Once again, aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar here and there (and the occasional editor's note where applicable), I have left her musings mostly intact.

10. The Miracles - "Love Machine"

Okay this is it, all of you chicklets, the final ten. Now pay attention. Because I am now going to teach you things you will take with you for the rest of your lives. I am 12 years old and had just gotten a friendship ring from my first true love, Jimmy. And "Ooo Baby Baby" was what I wanted him to sing to me. Well, and maybe "I am just a love machine and I won't work for anybody but you."

(Editor's note: My mother was clearly "advanced" at the tender age of 12. She also apparently had a time machine which she could use to learn the lyrics to hit makeout songs that would only be released almost a decade after she was 12. And then, cursed with this knowledge, she could only pine for her sixth-grade lotharios to sing electro-funk hits of the '70s back to her. While, I dunno, sharing an Eskimo Pie or a bong rip or whatever kids did in the '60s.)

9. Earth Wind and Fire - "Getaway"

Okay here they come again, in at No. 9 and for a good reason. So we all have to thank Maurice White. Who is, by the way, my sign. Sagittarius. Can anyone hit the notes like Philip Bailey? (Well, we know Mariah can.) Just listen to this and take these words to heart: "We'll leave this troubled land." My personal motto, being an Expanded Functions Dental Assistant—that means he drills 'em and I fill 'em, for clarification—is there are teeth everywhere. So I guess if I leave this troubled land, I can still get work?

(Editor's note: Even in the promised land, she would remain a practical and frugal woman.)

8. Natalie Cole - "This Will Be"

Okay, so you don't automatically think of Natalie as funk, but if you had seen her perform live in a glistening velvet two-piece number, like I did, you would know what I mean. She did some of her best work from 1975 to 1977—just two short years! Now, this is my darling daughter's wedding song. If I can find her a nice boy to marry, he will have to be something special cause she is the most beautiful person in the world. After myself of course. And OK, Jess. I guess I will have to add him, too. And Natalie was not picked for her family connections, although her dad is one of the greatest.

(Editor's note: Gee, thanks. Between the baldness genes and the cankles, any and all deformities on my part are your fault, you know.)

7. Cameo - "Word Up"

So I am with my second child—Jess is in the front of the shopping cart—at K-Mart. I have my big '80s glasses on, knee socks, and Dr. Scholl's orthopedic sandals. In February. Are you getting hot now? And as we are driving home listening to "Word Up," I am so mad that I am here with these kids and not on stage with Cameo!

(Editor's note: Among the other things that keep me up at night—nuclear war, the fate of taco-flavored Doritos, my ex-girlfriends—I can now add "I kept my mother from grinding on Larry Blackmon's codpiece.")

6. The Gap Band - "Early In The Morning"

Now comes the really heavy funk! Founded by the Wilson Brothers, the group's name was conceived as a response to the Tulsa Race Riot, which was "one of the most violent racially motivated attacks in United States history" according to Wikipedia. (Click on that link and read about it!) This song made it to No. 1 on the Billboard R & B charts, and over two decades later my good pal, Romulus Kelly, was still producing hits for the band in 2005 with Charlie's solo joint Charlie, Last Name Wilson bitch!

(Editor's note: "Bitch"??)

5. Sly and The Family Stone - "If You Want Me To Stay"

Okay, I promised earlier in this process that I would reveal Jess' true origin, the story of his conception. Well for years the poor thing thought he was conceived after a Sly concert, the headline act that night after Fleetwood Mac. What a great night! And I just wanted the story to be great for Jess. Well, two years ago at Christmas, Jess and his sister Sara and I were in Washington D.C., having a blast, staying at this really cool hotel. Our room was the Zebra room with bathrobes to match! While we were playing with the electronic "Whack-A-Mole" game Jess had just received from Santa—and after several Bloody Mary's for me—I told him the truth. It was not a Sly concert. It was after a movie—the premiere of the remake of King Kong. You know, the stupid one with Jeff Bridges. After I mopped up Jess' tears, he forgave me. I think.

(Editor's note: At least I wasn't conceived in the movie theater. Or behind it. As far as I know. That's something. I guess.)

4. Teena Marie - "Lover Girl"

I saw this bad lady just two years ago in Baltimore! She is still the FUNKIEST white woman out there, even at the age of 51. You know, maybe there is still hope for me after all. Everyone in the music industry should bow down to the Lady T. She helped out all of her fellow musicians with the "Brockert Initiative," and kudos to Teena for that!

(Editor's note: The "Brockert Initiative," according to our friends at Wikipedia: "Upon discovering she had been underpaid royalties for the four albums she recorded for Motown, Teena Marie decided to leave the label and later sued it for having restricted her artistic control. A law was passed as a result, The Brockert Initiative, popularly known as "The Teena Marie Law", which set a precedent for artists seeking control of their careers by limiting the length of recording contracts." My mom is schooling me left and right with this one.)

