Idolator

There's some sort of W. Faulkner "An Axl Rose for Emily" joke to be made here...I may have just made it, in fact. Sadly, it only served to make me more sleepy.

Or maybe someone holding the magazine is part of the next bigger Axl and it just goes on forever like that.

Or: Get in the ring, AMAZING RANDI!

Duh, he's obviously in front of a jumbotron.

Actually, Axl has commissioned a bunch of clones of himself, because he's decided to only tour with himself as his GnR backing band so that things will finally be just right. Although, he's having a little bit of trouble because he's already fired and re-hired a few of himselves a number of times and now it's kind of beyond the point of keeping track. In fact, it's possible that the original Axl has been fired and has not returned, which, let's face it, is what every one-time GnR fan is hoping has actually happened.

Can you guys just...lie if you have to and give me some sort of Chinese Democracy release date update? The lack of news over the last few months is giving me a swelling pain in my balls :(

Yep, definitely a jumbotron. I guess you don't get the full, douche-y effect solely by seeing him in the flesh.

Also, why all the Axl attention on Idolator? The guy had his chance (what feels like) a million years ago, and he blew it. Besides, anyone who can beat up his girlfriend but can't even deliver a decent bitch-slap to Tommy Hilfiger is the very definition of PUSSY.

Seriously. My dog cuts farts that sound better than this guy now.