Idolator

Now that YouTube has been sucked up by Google, who knows what will happen to its vast treasure trove of public-access gems? We're hoping the big new bosses don't try to assume control over the numerous locally produced oddities on the site, but then again, we're old enough to remember what happened when Wayne and Garth sold out to Rob Lowe.

Until the hammer falls, though, we're going to keep on keepin' on with our weekly round-up of performances from hopeless amateurs and near-miss superstars from around the country. Enjoy, and and if you want even more lunch-break kitschamania, be sure to check out the Idolator Public-Access archive here.

5. Unknown, "Fishnet/Black Pantyhose"
Clearly, sometimes you can say more with a hoarse, smooth-talk whisper than a shout—that is, if you can remember the words at all. Smart-eyed viewers will no doubt recognize the ace work of the band's rhythm guitarist, who manages to tackle the song's numerous, multi-layered riffs without using a strap. It's like she's not even playing at all. Hmmm.

4. Flash Jordan, Elvis & Lady B, "Untitled 'Austin City Lights' Jam"
Many thanks to the tipster who pointed us in the direction of YouTube's ample Austin City Lights archive—even though, to be honest, we can only get through five minutes of it before feeling the urge to knock ourselves out with chloroform. This free-form composition (a title is neither provided nor needed) appears to be a medley of songs about kanagaroos, movie stars and rhinestones. Kind of like Austin itself.

3. Unknown, "The Boys Are Back In Town"
The clip's description pegs it as an entry from a mid-'80s Arizona lip-synching show, but we're pretty sure this is actually the Red Hot Chili Peppers entering the world of viral-video marketing. Make sure you look for the restaurant (?) employee who walks by halfway through, wondering why he didn't take the summer job at his dad's office.

2. Butch Willis & The Rocks
You know you're in for a good time when the opening-credits sequence looks as though it was designed on a Commodore 64. This almost took the No. 1 slot this week—especially when the fog machine starts acting up toward the end—but we had to dock Willis a few points for his second song, which at times suspiciously similar to CSNY's "Helpless."

1. Sondra Prill, "From A Distance"
Another chart-topping classic from Prill. When the "eagle takes to flight," you will tear up with hope and joy. Interesting sidenote: This video is, in fact, best enjoyed from a distance.