"Hey, Asshole!": We Have Winners (Sort Of)

hey asshole!

"Hey, Asshole!": We Have Winners (Sort Of)

We'd love to stop shamelessly promoting our "Hey, Asshole!" feature—in which we ask everyone out there to digitally document the most egregious concert behavior—but we very badly want this to work, so we'll flog it just a bit more. We've gotten some great-but-not-quite-there photo submissions so far (which we very much appreciate, and want to encourage), but the most action has been on our comment boards and via email. So screw it: If you want to write up your worst concertgoing mishaps below (or send them to tips[at]idolator.com), we'll start printing them, just because we want to share your pain in every way possible. Click below to sample the annoyance!

From soundbitesnyc:

I don't remember who was playing (maybe Human Television) but some dude was actually taking pictures ONSTAGE, crouching down beside the singer, snapping shots. He did this for the whole show. I went up to him and snapped a picture with my cellphone with full intentions of posting the idiot's picture, but then I ended up not writing about the show. But I also felt it was maybe too mean... for me. But I totally endorse other people doing it.

That said, I've taken to a new strategy for people who go to shows only to talk loudly through the whole thing. I have one of those LED flashlight keychains and when people won't shut up I shine it at them. "Oh, is this bothering you? I'll quit when you shut up."

From Drrty_Robot

Worst was seeing Yeah Yeah Yeahs open for White Stripes in Seattle few years back. Karen and co kicked ass, but these raver kids were right in front of us trying to snort coke out of a bullet. The 2 girls couldnt figure it out and they had their cell phones open for light to figure it out. My God that was retrarded. We finally demonstrated for them.

From ChuckTaylors:

At one of Rancid's shows at BB Kings (which strangely is becoming a punk venue ... this is what happens when CBGB's closes) there was a skinhead in the front with his arms around his girlfriend "protecting her from the crowd. Any time someone touched him he'd get madder and madder, with occasional moments of turning around to shove them and act offended. I don't want go go out on a limb, but I"m pretty sure people running into you at the front of a sold out concert is normal.

From a midwestern reader with excellent concert-going taste:

The second was a few weeks ago. I went to see Cheap Trick at Ravinia, which is this outdoor venue near Chicago. In addition to the large amount of lawn space, there's a pavilion where you can actually see whoever is performing (and usually it's the Chicago Symphony Orchestra) and my seats were in the fourth row.
So Cheap Trick comes on, and the crowd goes apeshit because they're basically from here, and everyone in the pavilion stands up and starts screaming along to "Hello." Except, apparently, the woman sitting behind me. She hits me between my shoulders with her program, and I turn around, and she says, "Can you sit down? I can't see." Every other person in the entire place is standing. So I say, "Well, I can't see if I sit down, so no." I even tried sitting down to be polite (because I'm not only Midwestern, but also short) and with everyone else standing, it didn't work. One of my friends was a few rows back, and after our exchange, this woman got up, went over to the usher and asked him to go make me sit down so she could see better. He laughed at her, as he should have been. She left before the encore and made a point of glaring at me on her way out.

And finnaly, from goldstarrobotboy:

My favorite was really drunk guy who tried to sing along with all of slint's guitar parts.

Crap. Sorry dude—that was us. "Good Morning Captain" sounds so much better when it's hummed.

1:36 PM on Thu Sep 21 2006
By Brian Raftery
39 views
11 comments

Comments

by PurduePaul at 12:52 PM on 09/21/06
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Wow, cheap trick played rivinia, the audience must have been way different than the geriatrics who usually go to shows there considering most of there show's are symphony type shows. Stupid ex-girlfriend used to be an usher there during her summers off from whoring
by ozacrot at 01:00 PM on 09/21/06
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Isn't it possible that Asshole #1 was just taking press photos for the band? I'm just sayin is all.
by spinachdip at 01:06 PM on 09/21/06
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Well, was Asshole #1 taking pictures with an SLR or a Treo?
by Michael Bertin at 01:42 PM on 09/21/06
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Ravinia has got to be my favorite venue in the world for overall design stupidity. There are seats alright and a lawn. The seats are fine, like any normal covered outdoor ampitheater, but the lawn is a joke. It actually slopes downward away from the top row of the theater seat. So you pay some nominal amount to go sit on this lawn where you CAN'T SEE A THING ON STAGE. To top it off the lawn is full of cooler dragging yips who bring a living-room's worth of crap to sit on their asses, eat, and not watch whoever is playing.

Couldn't make just made one giant downward sloping bowl like Wolf Trap? No wonder I don't live in the midwest anymore.
by mreasy at 01:44 PM on 09/21/06
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If dude was onstage, crouching behind the singer, and neither crew nor band kicked him off (or just kicked him), he was authorized. Seems obvious. But even if he weren't, any band who is irritated by a random photographer invading their stage-space and doesn't have the nerve/respect for their audience to remove him would be the real assholes.
by soundbitesnyc at 02:18 PM on 09/21/06
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ozacrot: I'm pretty sure the dude was a friend of the band (they didn't kick him offstage) but does it make it any less obnoxious?

