlin, Olympic Stadium
02-Sept - Amsterdam, Arena
04-Sept - Dusseldorf, LTU Arena
06-Sept - Rome, Olympic Stadium
09-Sept - Frankfurt, Commerzbank Arena
11-Sept - London, Wembley Stadium
20-Sept - Paris, Stade de France
03-Oct - E. Rutherford, Izod Center
06-Oct - New York City, Madison Square Garden
07-Oct - New York City, Madison Square Garden
15-Oct - Boston, TD BankNorth Garden
18-Oct - Toronto, Air Canada Centre
22-Oct - Montreal, Bell Centre
26-Oct - Chicago, United Center
30-Oct - Vancouver, BC Place Stadium
01-Nov - Oakland, Oracle Arena
04-Nov - San Diego, Petco Park
06-Nov - Los Angeles, Dodger Stadium
08-Nov - Las Vegas, MGM Grand Garden Arena
11-Nov - Denver, Pepsi Center
16-Nov - Houston, Minute Maid Park
19-Nov - Philadelphia, Wachovia Center
22-Nov - Atlantic City, Boardwalk Hall
24-Nov - Atlanta, Philips Arena
26-Nov - Miami, Dolphin Stadium

news [madonna.com]

Biggest Debuts: As we mentioned, last week was a pretty great one for new releases, with lots of excellent albums dropping in the pre-paycheck, post-tax-return rush. So how'd they all do? Let's run down the list:
The Roots, Rising Down: No. 6, 54,000 sold (No. 2 digital, 15,000 sold)
Portishead, Third: No. 7, 53,000 sold (No. 3 digital, 15,000 sold)
Lil Mama, VYP: Voice Of The Young People: No. 25, 19,000 sold (not on digital albums chart)
Estelle, Shine: No. 38, 15,000 sold (No. 16 digital, 3,700 sold)
SantogoldNo. 74, 9,500 sold (No. 13 digital, 4,000 sold)
Robyn: No. 100, 7,100 sold (No. 25 digital, 2,800 sold)

All of them were out-debuted by Madge, Lyfe Jennings' Lyfe Change (No. 4, 80,000 sold), and Def Leppard's Live From The Sparkle Lounge (No. 5, 55,000 sold). So what have we learned? You can't stop Def Leppard. The Lil Mama record maybe should have come out when "Lip Gloss" was hot, if only to be the beneficiary of not-as-bad-as-they-are-now record sales. All the Fader covers and Bud Light Lime ads in the world can't help shift copies of an album, even when they do wonders for RCRD LBL's Google Blog Search hits. And holding a record back from U.S. release for an extended period of time, then hoping that Perez Hilton's breathless, syntax-challenged endorsement can be the foundation for a marketing campaign, is a lousy strategy—no matter how good the album is.

Notable Jumps: Natasha Bedingfield's appearance on American Idol last week goosed sales of The Album That's Really Called NB No Matter How Dumb Record Executives Think Americans Are—its sales totals jumped 199% week-over-week, and it shot from No. 97 to No. 24 (19,000 copies sold) on the chart.

Dropping Off: Ashlee Simpson's Bittersweet World was off 64% week to week, falling from No. 4 to No. 31 (17,000 sold); Atmosphere's When Life Gives You Lemons You Paint That Shit Gold had a 61% drop, tumbling from No. 5 to No. 41 (14,000 sold); and Flight Of The Conchords was down 57%, although its chart drop was a mere 14 places (No. 3 to No. 17, 22,000 sold).

Nickelback Award For Inexplicable Durability: An executive decision: This category is going to be held down by Alvin & the Chipmunks until they scurry out of the top 20. (They're at No. 14 this week with 23,000 copies sold.)

