Idolator

Our favorite cause, Gossip singer Beth Ditto, apparently believes that the U.K. is more condusive to being a freak and/or geek than America, and Guardian writer Julia Molony agrees. "Perhaps it's that in America—a country historically drawn together from disparate elements—the focus of music as a collective force celebrates cohesiveness rather than difference," Molony writes. "But over here, eccentricity offers an escape from the claustrophobia of island living."

Well, a nation of Anglophiles certainly agrees with Ditto and Molony, idealizing Great Britain as a place where men in eyeliner dance in the streets to Cure songs with friendly chimney sweeps. But c'mon, America's just a big island at heart, and living here can be as claustrophobic as a Lollapalooza porta-potty; this country's roll call of weirdos and mavericks may be a little earthier, but it's just as long as England's. Molony's argument also ignores the fact that the U.K. is now just as much of a polyglot culture as the U.S.; it's not a good look that most of her examples of Britain's "viva la difference" are melodramatic/morose white guys. (Plus I'm sure you're just as likely to get your ass kicked in a British school for acting like Morrissey as you would here.)

You have to wonder if Ditto would be so quick to sing the island's praises as a haven for society's misshapes if its press corps wasn't hugging her to its ample bosom. Like, say, giving her an advice column. In the Guardian. Speaking of which, as a bonus beat, here's Ditto giving all of you shy, retiring wallflowers in these United States advice on how to assert yourself:

My transformation wasn't easy - it took a long time to differentiate between self assertion and bad manners. But, eventually, I made it. In my most unprofessional opinion, these are the baby steps you need to take if you're just a girl who can't say no:

1. The first step on the path to self assertion is to realise that when someone says no to you, turning down one of your requests, it isn't actually an insult. I knew that if I wanted to stop being a pushover I had to get comfortable with small rejections myself. That took some work, but because of it I can now say no to other people with a clear conscience. If you can't hear the word without taking it personally, then you can't expect other people to accept your own refusals with good grace.

2. Make your new-found love of "no" known! Let your closest friends know that you are on the lookout for a new outlook. That way they can keep an eye on your progress and alert you when you fall back into your pushover ways.

3. Remember that an honest "no" is actually far more considerate than a lying "yes". How many times have you ended up avoiding a phone call from a friend because you agreed to help them, say, move house, when in all sincerity it was your only day off that week and you just couldn't face it? Even worse, how many times have you ended up helping them, but feeling completely resentful?

4. Let 'em down easy. Saying no doesn't have to be harsh. Soften the blow by prefacing what you're about to say with "I hate to put you out" or "I really hope you'll understand" - just something to let them know you have their feelings in mind. After that, be firm. If you really don't want to do something, it's not fair to suggest that there's room for negotiation.

And finally, remember that there's nothing better than emerging from that stifling, bitter, pushover cocoon into a world where you can express yourself freely and call your own shots. So brace yourself - and enjoy!

Beth Ditto's Black Sheep Nation [Guardian]
What would Beth Ditto do? [Guardian]