3. Rufus and Chaka Khan - "Tell Me Something Good"

So if I am stranded on a desert island, other than my Bonne Bell Lip Smackers, I would want Rufus and Chaka's Stompin' At The Savoy CD. And when the Lip Smackers and the CD were gone, I would just want someone to kill me. This is best of Rufus and Chaka, with songs written by Stevie Wonder and Bobby Womack. Buy this one! Now! If you watched the Video Music Awards on MTV, you would not have heard anything like this! These people knew how to sing for Lord's sakes! I suffered through 17 hours of labor with Jess only to have to suffer through that on Sunday night!

(Editor's note: I don't know if I've ever heard this woman so angry as with the vitriol that was flying off of my laptop's screen during the Video Music Awards. When Mary J. only came out to present an award, I thought my mom was going to cry and/or hurl a high heel at the TV. But then again it's not particularly surprising, considering my mother wouldn't cross the room to spit on Britney Spears' weave. She once called the later work of Diana Ross "bubblegum disco shit," so never let it be said she's not constantly keeping it real in her own inscrutable way.)

2. Marvin Gaye - "Let's Get It On"

So my BFF and I are working together at a dental office and every time this song would come on, no matter what the patient we were currently enduring, we would meet in the hallway and groove to this. If we hear it when apart, we still call each other and play it for each other on our cell phones. Marvin started his career with Bo Diddley—that is just about the coolest fact in this whole feature! He was sensuality all over the place!

1. Con Funk Shun - "Chase Me"

This is why this whole feature was written—this is true FUNK! Love Felton Pilate's voice, and if any man out there can sing the words to "Love's Train," then he can come and get me! Now at my viewing before my funeral, I want a good wake (since I'm Irish Catholic), a great donnybrook to break out, and this song to be playing during the insanity. Of course, the people who know me know that besides all of the music and singing and drinking and raisin pie, I want to be buried above ground with my jammies on and a key inside the casket. So I can get out! Well I guess I don't need a last will and testament because everyone on the Web now knows my last request. Just don't screw it up, okay?

In closing, I want you all to know what a privilege and honor this has been for me. I want to thank you from deep within my (neo) soul. And you tell Jess to let me continue to educate you or I will hurt myself. I have so many more people to talk about: Sam Cooke, Fonda Rae, the Jimmy Castor Bunch, Junior Walker and the All Stars, Carl Carlton, The Capitols...the list goes on forever. It is all about the MUSIC, isn't it? Love to all!

See you on the flip side,
Kitty

P.S. The MTV video awards sucked and it makes me sad that so many good artists are not being recognized. Let us work on that, okay? WE HAVE THE POWER!

Once again, aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar here and there (and the occasional editor's note where applicable), I have left her musings mostly intact.

20. The Four Tops - "Ain't No Woman"

Four decades of music. Detroit in the house! A baritone as lead singer. Growing up, these fellows, the Funk Brothers, and Holland Dozier Holland were so inspirational. I am once again humbled! And for all you youngheads, Jay-Z eventually did his own twist this one! How you like me now?

19. Al Green - "Here I Am"

So it is 1972 and I am listening to "Let's Stay Together" And the Reverend knocked my all my hippie friends' favorite artist, Don McLean, out of number one! That year in school we had a walk out!.We just got up and walked out of school to the parking lot! We were protesting the unfair treatment of one of our classmates. That is how we did things back in the '70s! I would love to see you kids stand up for your rights like we did!

(Editor's note: Careful there, Abbie Hoffman. Let's not pretend skipping school because one of your buddies got busted for smoking in the girls room was how you took down the citadels of power or anything.)

18. Cheryl Lynn - "Got To Be Real"

Okay, so my Son has 109,000 hits on Google and I have two. Am I bitter? You bet I am. Anyway, this is on my beloved Sinbad's Summer Jam VHS tape number four. And yes I am dusting and cleaning along to it. So don't make fun of me. And my friend Jill put this one on the Miss Kitty Mix CD for me. I think we should put together a legitimate version of this mix! This reminds me that I am going to have to talk to Jill about the Kitty Mix Number Two CD soon! And no Lionel Richie!

(Editor's note: The Google thing really does irk her for some reason. On the other hand, the fact that this is how she measures "fame" at least means that I don't have a helluva lot to measure up to.)

17. Maze Feat. Frankie Beverly - "Back In Stride"

Okay so Frankie, a Philly boy, helped give rise to such greats as Toni Braxton and Regina Bell. His relocation back to Philly from San Fran was obviously the best decision this boy could have ever made. This was the sound of upscale urban funk—raw, totally influnced by the Del Vikings. I could go on about Frankie forever!

(Editor's note: Maze was indeed a daily staple in the tape deck while doing errands, being shuttled to school after we missed the bus, or going to church. Other popular Harvell/Turner family cassette faves included Teena Marie, Sade, Luther Vandross, and, uh, Swing Out Sister and Anita Baker. Yes, it was a glorious time for slick, upwardly mobile soul music being blasted by working class white folks on the way to an elementary school softball game. Then my sister and i hit puberty, became insufferable, and wrestled control of the radio away from her for the next five years or so, torturing her with whatever terrible alt-rock WDRE was crapping out that month. I don't think she's really forgiven us for those hours spent subjected to Stone Temple Pilots and Jill Sobule and Goldfinger.)

