Idolator: jess harvell

Music Writing: Hazardous To Your Well-Being

mjohnston — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 15:40:11 EST

And I don't just mean your mental state (although that certainly gets its knocks)! The Guardian today looks at the long, glorious history of musicians and fans giving back to those people who dare criticize the music they love. And by "giving back," I mean "physically attacking, sometimes with knives." I can't tell if these stories are making me feel better because the only retributions I've received are mean e-mails or if they make me feel worse for not saying things that get people really riled. But my colleague has apparently not had the same problem as me! After the jump, I talk to Idolator's own Jess Harvell about his top three biggest threatdowns.

mauraatidolator: so tell me: what have been your top three threats as a rock critic? Here are the details I want:
mauraatidolator: a. nature of the threat!
mauraatidolator: b. what inspired said threat!
mauraatidolator: c. did you call the police?
mauraatidolator: and ... go!
jessdolator: ok
jessdolator: 1. A.) I was spit on at a show in Baltimore by some random lady after someone who knew who I was, i.e. music editor for the local paper, pointed me out to her. B.) From what I could discern through her drunkeness/rambling, I probably gave a friend's band a mediocre review. C.) I did not call the police, because I didn't perceive a 108 lb woman with a lot of saliva and good aim as a danger to my person. Though I did need to wash the jacket.
jessdolator: 2. A.) I came into work one morning to find a threatening message in my voicemail, where the caller seemed to be saying they were coming looking for me to do me some non-specific harm. B.) Honestly, I have no idea. It could have been writing-related or it could have been some guy who dialed the wrong extension when he wanted to threaten the classified department. C.) I did not call the police, but I referred said message to my higher-ups. I dunno what, if any, action was taken. But I'm still here.
jessdolator: 3.) At a bar one night, after learning what I did for a living, a gentlemen proceeded to shower me with epithets, climaxing with him hoping that I got "cancer of the ears." (Admittedly I was drunk by that point, so he might have been saying "cancer of the anus." But I assumed ears, what with the whole rock critic thing.) B.) Because rock critics still get hated on in small cities. C.) I did not call the police. But the bartender told dude to chill. And he did.
mauraatidolator: Which was the scariest?
jessdolator: Well, I dunno about "scariest," or even "most violent," since none of them actually got to the hitting stage. But I have to admit the phone call was pretty unnerving, mostly because it's always a little weird to wake up to someone saying they're out to get you. But again, it might not have even been directed at me.
jessdolator: Which doesn't make it any less unnerving!
mauraatidolator: Vaguely threatening phone messages are really scary!!
mauraatidolator: I mean, have you seen the ads for One Missed Call?
jessdolator: The technological terrors of our time.
mauraatidolator: Any final thoughts on the "people vs. rock critics" phenomenon? Also: Should I start going out of my way to bait people?
jessdolator: I do not miss getting spit on while trying to enjoy my night out, so thank you, Internet, for providing me a with forum that people don't read next to me while I'm sitting at the bar. Also, yes, but if you're really lucky, you'll piss off a musician and get a song written about you, joining the ranks of greats like John Leland and, uh, Guccione, I guess.
mauraatidolator: Well, as long as nobody takes me to task for my dad getting more pussy than I do, I guess I can live with that.
jessdolator: I don't think anyone's questioning how much pussy you get.
mauraatidolator: Holla!
jessdolator: Girl, please.

Musical hack attacks [Guardian]

Ride The Pink Pony Of Love

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 17:00:42 EDT

Who among us hasn't dreamed of wearing a leopard-print dress with Eazy-E in full Native American headdress printed on the bottom right? Hope Perkins has been painting rappers (dead and otherwise) and other pop-cultural totems (David Bowie in his Labyrinth Tina Turner drag) onto her designer clothing line Hot Pink Pistol for a minute now, but we were only tipped off to her work, like, yesterday by a friend (and disembodied Idolator comments box zing-master). The clothes aren't particularly designed for the zaftig—and if you're a dude you're SOL—but if you're in the 6-10 size range, then you owe it to yourself to pick up a "Cap'n Biggie" to wear to your next dinner party or dice game. Otherwise, you can always buy, say, an Eazy E suitcase or one of Perkins' paintings. Some of them are a little creepy—you know, Chippendales dancer body with pink My Little Pony head, stuff like that—but it's wearable/hangable/useable cute-creepy, so it's okay. See, you thought the only thing that came out of Austin these days was SXSW hype.

