The Mouse has already started spraying its firehose of promotional power over its boxed-in kiddie demographic: Two songs from the soundtrack are currently in the Radio Disney top five, and last night's London premiere of the flick was accompanied by reports that UK advance ticket sales had broken records two weeks out from the film's release. But still, there's something nagging at me about the soundtrack's prospects, what with ever-plummeting album sales, the aging of both the High School Musical demographic and the show's stars, and the brief, unfortunate forays into solo careers by HSM staples Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale. I asked chart guru Chris Molanphy for his thoughts:

Here's a question: how did "the base" like the songs on HSM2? (I have no idea — I have few tweens in my life right now.) The debut week of an album is typically a referendum on the perceptions of the previous product. For Those About to Rock goes to No. 1 because everyone loved Back in Black; Kid A goes to No. 1 because of the long, slow growth of OK Computer; etc. If HSM2—which sold in a quick burst—is less beloved by the fanbase than HSM was (and I'm not even factoring in kids aging out of the franchise), then HSM3 could surprise on the downside.

Judging by the (pretty unscientific) method of looking at user reviews on Amazon and iTunes, enthusiasm is high (the 3,914 iTunes reviews average four stars; the 94 on Amazon average four and a half), and "You Are The Music In Me" got a pretty big reception when Jess and I went to the High School Musical ice show. So maybe it's not the songs per se as much as the association kids have with them.

But what I think will be even more of a factor than the music, or the American populace's incrasing distaste toward buying albums (seriously, even Miley Cyrus is going the cheapo rush-reissue route), or the continued fallout from Hudgens' misdirected nude shots, even more than is the current economic climate, and how HSM3's theatrical release is forcing people who want to see it to head to the local multiplex and plunk down $10, instead of just hunkering down for a night in with the Disney Channel on the tube and some snacks on the coffee table. Sure, Hollywood in particular has been banking on the entertainment industry being "recession-proof" because of their ability to entertain in times of crisis, but the mood of the country is a lot darker now than it was in even August, let alone the relatively frothy moment when High School Musical and sequel No. 1 came out. If tightening belts result in a choice having to be made between the movie and the soundtrack, which will win? Something tells me that it won't be the item that can be easily picked up via a 10-minute session of hunting around Google for a Rapidshare link, but maybe I'm wrong.

• Miley Cyrus is charging $250 to get into her sweet 16, and yet she still wants someone to buy her a car.

• There's some Fall Out Boy viral-marketing campaign-related confusion that I apparently need a pair of heads to wrap around.

• Sheryl Crow has decided to give away an album that no one wanted to buy in the name of "voter awareness." Also, getting her name back in the press.

• And to top it off, 50 Cent is saying that female music writers should lick his balls if they want to be successful.

Good times, right? Well, I'd like to give a shoutout to the fine blog Burning The Ground for posting the 12-inch of Whitney Houston's "Love Will Save The Day," which is sorta sappy but peppy enough to, at the very least, make me realize why I got excited about omnivorously listening to music in the first place. (This is maybe second on my list of top Whitney singles behind "I'm Your Baby Tonight." And I'm going to choose to not focus on Whitney's current travails in order to prolong my current state of enjoyment.)

Whitney Houston - Love Will Save the Day [Burning The Ground]
Whitney Houston - Love Will Save The Day [YouTube]

See for yourself:

Miley Cyrus, "7 Things"

Trapped in the Closet, Chapter 8

I realize Billy Ray must have had some hard times in the post-"Achy Breaky Heart" era, but I'm fairly certain that nothing could have driven the Cyrus family far enough into the backest backwoods of Appalachian Tennessee that would cause its cash cow to sing like R. Kelly's crude approximation of a low-class Southern woman's voice. I may only be from the coastal South, but I know bullshit when I hear it, and I don't believe that even the hill folk talk with that awful twang. And to prove that she's putting on the accent, here's a video of her talking about Marc Jacobs at a Seventeen photo shoot:

Barely even a drawl. So I figure either a producer told her to play up the Southern angle, or she's just a really big Trapped in the Closet fan. Either way, something's amiss.

_ Choice Music Single: Jonas Brothers, "When You Look Me in the Eyes."
_ Choice Hook-Up: Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, "No Air."
_ Choice Music Male Artist: Chris Brown.
_ Choice Music Female Artist: Miley Cyrus.
_ Choice Music R&B Artist: Chris Brown.
_ Choice Breakout Group: Jonas Brothers.
_ Choice Music Love Song: Jonas Brothers, "When You Look Me in the Eyes."
_ Choice Music R&B Track: Chris Brown, "Forever."
_ Choice Music Rap/Hip-Hop Track: Lil Mama featuring T-Pain and Chris Brown, "Shawty Get Loose."
_ Choice Summer Song: Jonas Brothers, "Burnin' Up."

The Jonas Brothers also won "Choice Male Hottie" and "Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon Male" as a single entity, which is something of a neat trick that I'm sure will serve as some sort of impetus for their inevitable breakdown/breakup. Other music-related winners in non-music related categories, all of whom have something to do with some sort of music-related TV show during some point in their career:
_ Choice TV Show Comedy: "Hannah Montana."
_ Choice TV Reality Music Competition: "American Idol."
_ Choice TV Actress Comedy: Miley Cyrus, "Hannah Montana."
_ Choice TV Male Reality/Variety Star: David Cook, "American Idol."
_ Choice Male Hottie: Jonas Brothers.
_ Choice Female Hottie: Vanessa Hudgens.
_ Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon Female: Carrie Underwood.
_ Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon Male: Jonas Brothers.
_ Choice Most Fanatic Fans: David Archuleta.

