Idolator

As much as I'd like to say #3 was not in the 'fork, it's too outlandish to be made up. Deep-fried-and-battered Iommi solos!?!? Jesus that's too good to be true. So I go with #2.

Shocked that this gem from today's RjD2 takedown didn't make it: "Between the quivering harps, weepy mellotrons, and delicate, pixie-dust electronics that litter the album, Rj must think all you need to do to transmogrify into a pop genius is to imagine what the soundtrack to a Zach Braff remake of Wild Style would sound like."

Is "transmogrify" even a real word? I always thought Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes made it up.

I'm going with #2 because the adjectives (darkness & brightness, cheerful, etc.) are a little too conventional for Pitchfork.

For the record, I don't think the writers at the Pit are that bad. There's humour and a sense of irony in their hyperbole, though is not always obvious to their naysayers.