Here’s what you get on American Idol 10th Anniversary — The Hits… a bunch of songs you probably already have and a handful of others you never had any intention of owning:

“Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson
“Superstar” by Ruben Studdard
“Invisible” by Clay Aiken
“When I See You” by Fantasia
“Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood
“Takin’ It To The Streets” by Taylor Hicks
“Home” by Daughtry
“No Air” by Jordin Sparks (with Chris Brown)
“Light On” by David Cook
“Live Like We’re Dying” by Kris Allen
“Whataya Want From Me” by Adam Lambert
“Sweet Serendipity” by Lee DeWyze

So, in this context, “hits” means “was released as a single.” Or not actually! Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks’ contribution to this track list is a cover he performed on the show (which also doubled as the B-side to his “Do I Make You Proud” single).

The problem with a greatest hits album is that only a few of the contestants (and even fewer of the nine winners) have had any actual hits. What about a CD full of remastered recordings from memorable live performances from the show’s nine seasons? Fantasia’s “Summertime”, Blake Lewis’ “You Give Love A Bad Name”, Crystal Bowersox’s “Me And Bobby McGee”, Kris Allen’s “Heartless”, Adam Lambert’s “Mad World”, Carrie Underwood’s “Alone”… we could go on.

David Cook’s “Billie Jean”! Taylor Hicks’ “You Are So Beautiful To Me”! Constantine Maroulis’ “Bohemian Rhapsody”! Jordin Sparks’ “I Who Have Nothing”! See? We weren’t kidding! These songs are ten million times more enjoyable than listening to “Sweet Serendipity” again, since we barely made it through listening to it the first time.

What would have made the cut on your Idol Greatest Hits album?

[EW Music Mix]

We’re jumping back in time to rate the reactions of all nine Idol champs upon discovering they were the next American Idol. Points will be awarded to each victorious contestant depending on a) how many tears were shed, b) their inability to form a coherent thought, and c) how much they acknowledged the runner-up standing beside them. (Selflessness counts!) Jump below to find out whose winning moment still makes us cry, and which Idol champion could barely crack a smile after winning the biggest reality competition in the world.

Kris Allen – Season 8 (at 1:15)

Crying Factor: 0. Not one freakin’ tear! And besides the brief O-face Kris made at hearing his name called out, the man acts like he just found an extra beer in the fridge when he thought they were all out. Dude, you just won American Idol, and barely anybody thought you would. Would it have killed you to look excited?!
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 5. Adam hugs and shakes Kris, who just stands there like a log.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 8. At least Kris is so speechless, he can barely say anything.
Overall Score: 13

Jordin Sparks – Season 6

Crying Factor: 4. She sheds a few tears, but she mostly pulls together. Boring!
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 6. Jordin holds onto Blake for dear life as he bounces her up and down.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 4. She’s incredibly well-composed the whole time and manages to speak clearly.  For a 17-year old, she’s keeping things very mature and professional. But where’s the blubbering?!
Overall Score: 14

Ruben Studdard – Season 2

Crying Factor: 3. Unlike Kris, we can tell Ruben is definitely happy to win the competition. It’s just that he is so calm and dumbfounded that makes us feel jilted out of a perfect Idol Winner’s moment.
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 7. He gives Clay one big, albeit calm, bear hug.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 7. Besides “thank you,” Ruben barely says a word.
Overall Score: 17

Kelly Clarkson – Season 1

Crying Factor: 6. She says she’s crying, but we can barely see a wet spot on her smiley face… until she starts singing. Here come the waterworks!
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 6. Justin and Kelly embrace for awhile, probably sharing their grief at now having to make From Justin to Kelly.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 5. Kelly gives a cute little squeak, proving how speechless she really is.
Overall Score: 19

Taylor Hicks – Season 5 ( at 1:14)

Crying Factor: 6. Taylor doubles over in tears at hearing his name.
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 5. He gives Katharine a brief hug before going back into his patented “woo!”-ing, then takes her hand once again so the audience can applaud her.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 9. He can’t get anything out besides screaming “SOUL PATROOOOL!!!”
Overall Score: 20