Hot Pink Pistol [Official site]

Stuck On Repeat: Map Of Africa Polish The Mirrors Above Their Beds

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 16:15:10 EDT

Map of Africa is a duo comprised of Thomas Bullock from NYC DJ duo Rub'n'Tug and a rotating cast of "take it sleazy" characters, including left-coast house god DJ Harvey. (Bullock was also a member of A.R.E. Weapons, but we weren't sure if we should mention that or not.) The band's new self-titled LP is super-decadent disco-rock dripping with synthetic sweat and walking around with a permanent, if discreetly tucked, hard-on. And when we say "disco-rock," we mean back when disco DJs used to play heavy metal album tracks between Cymande and Santana songs. We mean music for dudes who still own a conversion van with an airbrushed wizard and a working motorized bed in the back. We mean the perfect flashback for guys in porn 'staches who used to put on Vangelis LPs when they made their move on that special lady. Your chest is probably not hairy enough for this record.

~~Map of Africa - Black Skinned Blue Eyed Boys~~ [MP3, link expired]
~~Map of Africa - Map of Africa~~ [MP3, link expired]
Map of Africa [MySpace]

Pick of the Fork: Your Wordsmiths (Christ, Why Don't We Just Say "Scribes"?) Revealed

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 15:45:14 EDT

Psyche! The quotes we used were all from Pitchfork! Joke's on...somebody. We'll get back to you as to whom—for now, here are the quotes, the reviews they were culled from, and, of course, their authors:

"Modest Mouse generate a divide between the venerating and violent like few other bands. The latter of which currently questions my ascertations. Wipe the slate clean. You officially have not heard Modest Mouse until you have heard their major label debut. The growth, bravery, and confidence are staggering for a trio that most recently hammered through a song about 'doin' the cockroach.'" - Modest Mouse, The Moon and Antarctica (a 9.8 by Brent DiCrescenzo sometime in the depths of 1999 or 2000 or whenever the hell that record came out, and 13.6% of the vote)

"I can think of few pop songwriters who've delivered their diaries with enough conviction to transcend the medieval, lifeless nature of oral tradition, and I can think of only one other rock critic as touched by The Final Cut as I've been over the years. Kurt Loder awarded The Final Cut Rolling Stone's sacrosanct five star rating in issue 393, comparing Waters' gripping linear narrative to its only conceivable peer, master storyteller Bob Dylan. An unflinching, out of control spiral toward the center of paternal identity, Britain's stiff upper lip, and the idiocy of war, The Final Cut fulfills the promise of The Wall's most poignant moments, gutting sons, soldiers, and the unknowing inheritors of their sacrifices eight ways from Sunday."- Pink Floyd, The Final Cut (a completely inexplicable 9.0 by Chris Ott on November 3, 2003 and 18.4% of the vote)

"There's something irresistible about that Chan Marshall. Recording under the Cat Power moniker, she's got a magic coolness that only certain guitar-totin' girls come equipped with. You know what I'm talkin' about— Beth Orton's got the Magic Cool, too. You can't really pinpoint any particularly cool things these girls; they're just cool. And somehow, the new Cat Power record is proof positive that Marshall is the coolest on the planet." - Cat Power, Moon Pix (a 7.4 by Ryan Schreiber on November 1, 1998 and 38.8% of the vote)