The top 20, with last week's sales in parentheses:
1. Madonna, Hard Candy (280,000)
2. Mariah Carey, E=MC² (95,000)
3. Leona Lewis, Spirit (84,000)
4. Lyfe Jennings, Lyfe Change (80,000)
5. Def Leppard, Songs From The Sparkle Lounge (55,000)
6. The Roots, Rising Down (54,000)
7. Portishead, Third (53,000)
8. Mudcrutch (38,000)
9. Now 27 (31,000)
10. Tim McGraw, Greatest Hits 1 & 2 (29,000)
11. Taylor Swift (29,000)
12. Steve Winwood, Nine Lives (26,000)
13. Juno soundtrack (26,000)
14. Alvin & The Chipmunks soundtrack (23,000)
15. Carly Simon, This Kind Of Love (23,000)
16. Jack Johnson, Sleep Through The Static (23,000)
17. Flight Of The Conchords (22,000)
18. George Strait, Troubadour (22,000)
19. Colbie Caillat, Coco (19,000)
20. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, Best Of Both Worlds Concert Tour (22,000)

This week's top 10 digital albums, with sales totals in parentheses:
1. Madonna, Hard Candy (73,000)
2. The Roots, Rising Down (15,000)
3. Portishead, Third (15,000)
4. Augustana, Can't Love Can't Hurt (11,000)
5. Leona Lewis, Spirit (9,400)
6. Flight Of The Conchords (7,500)
7. Juno soundtrack (6,700)
8. Mudcrutch (6,700)
9. Mariah Carey, E=MC² (6,500)
10. Def Leppard, Songs From The Sparkle Lounge (4,900)

• "The dance floor — not the pulpit, not the art gallery — is Madonna's truest home, and it's a good place to shake off pretensions and excesses. Her grand statement on "Hard Candy" is nothing more than that she's still around and can still deliver neat, calculated pop songs. Madonna has had more profound moments — "Like a Prayer," "Ray of Light" — but not every pop star is cut out for full-time profundity. This time around, concocting new ditties that will have her arena audiences singing along, she was smart to stay shallow." [NY Times]

• "Hard Candy is a let-down after 2005's triumphant Confessions on a Dancefloor. Still, your disappointment is tempered by the certainty that there'll be another Madonna album along in a bit, and it would be a foolish man who wrote off her chances of scaling the heights again. "I can go on and on," she sings on a track called Heartbeat. Twenty-six years into her career, who would doubt it?" [Guardian]

• "Pop has never been about raging originality, but "Hard Candy" sounds like the least original Madonna album yet. It's not just the predictable lyrics about sex, dancing and more sex (lots of songs about doing "it" 'til dawn). Those of us who listen to Madonna for the tunes can be thankful that the self-help bromides and political pronouncements that clogged up some of her recent albums are long gone. The real problem is that Madonna sounds downright modest. In the past she was first among equals. But by deferring to her collaborators (it's telling that she takes no co-production credits), she sounds like just another pop mouthpiece. [Chicago Tribune]

• "The beats are tired and over-familiar: each producer sounds as if he is doing an impression of himself. Nor do any of these boys seem to have the emotional maturity to draw anything deeper out of a woman who must surely have something to say at this point in her life. Madonna sounds muted and lyrically guarded - sometimes even downright sad and lonely. Most importantly, Madonna has always understood what makes a body want to move. Heartbeat and Dance 2night try desperately to evoke the joy of the disco, but it's too contrived to get you on your feet, and the whole thing falls flat." [Daily Telegraph]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: As expected/dreaded, Hard Candy is pretty much Madonna's attempt to recreate the success of Nelly Furtado's Loose, and the seven songs that have leaked so far are making me wonder if it's going to simmer the way that record did in my consciousness, i.e., an inititally grating dance-pop album that revealed its best track months after its release-date press cavalcade. "Miles Away," Madge's other collaboration with Justin Timberlake, Timbaland, and Danja, would seem to fit that bill, as it's a wistful dance-pop ballad that uses the quickly strummed guitars of "Like I Love U." Otherwise, Madonna seems to be chasing trends from years gone by, particularly the use of cowbell to give dance tracks an "edgy" feel: "Give It To Me" is a cowbell-studded track that has a Pharrell cowriting credit and feels much longer than its four and a half minutes, and you can't help but wonder how much less flabby the song would be were, say, James Murphy assisting Madonna in her creative decisions instead. "She's Not Me" has a dark vibe (and no cowbell, somehow), but it's torpedoed by its adolescent Single White Female lyrics. Bad lyrics also plague "Incredible," on which Madonna sings in a head-voice yowl that makes her sound even younger than she did when she was wearing fingerless gloves and rubber bracelets, but the hypercolored club-banger nature of that track renders the line "sex with you is ... incredible!" at least a little less eye-rolling.