Lee DeWyze – Season 9

Crying Factor: 8. He immediately doubles over and scrambles all over the stage in tears.
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 3. Lee lets Crystal hang there while he’s off in his own world, freaking out.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 10. Lee is ramblin’ like a river, not finishing any of his sentences. That’s how we like it! A real, raw emotional moment.
Overall Score: 21

Carrie Underwood – Season 4 (at 2:20)

Crying Factor: 7. Carrie immediately starts sobbing, right on cue!
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 6. Her and Bo embrace… and then everyone else swarms the country singer for a hug.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 9. Carrie can’t get anything out except “thank you” through her happy weeping.
Overall Score: 22

David Cook – Season 7 (at :36)

Crying Factor: 9. It starts off slow and reserved, but as the applause goes on, Cook breaks down and can barely face front he’s so emotional.
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 8. The first thing Cook does is give Archie a long, brotherly hug.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 8. He starts off like he’s going to make a well thought-out speech, but as soon as he sees his mom standing beside him, he can’t get any words out.
Overall Score: 25

Fantasia Barrino – Season 3 (2:30)

Crying Factor: 10. Fantasia looks like she is crying even before hearing her name called. And then she explodes in sobs! We’re seriously tearing up just rewatching this.
Acknowledging Runner-Up: 10. The woman looks like she’s going to faint on top of Diana DeGarmo.
Inability To Speak Clearly: 10. The first words out of her mouth after thanking her fans? “I broke my shoe!” Perfect, nonsensical blubbering.
Overall Score: 30. Everything an American Idol Winner moment should be.

Think one of these Idol winners should have been rated higher? And is it possible for any contestant in Idol’s future to ever beat Fantasia’s spectacular tear-jerking victory sob? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Simon Cowell may have just rendered the biggest judgment call of his career with his decision to bid farewell to American Idol. But what is his real legacy as a talent spotter? Before he calls in his manservants to ship his tight black shirts over to The X Factor, we decided to take a look back at Simon’s best — and worst — judgments on Idol. No question, he possesses keen insight. But maybe there’s also a reason the final voting is left up to America.

Without a doubt, Simon’s exit will mean that Fox has some enormous (platform-enhanced) shoes to fill. But Cowell has always been more than a frowny, cross-armed insult generator. A veteran music executive/talent scout, Simon has long cultivated a reputation as the shrewdest Idol judge, able to accurately forecast pop career success with an insider’s savvy. For all his eye rolls and snide remarks, however, he hasn’t always made the right calls. It’s time to rewind through his handling of past contestants and consider what he got right—and wrong.

Season 1 – Kelly Clarkson (winner)

Simon’s Call: Yay. Simon said Kelly’s “great.” He even hugs her after she scores a ticket to Hollywood (and this is after he had nine other female contestants exiting in tears before she performed).  But Kelly claims he didn’t remember her at the Pasadena audition, and that maybe she was just too “plain jane” for Simon.

Actual Outcome: She was a winner all right, but fans saw her as considerably more than a plain jane. Her first post-Idol album, Thankful, went platinum, and she’s since turned into a superstar, earning two Grammys along the way.

Season 1 – Justin Guarini (runner up)

Simon Call: Simon tells Justin, “This is the point that I’m going to admit that American talent is probably better than English talent. Occasionally privileged to hear someone who’s undiscovered with a voice like yours, and this is one of those moments. Amazing.”

Actual Outcome: We’ll table the debate on the U.S. vs. the U.K. for the moment, but Justin would go on to finish #2 on the show’s first season—not too shabby. But then (after he co-stars the contractually obligated film abomination that is From Justin to Kelly) he all but disappears. Blame an ill-timed album release, lack of a pop single, a stinker of a movie—whatever it was, Justin unfortunately peaked on Idol.

Season 2 – Ruben Studdard (winner)

Simon Call: “Very good voice.  Yes.”