"'She's the One' stretches the strums of the Champion Versions EP across a full 70mm print, pumping the mix full of Technicolor detail. It's not saying much except "I'm in love," but it does so with such swirling, ringing conviction that even professional cynics like me have used it as a soundtrack to going head over heels. "Dr. Baker" starts out hungover in bed watching drips of piano against the window, but, by the second verse, a lost calliope has burst into the bedroom." - The Beta Band, The Best of the Beta Band (a 7.2 by Jess Harvell on October 4, 2005 and 29.1% of the vote)

Pitchfork [pitchforkmedia.com]

Jackson Family Sells Fringed Jackets, Keeps Crippling Sense of Shame

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 14:05:13 EDT

If you hurry, you still might be able to nab a few deals at the Jackson Family Going Out of Business Sale now happening at Guernsey's Auction House in New York. Thousands of items must be sold, including a Jackson's Japanese comic book, a signed photo of Tito from the Victory tour, and a pint of LaToya's facial fat. Watching Access Hollywood last night—don't look at us like that—we learned that you can purchase, among the more expensive items, a pre-teen Jackson's Motown ID card, which is just weird (and probably cheap enough) to bid on.

The Jacksons Auction [liveauctioneers.com]

The Vault: Life Without Buildings Envisions A World Without Quonset Huts And Lean-Tos

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 12:35:40 EDT

Scottish band Life Without Buildings broke up in 2002, before they could really benefit from being an early-adopter in indie rock's renewed 21st-century postpunk arms race. But while the band expertly combined classic twee-era Brit indie jangle with cooler cardigan coordinates like Josef K and Orange Juice, Life Without Buildings fans were often really Sue Tompkins fans. Like the ebullient hoots and hollers of the ladies of Kleenex and Sugarcubes-era Bjork, Tompkins sang inscrutable—like Beckett-level inscrutable—love songs in a gust of childlike yelps. The band only released one proper album, 2002's Any Other City, but the soon-to-be-released Live from the Annandale Hotel, a live show from Sydney, Australia, bristles with bouncy joy. Seriously, you won't hear another record this year where the singer sounds so damn excited to be alive.

~~Life Without Buildings - Juno (Live)~~ [MP3, link expired]
~~Life Without Buildings - The Leanover (Live)~~ [MP3, link expired]
Life Without Buildings [Official site]

Beth Ditto Poses Nude on the Cover of NME, Internet Readies Seventh-Grade Fat Jokes

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 12:05:10 EDT

As you may have heard, Gossip singer Beth Ditto has displayed the majesty that her momma gave her on the cover of the NME this week. So wait, a few years ago, nudie shots of Ditto were confined to the lesbian sex mag On Our Backs and now she's being anointed the "Queen of Cool" by the U.K.'s most toilet paper-worthy tabloid while wearing nothing but painted-on kisses? Did we miss a meeting?

In America, where we saw the Gossip play one of the best shows of '06 to a half-empty club, Ditto is free from having to think about how she is viewed by large groups of the unwashed when she strips down to her underwear as if she was at an Olympia house party after Ladyfest. In England, the Gossip is turning out to be a regular little rock phenomenon, and so Ditto finds herself with the option of posing in the raw, back fat and all, on the cover of the country's most well-known (if little respected) music weekly. Ideally right-thinkin' folks should be thrilled by this turn of events, given the increasingly pneumatic norm of sexiness being peddled by pop culture, a kind of uniform female beauty that would bring a tear to Henry Ford's eye. Yet there's a weird and sordid "two steps back" feeling about it all, as if Ditto stuffing her junk in society's face has been instantaneously co-opted by a magazine getting off on the freakshow factor—copies to be sold, controversy to be manufactured, or hell, the creation of a potential new trend! Nu-fat? Fat-rock? They'll think of something—of an outspoken "big girl" who happens to be the frontwoman of a band on the rise.