Teen Choice Awards Winners [AP]

Peg your promotion to a Serious Cultural Issue, not a stupid menu change. "With teenage pregnancy running rampant throughout the US, LifeStyles Condoms wants to ensure that Miley Cyrus and her legions of loyal fans don't become just more statistics." You can't tell me that doesn't have more gravitas than being told that chalupas now only cost 99 cents.

Include the plights of other celebrities in your plea. (Note: The actors hired in your commercials don't count.) Citing the breeding issues of the Spears ladies: Not only does it up the Google juice for your original press release, it creates a celebrity hierarchy of sorts, saying, "Look at these girls—we know you're smarter than them, Miley! So why not prove it for our gain?"

Don't make the offer contingent on anything stupid. 50 had to change his name and take the stage at a nearby drive-thru to collect his $10,000. Miley just has to show up at a commercial shoot and smile, maybe take a purity pledge.

Sex sells, even (especially?) to celebrities. Imagine if Taco Bell had said that the restaurant where 50 freestyled into the drive-thru would be staffed by hot ladies, and that the sauce packets would be renamed Sex Packets for the evening. Given his recent problems with the ladies, you'd think he'd jump at the chance to burnish his image as a male who's at all attractive.

Offer a lot of money. Do you really think Curtis would have gone the litigation route if Taco Bell had added a few more zeroes to its initial $10,000 offer? Hell, he probably would have been "inspired" enough to help the Bell swing a deal to serve the Coca-Cola-owned Vitamin Water through its self-serve Pepsi fountains.

[Photo: AP]

The TV premiere of her concert film, which chronicles a show on the Best of Both Worlds Tour, is this Saturday. The movie was shot in 3-D, and the glasses needed to view Hannah/Miley in her illusory glory are exclusively available at Wal-Mart, where they're likely stocked somewhat near copies of her new album. Top that, Sugarland!

In other news, Nas' untitled album looks to make the now-standard second-week slide down the charts, while the improbable run of that ABBA covers album featuring Colin Firth continues. Speaking of improbable runs, thanks largely to people in my neighborhood, I believe, Kid Rock looks to grab a somewhat distant fourth place. Of course, as last week showed, these numbers can change rather quickly between now and the week's official close on Sunday, so place your chart-related wagers wisely.

The current projections:

1. Miley Cyrus (Hollywood) 360-380k
2. Sugarland (Mercury Nashville) 340-360k
3. Mamma Mia (Decca) 130-140k
4. Kid Rock (Atlantic) 85-90k
5. Coldplay (Capitol) 75-80k
6. Lil Wayne (Cash Money/Universal Motown) 75-80k
7. Nas (Def Jam/Columbia) 60-65k
8. Camp Rock (Walt Disney) 60-65k
9. Taylor Swift, Beautiful Eyes (Big Machine) 40-45k (Wal-Mart exclusive)
10. Now 28 (Capitol) 35-40k

Rumor Mill [HITS Daily Double]

• "Much of the music comes with clattering, tempo-pushing Dave Grohl-ish rock drums (some of it played by Josh Freese, of a Perfect Circle) and distorted and shiny electric guitars. For variety there's a watery slow-jam, 'Bottom of the Ocean,' and a ditzy cry for the environment, 'Wake Up America,' complete with cheerleader chorus. Then there are the simple-message tracks for the younger set: an overblown, synthetic-orchestra-and-rock-band version of Cyndi Lauper's hit 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun,' a mild techno reprise (from Ms. Cyrus's last album) of a song about a crush, 'See You Again.' But 'Breakout,' the title track, appeals to both age groups. It's a girls-only call to fun, but it hints at a decadent, school-free future. 'My friends and the mess we get into/These are the lessons we choose," she sings. "Not a book full of things we'll never use.' " [NYT]
• "After all this fun, Breakout's second half gets overly ballad-heavy—guess that's where the growing up factors in—although, impressively, she's a dead ringer for the Dixie Chicks' Natalie Maines on the mournful 'These Four Walls.' And then we discover the one clunker, 'Wake Up America'—Cyrus' eco-anthem, on which she pleads for the earth: 'Can you give her a little attention?' The song's a dud, but you've gotta love that she talks about our troubled planet as if it were a needy adolescent." [EW]
• "It's a polished-sounding album, but there is always a hint of sandpaper in Cyrus' voice, and that turns out to be a big help, preserving the illusion of teen normalcy. Cyrus always sings with real, relatable emotion, and that alone puts her miles ahead of most of her teen-pop contemporaries." [Newark Star-Ledger]

In the last two years, we've seen several impressive feats on Billboard's Hot 100 by Disney Channel-groomed pop acts, and this week, we see another.

Four songs from the Jonas Brothers vehicle Camp Rock, which premiered on the channel last week, debut within the Top 40. And separately, Miley Cyrus previews her first album unattached from the Hannah Montana brand—and quickly scores her second-ever Top 10 hit.

