Idolator
We were all set to write about Lakisha giving Simon Cowell a big ol' kiss on the mouth last night, but then Blake—with newly dyed hair and a personal mantra about "taking risks in life"—decided to bring back his beatboxing skills, tearing the Idol-watching audience asunder and shocking Jon Bon Jovi into dredging up a long-repressed memory of an unfortunate time in his band's career.
In 2003, Bon Jovi put out a "Greatest Hits With A Twist" collection called This Left Feels Right. It was a pretty much unlistenable spin through the back catalog that was most notable for a) bringing Olivia d'Abo aboard to play the part of "Gina" in "Livin' On A Prayer" and b) sounding like Sublime at points. It was also a commercial stiff, and it's pretty much never mentioned at all in roundups of the band's storied history. So when Blake decided to do his beatbox take on "You Give Love A Bad Name," and Jon was talking about it, we could almost see the ghosts of Left returning to his consciousness, haunting his eyes.
As it turned out, his fears weren't unfounded. While Blake's take on the song certainly was "a risk," the mashing-together of beatboxing/drum dueling and the song's huge, anthemic chorus sounded like a bad club DJ smooshing together Incubus and Bon Jovi while not knowing anything at all about beat-matching—or the concept of rhythm, period. It was terrible. The judges liked it, though, because it was "a risk," and because Blake "made the song his own." Well, yes. But you could say the same thing about Left—which, we're thinking, may in fact be Blake's favorite record in the Bon Jovi catalog.
The other contestants:
PHIL IN A BLAZE: Somewhere, Casey Siemaszko is smiling: Phil's "Blaze Of Glory" got Jon Bon Jovi to throw out a Young Guns reference, although he didn't specify that his song was actually from the flick's sequel. Anyway, his take on the song was fine, if a little screechy at points. Simon was lukewarm on the performance, saying that Phil wasn't believable in the role, but we have to say, we were more convinced by him singing about Wild West life than we were about him setting foot in Spanish Harlem a few weeks back.
JORDIN MAY NOT HAVE A PRAYER: In case you were ever wondering what would happen if Whitney Houston filled in for Jon Bon Jovi during her How Will I Know phase, Jordin provided the goods, as her version of "Livin' On A Prayer" gave us the feeling that she'd bust into "I Wanna Dance With Somebody Who Loves Me" at any moment. Sure, she knew she sort of sucked, but did anyone else get the feeling that she was talking over the judges in order to mute their comments to the crowd?
LAKISHA COMES BACK: Lakisha went into this week cold, having not heard any of Bon Jovi's songs—but that actually worked to her advantage, as she gave "This Ain't A Love Song" a really torchy old-school soul take. AndSimon got all hot and bothered during her performance, mouthing "I love you" and asking her for a kiss on the mouth. Which she provided, resulting in Simon wiping his lips while telling her that she "absolutely nailed it."
CHRIS HAS SEEN A MILLION LYRICS, AND FORGOTTEN THEM ALL: Not for nothing, but if you're going to sing "Wanted Dead Or Alive," shouldn't you at least remember the "I've seen a million faces / And I've rocked 'em all" line when you go in for the master-class portion of the Idol rehearsals? It's only one of Bon Jovi's top three lyrics of all time. Chris' version of the song was, once again, sorta nasal and sorta passable; the whole segment was most notable for the brief lecture that Jon Bon Jovi gave on the blues, which probably made every rock critic we ever read between 1985 and 1993 weep bitter, bitter tears as they went to bed.
(Also: There was way too much devil-horn-throwing during the entire show. It's Bon Jovi, for crying out loud. If you have Tom Araya, or even Vince Neil, up there giving you advice, fine. But come on.)
MELINDA IS NICE: Despite her protests that she was "so bad at rock," Melinda's version of "Have A Nice Day"—which, we should add, has pretty atonal verses—was full of hip-shaking attitude that inspired Randy, Simon, and our viewing companion to throw out the Tina Turner comparisons. It wasn't her best performance by a long shot, and she didn't give the crowd the finger on the choruses like Jon does during his performances of the song, but it was still on a different level than the rest of the night.