Madonna's career has been marked by her turning her flaws into assets, and subsequently exploiting them to the hilt; judging by these seven songs, though, the current musical marketplace has made her a little wary, hence her turning to the producers of two-years-ago's moment to help her get her moxie back. Whether her attempt to make the next generation of 15-year-olds care about her as much as the last three or four have is up for debate.

HARD CANDY [ONTD]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: It's hard to tell whether or not Madonna's contract-killing album with Warner will be as satisfying a dance-pop record as Blackout (which, Britney personal drama aside, is the best example of the genre in a while), but the bits and pieces of choruses strung together in the name of whetting appetites isn't exactly inspiring. Listen for yourself while you still can, and see if you agree with me that the only tracks that'll sound good coming out of your personal summertime radio are the last one and the one right after "Candy Shop" that uses the dirty "James Brown Is Dead"-style keyboards:

Madonna - Hard Candy snippets [YouTube via ONTD]

It's a little odd to me, given that the extensive credits the video have don't even mention what the song is, not even for copyright purposes, yet give thanks to a choreographer and someone named "Mammie." Sure, Miley (or whatever intern put up the clip) is probably just assuming that people know the song, Miley-altered lyrics aside. So basically, this whole video is one big exercise in the new guard of pop paving over the other—something you think Madonna wouldn't stand for long, especially since the views on this clip dwarf the paltry 228,000-ish garnered by the official video on YouTube's official Madge channel. Is Madonna's lack of action against this clip a pathetic way to not piss off the tweens, or is MLVC working feverishly behind the scenes, hoping to trade the use of her song in this clip for another soul-sucking onstage makeout session that will firmly cement her image in the mind of the Disney Channel faithful? One wonders.

M&M Cru with a U BATTLES Step Up 2 [YouTube]

Available exclusively in the U.S. to Verizon Wireless' V CAST Music customers and internationally to Vodafone customers, 4 Minutes is the first single from Madonna's 11th studio album for Warner Bros. Records. HARD CANDY is scheduled for international release on April 28, 2008, with the U.S. release the following day.



In addition to Madonna's original "4 Minutes" track, co-produced by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake and Nate "Danja" Hills, and the underground mobile remix available on Verizon Wireless' V CAST Music and Vodafone, exclusive video footage of Madonna, Timbaland and Justin Timberlake's "mobile remix" recording session is now available on Verizon Wireless' V CAST Video service.

I miss when pop stars would just dance in front of Pepsi logos in Super Bowl ads and leave it at that.

Verizon Wireless debuts Underground Remix of Madonna 4 Minutes Single [I4U]

So momentous was the news of Mariah Carey's triumph on the Hot 100 with "Touch My Body" that Billboard leaked it on Wednesday, a day early. Chart freaks talk about acts beating small records all the time. But it's not every day that someone beats a mark on the all-time list that involves something as iconic as career No. 1 hits. And it's even rarer when that record is four decades old and involves the King of Rock & Roll.

And hey, Elvis was only ranked second on the list for total No. 1 hits. (He was, until this week, first place among solo acts.) Even sadder for Presley fans, this same week, another lady bests a record he had all to himself—this time, for most Top 10 hits. As "4 Minutes" makes a 65-point leap to No. 3, Madonna pulls out of a tie with the King, leaving him all shook up with 17 No. 1's and 36 Top 10s, to Carey's 18 chart-toppers and Madge's 37 smashes.

There's no joy in Graceland today. And if you're near Abbey Road right now, don't be surprised if folks there look a bit twitchy, too.

As Carey's "Touch My Body" rises to No. 1, Billboard is already speculating that she will at least tie the Beatles' all-time record of 20 No. 1 hits before Island Def Jam is even done with her new album.

Two more chart-toppers off E=MC²? It's fair to discuss, but as mighty as she looks this week, Carey's not the unwavering hit machine she was a decade ago. Whether she beats the Fabs before 2008 is over will depend on a lot of variables.