Dig below these impressive numbers, and it becomes apparent that this is not necessarily another short-lived High School Musical-style chart blip. One week into summer, teenpop may be launching one of its once-a-decade all-out assaults on the pop charts—the kind of siege that will make even you, person over 18, forcibly aware of these songs faster than you can say "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)."

Let's run down the five Top 40 debutantes. Cyrus' "7 Things," an odd rock/country-lite hybrid, shoots 60 spots to No. 10, powered by its release on iTunes, where it sells more than 100,000 downloads in its first full week on sale. That matches the Hot 100 peak of her biggest hit to date, "See You Again," which peaked at No. 10 two months ago.

Coming in at Nos. 11, 20, 30 and 33 are the four Camp Rock songs: respectively, the climactic power ballad by costars Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas, "This Is Me"; a Jonas Brothers rocker, "Play My Music"; a wounded solo ballad by Joe Jonas, "Gotta Find You"; and the full-cast singalong "We Rock." (Somehow, I doubt that.) All four are fueled exclusively by download sales, ranging from about 68,000 for "We Rock" to 135,000 for the Lovato-Jonas duet.

This is the fifth time in the last two and a half years that the Hot 100 has been slammed with a wave of tunes from a Disney Channel soundtrack. In February 2006, eight songs from cast members of the first High School Musical stormed the chart. Nine months later, seven songs credited to Cyrus' alter ego Hannah Montana materialized. Cyrus followed that up in July 2007 with a hybrid Hannah soundtrack and straight-up studio album; five songs from that project (one by Cyrus, four by "Hannah") hit the chart at once. Just over a month later, seven songs by assorted High School Musical 2 cast members hit the chart.

Virtually all of these 27 songs stayed on the charts for a week or two at most; you can expect this week's four-song Camp Rock sortie to be gone by mid-July. All scored virtually imperceptible airplay on any station that doesn't syndicate Radio Disney's programming (such feeds generally don't count toward the Hot 100). Basically, these songs got a massive hit of iTunes sales in week one; they debuted on the Hot 100 solely thanks to those sales points; they slacked off in sales within a couple of weeks (as rabid tweens moved on to buying the soundtrack CDs, or just plain moved on); and, still unsupported by any radio airplay, they fell off the chart.

However, what's made the last 12 months interesting for tweenpop is the emergence of some longer-lasting hits that worked their way up the chart the hard way. Cyrus's "See You Again" debuted last Christmas and peaked nearly five months later, a slow, steady, pretty traditional chart run; in addition to its 1.7 million cumulative song sales, it scored serious adult-radio play, peaking just outside the top 10 of the airplay-only chart. The Jonases haven't scored their first big crossover hit yet (wait), but of their four previous Hot 100 entries, three were Top 40 hits and had multiple-month chart runs. The biggest, "S.O.S.," peaked at No. 17 and stayed on the chart for more than five months; the second-biggest, the No. 25 ballad "When You Look Me in the Eyes," ran for two months and scored several weeks' worth of measurable adult-radio airplay.

In short, the last few months' activity feels like it could be the throat-clearing for a late-aughts mini-era of teenpop dominance, not unlike the mini-eras we experienced in the last two years of the '80s and '90s. The 1988-90 period was only really dominated by one act, New Kids on the Block, but I'm sure everyone reading this remembers teenpop's '90s ascent in the States, from terminal unhipness around 1996 to chart dominance by 1999. Halfway through '08, the signs of breakthrough are there: under-18s are drowning in the stuff, but mainstream radio program directors won't succumb until they finally have to. We're just waiting for that first Backstreet Boys-size smash to break things wide open.

Looks like we're about to get it: the top seller on iTunes as I type is the Jonas Brothers' "Burnin' Up," the leadoff single from their preordained blockbuster A Little Bit Longer. The digital track was just released at the end of last week and its sales haven't been reported yet, but it's a safe bet they'll be massive. A Top 10 debut on next week's Hot 100 is a near-lock.

I've been passively eyeing the Jonases over the past year and enjoying their output only moderately, but "Burnin'" is catchy as hell, with a lite-funk sound that's credibly compatible with mainstream radio. On pure pop stations, at least, the song is already making inroads: it ranks 51st on Billboard's Pop 100 Airplay list in its first week. After their brief Top 40 radio dalliance with "Eyes" this past winter, the JoBros might have finally delivered the hit that radio can't ignore—like it or not.

Here's a rundown of the rest of this week's charts:

• Before we leave the topic of teenpop, I should mention that the comeback Kids are all right: "Summertime," by the now-manly New Kids on the Block, is three spaces away from the Top 40. Digital sales have held up since its debut—this week's 46,000-download total is the largest to date—and on pop stations, the song is nearing the top 20 in airplay. Next week, assuming a big Jonas debut, we could be looking at the new guard and old guard attacking the Top 40 at the same time. (Can someone get Hanson into a studio with some Swedish producers stat?)