16. Ike and Tina Turner - "I Can't Stand The Rain"

I am at the Pennsylvania State Fair with my first boyfriend John H. (I am making this man famous now. He should call and thank me.) And I am 17 years old. First the Ikettes come out on stage. I am instantly in complete awe of them. Then Ike and Tina come out. This was truly a monumental moment in my life. I just stared at her! She was breathtaking!

15. Jimi Hendrix - "Foxy Lady"

So Chris, my ex-bartender at the West Bradford Grill, which was right across the street from my farm—yes, a bar across the street from a farm; can you believe that?—where Jess and his Sister and my parents and one of my husbands lived with our Beverly Hillbillies cement pond, a barn where Sara had her infamous barn parties with live bands! Crazy! It was like The Walton's: My parents, kids, and such under one roof. I get tired just remembering it. So anyway, the Grill had limited song selections, but Chris always knew when I walked in because I would play "Foxy Lady." I think Jimi's performance at the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival was his best. Just listened to that CD again! And I want the dispute over Hendrix estate settled ASAP. There is so much music that we need to hear!

(Editor's note: At some point my parents decided to start playing above their economic weight class and bought a small farm-ish property with a barn and everything else my mom details here. It was a nice place to grow up during the last few years of high school, where we could pretend to be wealthy. Unfortunately for our champagne wishes and caviar dreams, the family no longer lives there for reasons too long and sordid to go into. Oh, and the woman does a helluva bizarre/awesome Angus Young/epileptic duck-style air guitar strut when this song comes on. It's like she's choking an invisible anaconda to death while doing a mating dance and trying to hold her pee in at the same time.)

14. Rick James and Teena Marie - "Fire and Desire"

This pick is here because it is one the true times where the power of Rick's voice was really captured. He was truly a super freak, and this is why drugs are no good, children! But you know at the end of the day he is still Rick James, bitch! Love it!

(Editor's note: I'm deducting part of her pay for this feature for making the obvious Chappelle reference. WTF, mom?)

13. James Brown - "Cold Sweat"

Okay so my LIFELONG friend Rosemary and I are playing RECORD STORE one day while we are growing up. We would set out my 45s and pretend to shop and play them on my little turntable. And "Cold Sweat" was part of that routine, truly the FIRST funk song! It was recorded live in one take! Isn't that amazing? Now bow down and "give the drummer some!"

(Editor's note: I don't know what it is about the Harvell/Turner family that made us such raging capitalists as children. When all of our peers would be playing cowboys or house, my sister and I would be running stores and doing inventory or operating factories and busting unions, burying the bodies under our swingset.)

12. Stevie Wonder - "Do I Do"

Okay all my peeps, this is from the Original Musiquarium, which is quite possilbly the best! This one goes over 10 minutes, so I think the download for the video may be too long. Put something else in Jess, to pay homage to this Master of Funk. It has the first rapping Stevie and Dizzy Gillespie on the horn. Oh my! Ja Rule sampled this. The only other item I want to add is that "Living for the Weekend" is busting out on this album!

(Editor's note: She's mostly worried about the download time because she's one of the few people in the continental United States still using AOL dial-up as her Internet provider. Also, I didn't even know my mom knew he who Ja Rule was, let alone who his producers were sampling. However, one morning during a Christmas vacation trip back to the ol' homestead many moons ago, I came downstairs to find her dusting the china cabinet in the dining room while singing "Y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here" in a voice that was far more Julie Andrews twirling with orphans on a mountaintop than Dark Man X covered in fake blood on a motorcycle. So there's that.)

11. War - "Slipping Into Darkness"

This is true vibe of dark California funk, and I've had the vinyl of The World Is A Ghetto longer than either of my children has been alive. Jimi jammed with War the night of his death; talk about a lost opportunity! And for all of you gamers out there, Grand Theft Auto featured War on its soundtrack. Jess knows how I feel about video gamming. How many times did mother say, "I am going to throw that GD Nintendo out the window if you don't go outside and play!"

(Editor's note: She really does hate video games, but I always wondered how much that stemmed from her not being able to get through one level of Super Mario Bros. without running off a cliff or into a deadly mushroom while my dad managed to somehow beat The Legend of Zelda. "GD" stands for "god damn," in case you were wondering. Because apparently talking like an eight-year-old is less sacrilegious than saying it out loud. She has only sinned in her heart.)

Once again, aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar here and there (and the occasional editor's note where applicable), I have left her musings mostly intact.

40. James Brown - "Sex Machine"

Now the real fun begins. Cause we are doing the top 40, and I am now all about this! James Brown and the Famous Flames, KING records, 98 entries on Billboard's Top 40 and no one had surpassed that! He is the real deal heavy funk! And if you think "there is no avenue of escape," there is!

39. Aretha Franklin - "Chain of Fools"

If James is the Godfather and Isaac is Moses, Aretha is most certainly the Queen of Soul. 17 Grammies. Go ahead and top that all you cool bloggers who think you know it all. I think not! First woman inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This song is for every woman who has loved someone who treated them mean and still wanted them. I could tell all of you young girls a thing or two or three about that!

