Idolator

In October, we launched our AnonIMous Interview Series, in which we anonymously grill a seasoned music-biz veteran; it's all part of our double-headed effort to get more industry dirt, and to run more pictures of cats (we've said it before, and we'll say it again: cats are nature's little clip art). This time around, we talk to a big-wig music publicist who's worked with both Grammy winners and Pitchfork faves:

MusicPublicityBigWig: if all youve got is a single or one or two, maybe four good songs
MusicPublicityBigWig: then yeah a leak is going to hurt. hurt you good.
MusicPublicityBigWig: records always leak. it just a matter of when.
MusicPublicityBigWig: but all my clients seem to be doing just fine

More anonIMous(TM) anecdotes, zingers, and boasts after the click-through!

VivSavage1984: alright, so first: can you give a thumbnail—for the kids—of what your job entails?
MusicPublicityBigWig: lets see...
MusicPublicityBigWig: conceptually
MusicPublicityBigWig: managing the media, image, print and TV appearances of the big stars and making sure the little ones get something, anything at all!
MusicPublicityBigWig: non-conceptually
MusicPublicityBigWig: taking and making calls and e-mails about all of that, organizing mailings and/or listenings (ugh) for reviews, features, organizing guest lists for shows, scheduling interviews, coming up with press and tv strategy, gameplan, all that fun stuff
MusicPublicityBigWig: generally staying up the ass of people like you—but just far enough
MusicPublicityBigWig: just far enough that its pleasurable but not far enough that it becomes painful
MusicPublicityBigWig: thats pretty good huh?
VivSavage1984: for someone who sits on their ass all day like me, it can be painful. so, in terms of magazines: what are the big gets? what magazines do you lobby for with the most urgency?
MusicPublicityBigWig: depends on the client
VivSavage1984: right. well, let's say for the top-tier clients. rolling stone? spin? Ew? blender? murder dog?
MusicPublicityBigWig: Blacktail
MusicPublicityBigWig: Bird Talk
MusicPublicityBigWig: seriously though...
MusicPublicityBigWig: for top tier clients it has to be a good balance
MusicPublicityBigWig: like yeah a rolling stone cover is a big get of course
MusicPublicityBigWig: but again depending on the client
MusicPublicityBigWig: an NPR show combine with a Sunday cover of a major newspaper and and SNL appearance that week could be the way to go
MusicPublicityBigWig: its funny though that so many smaller places react to interview denial with "oh sor-ree we're not ROLLING STONE!"
MusicPublicityBigWig: which is amusing to me as I haven't had an artist on the cover of RS since i think 2001?
VivSavage1984: yeah, which mags/outlets are a pain in the ass to work with?
MusicPublicityBigWig: thats an odd one too
MusicPublicityBigWig: youd expect the biggest stars to be the biggest dicks, right? totally not the case.
MusicPublicityBigWig: while there are angels and assholes (isnt that a band?) at every level
MusicPublicityBigWig: its mostly smaller fry who think they'll get A-list attention by acting like assholes
MusicPublicityBigWig: who are the biggest problem
VivSavage1984: examples, please!
MusicPublicityBigWig: i dont know if youve even heard of em
MusicPublicityBigWig: AMP, a magazine from the west coast
MusicPublicityBigWig: AMPLIFIER from mass.
MusicPublicityBigWig: quite a few freelancers, zinesters
MusicPublicityBigWig: these are people i have to tell its not that youre "not ROLLING STONE," youre NOT GOOD
MusicPublicityBigWig: or unique
MusicPublicityBigWig: and that if they threw in the towel and stopped publishing tomorrow NO ONE WOULD CARE
MusicPublicityBigWig: its very zen
MusicPublicityBigWig: "if a new issue of AMP doesn't come out and no one notices... does it not come out?"
MusicPublicityBigWig: grasshopper
VivSavage1984: but surely, there must be some dick moves at spin, stone, blender? right? are they still the big 3?
MusicPublicityBigWig: yeah i guess there are but they're just tons more professional
MusicPublicityBigWig: in general
VivSavage1984: so they never, ever drive you cocnuts? ever??
VivSavage1984: i meant coconuts
VivSavage1984: but cocnuts is better!
MusicPublicityBigWig: eh i dunno its been a long time since ive had a knock down drag out with any of those
MusicPublicityBigWig: i mean i have
MusicPublicityBigWig: but i think we all understand one another if that makes sense
VivSavage1984: ok, well what about these so-called "music blogs"? do you or your clients even care about them?
