Last week's sales figures have been tallied, and, much like America, it's a strange mix of smooth-talkers, skanks and polka enthusiasts:
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Get ready for a slew of "rock is back" huzzahs and back-slaps: Bob Dylan is at the top of this week's Billboard 200. "Modern Times," which sold 192,000 copies in the U.S. last week, is Dylan's fourth career No. 1 album and his first since 1976's "Desire." Last week's chart-toppers, Diddy proteges Danity Kane (wait, were any of them even born in 1976?), slipped to No. 2 with 117,000 albums sold.
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Thanks to one of the more assaultive press campaigns in recent memory (we get it—you hate your father and love dancing the jitterbug, or something like that), Christina Aguilera's double-disc Back to Basics sold 342,000 copies in its first week, more than enough to top the charts. As Billboard points out, Mary J. Blige's The Breakthrough more than doubled that back in December, but then again, most people bought two copies of The Breakthrough because they were afraid that if they didn't, Mary J. would personally come to their house and beat the crap out of them.
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If it's Wednesday, it must mean it's time for our weekly album-sales recap, in which we find out just how quickly the music industry is sliding into complete and utter chaos. As expected, Rick Ross' Port of Miami was No. 1, scanning 187,000 copies, while Breaking Benjamin—a band we've never heard, but who are no doubt as terrible as we expect—came in at No. 2 with Phobia, which sold 125,000 copies. And despite not being sold at Wal-Mart, Slayer's Christ Illusion debuted at No. 5, thanks to 62,000 heathens.
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