Actual Outcome: Pretty unenthusiastic first impression of the man who went on to win Season 2 of American Idol. Ruben scored a hit single off his first album, Soulful, as well as a Grammy nomination, but his recording career petered out after that, with two less successful followup leading to his exit from his record label. (He has found some recent success as an actor in musical theater, including in a production of Ain’t Misbehavin’.)

Season 2 – Clay Aiken (runner up)

Simon Call: “Okay. Very good. You don’t look like a pop star, but you’ve got a great voice. So now what? Clay Aiken, we’ll see you in Hollywood.”

Actual Outcome: Oh, ye of little faith. Thankfully for Clay, the mass market can sometimes see greatness beneath the surface. While he may have come in second (by a mere 130,000 votes), Clay went on to debut at #1 on the Billboard chart with the highest-selling first album by an Idol alum to date. He has scored a number of subsequent hits (though he left the RCA label in 2008), generated some $28 million at the concert box office in his first five tours, and starred on Broadway in Spamalot.

Season 3 – Fantasia Barrino (winner)

Simon Call: “The girl’s got a great voice, it’s just, I always try and imagine people at this stage where you go throughout the competition. Because you have such a distinct voice, and at one point what is deemed an advantage will then possibly become a disadvantage. Because you are what you are.” Fantasia then followed up with her rendition of “Proud Mary” to which Simon said, “I actually think you’re one of the best we’ve ever had. That’s what I think.”

Actual Outcome: America was less on the fence about Fantasia. She not only went on to win Season 3 of American Idol, but was successful enough to drop her last name. She’s the first recording artist in history to debut at the number one spot with a debut single. Her debut album went platinum and earned a slew of Grammy nominations. She’s starred on Broadway in The Color Purple — but in recent years her personal struggles have overshadowed her career, with her attempted redemption the subject of a new VH1 reality show Fantasia for Real. What did he mean by “you are what you are” we wonder?

Season 3 – Diana DeGarmo (runner up)

Simon Call: “What’s the problem? Cause I know what the problem is… It’s the horrible routine. The cutesy routine you do with your songs.” He found Diana’s smile “quite irritating”, but he still gave her his vote for a ticket to Hollywood.

Actual Outcome: America was clearly less irritated by her super-sweetness and voted her runner up of Season 3. The stage proved to be the perfect home for DeGarmo’s “cutesy routine,” in fact: she’s found success in the touring productions of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and on Broadway as Penny Pingleton in Hairspray, and she can currently be seen in the off-Broadway production of The Toxic Avenger.

Season 4 – Carrie Underwood (winner)

Simon’s Call: “Very good. Stay good at what you’re doing.” Carrie’s performance also prompted Simon to say that he was surprised that Idol hadn’t yielded a strong country act yet. By coincidence(?), he declared in the top 11 finalists’ round that Carrie would not only win the season, but outsell any previous Idol winner.

Actual Outcome: Simon was right on both of those counts (though depending on the album cycle, the sales title belongs to either Carrie or Kelly). You probably also know who she’s engaged to, and all her diet and fitness tips too.

Season 4 – Bo Bice (runner up)

Simon’s Call: “Great great great great great. Definitely.”

Actual Outcome: While Bo was voted #2 by America, his version of the single “Inside Your Heaven” actually outsold Carrie Underwood’s. That’s where it seems Bo ran out of steam. His debut album, The Real Thing, struggled to even reach gold-level sales, and the RCA label dropped him before he could record a second. Maybe instead of “Great great great great. Definitely,” Simon should have said, “Good good good good good. Maybe.”

Season 5 – Taylor Hicks (winner)

Simon’s Call: “My problem is, and I’ve always said this, it is not just about the voice. And you prove that.” He disagreed completely with Paula and Randy. He did not think Taylor could be commercially successful. Simon explained that Taylor should be singing backgrounds, “not in the spotlight.” He warned Taylor that although Paula and Randy were giving him a ticket to Hollywood, “they will not put you in the final group to be judged by public.” Ouch!