WHO WE VOTED FOR: Lakisha and Melinda.
WHO AMERICA WILL PROBABLY CUT: Chris is the most likely goner—the back-to-back weeks of so-so performances will likely do him in, unless the 15-year-old TMZ-reading crew rises up to save him. As for the other departing contestant? It could be Lakisha, who, Simon-smooch aside, probably needs to make up a lot of ground from last week's car wreck. But we're also wondering if Jordin could be waving goodbye, because she was really terrible—and we're sure the whole "my mom loved you guys!" fawning she did over Jon didn't win her many votes from the over-35 crowd.
PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 8/10. From talking about the "hot-guy band" on stage to calling Melinda a "wok star," there was definitely some bad medicine running through Ms. Abdul's veins.
American Idol [americanidol.com]
Earlier: Idolator's American Idolatry archives
[Photo via rickey.org]
Comments
LaKisha needs to take her big girl jeans and go home. She only sings one song, no matter the theme, or the lyrics, or the anything. Same song, different week. And she looked dreadful.
Paula was absolutely out of control. She swears she doesn't do drugs, so the only other alternative is that she is utterly nutso. Last week I met a guy living on the street who tried to sell me a five-pages-on-notebook-paper Athens History book he had crafted himself. He made more sense to me than she does most nights.
Jordin wasn't good, but I voted for her anyway because I still think she's been the best overall.
@Big Money, No Whammies: Ditto. Although I think the same thing about Melinda.
@Rory B. Bellows: at least Melinda tried to adult-contemporarily rock last night. If the judges are going to praise Blake for the mess he threw down on last night (and I see no other reason to praise that performance), shouldn't they alternately skewer LaKisha for taking no chances, ever? I swear, if next week were Young MC week, she would turn "Off To The Principal's Office" into a gospel ballad.
by the by- next week totally needs to be Young MC week.
I thought the evening was mostly enjoyable, but I found Jordin's performance the least impressive. And her hair, he hair made me crazy. Chris was his usual bland self and might be on the outs. As someone who was in high school when Bon Jovi hit the big time I guess I have a soft spot in my heart for some of their music. I've always liked 'this ain't a love song,' so I liked Lakisha's soulful interpretation. As for Blake, who suddenly morphed from Limahl to Simon LeBon, I didn't spark to his Fat Boys-meets-Bon Jovi take on "You give love a bad name," but I will say that when he broke into the chorus he sounded pretty good and similar to Mr. Bon Jovi.
I cannot stand the song 'have a nice day,' but Melinda actually made it work, and I agree with the baby Tina Turner similarity. She looked good up there. It certainly wasn't her finest hour but she moves ahead of Jordin for sure this week.
The real shocker last night: Blake's eerie resemblance to "A View To A Kill"-era Simon Le Bon. I kept waiting for him to whip out a detonator and blow up a postcard of the Eiffel Tower.
haha What we're totally neglecting is the real tour de force performance of the night... When the president awkwardly bantered with Laura on Bon Jovi night of American Idol... Now that was a real mess.
I actually liked Blake's performance... He's musical, I think that's cute.
And do we have an update on the stuff floating around the blogosphere that Jordin is super conservative? i.e. this season's Mandisa?
@thefridayforty: Agree on Blake's Le Bon stylings. Once saw Duran, circa 97, during the dog-days of their existence -- at San Jose State University. Place was half-empty and we got back-stage passes. It was only Simon and Nick at that time. Nick clearly fruitier than a wombat and Simon locked himself in his dressing room with two 18 year-olds. Now that's rock and roll.
And like Simon, Blake can't sing.
I have one beef and one suggestion:
BEEF: No one sang "Bed of Roses." Seriously. If ever a Bon Jovi song was built for American Idol, it was clearly "Bed of Roses."
