Idolator
When an episode of American Idol starts off with a version of 311's "All Mixed Up," you think the worst is behind you. But last night's installment, which featured the 10 men who somehow made it this far, got even more dire from there. Can you say "Sundance Head sings Pearl Jam?"
THE HIGHLIGHTS: They were few and far between: Brandon sang Rare Earth's "I Just Want To Celebrate" and it was decent, although the judges didn't like its lack of hooks, while Chris Richardson's take on Keith Urban's "Tonight I Wanna Cry" was passable, if bloodless. Chris Sligh, meanwhile, sang a song that sounded sort of like a third-rate "hip" church's closing hymn (a little Internet research revealed that it's by Christian goofballs DC Talk), but his charisma helped him pull it off. And really, he had the advantage of going last, so the parade of awfulness that preceded him probably helped him shine.
FOR PHIL, EVERY DAY IS SILLY HAT DAY: Oh, Phil. We wanted to like you, but then you got all crummy on us, particularly in your choice of hats. And while your choice to perform Leann Rimes' "I Need You" was a risk, it was also completely wrong for your voice—your voice scraped the low notes and the high notes, all the while sounding like it was trapped in a long, narrow hallway. If you do make it through—and, despite your new dad/military backstory, last night's performance turned that if into a pretty big one—you should just sing "Bad Day" next week, in an attempt to play up your Daniel Powter resemblance.
WE ARE OFF THE BLAKE TRAIN: Last week's everything-but-the-moving-floor mimic of "Virtual Insanity" was bad enough, but singing and beatboxing 311? And then admitting that they are your favorite band? Ugh. Ugh. To add insult to injury, the judges actually sort of liked it, although none of them knew what the original song was. What's he going to do next week, the Fun Lovin' Criminals?
SUNDANCEWATCH: How much did Sundance suck last night? Let us count the ways. He blamed Chris Richardson for his constant waterworks last week. He said that his "secret" was that he was "thin in real life." He performed a version of "Jeremy" that redeemed every shitty bar band we've ever seen. And he was bad enough to remain Vote For The Worst's No. 1 pick among the men, ensuring that he'll be around next week.
WHO WE VOTED FOR: Chris Sligh and Brandon, who was really a lot better than any of the judges gave him credit.
WHO AMERICA WILL PROBABLY CUT: Phil and Sanjaya, whose remaining charisma was blasted away by the blow-dryer that straightened his hair.
PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 2/10. Pointed critiques, holding her own with Simon, and not telling everyone she loved them—has our Paula switched up her pre-show cocktail's recipe?
Tomorrow: The top 10 ladies. Please, please, let there not be a 311 fan among them.
American Idol [americanidol.com]
Earlier: Idolator's American Idolatry archives
[Photo via rickey.org]
Comments
stay tuned next week, as Blake channels his inner Sublime! I guess the benefit of singing a song the judges don't know is that they can't call it karaoke-ish (which it totally was).
Has it occurred to anyone that the judges should be ashamed for not knowing a 311 song? After all, they're supposed to be finding a contemporary pop star and, y'know, KNOWING a song that's been a semi-hit within the last ten years might be helpful.
That said, Blake is totally one dimensional. I can't wait to see how he incorporates his beatbox skills into country songs and standards.
I'm still on the Brandon train I guess. He's got the potential to really seal the deal in the end, but he's got to shake his performance shyness or else it's curtains!
So far as American Idol goes, my parents moved into an assisted living place the other day and I had to spend an hour explaining to their elderly neighbor the difference between the red-haired dude from Eve Sixed [sic] and the gay guy who played the wigmaster on Seinfeld/dance instructor in "Showgirls."
Wait, what?
Has it occurred to anyone that the judges should be ashamed for not knowing a 311 song?
I actually thought "Lucky you!"
I enjoyed Seacrest double checking Blake's favorite band statement. "Favorite band?" "All time favorite." "All time?" "Yup." (Ryan shrugs, sighs)"Alright. Here's the number."
I know next to nothing about Christian rock, but damn have I gotten good at recognizing a veiled-Jesus song at 10 paces.
Like you guys, I got a tingle last night from those blandly devotional lyrics and told the wife that Sligh's song was probably Christian rock; she replied with, Really? That would make him unstoppable - the red-staters will all vote for the songs he's choosing, and the blue-state geeks like me will vote for him because he's actually smart.
I agree that Brandon was over-harshed by the judges last night. And that Paula has, weirdly, found some backbone, which backs up my contention the other week that she is proving mildly useful this season for a change. Still hate her, though.
My roommate, a die-hard American Idol fan, has given up this year, since the men suck so incredibly. When you lose Cronkite, you lose America.
When that guy started singing "I Just Wanna Celebrate", first thing that came to my mind was the N.W.A. - Real N***z Don't Die
Hmm. It is one thing to consider who watches. It is quite another when you think about who bothers to vote. I have a feeling Sanjaya may survive. Little girls want to sleep with him. So do the kind of boys who like to talk on their cellphones. (Christian or not)
Which might just leave Sundance Heading home. And, despite all the strange, misguided, well, frankly, deaf enthusiasm here, Brandon.
That was not Rare Earth. It was Common Shite.
Wait, wait--some guy used a 311 song to showcase his "talent"? Really? That song, er, all of their songs have no more than four notes between 'em. Might as well have been "Losing My Religion".
You just watch, Blake will be busting out Informer before this whole nightmare is over.
Brandon deserves to go home based solely on his white pleather Members Only jacket.
i think everyone who gets voted off this year should be forced to sing "Tha Crossroads." just because i want to hear someone sing that goddamn song on American Idol
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