Actual Outcome: Not just about the voice? Tell that to the “Soul Patrol,” Simon. Taylor went on to win Season 5, and Simon offered a rare admission—he had been wrong. And so much for not having the “look” Simon thought Hicks needed. People magazine named the gray-haired wonder the Hottest Bachelor of 2006. Hicks did struggle to sell albums, but he went on to play the role of Teen Angel in the Broadway production of a little musical called Grease. (Some spotlight, huh Simon?) Last year, he came in at #10 on Forbes’ “Top Ten earning American Idol stars” list.

Season 5 – Katharine McPhee (runner up)

Simon’s Call: “Parts of that was [sic] absolutely fantastic… I’ll tell you what I love about you, you’re very current. You’re very, very current… You’re on the money, you know? It’s not stage school, it’s not wannabe-ish. It’s just very very very what is happening today. Amazing.”

Actual Outcome: Katharine wasn’t exactly right on the money, but she was pretty close. She had the second-best-selling single of 2006 after Taylor Hicks’ “Do I Make You Proud,” though her initial album didn’t take off. (Her sophomore outing, Unbroken, just hit the street). And while Simon said she wasn’t “stage school,” Katharine has gone on to have an acting career with a role in The House Bunny, a guest spot on CSI: NY, and will have a role on NBC’s Community as Chevy Chase’s stepdaughter.

Season 6 – Jordin Sparks (winner)

Simon’s Call: Simon presented Jordin with this analogy: “Sometimes I like to put one sugar in my coffee, that was the equivalent of 11 sugars… A bit over the top… weird smile through out. All I’m saying is it was a little bit too sugary for my taste. You’re gonna do well, but it wasn’t perfect.”

Actual Outcome: Jordin wins American Idol. Simon may have found her sweet, but has delivered some impassioned performances (and hits) in songs like “No Air,” with all-around-sweetheart Chris Brown, and “Battlefield,” which had the best pre-chorus of the year. And while Simon thought her smile was weird, Jordin went on to become the face of Avon makeup’s teen line, Mark.

Season Six – Blake Lewis (runner up)

Simon’s Call: “You’re good. You’re just very over the top. I don’t know if you’re as good as you think you are… I think you’re good enough to go through to the next round, I’m just not as easily impressed as Paula is.” He also called Blake “obnoxious.” Way harsh, Simon.

Actual Outcome: Blake wasn’t just good enough to get to the next round, he was good enough to take home second place in Idol. His rendition of Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” was the highest-selling download of the season. Obnoxious? Well, he was polite enough to score an invitation to perform at the 2009 Congressional Clubs’ First Lady’s Luncheon to Honor Michelle Obama (with a beatbox verison of “America the Beautiful”). That said, Lewis hasn’t had the chart success or touring career of some of his fellow Idol alumni. So perhaps Simon wasn’t totally wrong on this one.

Season Seven – David Cook (winner)

Simon’s Call: “Other than being a little worthy, it was good.” (We have no idea what that means either.)

Actual Outcome: Maybe Simon meant “worthy” as in being worthy of the title of “next American Idol,” because that’s exactly where Cook ended up. David then went on to break Billboard chart records by being the first artist to have 11 songs debut on the Hot 100 in a single week, and his debut album is platinum.

Season 7 – David Archuleta (runner up)

Simon’s Call: “Great choice of song by the way. I really enjoyed it.” That’s it?! That’s all you have for this little cherub-faced crooner?

Actual Outcome: While David was named one of Forbes’ “Breakout Stars of 2008″ he’s not exactly lighting the world on fire. While his debut album (self-titled) racked up sales of more than 750,000 copies, it’s not clear that the kid is loaded with pop hits. Maybe Simon was right to just focus on David’s song selection, rather than his performance.

Season 8 – Kris Allen (winner)

Simon’s Call: “I think part of the problem, Kris, is you. Because you don’t have a huge amount of personality and your modesty is actually putting me off a little bit.” Simon later went on to say, “I’m going to give you another shot. Yes.”

