Idolator

I'm voting for the first one. I do not believe for a second that a Clay Aiken fan would use the words "sex" or "breasts"... probably not "want", either.

The furry crossover entries must be even better.

Proceed with caution, Idolator. An innocent curiosity with Clayton Holmes Aiken (nee Grissom) can quickly become an obsession--I've seen it happen before. At first it's just a single post about how funny his message boards are, then another a few days later about pornographic fan fiction...Soon you'll find yourself checked into an Econolodge in Charlotte, NC, and you'll have no idea how you ended up there.

I'm at the Econolodge now, and the wireless is just terrible.

For the love of god, he's GAY.

I need to vomit now. For some reason I read them through twice.

For the love of god, he's GAY.

That's kinda the point!

interesting tidbit

all Clay Aiken fan fiction includes the phrase

"he removed my glasses and mounted my 300 pound frame"

Yeah, I was gonna call shenanigans on them because 3 out of 4 mentioned women.

This is fascinating actually... couldn't this be considered a qualifier for when someone has truly broken loose from reality? When does the line blur between writer of "fan-fiction" and straight up stalker?

I need a shower and a scotch.

For the love of god, he's GAY.

That's kinda the point!

Well, kinda - the real point is that these are people with the worst gaydar in history. Or a need for some seriously twerky wish-fulfillment...

I know I should be disturbed, but instead this has just been making me laugh. What kind of person fantasizes about Clay? I think the people who write about having sex with ET are probably more mentally healthy.

We soooo need a Clay

We sooooo need a Clay Aiken slash fiction writing contest.

Goddamn double post... what I meant to say was that we soooo need a Clay Aiken slash writing contest. Anyone?

"I think the people who write about having sex with ET are probably more mentally healthy."

We are.

Oops. Lemme try this again. We soooo need a Clay Aiken slash fiction writing contest. Anyone?

I think it would be better if it were a Clay Aiken/Slash fiction writing contest. They would make a pretty hot couple.

I'm game.

Did anyone notice that the Clay web site could also be construed as "Clay Shaven"? Which is a whole 'nother set of ick.

Well, kinda - the real point is that these are people with the worst gaydar in history. Or a need for some seriously twerky wish-fulfillment...

If there is one thing slash fic is not about, it is reality.

Cupping breasts? Check. Giving penises a personality? Check. Sweeping tongue? Check. The third is the fake.

It's kind of ironic that the only one of those things I couldn't buy from the Claymates was cheesy quoting of Clay's lyrics.

"Clay Shaven"

The anti-bear backlash begins.

When does the line blur between writer of "fan-fiction" and straight up stalker?

Don't worry, whoneedslight, we know where it is. And we chase the stalkers from our realm very quickly when they cross it.

At least sane, adult fanfic writers do. I can't speak for most Claymates.

oh nooo, it seems to me we already ran out of every sort of ick there is.

Woah, wait. You just admitted in a pubic forum that you're an adult fanfic writer? That's brave.

No worries, I always wear my geekness on my sleeve.

"But then Slash took off his hat, and his glorious jewfro cascaded down in all its splendor.

Clay reached forward and took off Slash's righteous shades, and as he gazed into Slash's vaguely bloodshot eyes, he felt the floor fall out beneath him. And he knew that, that night, he would offer himself to Slash.

*insert double entrende involving a velvet revolver*"

I couldn't resist the Clay/Slash suggestion. Now I regret it with all the regret a person can muster.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go vomit up everything I've ever eaten.

Bonus points for anyone who uses the phrase, "Glistening red bushy pubes."

Wait, does he have pubes?