MusicPublicityBigWig: well theyre the flavor of the moment
MusicPublicityBigWig: but they'll get strip-mined and co-opted just like everything else that was the way to instant sales for 15 minutes
MusicPublicityBigWig: college radio, late night TV, street team marketing
MusicPublicityBigWig: film syncs and soundtracks, TV ads
MusicPublicityBigWig: theres always something
VivSavage1984: bloggers must drive you crazy with requests
MusicPublicityBigWig: dont get me wrong. i think its great to have such a dialogue, direct w/the fans, and an actual community
MusicPublicityBigWig:: nah they dont really
MusicPublicityBigWig: most of the bloggers think my clients are inaccessible
MusicPublicityBigWig: so they dont even bother
MusicPublicityBigWig: and i aint complaining
VivSavage1984: which do you like/dislike?
MusicPublicityBigWig: but i help 'em out whenever possible
MusicPublicityBigWig: well i have been enjoying idolator... youre the greatest, no YOU are... OK now that we're done sucking each others dicks
VivSavage1984: yeah, until we leak one of your clients new mp3s!
MusicPublicityBigWig: never happen!
MusicPublicityBigWig: i got that shit on lockdown
MusicPublicityBigWig: anyway
MusicPublicityBigWig: i like a lot of the mainstream writers blogs, like sasha frere jones, alex ross, like people who can actually WRITE and have some concept of factchecking
VivSavage1984: factwhating?
MusicPublicityBigWig: and i like some of the uberfans like stereogum, brooklynvegan
VivSavage1984: ok, so what about pitchfork? do they really have the power to make/break a band?
MusicPublicityBigWig: depends
MusicPublicityBigWig: their power is sort of the opposite of the major labels, stay with me here
MusicPublicityBigWig: they can propel a band from selling like 3000 to 30,000 or whatever, they can start that whole process
MusicPublicityBigWig: and yes they can impede a travis morrison or whoever they give a zero, but he doesn't sell any goddamn records anyway
MusicPublicityBigWig: but if you're on a level of some of my bigger clients and they slam you, it has no effect.
MusicPublicityBigWig: no effect on anyone who already sells half a million or more
VivSavage1984: i love when that example comes up—like it was "james cameron's travis morrison album." that thing wouldn't have sold no matter what!
MusicPublicityBigWig: exactly
MusicPublicityBigWig: see the major labels specialize in taking people who can sell 200,000+ on their own to selling 500,000 or 1 million
MusicPublicityBigWig: but they don't have any apparatus for taking an artist from 0 to 30,000
MusicPublicityBigWig: they have no effect
MusicPublicityBigWig: at that level
MusicPublicityBigWig: these days though the indie labels are behaving just like mini-majors though
MusicPublicityBigWig: but thats another topic entirely
MusicPublicityBigWig: why is travis morrison or any number of similar records
MusicPublicityBigWig: being worked by a marketing team—PR, distro, radio, etc.—when it would sell just as many—or as few—off the dude's own site or myspace or at his shows
VivSavage1984: hmm. speaking of major-label apparatus, how much time do they have left? will it just become catalog sales?
VivSavage1984: and 1-2 million sellers?
MusicPublicityBigWig: eh
MusicPublicityBigWig: no kid cares about catalogue
MusicPublicityBigWig: once our generation is gone, the box set will go the way of the brontosaurus
MusicPublicityBigWig: thats just the impression i get from my work
MusicPublicityBigWig: some major corporation or sponsor will always exist as patronage for the arts
MusicPublicityBigWig: digital distribution, whatever
MusicPublicityBigWig: and there always has to be some support team helping consumers or fans or whatever sort through everything
MusicPublicityBigWig: thats where people like me come in
MusicPublicityBigWig: same w/radio, retail, etc
MusicPublicityBigWig: the balance of power has shifted so much
MusicPublicityBigWig: used to be image of what i do was gatekeeper, like the only way to the publics eyes and ears was through big media, big tv
MusicPublicityBigWig: now it's all realigning
MusicPublicityBigWig: but i think we're getting off topic.
VivSavage1984: ha! ok, so let's turn to the sexy, sexy world of digital music: how bad do these mp3/album leaks hurt? how crazy is the lockdown going to get? i got an indie album with like three stickers and a watermark this week, and i thought, "really?"
MusicPublicityBigWig: its retarded
MusicPublicityBigWig: i heard this quote the other day
MusicPublicityBigWig: some label kid at a meeting said the mistake the music biz is making
MusicPublicityBigWig: is like the bottled water companies trying to turn everyone's taps off
MusicPublicityBigWig: great analogy
MusicPublicityBigWig: my answer would have to be
MusicPublicityBigWig: if all youve got is a single or one or two, maybe four good songs
MusicPublicityBigWig: then yeah a leak is going to hurt. hurt you good.
MusicPublicityBigWig: records always leak. it just a matter of when.
