Idolator

As you may have heard, Us Weekly is reporting that Courtney Love and record mogul Clive Davis teamed up to convince Whitney Houston to see an addiction coach. What you may not have heard is that their conversation was taped by one of the parties, who sent it to Idolator's inbox. While we can't host the MP3 (we're not that stupid), we've been authorized to print a transcript, which follows after the jump.

(The call begins)
Clive Davis: Hello? Are we on?
(A bird-like voice sounding faintly like the "The Star-Spangled Banner" is in the background, growing louder.)
Whitney Houston: Hello?
Clive: Whitney? Are you there?
Whitney: Who the fuck is this?
Clive: It's Clive, baby! I've got Courtney Love on the phone here. We need to talk.
Whitney: Hey, girlfriend!
Clive: Hey, Whitney!
Courtney Love: She was talking to me, Clive.
Clive: Right, right.
Courtney: Whit, baby—what's making you do this? Is it Bobby? Is he making you watch Ghostbusters II again?
Whitney: No, no. It's not that. It's just...
Courtney: I know it's hard, hon.
Whitney: Hmm-mm.
Courtney. But you gotta get some help. You never know until you hit rock bottom. Remember that time we were shopping at that Strawberries outlet in Paramus—
Whitney: Yeah—
Courtney: ...and I started talking to all the traffic cones?
Whitney: Baby, that was this past Labor Day!
Courtney: Wait...oh, yeah. Wow.
Clive (interrupting): I think what Courtney's getting at, Whit, is that we all know where you're coming from, we all want to help...
Whitney: I know, it's just...it's just that it's hard. Some days I wake up, and I just want to alphabetize my bathrobes and hotknife some lamp oil, ya dig?
(Silence)
Clive: I don't think I even know what that means.
Courtney: Look, I know what you're sayin'. Why don't you come out to California. We'll hang out, maybe go to the mall, see a movie.
Whitney: Oh, I haven't seen a movie in ages! What's playing?
Courtney: Well, I was gonna go see this Zach Braff movie, The Last Kiss. Are you—
Whitney: Ah, hells to the no!
Courtney: Wait, what..what's wrong?
Whitney: Zach is wack! Zach. Is. Wack. Wait...who the fuck is this?

Whitney: Mentor Paid for Rehab [Us Weekly]