38. Marvin Gaye - "Sexual Healing"

I want the kind of love that Marvin had for Tammi Terrell. What a love (and song) explosion. With Ashford and Simpson writing and producing, certainly a win-win combination. 67 singles on Billboard. I have the Marvin Is 60 CD, my boy gave it to me, a great tribute with the likes of Erykah and D'Angelo. I highly suggest you purchase it!

37. Mary Jane Girls - "All Night Long"

These were the original Spice Girls, circa the '80s. So you can all take your Spice Girls posters down now! Invented by Rick James, who also will appear later on this list. And what was Teena Marie thinking, loving that bad boy? And what about that name that Rick concocted for them? Well you know my theory: pot is not a drug!

36. Dazz Band - "Let It Whip"

Okay BoyzII Men, get real. There is only one real version of this song! And it is the Daze Band!

35. Lakeside - "Fantastic Voyage"

I am now getting self-righteous about this. Coolio! I need to write about the real deal, Lakeside. These boys were the bomb, coming out on stage with their black jump-suits on and being all about it.

34. Hall and Oates - "Sara Smile"

Blue-eyed-soul or rock-and-soul?

So, it is 1980 and I am having my second baby. My first husband was allowed to name the first, Jess. And so I am going to name the second, the sweetest child. And because these Philly Boys are so special to me, I named her Sara. When this song plays on the radio, I still cry. She is the pride of my life.

Hall and Oates teamed with David Ruffin and Eddie Kendricks, and my GOD how great was that? 30 years Darryl and his Sara were together. This past Fourth of July they appeared live in Philly and Sara and her friends partied down. We shared numerous phone calls during the concert and the truest comment I made was that I would still do the nasty with Darryl in a heart beat! And my Sara still has the smile of an angel!

(Editor's note: From doing the nasty to the smile of an angel in the space of a sentence...that kinda sums her up, really.)

33. Steve Arrington - "Weak In The Knees"

(Best I could do, y'all.)

Told you he would appear again in the top 40! His "Dancin' In The Key Of Life" is also the best. Truly a breakthrough artist, from soul to gospel.

32. The O'Jays - "Living For The Weekend"

I want you all to know that the repeated Philly connection on this list was not intentional; I picked these songs strictly because I love them. But, this is truly The Sound of Philadelphia, the backbone group for Gamble and Huff. Go Eddie Levert!

31. The Temptations - "Since I Lost My Baby"

There was nothing that compared to the Classic Five lineup of the Temps. And we have to give just kudos to Otis Williams—the only original member that is still kickin' it!

30. Stephanie Mills - "Home"

Such a little girl with such a big voice, and such a great song from such a STUPID movie! Go figure. "When I think of home, my friend's smilin' down on me." They say you can't go home again. But you can.

29. Guy - "Groove Me"

Since my mind is going—as you know!—I really can't remember which birthday party it was, but it was definitely for Jess' sister Sara. This song reminds me of that party. We are at Pulsations nightclub—always a good idea to have a child's party at a nightclub, right? And her wish for that birthday was that the big robot the nightclub had as a special prop would descend from the ceiling and dance with her. And it did! Thrills! Her only other wish is to be bounced off the belly of the Philly Phanatic, and I am working on that still.

28. Issac Hayes - "Don't Let Go"

From "Shaft" to "Chef." You know, if I won an Oscar, I would just sit and look at it! If anyone I know makes it, I am to be there at the Academy Awards, and when they accept, they are to look out into the audience and I will be there to acknowledge that I was their inspiration. Okay, I am ready for my close-up! Oh and Isaac, with that shaved head and the chains! Oh Lordy!

27. The Isley Brothers - "Who's That Lady"

Now here is one of the greatest! Six decades on Billboard! And the longest-running charted group in history! And Ronald is still smokin' with my pal R. Kelly. And they gave Jimi Hendrix his start. My little heart is racing. I am getting so excited that I have to stop or my computer will blow up! One of the best guitar solos ever!

26. Ohio Players - "Skin Tight"

So I have been blabbing on about how great Philly was. And it was! But Ohio has produced some of the greatest as well. And no one has beat the Ohio Players' album covers. So influenced by Sly Stone, who appears in my Top 10. And what is it about Bonner's voice? There are really '70s FUNK!

25. The Whispers - "It's A Love Thing"

What is with that name? There is nothing quiet about these boys. And the twins! Oh my! Rocksteady,,,,everyone knows how to groove to this one! So while everyone else I knew was watching American Bandstand, I was watching Soul Train, and the Whispers recorded for Don Cornelius' label. Every time I dance—and this girl knows how to groove—I am secretly on Soul Train.

24. Wilson Pickett - "Mama Told Me Not To Come"

(No clip available, sorry y'all.)

Okay so I am in high school and while the other losers were listening to "Telephone Line" by ELO and "Hold Your Head Up" by Argent, I was grooving to the WICKED! And with a keyboardist like Isaac Hayes how can you beat that? Wilson was ferocious! And he called his Mama the baddest woman in his book. Is that how you think of me Jess?