• The second-biggest debut on the Hot 100, and the biggest not affiliated with Camp Rock, is Rihanna's "Disturbia" at No. 19. Like her short-lived chart-topper "Take a Bow" a month ago, the new tune (seemingly unrelated to movies starring Shia LaBeouf) is a bonus track from the fan-soaking rerelease of her most recent album. A clubby throwdown in the mode of "Don't Stop the Music," "Disturbia" in its debut week actually outsells "Bow" at iTunes. But "Bow" is belatedly blooming as a radio smash, which explains its higher Hot 100 position (No. 4). It's now the fourth most-played song at radio nationwide, as "Bow" gains traction at R&B radio along with Top 40; it's nearing the Top 20 on the R&B/Hip-Hop chart.

All three bonus tracks on Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded have made splashy debuts on the Hot 100, but so far the underpeformer is Ri's duet with Maroon 5, "If I Never See Your Face Again," which has been knocking around mid-chart ever since its debut seven weeks ago; it falls two spots to No. 55 this week. The track could get a promotional boost from the mid-July debut of Maroon 5's own ripoff re-release, which will also include "Face."

• As if the Hot 100's new No. 1 single, Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl," weren't depressing enough, it also earns a singular chart distinction that means something to us hardcore chart geeks. According to Billboard chart-trivia god Fred Bronson, "Kissed" is the 1,000th No. 1 single of the Rock Era.

That is, according to what I call the "Bronson Method," which mixes the Hot 100, launched in 1958, with three years' worth of No. 1s from a predecessor chart.

When he launched his much-beloved Billboard Book of No. 1 Hits in 1985, Bronson codified a yardstick for measuring the Rock Era that persists to this day—beginning not with the recording of "Rocket 88" or the founding of Sun Records but with the chart success of Bill Haley and His Comets' "Rock Around the Clock" in 1955. Bronson didn't invent this starting line, of course (it had been in popular discourse for decades before), but he did use it to establish "Clock" as the first official Rock Era No. 1, counting up from there. Here, things get technical: for the early years before the Hot 100 launched, 1955 through 1958, Bronson relies on Billboard's then-dominant Best Sellers in Stores chart. This puts him slightly at odds with the other major chart historian and author, the legendary Joel Whitburn, whose Billboard reference books list numerous No. 1's from 1955 to 1958 that topped such long-gone lists as Most Played By Jockeys and Most Played in Jukeboxes.

If you count by Whitburn's multiple-charts method, Katy Perry's song is actually the 1,026th No. 1 of the Rock Era, and the 1,000th, Akon's "I Wanna Love You," came two years ago. If you count only No. 1s on the Hot 100, starting with the chart's launch in August 1958, Perry has the 961st.

Still, the Bronson Method persists for good reasons: it's simpler than any other method, it covers the generally undisputed entirety of the Rock Era, and it's been in a best-selling chart book (with friendly, large-type numbers in the corners of each page) for more than 20 years.

In his online column this week, Bronson lists the 10 songs that topped the chart at every 100-mark, starting with the 100th, 200th and so on up to Perry's 1,000th hit. (Her crapfest is the outlier; the other nine are mostly great songs, like "Paint It Black," "Maggie May," "Lovin' You" and "Like a Virgin.") To honor Bronson's method but ignore Perry's achievement, I prefer to list the songs that topped the chart at the triple-digits, up to last week's 999th No. 1—like so:

111: Ray Charles, "I Can't Stop Loving You" (1962)
222: Nancy and Frank Sinatra, "Somethin' Stupid" (1967)
333: Stevie Wonder, "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" (1973)
444: Walter Murphy and the Big Apple Band, "A Fifth of Beethoven" (1976)
555: Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, "Ebony and Ivory" (1982)
666: U2, "With or Without You" (1987)
777: Surface, "The First Time" (1991)
888: Mariah Carey feat. Jay-Z, "Heartbreaker" (1999)
999: Coldplay, "Viva la Vida" (2008)

Okay, it's not as great a list as Bronson's 100s. But at least it doesn't have any lurid girl-kissing in it.

Top 10s
Last week's position and total weeks charted in parentheses (Digital Songs chart includes total downloads/percentage change in parentheses):

Hot 100
1. Katy Perry, "I Kissed a Girl" (LW No. 2, 7 weeks)
2. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 3, 15 weeks)
3. Leona Lewis, "Bleeding Love" (LW No. 4, 19 weeks)
4. Rihanna, "Take a Bow" (LW No. 5, 11 weeks)
5. Natasha Bedingfield, "Pocketful of Sunshine" (LW No. 6, 19 weeks)
6. Coldplay, "Viva la Vida" (LW No. 1, 7 weeks)
7. Chris Brown, "Forever" (LW No. 8, 9 weeks)
8. Plies feat. Ne-Yo, "Bust It Baby (Part 2)" (LW No. 11, 13 weeks)
9. The Pussycat Dolls, "When I Grow Up" (LW No. 18, 4 weeks)
10. Miley Cyrus, "7 Things" (LW No. 70, 3 weeks)

