Idolator

If you're young, cranky, and perpetually holding out for a Replacements reunion, then you no doubt purchased the Hold Steady's new album, Boys And Girls In America, as soon as it was released yesterday. You're also probably drunk right now, which we like, since that generally helps make this site a lot more readable.

Anyway, fans of the band know that lead singer Craig Finn has more than a few go-to touchstone references, all of which approach the over-saturation point in America. And so for those of you who've already given the record a few spins—or for anyone who thinks they could do better—we present our Hold Steady Mad Libs. After the click-through, a few stumbling pseudo-Finn verses that need to hook up with your bored, boozy pronouns.

THE LYRICS:
(Catholic School Girl Name) had a hard heart but she had a soft spot for ('70s Musician)/ In the back seat, she enjoyed (working-class vice) while talking about (poet) and metaphors/She drove down to (r
random mississippi river reference)/Then she did some more

These kids in (mid-size American city) wonder who's going to save them from (decade)/ Strung out, and (post-vice activity)/Waiting for a (religious reference)/Somewhere near (slightly different random place in Mississippi)

Fun, right? If you're having problems coming up with your own Finn-speak, feel free to swipe from our suggestions below:

Catholic School Girl Name
Theresa
Holly
Mary
St. Barbara

'70s Musician
Freddie Mercury
Rod Stewart
Phil Lynot
Alice Cooper

Vice
Drinking Dark Bacardi
Powders and Pills
Sniffing Margarita Mix
White Wine and Tallboy Cans

Poet
William Blake
Keats
William Butler Yeats

Random Mississippi River Reference
Banks of the Mississippi River
Shores of the Mississippi River
The Mississippi River
Washed Up in the Mississippi River

Mid-sized American City
St. Paul
Denver
Philly
Dallas

Decade
The '60s
The '70s
The '80s
The '90s

Post-Vice Activity
Taking Off Their Clothes
Going Out to Shows
Waking Up with the Backstage Pass in Their Pants
Riding Around in GTOs

Religious Reference
Conversion
Resurrection
Jesus Christ in All His Glory
Born-Again Baptism
A Confession Booth