23. Barry White - "Can't Get Enough Of Your Love Babe"

Well now. "Every time we had love and made love." Sing it to me! Great karaoke song for you guys with deep voices. And I hope everyone appreciates how many children were conceived with his music. Okay now for all of you over 35s, let us remember the "Banana Splits." Come on, you do! And the scary witch? Now am I making you all feel creepy? Okay, calm down. Barry's songs were also recorded on the "Banana Splits" show!

22. Otis Redding - "Tramp"

With Carla Thomas, and what a great pair they made. He was only 26 years old at the time of his death, and I just can't imagine how much we ended up losing with this man. With the Bar-Kays, Jerry Butler, Booker T and the MG's, and Sam and Dave. I can't stand this! How wonderful were these voices!

21. Sly and the Family Stone - "Family Affair"

So it is 1973 and this song is still grooving. And playing repeatedly on the way to Watkins Glen's Summer Jam with my girlfriends. 600,000 people. Was too young for Woodstock but made sure we went to this one! And waking up in the back of an unknown VW beetle with some guy and then taking him home to meet your parents? Always a good idea. Check out this web site. I think I am in the picture "The Road #2." Guess who I am?

Once again, aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar here and there (and the occasional editor's note where applicable), I have left her musings mostly intact.

60. A Taste Of Honey - "Boogie Oogie Oogie"

Janice Johnson, where are you sweetie? Email us? Janice was a great bass guitarist, and to you foo foo's, they did win Best New Artist at the 1978 Grammy's. So there! Now not to be a nudge—even though I am—but what was with the "Sukiyaki" song? Boogie. What a great word!

(Editor's note: Before we go any further I feel I should preface the first ten entries or so by saying that last Friday I received a text message around 11:30 p.m. that read "I AM DRUNK AND WRITING." Forewarned is forearmed, etc.)

59. Archie Bell And The Drells - "Let's Groove"

(Best I could do.)

I am going to defer to Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff here. There is not much I can say about two Philly boys who made such an impact on the music world. Over 3000 songs, a list too long to even write a blog about! I bet could do a whole feature article on them, about being a suburban Philly girl and growing up with them. My radio is always set to 105.3 WDAS and Gamble and Huff are synonymous with the station. So now to the Drells: Houston funk but Philly raised!

58. Leon Haywood - "I Want To Do Something Freaky To You"

Another Houston boy, sampled twice by Dr. Dre.* And you know what? Unfortunately I have to say that Leon was a one-hit-wonder. And that makes me so sad!

(Editor's note: Apparently my mother has taken up crate digging in my absence.)

57. Gwen McRae - "Rocking Chair"

You know what I want to do? I want to have a "We Are The World"-style concert with Gwen and Janice and many others on this list. Long gone but not forgotten. Is that possible? I just need financial backing. Anyone out there feel like helping out?

56. Erykah Badu - "Next Lifetime"

(Embedding disabled by request. Sorry y'all.)

My favorite CD of Erykah's is World Wide Underground She is the essence of cool: jazzy, earthy, wonderful!

55. India Arie - "Video"

(Ditto this one. Damn you, Universal.)

Every young girl with body image problems should be made to listen to the song!

54. Heatwave - "Groove Line"

Well here is one more thing we can thank our armed forces for, a group of soldiers, enduring Vietnam and all that went with it, who drew together to write the disco-era theme song "Boogie Nights." And Johnnie Wilder, although paralyzed from the neck down, went on to grand achievements with the likes of Quincy Jones. I am humbled!

53. Sade - "Smooth Operator"

Now Sade is only five years younger than myself. So is there hope for me? I guess my kids took care of any hopes I had for my Las Vegas showgirl dreams a long time ago. Oh well.

(Editor's note: Jesus, way to guilt there, mom. Sorry for being born.)

52. Edwin Starr - "25 Miles"

First of all, Edwin Starr at his height looked a lot like Denzel and who doesn't get excited looking at him? And being a hippie for a short time, his anthem "War" was our theme song. Although, I was only 5 years old. Just kidding. I was 14. But, with my Daddy having participated in five major battles of World War II, I was so torn [about my hippie allegiances]. It was a tumultuous time for all of us.

51. Spencer Davis - "Gimme Some Lovin'"

Spencer started his life as a postal worker and as a busker with Christine McVie and I swear this will be the only reference made to rock'n'roll on this list! The Spencer Davis Group was our "everybody's getting high" group. What was wrong with us? You youngins have no idea.

50. Slave - "Watching You"

Lead singer Steve Arrington, what a voice! But hotter than the Ohio Players? I think not!

49. Jodeci - "Come And Talk To Me"

The sexy bad boys of the after-parties. I remember those, being in the after-hours clubs. This song is real baby-makin' music!

48. Usher - "U Remind Me"

I really thought I had a shot at a marriage proposal from this cutie pie, but he did me wrong. And besides, there is a rule about dating anyone younger than your children. In my defense, I was a child bride! Is he the new Marvin Gaye?

47. Alicia Meyers - "You Get The Best From Me"

We are including Alicia in our concert as soon as I hear from the backers. I am personally ready to promote it. Call me! Ask Jess for my number.

46. Gerald Levert - "Pop Goes My Mind"

I remember the day that Gerald passed away, I called my boy and we were sad. With a father like Eddie Levert and Philly roots, the apple does not fall from the tree.