Hot Digital Songs
1. Katy Perry, "I Kissed a Girl" (LW No. 2, 217,000 downloads, +0.4%)
2. Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas, "This Is Me" (CHART DEBUT, 135,000 downloads)
3. Coldplay, "Viva la Vida" (LW No. 1, 127,000 downloads, -48%)
4. Miley Cyrus, "7 Things" (LW No. 48, 130,000 downloads, +402%)
5. The Pussycat Dolls, "When I Grow Up" (LW No. 11, 128,000 downloads, +71%)
6. Rihanna, "Disturbia" (CHART DEBUT, 111,000 downloads)
7. Jonas Brothers, "Play My Music" (CHART DEBUT, 109,000 downloads)
8. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 7, 107,000 downloads, +8%)
9. Rihanna, "Take a Bow" (LW No. 4, 102,000 downloads, -8%)
10. Metro Station, "Shake It" (LW No. 3, 103,000 downloads, -14%)

Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs
1. Keyshia Cole, "Heaven Sent" (LW No. 1, 13 weeks)
2. Lil Wayne feat. Static Major, "Lollipop" (LW No. 3, 15 weeks)
3. Plies feat. Ne-Yo, "Bust It Baby (Part 2)" (LW No. 2, 17 weeks)
4. Lil Wayne, "A Milli" (LW No. 7, 9 weeks)
5. The-Dream, "I Luv Your Girl" (LW No. 4, 17 weeks)
6. Chris Brown, "Take You Down" (LW No. 5, 13 weeks)
7. Alicia Keys, "Teenage Love Affair" (LW No. 6, 19 weeks)
8. Usher feat. Beyonce and Lil Wayne, "Love in This Club, Part II" (LW No. 8, 9 weeks)
9. Trey Songz, "Last Time" (LW No. 9, 21 weeks)
10. Young Jeezy feat. Kanye West, "Put On" (LW No. 17, 7 weeks)

Hot Country Songs
1. Kenny Chesney, "Better as a Memory" (LW No. 1, 14 weeks)
2. Blake Shelton, "Home" (LW No. 3, 22 weeks)
3. Montgomery Gentry, "Back When I Knew It All" (LW No. 6, 18 weeks)
4. Carrie Underwood, "Last Name" (LW No. 2, 15 weeks)
5. Alan Jackson, "Good Time" (LW No. 7, 11 weeks)
6. Brad Paisley, "I'm Still a Guy" (LW No. 4, 18 weeks)
7. Dierks Bentley, "Trying to Stop Your Leaving" (LW No. 8, 24 weeks)
8. Rascal Flatts, "Every Day" (LW No. 5, 18 weeks)
9. Brooks & Dunn, "Put a Girl in It" (LW No. 10, 9 weeks)
10. Sugarland, "All I Want to Do" (LW No. 13, 5 weeks)

Hot Modern Rock Tracks
1. Weezer, "Pork & Beans" (LW No. 1, 10 weeks)
2. The Offspring, "Hammerhead" (LW No. 2, 7 weeks)
3. Foo Fighters, "Let It Die" (LW No. 3, 12 weeks)
4. Linkin Park, "Given Up" (LW No. 4, 16 weeks)
5. Seether, "Rise Above This" (LW No. 5, 18 weeks)
6. Death Cab for Cutie, "I Will Possess Your Heart" (LW No. 6, 14 weeks)
7. Nine Inch Nails, "Discipline" (LW No. 8, 9 weeks)
8. Flobots, "Handlebars" (LW No. 7, 12 weeks)
9. Disturbed, "Inside the Fire" (LW No. 9, 13 weeks)
10. The Raconteurs, "Salute Your Solution" (LW No. 10, 13 weeks)

Miley Cyrus - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun [YouTube via ear sucker]
Girls Just Want To Have Fun [Dailymotion]

"Well," Anthony said to me when I IMed him the link,"at least they were smart to wait until after R. Kelly's lawyer referenced her to release this shot of her holding a big golden microphone." Very true. Anyone want to take bets on when Billy Ray starts telling anyone who'll listen that he had no idea what this cover was eventually going to look like?

Miley Cyrus - Breakout - Media Gallery [absolutepunk]

Choice Music: Single
Chris Brown - With You
Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me In The Eyes
Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake - 4 Minutes
Miley Cyrus - See You Again
Rihanna - Don't Stop the Music

Choice Music: Hook-Up
Flo Rida Featuring T-Pain - Low
Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown - No Air
Lil Mama featuring Chris Brown & T-Pain - Shawty Get Loose
Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake - 4 Minutes
Nelly featuring Fergie - Party People

Choice Music: Male Artist
Chris Brown
Jesse McCartney
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Usher

Choice Music: Female Artist
Britney Spears
Fergie
Mariah Carey
Miley Cyrus
Rihanna

Choice Music: Rap Artist
Flo Rida
Kanye West
Lil Mama
Lil Wayne
Lupe Fiasco

Choice Music: R&B Artist
Beyoncé
Chris Brown
Rihanna
T-Pain
Usher

Choice Music: Rock Group
Boys Like Girls
Fall Out Boy
Linkin Park
Paramore
Simple Plan

Choice Music: Breakout Artist
Colbie Caillat
Flo Rida
Jordin Sparks
Leona Lewis
Taylor Swift

Choice Music: Breakout Group
Day 26
Girlicious
Jonas Brothers
OneRepublic
Paramore

Choice Music: Love Song
Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
No Air - Chris Brown & Jordin Sparks
No One - Alica Keys
When You Look Me In The Eyes - Jonas Brothers