As recently as two albums ago, Beatle geeks like me had all but written off this possibility, so deep was Carey's early-millennium slump. As of 2000, she had stalled at 15 No. 1's. Then Glitter, um, happened in 2001; and even after IDJ picked up her mangled career a year later, they couldn't seem to rid her of the stink of failure. 2002's Charmbracelet produced no Top 40 hits, let alone No. 1's.

But 2005's massive, summer-dominating "We Belong Together" changed all that. And by early '06 she'd tied Presley with a 17th No. 1, "Don't Forget About Us." (Carey could have beaten the King right then and there, if the song that came between those two hits, fall 2005's "Shake It Off," hadn't been bested by Kanye West's "Gold Digger," which shot to No. 1 the week she was supposed to and held her back at No. 2.)

You can review the complete list of Carey's No. 1 hits, broken down by album, thanks to this very helpful Idolator commenter. As you see, on each album, when Mariah's on a roll, her chart-toppers seem to multiply. Not counting the forthcoming album, only two of Carey's discs have produced a lone No. 1 hit; she usually gets two or more, or none at all. (It could even be argued that the two CDs with a sole chart-topper were aberrations. Her 1991 sophomore album Emotions was clearly released too soon after the first one, a tactical mistake; and 1992's MTV Unplugged was a live EP, impressive for producing any hits at all.)

Still, the other pattern that emerges is that Carey is long, long past the days when three No. 1s per album were de rigeur. Butterfly (1997), Rainbow (1999), and The Emancipation of Mimi (2005) each produced only two. And that last one is a cheat: IDJ reissued Emancipation in late 2005 with "Don't Forget About Us" added to it. If they're going to pull three No 1's from the new album, they're going to have to get even luckier than they did in 2005, which was very lucky indeed.

If it seems like the Pop-Industrial Complex is impatient for Carey to take the all-time record this year, it's probably a bit of longing for the days when the industry spun hits—even forgettable hits, like "Thank God I Found You"—and broke records regularly. Also, and it's rude of me to bring this up, this will likely be the last studio album Carey releases before she turns 40 in March 2010, and not even L.A. Reid knows how marketable she'll be in early middle age.

Then again, her fellow Elvis-beater on the charts this week is months away from the half-century mark. So if, like me, you're futilely hoping Carey doesn't ever beat the Beatles, let's at least not be spiteful enough to wish the curse of ageism on her.

Here's a rundown of the rest of this week's charts:

• About that 49-year-old Elvis-beater: "4 Minutes" is not just Madonna's first Top 10 since "Hung Up" in 2005, it's her biggest hit since "Music" went to No. 1 in the fall of 2000. Apparently, 2000 wasn't just a start-of-slump year for Carey, because Madge has been stalled at 12 career No. 1's ever since, tying her in fifth place on the all-time list with the Supremes. If she and new bump-n-grind pal Justin Timberlake can claw their way to No. 1, she'll move up to fourth, tying Michael Jackson with 13 chart-toppers. But I wouldn't count on that happening anytime soon: airplay for "4 Minutes" is growing strongly but is a fraction of what "Touch My Body" or Usher's "Love in This Club" are receiving.

• Last week's No. 1, Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love," takes a pretty sizable hit, falling to No. 4. Clearly her Oprah-fueled sales are starting to tail off—digital downloads are down 17% this week—and her airplay still has to catch up. She'll probably have a bit of a comeback in a couple of weeks, after the album drops and gives the single a pop on iTunes. It's notable that the song she ousted from No. 1 last week, Usher's, holds at No. 2 thanks to his strong airplay, while she drops past him. As we say here all the time: sales give you a big hit, but you need airplay to hold onto it.

• Actually, Usher has a pretty good week in general—not only does "Love in This Club" hold at No. 2 on the pop chart amidst the Mariah/Madonna onslaught, it also ascends to No. 1 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop chart, ousting seven-week ruler Keyshia Cole's "I Remember."

• This week's song-booster from the world of TV isn't Oprah, it's the Donald. After taking second prize on Trump's Celebrity Apprentice, Trace Adkins has a big week in both sales and airplay. "You're Gonna Miss This" blasts to No. 12 from No. 40 on the Hot 100, fueled by more than 72,000 downloads; and on the all-airplay Hot Country list, which is unaffected by iTunes sales, Adkins ousts Alan Jackson from No. 1.