45. Earth Wind And Fire - "Reasons"

Okay so every time I hear EWF, I want to get my baton out and start twirling. And then I do. I did a lot of baton routines to EWF when growing up and sometimes I still put my majorette boots on. My Daughter and I fondly refer to them as Earth Wind and Car Fire because the last time we saw them my car burst into flames on the way home from the concert.

44. Tyrone Davis - "Turn Back The Hands Of Time"

So Tyrone wore love beads, and my father thought that wearing them would be a good idea. And you know the kids in my neighborhood laughed 'til we cried.

(Editor's note: I would sell internal organs to see a picture of my grandfather in love beads.)

43. The Dells - "Stay In My Corner"

Four decades of music...top that! Do you people have any idea how great this was? Signed to Philly International, where they did some of their best work. Does anyone realize how important Philadelphia was to our entire musical world? I do.

42. The Time - "Jungle Love"

Now how in the world did The Time make it to 42 and Prince didn't? Well, it is the beat darling! Why didn't I go to high school with someone like Prince? Maybe I wouldn't be sitting here in my stupid apartment.

(Editor's note: I think the wine is making her belligerent at this point.)

41. Chaka Khan - "I'm Every Woman"

(Holy crap, Chaka on drums.)

This is truly my anthem! What, no Rufus? He will appear later in the Top 40, don't worry! When I die, I want to come back as Chaka. And by the time you read this. my peeps and I will have just seen her. I just hope she calls me on stage to sing with her.

(Editor's note: Unfortunately a family-wide hangover the day after this was sent prevented us from taking in the Chaka Khan concert. Officially, however, the cause of the cancellation was "the rain" and not "getting blind drunk the night before." The family that boozes together...)

Earlier: Kathleen Turner's 100 Greatest R&B Songs of All Time, No. 100 to No. 61

Once again, aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar here and there (and the occasional editor's note where applicable), I have left her musings mostly intact.

80. Skyy - "Call Me"

No, not Skyy vodka. But if I give them a plug do I get free samples?

79. Frankie Smith - "Double Dutch Bus"

Did you ever notice how "wilzinga izzat?" sounds an awful like "pous zigga ay zee"? No? Whatever, sing your own words. Who cares!

(Editor's note: If anyone has any idea what the hell's she's talking about here with the "pous zigga" thing, please let me know. Or let her know.)

78. Tower of Power - "What Is Hip"

HORNS! That is it. HORNS! Love 'em!

77. Lauryn Hill - "The Sweetest Thing"

Is she still a Grammy queen? I don't think anyone has beat her to date. The sweet, sweet, sweetest!

76. Keith Sweat - "I Want Her"

Always thought he sounded a lot like Freddie Jackson. Wouldn't mind him sweating all over me. Wait did I say that? Oh no!

(Editor's note: Oh, honestly now. Ew.)

75. Rose Royce - "Car Wash"

Okay, just watch the movie. What a hoot! Everyone should have this job once in their life. I think Rose Royce is underrated. They had some great songs, especially "Love Don't Live Here Anymore." Listen to it!

74. Jay Wiggins - "Sad Girl"

(Sorry, y'all, neither hide nor hair of this on YouTube.)

Okay Matos, calm down. I know this is past the 1965 deadline, but I am older than you and thus wiser. So there. And besides I am sitting here looking at the 45. Yes, a 45. You know I am not that old. And I don't look it. Right Jess? Wore this out on the turntable!

(Editor's note: In case you missed our first installment, my mom pretty much ignored all the rules (nothing before 1965, no hip-hop, etc.) for this list that were initially laid out by instigator Michaelangelo Matos. That's kinda how she do.)

73. The Impressions - "We're A Winner"

Can you imagine your grandmother having to listen to this over and over, Jess? Civil rights! "Keep On Pushing"....Curtis Mayfield. What an incredible person. And props to Jerry Butler also. And this was recorded live to boot! And yes, I have the 45 on this one too!!!!

(Editor's note: Despite being an incredible person in most other respects, my grandmother was not the most...open-minded of people.)

72. Kanye West - "Gold Digger"

Well congrats to Kanye for five nominations for the Grammy's. And love the duo with Jamie Foxx. Guttural. And it is also one of few currently popular songs on the jukebox at the Square Bar, West Chester's happening place!

(Editor's note: The Square Bar is perhaps best described as a bar from Goodfellas if it had the ambiance of any given scene from Deliverance. Needless to say it's a family favorite.)

71. Mary J. Blige - "All That I Can Say"

Okay so why was I not born with a voice. My kiddies understand. My Make-A-Wish Foundation wish is that once, before I die, I get to at least sing back up for Mary J. or perhaps anyone of my queens!

70. Jackie Wilson - "Higher and Higher"

Okay so it is the early '70s and I am at the Latin Casino in New Jersey with my first boyfriend, John H. Won't mention the last name cause I want to protect the innocent. And...nothing else, since I have no memory left. Too many Quaaludes. I don't remember who was on the bill. But I am having a vague memory of Jackie Wilson. What a showman. If I remember correctly.

(Editor's note: Conversation from Sunday, August 12, 2007:

Mom: I don't want any more references to me drinking box wine in these articles. You're making me look like a drunk.