Choice Music: R&B Track
Damaged - Danity Kane
Forever - Chris Brown
Hey Baby (Jump Off) - Bow Wow and Omarion
Bye Bye - Mariah Carey
Take You There - Sean Kingston

Choice Music: Rap/Hip-Hop Track
Homecoming - Kanye West featuring Chris Martin
Party People - Nelly featuring Fergie
The Anthem - Pitbull featuring Lil Jon
Shawty Get Loose - Lil Mama featuring Chris Brown and T-Pain
Superstar - Lupe Fiasco featuring Matthew Santos

Choice Music: Rock Track
Nine in the Afternoon - Panic At The Disco
crushcrushcrush - Paramore
Shadow of the Day - Linkin Park
Stop and Stare - OneRepublic
The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls

MILEY CYRUS HANGS TEN AS HOST OF "TEEN CHOICE 2008" MONDAY, AUGUST 4, ON FOX [ohnotheydidn't]

The one thing that's not missing is Ratner's new directorial motif:

Guitar Hero! Perhaps it's some statement about how Miley Cyrus is an electronic device programmed to simulate the experience of music? Or maybe he just had the extra controller lying around from the American Idol shoot.

Judging from this shot, the video's concept is "Miley Cyrus Jumps as Studio Musicians Wear Young People Costumes."

Ratner wielding his latest muse.

New rule: you're only allowed to smash real instruments if you can actually play them.

"Damn, I thought I was going to get to work with Jackie Chan."

All in all, I'm preparing for disappointment. If Brett Ratner can't live up to the stereotypes he's created for himself, he's doing a grave disservice to Miley Cyrus and the American public at large. Is Michael Bay available for a last-minute reshoot?

Photos [Miley-Cyrus.fr]

I suspect that the first question on most Idolator readers' minds will be "But how were New Kids On The Block??"—and I have to say that their set was something of a disappointment, from song choice (the only retro cut to get a full airing was the Beatles-aping "Tonight") to the mix (unfortunate) to Joey begging the crowd to request "Summertime" so that Z100 would play it "five times a day" (uh) to the cake that was brought out to celebrate Jordan's birthday midway through the set (it had what looked like a big thumbprint in it, and its candles were falling over near-dead). If this was Irving Azoff's attempt to gin up demand for the Kids' reunion tour, well, it failed. And whoever had the idea to have Donny, Joey, Jordan, Danny, and Jon be joined onstage by five bikini-clad backup dancers should be fired immediately. You're trying to resell the fantasy to your now-older-than-said-booty-shakers base, guys!

Perhaps to please the New Kids fans in the crowd, the night was heavy on the '90s signifiers—in addition to the New Kids and the Spawn Of "Achy Breaky" being on the bill, and Katy "I Kissed A Girl And I Liked Getting The Attention" Perry showing up to remind the crowd of her existence, one of the sponsors was Do Something, the Andrew Shue-founded youth action group that had a few PSAs running in between sets. (Shue, alas, was nowhere to be found in the video packages, although Jordin Sparks was.) You may not be surprised to know that every time the Jonas Brothers appeared onscreen, I was reaching for my earplugs again.

Speaking of the JBs, they played a tight little set that was something of an improvement of what I saw during their Jingle Ball appearance in December—not only could I actually hear the music through the discrete screeches of young ladies thanks to my relocating to a conveniently located breezeway midway through their set, the band sounded pretty tight, and Kevin Jonas' stage-presence quotient has gone through the roof, with his white pants and purple sweater making me wonder if he's started taking notes on Gabe Saporta's crowd-working strategies. (This is probably a good place to note that the arena runners were even expecting a turnout that was so lady-heavy they gave over entire mens' rooms to women, a transformation that led to me witnessing five or six 12-year-olds coming face to drain with urinals for the first time in their lives.)

In an effort to appeal to those pop fans who had just graduated from tweenpop world, Z100 also booked a lot of piano-playing troubadours, the types of singers who seemed to come directly out of the Billy Joel-blaring drama-club rooms of America's suburban high schools. Gavin DeGraw's songs had the most oomph out of all of them, but he was hamstrung by sound problems; Sara Bareilles got the one-song-only treatment, even though she has a new video where she smirks at the camera and everything. Out of all of them, though, I felt worst for Ferras, who some of you may know as the guy who sang the American Idol see-ya song for the first few weeks of this season; at the end of his one-song set, he tried to remind the audience of his MySpace username, which had the unfortunate quality of being eleven characters long and very misspellable (Ferras or Feras? Or is he named Ferrous, you know, like iron?)

So straight-laced was the night that when Flyleaf was brought out for its "grin and introduce it" appearance, the one guy with Alice Cooper eyeliner and a top hat looked kind of menacing, where usually he'd look mostly ridiculous. Although I guess the "ridiculous" aspect of that appearance was taken care of by the DJ seriously introducing his band as one of the best rock bands in the world.

