Idolator

As part of MTV's efforts to make this year's Video Music Awards "interactive," the powers that be have set up what they're calling the Virtual Video Music Awards—basically a chance for people to create smoking-hot avatars of themselves, hang out in the virtual Palms Hotel and Casino, and maybe even e-make-out. As part of our obsessive chronicling of all things VMA-related, we sent Idolator intern Kate Richardson into the virtual wild to check it out (she's the only one of us who has a computer that can actually run the damn thing):

If MTV's Virtual VMAs are any indication of Sunday's broadcast, we're going to be liveblogging an event that's very dimly lit, nearly deserted, and littered with non-functional slot machines. Wandering around the eerily lifeless halls of the Virtual Palms Hotel and Casino felt kind of like half-heartedly messing around on Myst or Tomb Raider (although I should point out, in the interest of placating Myst nerds, that the graphics here come nowhere near the beauty of that game). And unlike those games, others' avatars were wandering around, occasionally bounding up to me to start awkward conversations about what it's like to be actively participating in a hastily-programmed marketing tool for an ill-conceived awards show. Newsflash: it's kinda weird!

The first thing I noticed when I arrived was that some avatars were intermittently holding up Laguna Beach towels, despite the fact that the show doesn't actually exist anymore. Perhaps this was some sort of rogue protest against the second incarnation of the "boring Orange County assholes reality show" concept, Newport Harbor, but it was probably just an example of what Maura is always referring to as "MTV's woefully confused digital strategy."

You can kind of see it in the background over my left shoulder. Also, I don't know if the ceiling is painted or what, but if it's a skylight then why's it so damn dark?

The basic concept of this experience is that you have three rooms that you can visit: the Pink Suite, the Hardwood Suite, and the Pepsi Smash Sky Villa. On Sunday, these suites will be used as performance space for the Foo Fighters, Justin Timberlake/Timbaland, and Kanye West, respectively. I can only hope that they will offer more excitement and stimulation than their virtual counterparts, which are, at this point, fairly quiet and lifeless.

The Pink Suite did have a hot tub, but it was unfortunately occupied by two fully-clothed avatars having a bizarrely personal conversation.

Just because his avatar has a friendly face doesn't mean you should trust him, girls! It's still just a glorified chat room!

Fortunately the Pepsi Smash Sky Villa, which in real life costs a whopping $40,000 a night, was a quiet, solitary place where I could collect my thoughts before moving on to some intellectual discourse over in the Hardwood Suite, a 10,000-square-foot basketball-themed room with a half-court and locker rooms.

She said it, not me.

After that I needed to get some fresh air, but I honestly could not figure out how to get back outside to the red carpet and away from the luxury suite crowd. I wandered around in a triangle for a while before discovering the big secret about this year's VMAs:

They're actually being held in space! This is the window at the bar/cockpit.

It appeared as if we were approaching Lysithea, eleventh moon of Jupiter and my stop on this intergalactic bus route. I hopped off the ship, typed in the wave command, and watched the Palms float further and further away into the unknowable depths of space, hoping against hope that it might reach a black hole before its horrors are unleashed on Sunday night.