Jess: Oh, but it's okay if you say your mind is gone because you did too many Quaaludes.

Mom: Yes.)

69. Jill Scott - "Long Walk"

I wish I had something witty or glib to say about Jill Scott, but I don't. I just have so much respect for this woman. A local girl, from Philly. A poet, songwriter, humanitarian. And to top it all off she is so beautiful. She reminds me so much of Deniece Williams. And everyone loves Niece! She is what neo-soul is all about. Best lyrics in the cut: "Or maybe we could just sit and be silent."

68. Roger and Zapp - "Computer Love"

Okay, now I can be witty! Oh my! No wait, I should pay respect to the memory first. Who invented the talk box? Coolest thing ever. And for you critics they are probably one of the most sampled groups ever. Pure dance music and I guess if I get in the "Z's" lowrider she will let me relive the experience.

(Editor's note: I don't even want to know what that means.)

67. Donnie Hathaway and Roberta Flack - "You Are My Heaven"

What a great collaboration. They were the best and would probably be still if not for Donnie's passing. So it is 1972 and I just saw Play Misty for Me in the Colonial Theater in Phoenixville, PA. ( Home of The Blob. By the way, I just attended the Blob Festival recently and me and my friend Andy ran out of the theater like in the movie. What a hoot! Rent the movie!) So the theme song was Roberta Flacks' "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face." And that night I wanted to be Clint Eastwood's girlfriend. Donnie and Roberta are truly one of the greatest duos!

(Editor's note: We have the claim to fame of living in both towns where The Blob was filmed. Hey, you take what you can get.)

66. The 8th Day - "She's Not Just Another Woman"

One-hit wonders? Any comments? My theory is that there were WAY too many people in this group. Too post-Motown. Although Holland Dozier Holland had their dynasty and 8th Day was part of it. The lyrics and sound are great. Unfortunately their name was stolen and taken by a band from California. WHAT?

65. Shalamar - "Take That To The Bank"

With my intense British connection, this trio produced their best in the U.K., with the best of the best, Jody Watley. Although they did do some of the most memorable soundtracks. Especially in Footloose. Remember this one! Dancing in the sheets. I do.

(Editor's note: "Intense British connection"? What? Does she mean patterning her life after Absolutely Fabulous?)

63. R. Kelly - "Chocolate Factory"

(Best I could do.)

Well first of all, my son and I and his friend Drew hold a special part in our hearts for R. Kelly. Why? Because when he had his unfortunate 21 counts of bad things with minors, we were discussing it one night, and I wanted to know what the R. stood for. All I could come up with was Romulus or Remus. So I just shouted out, "Pee on me, Romulus!" Jess you explain. Anyway, R. is the remix king as everyone knows. He is certainly the new jack swing bad boy! And "Step in the Name of Love" is truly a remix, mix, mix, remix, mix. But "gumdrops mixed with chocolate milk bars" sounds GROSS!

(Editor's note: Oh, I don't think I could explain it any better than that. Except we were actually in a car listening to "Ignition (Remix)." I still get "Pee on me, Romulus!" voicemails every so often.)

62. D'Angelo - "Brown Sugar"

Nice to know that Brown Sugar was a hometown Philly girl, but just who was she???? As far as I am concerned he is so influenced by Stevie and Donnie. And I loved the duet he did with Lauryn Hill. Now where are you baby boy? Momma is waiting for a new release!

(Editor's note: Wait, the woman who once told me "pot's not a drug" never figured out who Brown Sugar was?)

61. Luther Ingram - "If Loving You Is Wrong"

You know the crossover countyqueen Barbara Mandrell covered this. As well as Rod Stewart. I think one of Luther's greatest gifts to the world of music was his composition for the Staples Singers, "Respect Yourself." My best friend Susan H. from across the pond in England just adores the Staple Singers. And I adore her!

My mother basically raised my sister and me on a steady diet of soul, R&B, and funk, possibly to counteract the effects of my dad's love of Yes and Genesis. (Just to give you some idea of her total obsession with R&B: When she recently professed a newfound love for Joni Mitchell, she noted how outré it was for her.) As you'll see, she's a child of the '70s, with her grade school years spent listening to Motown. As the '80s rolled on, her taste swerved a little too far into slick, biz R&B for me—maybe I'm just bitter from how often we had to listen to Anita Baker—but she's still buying records today, with a deep neo-soul jones (and the requisite Idolator love for R. Kelly, of course). She occasionally fantasizes about being reincarnated as Chaka Khan, especially when she's a couple glasses deep into the box wine.

As is her wont, she gleefully trampled all over the guidelines that Matos (who has some experience dealing with an unruly family of budding rock critics) established for the list. (There's some hip-hop, as you will see.) And some of her opinions may be contentious (the woman really dislikes Kool and the Gang for some reason, despite including them) or even opaque. But aside from cleaning up the spelling and grammar here and there (and the occasional editor's note where applicable), I have left her musings mostly intact. Despite having only the vaguest idea of what a blog is, let alone why her son gets paid to write one, I think she'd make a fine addition to the music blogosphere. New updates will appear weekly as we count down to No. 1. And without further ado:

From: Mom
Sent: Monday, April 09, 2007 6:45 PM
To: Jess
Subject: JESS'S SONGS.WPS

Well here it is. It is my blood and soul! No pun intended! And I hope I will win the Pulitzer Prize for this one! Love you! Please let me know that you received this! Love you!

