Idolator
Last night's episode of American Idol prepared the audience for the elimination round by dividing the final nine contestants into three groups. We were supposed to "guess" which group was the bottom three, but really, the suspense was lost once we saw who was in group one:
GROUP ONE: Blake, Chris, Sanjaya.
GROUP TWO: Haley, Gina, Phil.
GROUP THREE: Jordin, Lakisha, Melinda.
Honestly, any viewer who picked any group that wasn't group two obviously hadn't been watching the show, or reading any articles about it at all, and had just clicked on their local Fox affiliate during a frantic search for 'Til Death.
WHO'S OUT: Gina couldn't get people calling like Haley's legs, or Phil's ... whatever made people call for Phil, so she left. Of course, "Smile" was her swan song; of course, she sang it through tears, although her voice sounded pretty strong. (Terrible outfit, though—who is dressing the girls this year? The curvier ladies save Melinda are being strapped into ill-fitting outfits, while Haley is providing all the skin and then some.)
WHO'S (INEXPLICABLY) IN: Haley was in the bottom two, but as soon as we saw that she'd been paired with Gina—where the two of them resembled a stuck-in-the-rain Posh Spice and Sporty Spice—we knew we would have to watch her, and her sideboobs, for yet another week. (This Reality TV Magazine headline probably sums it up best: "American Idol Fans Blame Tongue Ring, Sanjaya, and Haley's Legs For Gina Glocksen's Elimination." Oh, the humanity.)
BOB MARLEY LIKES THE GREEN: The Ford ad this week was set to Bob Marley's "One Love," and it was set in a car wash. An ecologically friendly car wash. With a Kermit cameo at the end. Why? Because it was an ad for Ford's hybrid car.
BUBLE BUMBLES: Now, we know that Michael Buble was a last-minute replacement for the flu-stricken Tony Bennett, but shouldn't he have rehearsed his song first? After all, it probably won't help out your album sales if people just remember you as "that Canuck who made the awkward Antonella Barba joke and looked sorta like a cross between Brandon Flowers and Peter DeLuise."
PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 5/10—but more curious was Randy's 180 on thinking that the bottom two deserved to be there. First he said he wasn't surprised, then, 10 seconds later, he said he was? There's no way that he was surprised that Haley was in there. Gina, maybe, but Haley? Come on, dawg, we know that you have ears.
American Idol [americanidol.com]
Earlier: Idolator's American Idolatry archives
[Photo via TV Squad]
Comments
Wow, I totally called that one wrong. I thought for sure Tony Bennett's troops-shoutout was going to save her ass. Apparently, people really do hate the war.
PS: Michael Buble was drunk. Obvs.
Comparing Buble to DeLouise is a complete insult to Peter DeLuise! You've probably enraged 21 Jump Street fans everywhere.
I don't understand why its a problem that Haley and her sideboob will be back next week. Sounds like a bonus to me.
This aggression against sideboob will no longer stand. Cease and desist, Maura.
I agree, the sideboob must stay. Buble was OBVIOUSLY not sober (though I'm not sure he was drunk), and he was hilarious to watch!
Poor Gina. If only her skirt had been 4 inches higher she might have stood a chance.
As for Haley, I think she has gone about as high as she can go with both her range and her hemline. We all know Sangina isn't going anywhere, so if true desperation sets in for A.I.'s resident tart, maybe she'll just cut to the chase and perform while seated in gynecological stirrups.
Yes, I'm gay and I want more sideboob. Sideboob > bald man.
Could this be the year where the better singers are booted because of America's slow slide into retardation?
Stick with me here for a sec: I'm thinking there's gotta be a level of viewership that, once reached, AmIdol stops being watched by a merely large audience interested in talent shows and/or music, and reaches this extra huge super-large level where any American idiot (ht Green Day) with a phone starts watching. And due to retarded America's fascination with media whoredom, Sanjaya, Haley, and Phil inexplicably stick around because they have enough dorks who vote for them based on their media personas (weirdo, slut, patriot) instead of whether they can sing or not (which we know they obviously can't).
You already see these three contestants playing that shit up themselves, because they know it's their only shot at sticking around in this talent pool. Though she was greatly improving in the last 2 weeks, Gina ultimately went home because she didn't play up her "rocker chick" media persona this week, and, therefore pander to the retards.
