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Idolator Presents: The Five Greatest Public-Access Music Videos Of All Time

Long ago, before the Internet and YouTube came along, you actually had to work to prove how untalented you were. Becoming famous was much more difficult back then, and there were but a handful of venues in which amateur musicians—people who insisted they were going to make it big, much to their friends' and families' chagrin—could strut their stuff. If they were really lucky, maybe they could get a few minutes at an open-mic night; but for most of them, the only way to follow their ill-advised dreams was by appearing on their local public-access television station. Anyone could get a show, it seemed, and all you needed was a clunky microphone, a cameraman, and a 4 a.m. time-slot to be able to watch yourself on television.

Thanks to the aforementioned YouTube (and bad-taste archivists like TV Carnage), we now have access to hours upon hours of off-key cover songs, poorly constructed raps, and Jazzercise-like dance moves. After the jump, Idolator happily shares five of its favorite low-budget beauties. Each one of them is inspiring in its own little way—a reminder of what happens when people can't outgrow their childhood fantasies of being a rock star. Enjoy, and if you like what you see, find an old soundstage and record your own bid for infamy. Who knows? Maybe one of you could be the next "Hairdresser."

5. Unknown, "New York, New York"

You probably think we're making fun of the accents here, but we're not. No, what we love about this clip is the loud, erratic clickety-clack refreain of whatever instrument this woman is playing, not to mention the look of joyfully befuddlement every time she plays it. "New York" is mind-bogglingly charming; if it had been released in the Giuiliani era, crime would have hit an all-time low.

4. Zuma Dogg, "Freestyle Battle Rap"

The acid-trail visual effects and Naughty By Nature-style gesticulations seem straight out of 1992, but the 50 Cent and Web site shout-outs prove otherwise. Very possibly filmed in a mall.

3. Unknown, "Hairdresser"

Made famous by the great TV Carnage—whose video series tipped us off to some of these P-A discoveries—"Hairdresser" is best viewed with a friend. That way, for the next three weeks, you can repeatedly crank-call or text "Hairdresser!" to one another at inopportune moments of the day. And note that while the artist isn't credited here, a review of the lyrics indicates that her name may be Tease-A-Louise. Can anyone from ASCAP or BMI help us out on this? (Someone did—see an update, below).

2. Jan Terri, "Losing You"

We can only wonder whatever became of Terri, who apparently had enough funding to not only write and warble this hook-deprived song, but also to rent a limo for her video and launch her own vanity-project record label (which she named, natch, JT Records). Whether lip-synching in the park or riding on the back of a motorcycle, Terri looks completely uncomfortable in every single frame of this breathtaking commitment to bad performance.

1. Sondra Prill, "Pump Up The Jam"

Where does one start with a clip like this? Everything you could possibly want in a low-rent early-'90s cover-song video is here: The mullets. The awkward on-the-beach work-out scenes. The assaultive vocal stylings. Prill is the queen of bad, the dutchess of middling (she has more than 20 videos archived on YouTube), and a genuine human wonder. She may be No. 234,123 on YouTube (we're guessing), but she's No. 1 in our hearts.

UPDATE: Thanks to Jonno, who notes:

For from being a mere "unknown", the artiste reponsible for "Hairdresser" is the sublime Lucille Cataldo - she's identified as such on the original "Stairway to Stardom" clips on YouTube posted by Sharpeworld earlier this year (which seems to be where TV Carnage found them), as well as in an NPR piece on the series last spring.

(A note to our new friends from Collegehumor.com: Greetings! We hope you like what we see; if so, we also suggest taking a look-see over here, here, and here. Enjoy!)

12:58 PM on Wed Sep 20 2006
By Brian Raftery
1,370 views
27 comments

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