But maybe more worrying than who's zooming who on the exploitation front is the incoherent and kinda pathetic way that post-riot grrl Ditto flip-flops in the accompanying interview about the complicity of the fashion industry and the media in fostering eating disorders, impossible beauty standards, and all sorts of other bad shit. Not to sound all nostalgic for the black and white ideologies of the pre-Misshapes days, but does someone wanna photocopy their old Bikini Kill zines and FedEx them to England? Meanwhile, at least until this particular blip in the media cycle fizzles out, we can, uh, look forward to lengthy and pointless comments box/message board debates about whether being fat is a "choice" and what constitutes being "unhealthy," endless junior high zingers, and the sinking feeling that, no matter where you come down on this "issue," hardcore feminism is a weird 20th-century aberration we'll someday tell our confused grandchildren about.

It's The Return Of Pick Of The Fork!

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 11:00:44 EDT

Yes, for one time only we are reviving one of our ~~wackest~~ most beloved features, where we dig up the gonzoest of the gonzo writing at Internet indie-rock tastemaker site Pitchfork. Except this time, we have expanded it to include not just recent Pitchfork reviews but reviews from the site's entire history!

Brooklyn Academy Of Music To New York City: "No Sufjan, No Credibility"

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 10:35:16 EDT

Adorable, baseball-capped yupster and indie-rock money printing machine Sufjan Stevens has been awarded a commission at the Brooklyn Academy of Music's 25th annual "Next Wave Festival," which starts in October. The composition is titled "The BQE," and it will focus on the whimsical secret history of the expressway, an almost-forgotten story about how penny candy saved the life of President Taft, the great diphtheria scare of 1919, the origin of the phrase "street urchins," Mae West's genital deformities, and how the English bulldog came to be imported to America.^* Another rocker stepping on the high art stage at BAM is Erik Sanko of the band Skeleton Key. If you don't remember them, they sounded like Primus but they had a guy who played trashcans and empty bottles. Come to think of it, that might be why you don't remember them.

Dance, and More, in Brooklyn Festival [NYT]

^* Note: We're just guessing here.

Do Be "Cruel"

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 10:00:46 EDT

What the blogs were posting, uh, a year ago: Meat Puppets drummer Derrick Bostrom has been running his Bostworld blog for a few years now, each post rummaging around in Bostrom's attic-cluttered noggin and pulling out one of his idiosyncratic obsessions: yellowing '50s newspaper articles about Ike (Eisenhower, not Turner), frayed restaurant menus from the bygone era of three-martini lunches, hit parade entries perhaps forgotten even by the folks who made them. It's a helluva lot more interesting than "Arcade Fire Watch Hour 679: Win clips his toenails." Mountain Goats frontman/Last Plane to Jakarta overlord John Darnielle recently introduced us to part seven in Bostrom's "Reports from the Country" series of nuggets from (mostly) pre-countrypolitan Nashville. Its 14 songs present a heartwarming vision of base human cruelty and American society on the verge of collapse set to sweet pedal steel and down-home harmonies. Particularly inexplicable is Dottie West's "Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?" which has to be one of the oddest and most brutally honest (or just plain brutal) songs about divorce in history, finally answering the question, "Does this mean daddy doesn't love me anymore?" The collection is still available to download, and everyone who doesn't mind having catchy ditties about child abuse and child abandonment stuck in their head all day should check it out. All together now! "Slap her down again, paw, slap her down again..."

~~Dottie West - Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?~~ [MP3, link expired]

Jane, Stop This Crazy Thing

idolguest2 — Thu, 31 May 2007 08:45:00 EDT

Hello, I'm Jess Harvell. I don't own a home computer at the moment. I can't "work an RSS feed." I have never knowingly looked at Stereogum. I don't have cable. My knowledge of pop culture these days is almost entirely down to what one of the editors of this site copies and pastes to me in IM chats. I write for your mortal enemy Pitchfork for the beer money. I'm an editor at a great alt-weekly and couldn't care less about the industry's machinations or its slow collapse into complete irrelevance. I think Idolator's slogan is pretty lame. Nice to be with you.

I was going to do some more MS Paintings for this guest editorship, but do you know what they're paying me?