Idolator

The Who perform at the Virgin Festival in Baltimore. Not pictured: The Who.

You'd think that an outdoor festival with two stages, a DJ tent, a freak show, ample beer supplies, and 40,000 sunstroked fans would be a goldmine of idiotic concert-going behavior ... and you'd be 100% right. Dashiell, the associate editor of our filthy sibling site Fleshbot, pulled his head out of the gutter long enough to attend Saturday's Virgin Festival in Baltimore and provide us with an exhaustive chronicle of the boorishness on display. After the jump, see the world through the eyes of an asshole.

There's a special place in hell reserved for the ladies who sit on shoulders at concerts. It's a little disturbing that we've allowed this to flourish unchecked for so many years, since it really is the ultimate selfish move. Yes, you can see better and your chances of appearing on the Jumbotron have increased exponentially, but a simple acknowledgement that you aren't the only person on the planet would be a nice gesture. The only thing worse than the girl who sits on someone's shoulders and blocks the view of others ...

Dude ... really?

Other examples of reckless foolishness include:

The Careless Toker. High winds mercifully limited our second-hand smoke intake to half a bowl.

The Public Urinator (in blue hat). No, when you gotta go, you do not have to go.

Balloon Head. Because in a festival environment, it's important to make your profile as large as possible.

The Flag Waver. Our companion explained this one to us thusly: "It's a homing beacon for morons."

Onstage Cameraman. Do you need to stand directly in front of the band to do your job? We paid to see Brandon Flowers' mustache, dammit!

Then the crowd surfing began. Oh, boy. We're all for getting excited, but how can you deconstruct that Flowersian prose when you're being kicked in the head every twenty seconds by a 14-year-old at his first big boy rock show or a 45-year-old still trying to re-create that one college football game that totally ruled like two decades ago. The only bright spot is that nearly every single one of them was dropped on their head.

If you're over six feet tall and/or 195 pounds, you should not be allowed to ride.

Tragically, all they found of him was his shoe.

Daaaaaad ... you're embarrassing us!

But what about the music, you ask? Oh, we have no idea. We were too busy taking pictures of this guy to enjoy the show.

He spilled beer on us and didn't apologize. Thanks a lot, asshole.

Previously: Blogsmacked: Skeletor, Non-Naked Flea Spotted At Virgin Festival