MusicPublicityBigWig: but all my clients seem to be doing just fine
MusicPublicityBigWig: having strongest first week sales ever
MusicPublicityBigWig: i cant name names of course but you know who i mean
VivSavage1984: yeah but because a lot of your clients are bigger, don't their management hate leaks and try to stop them?
MusicPublicityBigWig: well they try to protect it and forestall the inevitable
MusicPublicityBigWig: but the smart managers—and i could have an industrial bandsaw accident and still count them all on less than both hand
VivSavage1984: tee hee
MusicPublicityBigWig: realize that the future of their artists' financial well being is not in plastic discs
MusicPublicityBigWig: the labels, who are the owners of these master recordings, are the ones who are more paranoid
MusicPublicityBigWig: and with good reason
MusicPublicityBigWig: thats their only real revenue source
MusicPublicityBigWig: but i dont want to sound like either their enemy or advocate
VivSavage1984: ah, of course
MusicPublicityBigWig: thats not my business, literally and figuratively
MusicPublicityBigWig: whenever a civilian, like a relative or non-business friend asks me
MusicPublicityBigWig: "oh the music business is in trouble, are you OK?"
MusicPublicityBigWig: i say
MusicPublicityBigWig: "the CD-selling business is in trouble. im not in that business"
MusicPublicityBigWig: im in the business of my clients and theyre all doing fine.
MusicPublicityBigWig: i think this year will be the 4th consecutive year weve been up
MusicPublicityBigWig: but thats also because of the kind of clients i take on/turn down
VivSavage1984: alrighty, speaking of clients, you have to shepherd them through award shows, parties, etc. so you've had a lot of run-ins with other musicians. tell us some assholes you've met! and why.
MusicPublicityBigWig: hahahaha
MusicPublicityBigWig: britney spears wanted one of my artists' VIP tables at a VMAs aftershow like 4 yrs ago
MusicPublicityBigWig: but my wife wouldnt get up for her so they couldnt have it!
MusicPublicityBigWig: what else
MusicPublicityBigWig: i had an ex-client who was so upset about getting shut out at the grammy awards 6 or 7 years ago, he ran away from me and my staff and did the press room without us
VivSavage1984: ha!
MusicPublicityBigWig: i used jedi mind trick to get rid of that fool
VivSavage1984: have you ever wanted to throttle anyone?
MusicPublicityBigWig: well yeah of course
VivSavage1984: one zesty name!
VivSavage1984: you've got more dirt than neil strauss!
MusicPublicityBigWig: shit i dunno
VivSavage1984: it can be anyone you've met in your travels. anyone!
MusicPublicityBigWig: well most of those have become kinda public
MusicPublicityBigWig: so i cant say without giving myself away
MusicPublicityBigWig: i wish i could do what uwe boll did
VivSavage1984: ah, yeah, but who would you spar with?
VivSavage1984: you set yourself up for that one!
MusicPublicityBigWig: i cant name one
MusicPublicityBigWig: cuz it was public
MusicPublicityBigWig: lawsuit yada yada
VivSavage1984: right
VivSavage1984: carol channing?
MusicPublicityBigWig: hahahahaah
VivSavage1984: she wanted that AP cover, goddamnit!
MusicPublicityBigWig: lets come back to that one
MusicPublicityBigWig: though when some writers do get snippy like that im always thinking
MusicPublicityBigWig: like ghostface killah
MusicPublicityBigWig: "thats whats wrong with these kids, they dont they ass beat no more"
VivSavage1984: ha!
MusicPublicityBigWig: seriously
MusicPublicityBigWig: a writer once said to me
MusicPublicityBigWig: well it would be nice if i HAD the album to WRITE ABOUT
MusicPublicityBigWig: and i was like
MusicPublicityBigWig: shithead, did you talk to your folks like that when you wanted something? it would be NICE if had SOME DINNER
MusicPublicityBigWig: if i was your dad i would have that belt out like NOW
MusicPublicityBigWig: they just have no character
MusicPublicityBigWig: no social skills
MusicPublicityBigWig: its sad really
VivSavage1984: are you telling me music writers have no social skills??!
VivSavage1984: zounds!
MusicPublicityBigWig: well as an ex-writer myself...
MusicPublicityBigWig: well, look
MusicPublicityBigWig: we're all MUSIC publicists and MUSIC writers and MUSIC execs
VivSavage1984: true dat
MusicPublicityBigWig: because we dont have the skills to be the REAL versions
VivSavage1984: ha!
MusicPublicityBigWig: MUSIC business people are the GYM TEACHERS of the adult world!
MusicPublicityBigWig: not good enough to be professional musicians? write about it!
VivSavage1984: most of us are flabby and cant climb a rope, but we want everyone else to climb it perfectly
MusicPublicityBigWig: its fine as long as you realize and dont take it so seriously
MusicPublicityBigWig: there you go
MusicPublicityBigWig: well said