SUGGESTION:
How to Watch Blake Without Hating Him, Particularly With His New Darker Hair
Pretend he is Jason Bateman doing a highly commited impression of a bad pop singer. Works. Every. Time.
So much for my prediction re: Jordin late yesterday. If she's saved tonight, my theory will be borne out - though she'll have needed the sympathy vote way more than I imagined.
I must protest: Blake's move, whatever you thought of the performance, was genius. He knew exactly when he needed to bring back the beat-boxing (especially after last week's emo "Imagine"), and - for chrissakes, it's a Bon Jovi song. Is there any way such third-rate pop trash can be debased? Let him go all Fat Boys on it - if it makes the show more interesting, I'm all for it.
I have despised Bon Jovi with every fiber of my being since high school - to me Jon Bon has the smile of a minimally talented football jock used to getting whatever (and whomever) he wants, whenever he wants. But what really pisses me off about their coronation on a show like Idol is the idea that these hacks have a "songbook." Yeah, I know, this is the show that enshrined Jennifer Lopez a couple of weeks ago, so who cares? Still, the words Bon Jovi and songbook should never appear in the same sentence, same paragraph, same hour of television.
@thefridayforty: That's why I can't hate on Blake, anyone who looks (and sounds a bit)like classic Le Bon gets a pass from me.
I have to say - even though the beat-boxing isn't my favorite trick - Blake knew what he was doing last night. He spiced it up enough to keep his spot. Jordin, on the other hand, completely screwed herself by picking a song that she didn't come anywhere near pulling off. I wouldn't be surprised if she's a goner.
At least we didn't have to suffer through Sanjaya singing 'I'd Die For You'.
@dennisobell: I'm all for reinvention, but the glomming of the beatboxing and the big chorus was just so half-assed--it sounded like someone was pitching up the left speaker on one part, the right on the other. If you're going to try and get props for being all experimental jet set-like, go all in!
@pimpmyPR: My favorite Duran story: A friend of mine got to work a party they were playing, around 1999/2000. Since I was a big fan in my youth, I had to ask how they looked. Response: "They look...like they melted."
@thefridayforty: Yes, you're friend is correct. Very puffy and bloated and glistening thru all the make-up. Nick wore an all velvet purple suit and was sweating like a fatted calf. Simon had that ridiculous medallion thing visible across an open necked shirt and was suprisingly hairy.
Still I was "hungry like the wolf" for more after a great set!
Idol could do worse than have a Duranie night. Or even better "UK New Romantic Hits of the 80s" night. The Spands, Duran, Visage, Ultravox, Japan. A beatbox version of The Spands' "Musclebound" by Blake would probably have Seacrest cumming in his pants.
So Blake is Simon Le Bon.
Dear God, people. Simon Le Bon had style. He married Yasmin, one of the most beautiful women anyone from Birmingham has ever slept with. Do you really think Yasmin would shag Blake?
And I suppose you all think that Chris Richardson is who...Justin Hayward? Roy Wood? Robert Plant? They're all from the Midlands. And Chris does not even deserve to buy their castoffs in an Oxfam shop.
Chris Richardson is Roland Rat. (look it up.)
And if it isn't these two embarrassing pretenders who are on the first Southwest flight out of LAX tonight, then I will go and visit my Mom and Dad and tell them I'm sorry for being such a horrible son.
They live in Birmingham.
@OutsideToilet: Are you saying Le Bon gave Yasmin a knee-trembler up The Bull-Ring?
A Knee Trembler, indeed. With a quite substantial reflex.
But I'm afraid the Bull Ring is no more. It has undergone redevelopment.
Can we say the same of Mr. Le Bon's bon visage?
@OutsideToilet: That's a shame. Nothing screamed inner city blight like the Bull-Ring.
Le Bon may have had work done. John Taylor had a pout surgically implanted in 1983.
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