Actual Outcome: Kris has no reason to be modest now: he won Season 8. His version of “No Boundaries” outsold fellow Idol contestant Adam Lambert’s. Allen’s cover of Kanye West’s “Heartless” hit #13 on the chart and his self-titled album debuted at #11 on the Billboard album chart. Does he have the staying power? Is Simon right? Will his “lack of personality” get in the way of a long-term career as a singer? Only time will tell.

Season 8 – Adam Lambert (runner up)

Simon’s Call: Other judges thought that Idol was ready for someone like Lambert. Simon thought he was “theatrical… not current.”

Actual Outcome: Theatrical, maybe (they don’t call him Glambert for nothing). But “not current”? Hardly. Lambert’s style has helped turn him into a fashion icon, and his controversial American Music Awards performance became international news. His album For Your Entertainment debuted at #3 on the Billboard album chart, higher than Kris Allen’s. For now, it looks like Lambert is as current as it gets.

———-

That’s all so far. Of course, Simon’s most recent decision is the one that may have the most serious consequences. Any bets on whether he made the right one?

Clarkson is a natural performer, her charisma spilling out all over the place and giving her near-total command of the crowd. Her voice sounded like it had for the most part bounced back from the vocal problems she suffered earlier this week (although she did allow that “Don’t Let Me Stop You”—a personal favorite from her recent album All I Ever Wanted—was kind of tough to sing), and it was rounded out by a fuller-than-full band that had both a DJ and a horn section. The DJ would splice current pop songs into the mix between tracks to keep the crowd’s energy up, while the horn section really shone on “Walk Away,” which was reinvented with an arrangement that recalled Huey Lewis & The News’ “Power Of Love.” (Pretty sure it’s clear that I mean this in a good way, but if not, yeah.)

Perhaps most importantly, Clarkson put the lessons that were taught to her by Simon Cowell throughout the show—namely, the one about looking back to look forward. Her set wasn’t merely a run-through of her own hits, it was a look at her own personal definition of “pop,” with rock-radio staples like Kings Of Leon and the Toadies’ “Possum Kingdom” mingling with “Poker Face” and “I Gotta Feeling,” as well as oldies like Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams” (which was dropped into All I Ever Wanted’s stridently new-wavey “If I Can’t Have You”), Patsy Cline’s “Walkin’ After Midnight,” and Janet Jackson’s “If.” Clarkson covered the latter two songs outright, and while her rich voice took to the Cline track well, it was her spitfire performance of the lusty “If”—which blew my mind so hard, I had to ask Jami if I was really hearing what I was hearing—that made me think she should maybe work with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis on her next record. Or at the very least put out an unauthorized song-by-song cover of Control, just for kicks.

The only bad thing about the night—aside from the traffic at the Holland Tunnel approach—was the realization that I’m pretty much off fair food, thanks to a pile of soft serve that tasted like slightly sweetened air yet still attracted enough bees to be a pain in the butt. I’m going to save my feelings on fried dough as a whole until I sample a zeppole from the local pizza parlor, but yeah. Disappointing!

The set list:
“All I Ever Wanted”
“Miss Independent”
“I Do Not Hook Up”
“Some [Girls] Have All The Luck”
“Don’t Let Me Stop You”
“Breakaway”
“If I Can’t Have You”
“Never Again”
“Hazel Eyes”
“Walkin’ After Midnight”
“Cry”
“I Want You”
“Because Of You”
“Walk Away”
“Since U Been Gone”
[break]
“Already Gone”
“If”
“My Life Would Suck Without You”

Idolator [Twitter]
[Photo: Jami Attenberg]
Grandstand Shows [Great Allentown Fair; note what's possibly my favorite Fair-related detail, namely that the fair's final night features a demolition derby. Destroy, build, destroy, indeed.]

“It’s a big number, and, you know, I’ve made some pretty grand entrances before,” Hicks told The Associated Press on Thursday. “And this one is probably the grandest entrance I’ve had in my career.”