• Songs boosted on iTunes thanks to performances on American Idol's "Year You Were Born" week: "Billie Jean," both the original by Michael Jackson (up 24% to 12,800 copies) and the David Cook-bitten cover by Chris Cornell (14,900 copies, its first time on the list); "Alone" by Heart; and "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler (each up nearly 250%, to about 8,000 copies each). We're pretty sure that the obscure, cruise-ship-quality David Foster tune sung by David Archuleta is out of print; otherwise, God only knows how many doting grandmas would've downloaded it...

• The top debut on the Hot 100, based entirely on iTunes downloads, is Fall Out Boy's cover of Michael Jackson's "Beat It," which features everyone's favorite we-like-you-but-not-your-schlocky-music guest star, John Mayer, on guitar. Debuting on iTunes just ahead of the band's wittily-titled live album ****: Live in Phoenix, the track sold 88,000 downloads in its first week. Expect it to drop back next week, now that the initial wave of FOB fans have purchased it—but the forthcoming release of a music video might fuel a comeback in a few weeks, once the TRL set starts voting for it in droves. Then we'll have to see if it can eventually outdistance the No. 12 peak of the all-time greatest version of "Beat It."

Top 10s
Last week's position and total weeks charted in parentheses:

Hot 100
1. Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body" (LW No. 15, 7 weeks)
2. Usher feat. Young Jeezy, "Love in This Club" (LW No. 2, 7 weeks)
3. Madonna feat. Justin Timberlake, "4 Minutes" (LW No. 68, 2 weeks)
4. Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love" (LW No. 1, 7 weeks)
5. Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown, "No Air" (LW No. 6, 13 weeks)
6. Ray J & Yung Berg, "Sexy Can I" (LW No. 3, 9 weeks)
7. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 9, 3 weeks)
8. Chris Brown, "With You" (LW No. 4, 18 weeks)
9. Sara Bareilles, "Love Song" (LW No. 5, 22 weeks)
10. Flo Rida feat. T-Pain, "Low" (LW No. 7, 23 weeks)

Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs
1. Usher feat. Young Jeezy, "Love in This Club" (LW No. 2, 8 weeks)
2. Keyshia Cole, "I Remember" (LW No. 1, 22 weeks)
3. Mariah Carey, "Touch My Body" (LW No. 8, 8 weeks)
4. Ray J & Yung Berg, "Sexy Can I" (LW No. 5, 12 weeks)
5. The-Dream, "Falsetto" (LW No. 3, 17 weeks)
6. Alicia Keys, "Like You'll Never See Me Again" (LW No. 4, 23 weeks)
7. Mario, "Crying Out for Me" (LW No. 6, 31 weeks)
8. J. Holiday, "Suffocate" (LW No. 7, 26 weeks)
9. Mary J. Blige, "Just Fine" (LW No. 9, 27 weeks)
10. Chris Brown, "With You" (LW No. 10, 18 weeks)

Hot Country Songs
1. Trace Adkins, "You're Gonna Miss This" (LW No. 2, 17 weeks)
2. George Strait, "I Saw God Today" (LW No. 4, 8 weeks)
3. Chris Cagle, "What Kinda Gone" (LW No. 3, 37 weeks)
4. Alan Jackson, "Small Town Southern Man" (LW No. 1, 21 weeks)
5. James Otto, "Just Got Started Lovin' You" (LW No. 6, 24 weeks)
6. Jason Aldean, "Laughed Until We Cried" (LW No. 8, 34 weeks)
7. Taylor Swift, "Picture to Burn" (LW No. 9, 12 weeks)
8. Rodney Atkins, "Cleaning This Gun (Come on in Boy)" (LW No. 7, 28 weeks)
9. Carrie Underwood, "All-American Girl" (LW No. 5, 18 weeks)
10. Phil Vassar, "Love Is A Beautiful Thing" (LW No. 10, 22 weeks)