100. George Clinton - "Atomic Dog"

Okay if I had my way I would change this pick in a heartbeat to "One Nation Under a Groove." Can I? As an ex-funkateer? (Editor's note: No.) Some say that George is a fake. You decide. He is not James Brown nor Sly Stone. But I still want those pink locks!

99. Sugarhill Gang - "Rapper's Delight"

Gave a resurgence to staying at the Holiday Inn at least. The start of rap? Slightly infectious: "hip-hop a hippie..." We all know the words.

98. Stevie Wonder - "So What the Fuss?"

Embedding disabled, sorry y'all.

So many to pick from!!!! Picked this at 98 because it is off his relatively new CD. Wanted something current. And loved the fact that Prince was popping on it!

97. Montell Jordan - "This is How We Do It"

Well I picked this one because when my girls and I were all getting divorced and such, this is what we danced to. And besides, you have to love a guy that is almost 7 feet tall.

96. Heather Headley - "He Is"

This is how I felt about an ex-boyfriend...what was I thinking? Heather has one of the greatest voices I have heard in a long time and considering I have been around for a long time, that is saying something. Just listen to the lyrics, okay?

95. Ready For The World - "Oh Sheila"

Embedding disabled, sorry y'all.

I have no idea why I picked this. I think I was having one of my "I Love Lucy" moments. Thought it was Prince when I first heard it. Kind of like the whole "Love in an elevator/Loving a man like Rita" thing!

(Editor's note: For well over a year, my mother thought the lyrics to the popular Aerosmith hit "Love in an Elevator" were "Loving a Man Like Rita." She seemed genuinely confused when corrected.)

94. Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance"

Thought this was the next P-Funk. And how can one artist have so many aliases? Just love that nasal voice!

93. Prince - "I Wanna Be Your Lover"

(No YouTube clip available. If you can find one, please let us know.)

OH PRINCEY! Pure sex! That is it. Pure and simple!

92. Anthony Hamilton - "Ain't Nobody Worryin'"

What happened to Anthony Hamilton from North Carolina til now? He sounds awfully like Bill Withers...I love Bill Withers. "Started getting high cause the job train kind of slow." Tell me about it!!!!

91. Alicia Keys - "You Don't Know My Name"

Oh my goodness, Alicia Keys! And the lyrics! What a song! What a remarkable woman at such a young age. If I come back in another life, well, my first choice would be OF COURSE Chaka Khan. Then I guess maybe Tina. Then Alicia!

90. TLC - "No Scrubs"

You know, these kids really don't know how good they have it. And Left Eye's mother was not as mean as I am obviously. They could have done really better [with men] with guidance. That is why I am glad I am such a NAG! And the real reason I picked this one is because I know a SCRUB! Oh no!

89. Angie Stone - "I Wanna Thank Ya"

As Erykah [Badu] puts it: "Get in the zone with Angie Stone." And if my kiddies don't let me down, I'm going to get to see her SOON! Just remember: "Your love is gangsta." Snoop Dogg!!!!

88. Bill Withers - "Lovely Day"

Okay, so Bill Withers was smokin' while I was in high school. Wait, did I just give away how old I was? Anyway, while the other hippies I went to school with were listening to Led Zepplin and the Eagles, I was hidden away listening to Bill and Bobby Womack!


87. Next - "Too Close"

Only comment is that I want to hear someone say, "See that's why you're my wifey"! Wrong cut but right sentiment!

86. Kool and the Gang - "Hollywood Swinging"

This is the only song by Kool that I would even honor with a listing. Way too bubblegum a group to even consider! But have to give them some kudos.

85. Maxi Priest - "Close To You"

This is the only Jamaican-born, British, Rastafarian on the list. Love his sound! Very smoooooothhhhhhh!

84. Average White Band - "Cut the Cake"

These boys have more soul in their pinkies than most will ever have! Truly rocking with Sinbad. Summer Jams. Remember those?

(Editor's note: My mother has VHS taped copies of all of Sinbad's Summer Jam concert specials that she still pulls out when she's doing housework. And drinking box wine.)

83. Blackstreet - "No Diggity"

Well, Dr. Dre to me equals hip-hop. (Not doo-wop Susan.*) "Ain't you getting bored with these fake-ass broads." I am. Come to West Chester, PA to see the Paris Hilton look-a-likes!

(Editor's note: I really have absolutely no idea what the sentence in parentheses means.)

82. Lakeside - "Outrageous"

No, not Britney's "Outrageous." NEVER! Lakeside—one of the GOOD R&B party bands! Great dance music!

(Editor's note: this clip was actually recorded at Sinbad's Summer Jam. Perhaps my mother uploaded it.)

81. Michael Jackson - "Rock With You"

I am laughing so hard right now as I write this because all I can think of is MJ's "Ben"—a song about a rat! Okay everyone laugh now.