…”If you’re gonna be a great entertainer and you’re gonna be a great performer, than these are the things that you have to do to season yourself in that manner,” said Hicks, who views this “opportunity of a lifetime” as a way to improve his “Idol”-tested skills.

…Hicks’ self-titled, post-”Idol” album, released in December 2006, has sold a respectable 702,000 copies, according to Nielsen Soundscan data. But it didn’t reach the 1 million mark or register a hit song, unlike previous “Idol” winners.

This summer, Hicks intends to finish up a follow-up album — on his own terms.

“I’ve had the creative freedom and the time to write some of the best music that I’ve ever written in my whole life. … The options are unlimited and there has been some great interest now that I’m a free agent, so to speak,” he said.

Taylor, the road to success is laced with synth-horns. Trust me!

Soul patrol!

Taylor Hicks to play Teen Angel in Broadway’s `Grease’ [AP]
ERIC CLAPTON – Pretending (Edit)(Album Version) [YouTube]

1. ’80s bar rock. Don’t mistake this for what ACTUALLY plays in bars these days, i.e. beer-bellied David Cooks wishing someday they could make it big like Default did. I mean that bastard child of blue-eyed soul that comes alive whenever Huey Lewis plays a corporate gig. The genre that inspired ’70s blowhards like Stevie Winwood to roll with it. Is Adam Levine the last rocker on earth who wants to make women (not teens, women) dance before he nails them backstage? Did Lenny Kravitz scare everyone out of the room? I’ve never willingly heard a song by Taylor Hicks, but I get the feeling he could be the 21st-century Robert Palmer if he’d just put this type of music in his system.

Turn the amp up to eleven, and the genre becomes 1a. Feel-good arena rock, which is also sorely lacking. There are so many bands trying to write “Dreams,” but no one is bothering to write “Panama.” This is why I sometimes think Kurt Cobain was the worst thing to happen to rock, as his PC “hey, check out the Vaselines” attitude came and went, leaving hard rockers only with the wisdom that there’s no need to sound like you’re having any fun at all.

2. Hip-hop based on funk drum loops. I know snap is cheaper. I know it’s all been used before, that you’d be referencing earlier rap hits rather than actual funky drummers. But have you thrown on a Digital Underground record lately? I miss the good foot. Plus, it would force guys like Rick Ross to wake up or get out of the way.

3. Songs that reference the movie they soundtrack. As videos go the way of the dinosaur, if music is going to successfully cross-promote itself with a more popular form of media, it’s going to have to do it lyrically. Few remember Rick Moranis smiling at Bobby Brown’s dancing ass in the “On Our Own” video, but everybody knows that if Vigo, the master of Evil, tries to battle his boys… that’s not legal! Side note: Seth Rogen’s getting Huey Lewis to tackle this and genre No. 1 for Pineapple Express, because Seth Rogen knows what time it is.

4. Unkempt riffy indie-rock. Even more than the sound of “Slack Motherfucker,” I miss how everybody used to dress down. I’m tired of looking my best at night. I want to leave my button-down plaid shirt open again, so you can see the charming t-shirt underneath. I’m tired of either/or! I don’t want you to see my belt! I was happy dressing baggy! Waahh!

5. Cornershop. Even in the pop-rock-soul casserole of the ’90s, this band was a genre of its own–who even made some bar-rock! You could argue that plenty of Pitchfork-popular psych-folk mixes beats, drones and grooves, but if Panda Bear has anything resembling “Brimful Of Asha,” I haven’t heard it. More people need to imitate Tjinder Singh’s detached, droll vocal style. Hell, Tjinder Singh should do it more often.

What forgotten genres do think have some untapped juice? Emo-free pop-punk? Trumpet-led instrumentals? Whatever the Spin Doctors were doing? Make your voices heard, and maybe Taylor Hicks will hear you.

Rummaging in the Musical Dustbin [The Guardian]

Taylor Hicks, Ruben Studdard dropped from J Records? [Hollywood Insider]