Hot Modern Rock Tracks
1. Foo Fighters, "Long Road to Ruin" (LW No. 1, 23 weeks)
2. Puddle of Mudd, "Psycho" (LW No. 2, 22 weeks)
3. Atreyu, "Falling Down" (LW No. 5, 10 weeks)
4. Seether, "Rise Above This" (LW No. 6, 6 weeks)
5. The Bravery, "Believe" (LW No. 4, 26 weeks)
6. Linkin Park, "Shadow of the Day" (LW No. 3, 26 weeks)
7. 3 Doors Down, "It's Not My Time" (LW No. 10, 6 weeks)
8. Foo Fighters, "The Pretender" (LW No. 8, 35 weeks)
9. Seether, "Fake It" (LW No. 7, 31 weeks)
10. Panic at the Disco, "Nine in the Afternoon" (LW No. 12, 9 weeks)

Flo Rida - Elevator [YouTube]

1. The idea of Madonna and Justin Timberlake hooking up is strangely repulsive to me, for petri-dish reasons instead of age-related ones. The whole clip dances around the idea of the world collapsing into a black hole and peoples' skin melting off if they don't—but they never kiss on screen, presumably because JT doesn't want to inherit his ex-girlfriend's curse.

2. Timbaland's rapping: Still unnecessary. Although none of the lyrics make sense overall (at least in a narrative sense—the flipping of "prima donna" into "Madonna" sounds pretty good, though), so perhaps syllable-ing along, and not singing along, is the point of this track.

3. The video is actually four minutes and six seconds long. Surely every pedant out there will point this out, but what is the significance of those extra six seconds? That the world hasn't been saved because Madge and JT have spent too much time washing up in the soon-to-be-doomed bathroom? Or that it has been? These questions will no doubt be answered in the post-apocalyptic clip for "Candy Store."

4. Madonna has gone from "collagist of bohemian subcultures" to "totally OK with ripping off ideas from Jamiroquai." Fast forward to the two-minute mark and slap your head. And anyone who says "But it's different because it's on a grocery-store checkout lane!" is fired.

5. The chorus on "4 Minutes" still reminds me of the theme to The Price Is Right. No, really; every time I hear this song it converges with the game-show theme that kept me entertained during sick days of yore. Here's a clip that uses Crystal Waters' "Come On Down"—a song that, quite awesomely, samples the theme in question—for proof. I also like this clip because the cat in it may be one of the grouchiest cats I've ever seen.

Madonna - 4 Minutes [HQ] [YouTube]
Madonna - 4 Minutes [WorldStarHipHop]
Cat Tricking [YouTube]

And she even took "inspiration" from the Lisa Frank-happy Ashlee Simpson for her album cover's background! Never let it be said that Madonna has forgotten the mantra "all press is good press," although I do kind of miss the days when she was ganking the styles of New York's downtown denizens.

[HT: The Velvet Rope]

Rolling Stone notes that both Iggy Pop and Madge hail from Detroit, but misses perhaps a more crucial link: the Stooges' bassist in its current incarnation is punk legend Mike Watt, whose obsession with Madonna once spurred friends Sonic Youth to record an entire album in tribute to her in 1988. No word on whether Watt will get to sing his rendition of "Burnin' Up" at the ceremony.

Iggy & The Stooges to Perform for Madonna at Rock Hall Ceremony [Rolling Stone]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: The version floating around the Internet is an nth-generation radio rip with enough static to make the Timbaland-produced beat sound like it's part hurdy-gurdy, and it's dotted with a French DJ saying "ma-dun-NAH" at certain crucial points, but even through all that noise the new Madonna single packs in a bunch of fun, future-retro goofing around, and even through my tinny MacBook speakers I can tell that this track will really sound good coming out of car windows as the weather heats up. (Note to self: Buy better speakers.) Sure, the guest turns by Justin Timberlake (who provides the titular pleading to save the planet) and Timbaland (who provides his now-patented "uh"-ing and a few assorted verbal hiccups) are kinda superfluous on record, but at least they'll give radio programmers a reason to think that this song might appeal to the youth demographic. Beyond the song actually sounding good, of course.

WHERE TO FIND IT: Check the comments on this ONTD post (HT pump like thumpy).

Madonna's album title, release date confirmed [Hollywood Insider]
[Photo: AP]