Z100's Zootopia 2008 [Official site]
[Photo: Getty]

With most of these plagiarism stories, you have to wonder if the famous act (or in the case, the people behind the famous act) would have an opportunity to hear the less famous song. Well, Lustra have a theory:

The band listened to both tracks and realized the similarities themselves. "Scotty Doesn't Know" was recorded for the movie EUROTRIP, starring Matt Damon, which was released in 2004, and well in advance of Cyrus' "Rockstar", released in 2006. In another strange coincidence their producer out of Boston, was connected to the television hit series "Hannah Montana". The idea was now not so farfetched. The band also noticed something on the Billboard Magazine charts - "Scotty Doesn't Know" was at 75 while Ms. Cyrus was just starting to work her way up the charts - her song "Who Said" was at 92.

When confronted with the idea, the producer refused to return calls. Nick Cloutman, Lustra's guitarist, offered, "Although we are very flattered that Ms. Cyrus took this route, we would have preferred some credit."

Judge for yourself:

You have to have some respect for how Lustra is making the most of the opportunity.

The band is considering various options to rectify this situation. The immediate solution, however, is to work with a Los Angeles based producer to minimize leaks, and keep all future recordings in a vault, under extreme security. "If Hannah Montana wants us now - who is next? The Jonas Brothers?" declares Lustra's frontman, Chris Baird.

Nick did offer one request, "If Annie Liebowitz is interested in photographing us nearly nude we are certainly open to it and we look forward to her call."

Lustra [Myspace]

It's a little odd to me, given that the extensive credits the video have don't even mention what the song is, not even for copyright purposes, yet give thanks to a choreographer and someone named "Mammie." Sure, Miley (or whatever intern put up the clip) is probably just assuming that people know the song, Miley-altered lyrics aside. So basically, this whole video is one big exercise in the new guard of pop paving over the other—something you think Madonna wouldn't stand for long, especially since the views on this clip dwarf the paltry 228,000-ish garnered by the official video on YouTube's official Madge channel. Is Madonna's lack of action against this clip a pathetic way to not piss off the tweens, or is MLVC working feverishly behind the scenes, hoping to trade the use of her song in this clip for another soul-sucking onstage makeout session that will firmly cement her image in the mind of the Disney Channel faithful? One wonders.

M&M Cru with a U BATTLES Step Up 2 [YouTube]

_ Video of the year: Taylor Swift, "Our Song."
_ Male video: Trace Adkins, "I Got My Game On."
_ Female video: Taylor Swift, "Our Song."
_ Group video: Rascal Flatts, "Take Me There."
_ Duo video: Sugarland, "Stay."
_ Breakthrough video: Kellie Pickler, "I Wonder."
_ Collaborative video: Bon Jovi featuring LeAnn Rimes, "Till We Ain't Strangers Anymore."
_ Performance of the year: Kellie Pickler, "I Wonder" from 41st Annual CMA Awards.
_ Supporting character of the year: Rodney Carrington from Trace Adkins' "I Got My Game On."
_ Wide open country video: Alison Krauss and Robert Plant, "Gone, Gone, Gone (Done Moved On)."
_ Tearjerker video: Kellie Pickler, "I Wonder."
_ Comedy video: Brad Paisley, "Online."
_ Video director: Michael Salomon for Toby Keith's "High Maintenance Woman" and Trace Adkins' "I Got My Game On."

Pickler, Swift big winners at CMT Music Awards [Reuters]
[Photo: AP]

Miley Cyrus
Jonas Brothers
Simple Plan
Sara Bareilles
Gavin DeGraw
Ferras
OneRepublic
Jordin Sparks
New Kids On The Block

Oh, the oral sex references that are going to abound on the text-messaging screen that night! And if you want to know what the New Kids' new album, which is due out sometime in the near future, might sound like, here's a taste of what's apparently going to be their next single, the photography-inspired "Click Click Click":

That backing track is a little Max After Dark for me, but maybe they'll make the video a Blow Up homage.

New NKOTB Single [ONTD]
Z100 2008 Zootopia Lineup announced [ONTD]

APRIL
25 Paula Abdul

MAY
2 Neil Diamond
9 Mary J Blige
16 Surprise Reunion concert
23 Alanis Morissette
26 B-52s (Special Memorial Day Concert)
30 Donna Summer

JUNE
6 Chris Brown
13 Kenny Chesney
20 Rihanna
27 Coldplay

JULY
4 Ashlee Simpson
11 Rascal Flatts
18 Natasha Bedingfield
25 Miley Cyrus

AUGUST
1 Sheryl Crow

I know a lot of people in the music industry. My uncle is friends with Miley Cyrus's father. And I asked him to ask about Lollapalooza. Miley's father has confirmed she will be the Saturday headliner opposite NIN.

Let's look at the reasons why this rumor may or may not be true:

YES
1. In a summer overbooked with festivals, booking the most popular attraction of last year's touring circuit would ensure that Lolla would sell out its entire supply of tickets—never mind how a Miley appearance would goose the fortunes of "secondary market" sites like StubHub.
2. MRC/HM booking will give the kids of alternadads and alternamoms something more age-appropriate to hear while Trent Reznor sings about fucking people animal-style.
3. Booking Miley will certainly differentiate Lolla from this summer's endless parade of Radiohead/Jack Johnson-headlined festivals.

NO
1. Oh, come on, you guys. It's an Internet message board thread designed to rile people up. Although I wouldn't be too surprised if this "news" didn't show up on Us' site sometime after the lineup is announced.