Just like the presidential elections, the ones who count the votes control the outcome. Sanjaya won't be the winner, even if his campaign succeeds. And no one will care after about three hours of outrage, if that.
Oh, and have you noticed that the phone-in trivia winners are all middle-aged white women? That's the audience. That's the Soul Patrol. That's why your American Idol this year will be... Phil Stacey ladies and gentlemen.!
@MC: I think the first winner was actually some creepy-looking obese guy.
I'm beginning to wonder if everyone's bagging on Haley's outfits because they're jealous. Sure they're skimpy, but it's not like she doesn't have the body to wear it (unlike some of the outfits that have been chosen for the larger females). I can remember both Fantasia and Carrie Underwood wearing similarly titillating dresses, and noone knocked them for it.
@bambino:
Well, Fantasia and Carrie could...you know...sing and stuff.
@bambino: not jealous. i just think it's pretty obvious that she needs to distract from her singing and "stick out" in any way possible.
fwiw: this straight male does not understand the haley phenomenon. since the discussion has basically already gone there anyway, i'll just say it: srsly, people — not that hot. get over it. it's like applebee's waitress level.
@joe bananas: A really nice applebee's
Those top group/middle group/bottom group splits always scare me, because they're usually a setup for a shocker. Am I the only one who had that moment of panic wondering if Melinda, LaKisha and Jordin were the bottom three?
I think this is the first time ever that everyone was exactly where they deserved to be.
Folks. You seem to forget that, like French Presidential voting, due to the "round" structure of AI, there will always be craptacular lame-os that get very far. Just think of Sanjaya as AI's Le Pen. People who are voting based on merit are split between Melinda, Lakisha and maybe Blake, Chris and Jordin. People who are voting based on their desire to slowly squeeze Sanjaya to death with their love and pillows, are voting for ... er, Sanjaya. As the pack gets narrower, the merit-driven performances will gain votes, while Sanjaya will stagnate.
Stop worrying, people. Everything will be fine, and we'll all crown Melinda Doolittle the next American Idol, despite the fact that she is completely unmarkateable as a pop icon. Blake will release some surf-pop music and become a host for E!, Chris will have one marginal ballad-y hit before becoming an alcoholic, and we'll never hear from Lakisha ever again.
@MC: I agree to a point. I've heard haley sing before she made it on AI, & I just don't understand why she's fizzling in the spotlight. She's got some great pipes, and I don't mean her legs. I wish she'd just step up & hit it out of the park, because she is definitely marketable, unlike some of the other contestants.
My Idol pool stats are fucked just because America hates the troops.
I'm surprised that no one is talking today about how the Top Three consisting entirely of women of color eradicates the bad mojo from that moment three seasons ago where the Bottom Three consisted entirely of black women (one of whom was future winner Fantasia, one other being future Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson; I think Hudson went home that night). There was much rending of garments back then about America's obvious racism; even Elton John got in on the act. Hey, guess what? We like black women after all!
Re: the comments above about what will kill the Idol phenomenon: it's not a plurality of idiots - it's a plurality of older folks. They're arguably responsible for last year's winner, Taylor Hicks. And if they pick someone else who's similarly A/C-minded - I love me some Melinda, but let's face it, modern she's not - the show's demos go the way of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? seven years ago, and the phenomenon is over.
Seriously, the Idol producers would rather have another month of Sanjaya wins with teen girls screaming in the audience, than another year of the winner looking like Dad's golfing buddy. Then they're fucked.
As far as hotness goes Gina > Haley. Looking at the Idol fan demographic, I'd say she lost because of the tongue piercing. Sad but true.
No matter, though. She's been my following-in-Daughtry's-footsteps pick since the beginning. She's just not standard Idol material, and I kinda like it that way.
Oh, and Sanjaya needs to go. Far, far away.
@dennisobell: Melinda can make a very nice album to make babies to. Quiet Storm anyone?
(This is the well-after-the-fact post where I confess that all my knowledge of whatever happens on this show is strictly through Idolator posts. It's a prime example of the joys of distillation, or maybe that should be reduction.)
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