I just remembered another story. When !!! released Louden Up Now they had a release party/gig on the Paddlewheel Queen, a boat that goes up and down the East River. The event was like the drunkest hipster prom ever, with people decked out in their best, most outrageous outfits. I don't think the ship's crew, who were all very nice, had ever seen anything like it.

The band came on and this really wasted girl in front of me insisted on getting on her boyfriend's shoulders. She couldn't really stay on, so she grabbed the framework of the drop ceiling and her idea of "dancing" was to yank on it. It started coming down and she didn't even notice until I tapped her on the leg (on some dude's shoulders, remember) and pointed it out. She gave me the finger and kept doing it. Finally one of the Paddle Queen's crew came over and made her get down.

It doesn't end there, though. After the show we were up on top of the boat by the flagpole. The same girl and her entourage were nearby and she loudly declared she was going to "take the motherfuckin' American flag and throw it in the river!" Somehow she managed to work the pulley, lower the flag and unhook it from the chain. As she was wadding it up, the captain of the boat came over and was like "okay, give me back the flag." She was lamely hiding it behind her back, and finally gave it back saying something to the effect of "oh, where'd this come from?"

I felt bad for the Paddlewheel staff who probably didn't know what they were getting into when they agreed to put on the show. I wonder if !!! were charged. They couldn't kick her off the boat, but I know some of us wanted to throw her overboard.
by Stevie at 02:36 PM on 09/21/06
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Hi, I'm the Midwestern reader with excellent concert-going taste. Thanks for posting!
by MTS at 02:43 PM on 09/21/06
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You should retitle "Hey Asshole" as "A Day In the Life of Guided By Voices Fans," cause really, they're the worst.
by lucasg at 02:54 PM on 09/21/06
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i am a pretty big belle and sebastian fan. in 2002, we drove from columbus, OH to philly to see them play. it was everything i could have wanted. a year or two later, they played in columbus, so we went to see them, expecting another awesome show.

the columbus audience would not shut up long enough for them to play a full set! the band was visibly annoyed. i was pissed. columbus ohio ruined a belle and sebastian show for everyone involved! they're not known for big old tour schedules, so who knows how far i'll have to drive to see them again. i doubt they'll be back to columbus.

columbus ohio is the only place i have ever been where no matter who is playing or how large or small the venue, the audience is of the impression that they are way cooler than whoever is on stage, and act accordingly. yet, they are always near the top ten on the list of americas fattest cities.
by King of Pants at 03:46 PM on 09/21/06
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Gainesville, FL, summer 1995. Famed local band For Squirrels, recently signed to a Sony imprint and sure to be the Next Big Thing of Alternative Nation (gack), are playing a homecoming show at the Covered Dish. The thing about the Dish's layout is that most of the floor was sunken, with a stage-level mezzanine with a railing for the disinterested/heavy drinkers.

So the band is wrapping up their set, everyone's having a fantastic time, and they start in on their last song. Then some douchebasket decides that the best thing to do is to climb on the mezzanine railing and leap into the crowd. All of whom have no idea he even exists. He comes flying into the crowd and nails two girls in the back of the head. Needless to say, that killed the entire mood. The band finished the song and left the stage in disgust. Way to ruin everything, shithead.
by Ignatius at 02:36 PM on 09/22/06
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I had the luck and misfortune of seeing Kings of Leon at a CAMEL sponsored free show the other night with the Stills. For some reason everyone tends to slag KOL but I like their derirative yet still entertaining take of southern fried rock. I can't stand their lyrics but know I can't stand their fans more.

Not sure if the place was packed with assholes because it was free but it seemed all the assholes present knew the music and lyrics. There were several aberzombies types, including guys with matching haircuts and pooka shell necklaces. These cretins became more interested in the lesbian dance show some bimbos decide to put on for attention than the band towards the end of the set. I wouldn't have minded that as much if they had not been so unattractive and starved for attention.

These people seemed to be new to the whole intimate club show concept and decided this meant they could express their joy and excuberance more than at the reserved seating Death Cab for Cutie Concert or DMB festival show where they lost it on shrooms.

Now don't get me wrong, I loves me some drugs, dancing and cavorting at shows. Especially smaller club shows were the band is close and the sound loud. However I am aware that there are other people there to enjoy themselves also so I try respect their space and experience while enjoying mine.

This means I do not expect to get the same spot I left at the front of the stage regardless of how much pushing and shoving I can do. If there is room to manuver I make sure not to spill my beer/drink on others or burn them with my cigarettes. And if I decide to yell something out its not in the ear of person in front or next to me.