Lollapalooza 2008 lineup announcement April 7: Nine Inch Nails vs. Hannah Montana? [The Daily Swarm]
[Photo: AP]

maura@idolator: Maybe this is why her voice sounds like Lindsay Lohan on a seven-pack night.
jess@idolator: She sounds like a space alien who learned to mimic human speech by watching episodes of Maude.
jess@idolator: God, I just realized this could be my last Hannah Montana-related post ever. I don't know how to feel about that.
maura@idolator: Aw.
jess@idolator: Farewell, trusted slow-news-day standby. Let the record show you were smarter than Ronald Reagan.

Mylie Cyrus Drinks Ketchup [Huffington Post; HT DHMBIB]

Song: Beautiful Girls (Sean Kingston), Big Girls Don't Cry (Fergie), Don't Matter, (Akon), Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne.)

Male Singer: Bow Wow, Chris Brown, Soulja Boy, Justin Timberlake.

Music Group: Boys Like Girls, Fall Out Boy, Jonas Brothers, Linkin Park.

Female Singer: Beyonce, Fergie, Miley Cyrus, Alicia Keys.

Kids Choice Awards Announces Nominees [AP]
[Photo: AP]

20. Frankie Muniz - $3 million
19. Mandy Moore - $3.5 million
18. Lindsay Lohan - $3.5 million
17. Miley Cyrus - $3.5 million
16. Rupert Grint - $4 million
15. Emma Watson - $4 million
14. Dakota Fanning - $4 million
13. Mischa Barton - $4.5 million
12. Scarlett Johansson - $5 million
11. Carrie Underwood - $7 million
10. Keira Knightley - $9 million
9. Carmelo Anthony - $10 million
8. Avril Lavigne - $12 million
7. Hilary Duff - $12 million
6. Daniel Radcliffe - $15 million
5. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen - $17 million each
4. Michelle Wie - $19 million
3. Maria Sharapova - $23 million
2. Reggie Bush - $24 million
1. LeBron James - $27 million

Wow, Miley "Instant Sell-Out" Cyrus only at No. 17? (Perhaps because Forbes' list only measures from June '06 to June 07, before Hannah Montana concert mania kicked off in earnest.) But not counting Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan—and taking Mandy Moore as a grey area—that's three, count 'em three young folks best known for releasing records and doing concert tours and making videos: Lavigne, Carrie Underwood, and Cyrus. Plenty of explanations for this, i.e. bad contracts, evil managers, parents funnelling the money into offshore accounts. Still, does this mean that future teenpop stars and starlets are going to have to start getting into the game for the love of it?

20 Under 25 [Forbes via the Evil Beet]

"Yes, sadly it's true. Miley herself confirmed the pregnancy rumors during a J-14 interview. 'I'm going to take good care of my baby. I've already gained 7 pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally. I went a little too far. I'm sorry to all of my fans'," the magazine photo reports Miley as saying.

"While Miley is still planning on going on tour for her new solo cd, she's currently filming the series finale of 'Hannah Montana'. Even though she's keeping hush about who's the father. Miley's parents are very disappointed in her: 'Whatever's meant to happen will happen. I guess it was meant to be this way."

Clearly that story has to be true because it reads so...journalistic and junk. Maura gave me this story (with the usual "humanity is doomed" caveats) because apparently Hannah Montana news (about her stolen virtue or otherwise) is now my "beat." But musing on this phantom pregnancy did give me the opportunity to come up with a new tagline for the site:

Idolator: The only blog where they follow up a Pissed Jeans video with an examination of Miley Cyrus' uterus.

Is Hanna Montana Star Mylie Cyrus Really Pregnant [Gay Socialites]

In the grand scheme of things, the song is actually not terrible—it's at least a notch above Nickelback. But the lyrics are kind of unnerving:

"Looks like she's all ready to leave
Nothing left to pack
There ain't no room for me in that car
Even if she asked me to tag along
God I gotta be strong

She's at the startin' line of the rest of her life
As ready as she's ever been
Got the hunger and the stars in her eyes
The prize is hers to win
She's waitin' on my blessings before she hits that open road
Baby get ready
Get set
Don't go"

Miley is, what, fourteen? Maybe you should be in the car with her, Billy. She can't even drive a real one yet, let alone a metaphorical fame-mobile. Also, many young teens who have the stars in their eyes are forced to attend school and go to pool parties. In our society, eighteen is traditionally considered to be the age at which we reach adulthood, or the "startin' line," as you put it. Maybe you were confused about this? Are you clear now? Seriously, put the guitar down and rescue your daughter from the Disney Channel compound immediately. And then, please shave your soul patch.

Billy Ray Cyrus - Ready Set Don't Go (FULL VERSION!!) [YouTube]
Billy Ray Cyrus Helps Daughter Miley Cope With 'the Pressures of the World ' [ABCNews]

1. miley world
2. summer bishil
3. mileyworld.com
4. 9/11 timeline
5. capital of bangladesh
6. hannah montana fan club
7. nothing is private
8. www.mileyworld.com
9. september 11 2001
10. 9 11
11. miley cyrus fan club

Thank Allah our long national nightmare has been finally salved over by Billy Ray Cyrus' spunky, singing teenage daughter and her boss multi-colored wig.

Google Trends: Sep 11, 2007 [Google Trends]

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